episode_0198

Why, why did he grab Mia’s wrist? I didn’t mean to do this, so why did they catch me?

Ah, I see. It was scary. I guess I did it because I was scared that I might be dragged down to hell again and that I would have to live through those terrible days.

I lowered my head as I saw Mia glaring at me. I couldn’t muster the courage to look Mia in the eyes.

“Put this away.”

“Mi, I’m sorry… … .”

This was especially true because I knew very well that what I was doing was dishonorable.

But if Mia leaves like this, she might be dragged into that hell again. You should never, ever let it go like this.

Although I knew Mia was glaring at me, I tried to ignore her gaze and clung to her hand.

“Ha… … .”

The moment I heard Mia sigh, I felt guilty as if I had been stabbed, but that only lasted for a moment.

Yes, considering that I was in that hell writhing in pain that felt like I was going to die every second, this is nothing.

“I told you clearly. The only reason I came to you was because I didn’t want to hear you cry anymore. I never forgave you, and I will never forgive you again.”

“I know… … . I know, but just wait… … . Can’t we just stay like this for a while? … ?”

I know Mia hasn’t forgiven me. I know, but it is better to do something dishonest than to experience that hell again.

Even if I am hated for the rest of my life, I don’t want to go back to that hell. It is better to be hated than to live that horrible life again.

“Don’t say it twice. Let go.”

“Mia, please… … . Please let me stay like this until this voice in my head subsides… … !”

I felt Mia start to tremble at my shout. Could it be that my heart was shaken?

In that brief moment, the word hope appeared in my heart. But that hope was dashed as easily as it came.

“Let go!”

“Ah… … .”

Mia shouted like that and roughly shook her arm away, slapping my hand away, and I lifted my head blankly and looked up at Mia.

What was in Mia’s eyes looking down at me was neither cheap sympathy nor guilt. It was just deep-rooted disgust, irritation, and anger.

“Why… … ?”

“I think you are completely mistaken, no matter what. The only reason I talk to you is because you saved my life once. And that debt has just been paid off.”

Mia said that and turned away from me and started walking back towards the door.

There was not a single hesitation in those steps. On the contrary, he seemed somewhat in a hurry, as if he wanted to get out of this place as quickly as possible, as if he wanted to get away from me.

“Why… … .”

―… … . ―… … . ―… … .

As the whispers began to creep in again, I bit my lip and immediately got down on my knees and prayed.

He put his head on the ground and desperately prayed for his life.

“Mia… … . I will do whatever you ask me to do… … . Please, can I hold your hand just once… … ?”

“Ha. really… … . I didn’t see you like that, but you really don’t have anything to do with shame.”

Shame? I feel like I’m going to break my head and die right now, so what’s the use of being shameless?

“It’s okay just once, please! Please do me a favor!!”

“I don’t like it.”

However, despite my earnest requests and my dying voice, Mia dismissed them all with one word and turned her back.

-Give up. Mia won’t listen to you. ―You asked politely, but in the end, it was abandoned.

-lets think. In the end, it was because of Mia that things ended up like this. If Mia hadn’t jumped in front of the carriage then, this wouldn’t have happened.

The voice lingering in my ear made the back of my ear tingle and hurt as if I had been stabbed by a knife.

The voice that started coming again as soon as I was separated from Mia became clearer and louder, as if it was trying to unravel what had accumulated during the time I was in contact with Mia.

The sound was so loud that I felt like my head would explode. No, if it touches Mia… … . If I could just reach Mia, this sound would disappear.

I jumped up from my seat and hugged Mia. At the same time, the sound lingering in my ears disappeared, and what remained was comfort and silence.

“Let go of this!! What are you doing!!”

“I’m sorry… … . But, I’m not doing this because I want to either… … .”

“Even then… … . He said the same thing back then and attacked me… … !!”

Mia said that and tried to push me away, but she could never let me go. The moment you let go, you will hear that voice again.

“Hold on a little, just wait a little longer. If you can’t hear this voice, then I’ll let you go.”

“What kind of voice are you hearing, you crazy bitch!! Let go!! Fuck let go!!”

Mia struggled and tried to get away from me. He scratched my arms, bit my hands, and even kicked my legs. But this much was bearable.

Compared to the pain that felt like my brain was being ripped out, this level of pain was like nothing.

“Fuck you… … !! Let go… … !!”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to be scared… … . I just need to stay like this for a little while… … .”

It’s pitiful that you’re shaking like this… … . Please be patient… … . I think it will calm down if I stay like this a little longer… … .

I was slowly catching my breath, strengthening the arm holding Mia.

But suddenly, a burning pain rose up from my thigh, and I had no choice but to reflexively scream and loosen my arms that were holding Mia.

“Ahh!”

“No way, really no way, so I brought it. I didn’t know I would actually use it.”

