episode_0231

There is a story I want to tell.

I swallowed dryly and looked at Charlotte at the topic, which could become infinitely lighter or infinitely heavier depending on the words that followed.

I couldn’t help but feel nervous as the intense red eyes that did not lose their color even in the darkness where there was only a glimmer of light reflected back at me.

It wasn’t something to be afraid of. It wasn’t scary either.

Because I was vaguely measuring in my hands how heavy the vast past contained within those deep eyes was.

I was nervous because I could guess how heavy the words that would come out of her mouth would be.

“… What is the story you want to tell?”

The sleep had long since melted away with the heat of the summer night.

I asked, looking at Charlotte who was looking at me with sleepy eyes, and Charlotte, who was looking directly at me, slowly lowered her gaze and answered.

“Before that, I have something to ask… . Exactly how far did you see… ?”

It was the same question as before. At that time, I responded with action, but now I felt that that wasn’t enough, so I blinked and spoke.

“From beginning to end.”

It was a vague answer, but it contained deep consideration, saying, ‘As much as you think.’

If you wish, I will live as if I did not see everything. If you wish, I will take everything you have from the root.

In response to that meaning, Charlotte looked at me with a sad smile and opened her mouth.

“Tell me everything.”

“… … .”

Seeing Charlotte trembling and looking at me as if she had already made up her mind, I nodded resolutely.

Being considerate of someone who has made up their minds is the same as ignoring them and trampling their resolutions with a foot of dirt.

I knew that, so I slowly opened my mouth.

“… From when you weren’t Charlotte La Rochelle until now.”

Charlotte’s eyes widened in surprise at the answer, but then she chewed her lip, shook her head, and trembled.

Are you even shedding tears? I caressed Charlotte’s cheek, but what came out was laughter, not crying.

“Ha… . haha… .”

However, that laugh was a laugh that was infinitely far from the feelings of joy or happiness.

Resignation, despair and fear. It was an endlessly dark laugh that was packed with infinitely negative things and made the listener feel heartbroken.

Charlotte, who was shaking with laughter, said as she held the hem of my shirt tightly.

“… Are you disappointed?”

“… What?”

I had no choice but to answer the question with a question, as the bottomless questions seemed to be leaking out.

Then Charlotte chewed her lips and lowered her head even more. Like a child who made a big mistake, I couldn’t raise my head.

“… I――”

What on earth is so scary that Charlotte is shaking so much? Are there other evil deeds that I haven’t seen?

Even if it exists, why are we afraid? No matter what evil you have done, it is not a reason for me to leave your side.

I looked down at Charlotte, who was shaking like a child thrown bare-body in the middle of winter, and frowned in pity.

“I was a man… . It wasn’t the Charlotte La Rochelle that Hermel knew… .”

However, that regret turned into doubt as soon as Charlotte became speechless.

“――Contaminated by others… . Even my body was used as a tool… .”

As Charlotte continued to speak, I could not help but tilt my head, even though I knew she was serious.

I don’t know. I really don’t know. I couldn’t understand what was meant by the word disappointment.

I wonder if I can at least get a clue. I don’t even know the reason, let alone the meaning, so it felt like I was talking to a wall.

“I was wondering what to ask… .”

Since it was a question that already had an answer, I smiled faintly, feeling my heart relax.

“… … .”

From the perspective of the world, Charlotte is clearly a wicked person who committed unforgivable sins and countless massacres. That is clear.

What does that mean?

“What did Charles do in the past?”

Charlotte clearly used even herself as a tool. There were times when I was tainted by the hands of a rogue.

So what?

“What kind of life have you lived.”

The Charlotte in the memory he had glimpsed had the appearance of a man. No, it wasn’t the character Charlotte La Rochelle in the first place.

What kind of problem is that?

“No matter what kind of person they were.”

This is the person I decided to love. This is the person I decided to like.

If you try to commit an evil act, I will be there to stop you, and if you do, I will take responsibility for it.

How about using yourself as a tool? What can’t you do to survive?

Defiled? Was he originally a man? It wasn’t Charlotte La Rochelle? So what?

It’s been a long time since I decided to love even that.

