episode_0136

Like a dead man wandering the nine heavens, I spent a long time wandering aimlessly and without direction, hoping that time would pass by.

The fact that I didn’t go somewhere far away and just walked around the academy may have been an expression of my wish to meet someone.

And this damned world granted that small, subconscious wish at a timing I never expected and in the worst possible way.

“There. Just stop for a moment.”

As I was passing by the training center, I had no choice but to stop when I heard a familiar voice coming from behind me.

Of course, even though it wasn’t a familiar voice, I had to stop at what she said because she was the other person.

“Yes, what’s going on――”

I was embarrassed by the crisis that came earlier than expected, but I desperately suppressed my emotions and looked back.

“Second Princess Hermel.”

When I turned around and saw Hermel’s face, which I had longed to see, I had to suppress the heart-wrenching sadness that soared at the same time.

The atmosphere, which had always been heartwarming with warm affection, was filled with cold emotion and bitter doubts, and the eyes that used to sparkle with confidence and faith were clouded with distrust and confusion.

Since I was the one who caused Hermel to become like that, I felt like my heart was breaking just by looking at her like that.

But still, I didn’t have any regrets.

I didn’t regret overwriting all of Hermel’s memories at all because I knew that the pain and suffering would be temporary, but memories and memories would remain forever.

“… … .”

As I was quietly looking at Hermel, Hermel, who had been silently looking at me for a while without saying anything, spoke.

“You, hang out with me for a moment.”

After saying that, Hermel turned his back and headed toward the training hall.

Was it this painful to hear the name ‘you’?

“――First, may I ask what your business is?”

I paused for a moment as my mind became complicated, but I was able to laugh it off naturally.

Hermel, who was heading to the training ground, stopped for a moment and looked at me. Then, as if he was thinking about something, he bit his lip lightly and slowly opened his mouth.

“… … I was so unexpected. I was looking for someone to spar with for a bit. I couldn’t see the guy who caught my eye, but you happened to be passing by.”

Was Hermel in this mood? No, no. He was the kind of person who, if there was someone who seemed suitable, would put his authority first to prevent them from rejecting him and force them to spar unconditionally.

Why was Hermel called a ‘mad dog’ before he met me? Because there is a good reason for that. But look at that now.

“If you have other things to do or feel burdened, it’s okay to refuse.”

What part of that look is crazy?

As I stood there unable to say anything due to the overwhelming sense of difference, Hermel, who had been looking at me, turned his back on me.

“I have other urgent work to do, but I guess I interrupted you. Then――”

“Now, wait a minute.”

I unconsciously stopped Hermel, who was about to leave.

why? Are you sad that it has become this awkward atmosphere now? Are you planning to go back to that time starting with this sparring?

no. It’s not like that. Saying that you want to go back to that time now is the same as tearing up your will and goals with your own hands and trampling them. And that would be the same as saying that my feelings for Hermel are only limited to that level.

The reason I stopped Hermel was not because of regret or disappointment, but because I was worried that Hermel might have been ruined because of me.

“Why?”

As Hermel spoke while looking in my direction, I smiled slightly and answered.

“The answer was late because I was thinking about whether I had plans for later.”

Okay, so the reason I’m sparring with Hermel this time is to relieve these concerns and to make sure that it’s a one-of-a-kind situation. okay. Let’s put it that way.

“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to be your sparring partner. Is it okay?”

“… … okay. Good.”

Unlike Hermel of the past, who would smile brightly or have eyes full of victory when a sparring match was successful. Even though the sparring was concluded, Hermel just nodded as if that was all.

As expected, something is strange. Something is definitely wrong.

Did I touch something strange by overwriting Hermel’s memories?

No, that can’t be true. Out of all the episodes, this was the thing I focused the most on. I couldn’t have made a mistake… … .

then… … . What does that look like… … .

“Follow me.”

“Yes.”

Continuing my thoughts, I entered the training hall following Hermel, who took the lead and told me to follow him.

The inside of the gym had a somewhat chilly feel, belying the fact that summer was about to start. It wasn’t that it was actually cold enough to make me shiver.

The weather was clear, and the temperature outside was a bit hot rather than warm.

But strangely, as soon as I entered the training hall, I felt a strange coldness. It felt like I was holding a well-honed blade to my cheek.

okay. I definitely felt it was cool because of the atmosphere rather than the temperature. It was certain.