When I raised my head and looked at Mia, I saw a short sword in her hand.

Did you stab me now? me? Mia… … ? why?

―Why, you’re asking something strange. It’s obvious it’s because I hate you. -It’s because I want to see you suffer. ―Isn’t it because it feels good to see you having a hard time? -Of course, I am taking revenge for that time.

“Really, you are a trash person. It’s the owner and the maid. Choosing to do something that others don’t like and threatening them with conditions they can’t refuse. It’s really the same. Fuck… … . I feel ashamed of calling someone like you my sister.”

-Why are you saying such harsh things? It wasn’t my fault. -It’s not that I want to do that. -Why do I have to listen to that?

-Why are you telling me that I did something so wrong? -Did I commit such a deadly crime? -Did I commit such an unforgivable mistake?

With my own voice spinning in my head, I clenched my fists and trembled.

It was disgusting to see Mia carelessly talking about a topic that didn’t even know about the pain or guilt I had experienced.

-If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have had to suffer like this.

The moment those words came into my head, I gritted my teeth and rushed at Mia.

“Moose-eup!?”

I grabbed Mia by the neck and threw her on the floor, then got on top of her and placed my hands on her neck.

“If only you, if only you weren’t there… … . If only you hadn’t jumped in front of the carriage that day… … !!”

“Queu, quip, quip!”

I don’t know if it’s me speaking or if it’s me whispering in my head, but I hear my voice in my ear.

I felt warmth in my hand.

-stop.

Why doesn’t the voice go away? Yeah. It needs to touch a little more, stronger. Yes, that’s how it should be.

-stop. please. I’m telling you to stop!!

“Shut up… … . Shut up, shut up!! Don’t scream in my head… … !! Shut up!!”

The voice did not disappear. I put more strength into my hands. I felt a pulsation in my palm.

“Ugh… … . Oh my… … !”

-Please stop… … !! Mia, Mia is dying!! Come to your senses, come to your senses, please!!

The voice still hasn’t disappeared. My voice was still buzzing in my head. I strengthened my arms a little more.

Next, I bit my lip and gave strength to the point where my arms were shaking. I put my weight on it and pressed down.

Crunchy――

Only after I felt something break in my hand did the voices in my head stop. Even the occasional breathing sound stopped.

When complete silence filled the room, I even felt joy.

“Ah… … . iced coffee… … .”

I covered my face with both hands and smiled when I felt that the headache that felt like it was going to explode disappeared.

“Aha… … . Ahaha!”

After laughing for a while, I looked down blankly in a room where no sound could be heard anymore.

Mia was lying there dead with a broken neck.

“Ah… … ?”

Why is Mia lying here… … ? Why did I, Mia… … ? iced coffee?

Questions filled my mind, but no voice answered my questions.

In the end, I had to perceive and think about the whole situation with my head. I had to accept all the results with my own head.

The fact that I went crazy and broke Mia’s neck with my own hands.

“No, no… … . I am. I am… … . ah… … . Ahhh!!! no!! This is not the case!! I am not!!!”

He was tearing out his head and screaming. No, I might still be able to survive. If something is broken, you can just put it back together. yes?

Please, please answer!! Anyone can please take me out of this silence!!

“Please, please please please… … . Stick with me, stick with me please… … !!”

I held on to Mia’s head and tried to move it, but no matter how hard I tried, the already broken cervical vertebrae would not be repaired.

“That can’t be possible. This can’t be happening… … !!”

No matter how hard I tried to deny reality, only Mia’s increasingly cold body and the child’s empty pupils silently dragged me back to reality.

“Wow… … !!”

Memories of that day came to mind. The image of my first child rotting on the cold floor flashed before my eyes.

The memories of that day, which seemed like a nightmare, came back as reality. I pulled out my hair and tried to put Mia’s broken neck back together, but nothing worked.

Eventually, I realized that all of this was real and I knelt in front of Mia’s body and looked down at her body.

-Thank you for your hard work. Mel.

At that moment, I lifted my head in a daze as I heard a familiar voice echoing in my head.

“Lady… … ?”

No answer came back. Why does the lady’s voice sound like that? no way… … .

I immediately took off my jacket.

I saw the stigma that had remained on my lower stomach from that day turning into dust and disappearing, as if it had finished its job.

“Ah… … .”

I could no longer accept this reality.

So I took the fruit that Mia brought.

――… … .

I slit my throat.

* * *

Sigh――

Inside a villa where no sound could be heard, a woman lying on a bed slowly stood up.

Every time his weak body moved, his joints creaked and he felt terrible pain, but for someone who had already died once, that was probably a good thing.

“If I just finish this… … . You can go to the other world… … .”

The blue-haired woman muttered that and trudged towards the room where Mia was dead.

Slowly, silently.