“Including all of that, I like it.”

“Ah… .”

Charlotte raised her head at my answer.

Charlotte’s eyes were watery, as if she were about to burst into tears at any moment, as she trembled pitifully.

“Ah… . therefore… . I am… .”

The person you thought was so strong turns out to be so fragile after peeling off a layer of their outer layer.

In order to protect yourself from a world full of malice, you had to surround yourself with such heavy and thick evil karma.

I looked at Charlotte’s face, which was looking at me blankly, and smiled and wiped away the tears from my eyes.

“If you want to cry, you can cry. Just like I did.”

I smiled bitterly, remembering the first time I glimpsed Charles’ memories.

Charlotte, who was shaking for a moment, smiled instead of shedding tears when she was told that it was okay to cry.

“On such a good day… . You can’t cry… .”

Charlotte’s smile looked so reassuring and happy.

Tears were flowing from Charlotte’s eyes, but she didn’t bother to point out that part.

The night deepens.

* * *

happy.

However, because I was far from what is commonly called normal, as my happiness grew, my fear also grew.

When my past is revealed, I wonder if Hermel will hate me.

When I close my eyes, won’t all of this disappear like a momentary dream?

Even though I know it won’t happen, I can’t stop thinking about it.

Every night, I had to fall into Hermel’s arms and share his warmth.

“Hermel… . ruler… ?”

“Ugh… . No, not yet.”

but… . Not anymore.

“Can I be a little silly?”

“If you’re Charles’s crazy fanatic, I can accept you all day long.”

I smiled slightly and snuggled into Hermel’s arms a little more.

Warm warmth enveloped me.

“Can you tell me you love me?”

I carefully brought up a request that I had never been able to do because I was always shy.

Then Hermel gave strength to the arm holding me.

I could feel Hermel’s heart pounding.

“I love you.”

“One more time… .”

Is it okay to be this happy? I once again asked the question I had asked in the past.

What did you say back then… . Now, I don’t remember.

“I love you more than anyone in this world.”

“Just one more time… .”

But the answers from the past were probably good.

Because the important thing is now.

“I love you so much.”

Because thinking about the distant future and drawing it out has no meaning to me anymore.

Let’s cherish this moment. Okay, this is enough.

“I love you too.”

I smiled and closed my eyes in Hermel’s arms.

I felt relief and satisfaction filling my whole body, and for the first time, I was able to sleep without shivering.

* * *

The next morning.

Perhaps because I cried so hard, my eyes were hot even when I woke up.

… No, maybe it’s because I was held all night.

Well, whatever. It’s okay because I’m happy. I smiled and continued to pack my bags.

Just as I was packing my bag, which was so heavy that my back was sore, the door opened and Hermel came in.

“Charles, why are you taking care of so much? It seems like everything is taken care of except the furniture… .”

“It looks like I’ll be gone for a while, so I’ll take care of it in one way or another.”

“You’re leaving for a while… ? What do you mean!?”

Hermel was startled by my words, ran over, and grabbed my shoulder.

“Where are you going!? Why didn’t you tell me!?”

“Sleep, shake it like that… !”

“Was this why I tried to set the tone and talk like that yesterday!? no! I won’t let you go!! I finally found it, so how can I just let it go!!”

“First, let me tell you… !!”

Hermel must have been quite surprised, so he let out a loud noise and shook me.

I thought I couldn’t just say it, so I grabbed Hermel’s cheeks with my hands and shouted.

“You’re going too!!”

“Huh?”

Only after saying that did Hermel take his hand off my shoulder, and I responded by touching my forehead as I felt a headache.

“You asked me to go to the sea just a while ago… . Since I was planning to go far away and leave the house for a while and go on a trip, my luggage has increased… .”

Oh my head… . As I was pressing my temples due to a pounding headache, Hermel smiled awkwardly and scratched his head.

“Ah, ah! Ahaha! The sea, the sea!? Well, then! I remembered it!”

“… Are you asking me to believe that now?”

“… Hehe.”

I looked at Hermel with half-open eyes for a moment, trying to calm him down with a laugh, then laughed and shook my head.

okay. Well, it’s okay because I’m happy.