“Over there.”

As I stood blankly in front of the row of weapons, I heard Hermel’s voice from next to me.

“Yes, why are you doing that?”

“Not picking a weapon?”

I smiled bitterly and responded to Hermel’s point.

“I’m sorry. I was wondering for a moment what weapon would be good.”

“You seem to have a lot on your mind. Like me.”

Thinking a lot? Is that Hermel thinking?

I know it’s a very rude idea, but I heard firsthand about how Hermel lived. I couldn’t help but question her words.

organize.

Putting my doubts aside, I stepped back a little and thought about it calmly, and I was able to realize that the ‘thoughts’ that Hermel was talking about were the cause of Hermel changing like that.

“If you don’t mind, may I know what you’re thinking that makes you look so uncomfortable?”

That won’t happen, but… … . I put down my hand that was reaching for the halberd, wondering if my memories would come back as we clashed swords, and extended my hand toward the War Side, which had nothing to do with me, and said,

“Does it look uncomfortable?”

I felt like I missed it for a moment when I heard Hermel’s question coming from behind me, but I answered with a calm smile.

“The atmosphere is quite different from what I saw during the entrance exam, the entrance ceremony, and the beginning of the semester. Did I go too far?”

“Ah… … . what… … .”

In an atmosphere where the end of the sentence seemed to be blurred, I quietly looked back.

When he saw the weapon Hermel was holding, he was shocked and trembled.

“Just recently, should I say–? Should I say suddenly one day… … . I just had so many thoughts about this and that that I didn’t have time to react to anything else.”

Because in one of her hands, she held a shield, not a sword.

I thought that if it were her whose memories were overwritten, she would definitely spar with a sword in both hands. Why the shield? Was there really a problem with my memory manipulation?

My head was so full of thoughts that I felt like I was going to get nauseous at any moment, but I tried to stay calm and answered.

“I see. If you don’t mind, please tell me what you’re thinking about. I may not be able to solve the problem for sure, but I can at least listen to your story.”

Hermel, who was looking at me at my words, quietly lowered his eyes and scratched his head.

“Ha… … . Yeah, well… … . If your position is that of a duke, you might understand.”

She looked straight at me and said with a drowsy face, as if she wasn’t expecting much.

“What do you think power exists for?”

A phrase I thought I heard once came back as a question directed at me this time.

strength.

“Power, you mean.”

For me, strength was initially for self-defense and to gain recognition.

And as time passed, it became for revenge, and eventually it became for killing and tormenting someone.

My definition of power is that it has been used only in ugly and dirty places, and can only be used in that way in the future.

“That’s right. I think power exists to protect someone.”

But I couldn’t tell Hermel the truth.

Even though it would result in a picture of me deceiving Hermel, I was hoping for it. The more she hates me, the farther away she is from me, the more she stands in opposition to me, the brighter the light she receives will be.

Above all, the more she is by my side, the closer my hands are to my eyes and ears, the more I, unable to let go of my lingering feelings, may reach out toward her. So she has to get away from me.

Numerous thoughts that were completely unrelated to the words I spoke arose and filled my head.

The feelings I had for her were not small enough to be sorted out in just one day, so me, who thought calmly, and I, who struggled with longing, bit each other, killing our feelings little by little.

“The power to protect someone… … . yes. i think so too. The head of the household is to protect his family, and the soldier is to protect the country. Nobles to protect their fiefdom. A king develops strength to protect his kingdom and people.”

After saying that, she put the sword on the floor and looked down at her hands.

“Many people are gaining strength for the things they want to protect. What that is varies from person to person, but the fact that it’s all about protecting something doesn’t change.”

“That’s right.”

“By the way. I have no insignificant purpose, I am the second princess and cannot become king, nor am I the vessel to lead anyone. Up until now, I’ve been cultivating my strength without any purpose, but it’s meaningless because I developed it without any purpose. know. I know full well that this is nonsense. Just――Once I let it out, what can I do with it flowing out endlessly?”

She touched her forehead, gritted her teeth, then sighed and rubbed her forehead.

“Ha… … . Even if I talk about this, it only gets complicated in my head. I’ll just ask you straight. Because I think it would be much better that way… … .”

After saying that, she sighed once more, looked straight at me, and said.

“This is me――What on earth can I protect?”

The gaze, full of questions and confusion, flew like a sharp dagger and pierced my heart.