What Shatters Composure (1)

“……Ah.”

After consummating my relationship with Ethan, the first sound that escaped my lips upon waking in his room was an involuntary sigh.

My initial observation was that the area below my waist ached slightly. Not just between my thighs where…that thing had entered, but my inner thighs were sore and my knees felt tender too.

Now that I was conscious, even my chest seemed to throb strangely… Come to think of it, he hadn’t even touched my breasts much today.

But more than any physical discomfort, what truly unsettled my mind was the overwhelming embarrassment. Even if it was my first time, I couldn’t believe some of the things I’d babbled while in my right mind.

‘Do you really intend to put something this impossibly large inside my body?’

‘I don’t see any particular problem with how it looks.’

‘I just wanted to call you that once.’

“……”

My face burned.

I could hardly believe those shameful words had genuinely come from my mouth. If only I’d just mechanically moved my hips instead of getting carried away by the mood.

“…Well, whatever.”

At least my primary objective had been successfully achieved, so I suppose that was fortunate.

Looking back, almost nothing had gone according to plan, but the outcome was good. Come to think of it, most of my plans in this world had turned out this way.

Now that I’d broken free from the constraints of virginity, I felt oddly relieved yet melancholic. The qualification of being a Saintess-which had granted me magic while forcing me to preserve my chastity-was now irrevocably gone.

Well, since I’d never have feelings for any man other than Ethan in this lifetime, by my standards I was still technically an “honorary virgin.” But by objective measures, I’d permanently lost my qualification as a Saintess.

This meant Celista would now be the only remaining Saintess in this world. A fitting conclusion for the story’s worldbuilding.

‘Since Kyetmajosyegigot promised not to lay hands on the children and return to Earth, that part will likely continue even after the ending.’

Though it was an unfortunate fate for Celista, she was now destined to live her entire life as a Saintess.

Not that it mattered-she’d never shown interest in any man other than Kyetmajosyegigot anyway. Just as I’d never imagined a future where I’d lose my virginity to anyone but Ethan.

Well… not that Ethan was the only man I could ever be interested in. It just happened to turn out this way.

It was simply that the unicorn in my heart couldn’t allow any man other than Ethan to touch me. Letting another man grope my breasts, see me naked, and do all sorts of shameful things would make me no better than a common streetwalker.

If I was going to do it, I wanted everything-from first to last-to be with one person. That was the last shred of dignity I had as a unicorn.

‘Ah, I should cast Clean first.’

First, I needed to tidy up the aftermath of this mess. The bedsheets and blankets were stained crimson, as if this were a murder scene, and they desperately needed washing.

Now that it was over, I couldn’t believe how much blood there was. No wonder it had hurt so damn much.

Next time, I’d make sure to properly loosen up before penetration. He seemed quite skilled at cunnilingus last time, so maybe I could ask him to prepare me like that again…

‘No, no, no.’

I must be out of my mind. Why am I already thinking about the next time?

My reason for sleeping with Ethan today was solely to rid myself of my virginity and avoid being mistaken for a Saintess-not to engage in all sorts of lewd acts with him from now on.

Of course, if Ethan won another sparring match against Harold, I’d “keep my promise,” but even after my first experience, I had no intention of shamelessly throwing myself at him.

Though I had to admit, it had started feeling good midway… but that was an entirely separate matter.

After using Clean on the bedding, sheets, and the traces Ethan left “down there” to tidy up and ensure contraception, I straightened the bed.

‘Speaking of which, where did Ethan go?’

What urgent matter could have made him leave without waking me? According to the Time Stone, only about three hours had passed.

Wondering if he’d gone to the bathhouse alone, I was gathering my discarded clothes when a familiar voice drifted in through the window.

“Haaahp! Hahp! Haaaahp!!”

“……”

Peering out the training ground window, I saw Ethan swinging a wooden sword with all his might, repeating the same overhead slash over and over.

The reason Ethan-who usually wielded dual swords-was training with just one was obvious. This wasn’t training so much as an attempt to clear his mind.

Seeing him like this actually reassured me. At least I wasn’t the only one whose head was a mess after what had just happened.

After quickly dressing in the clothes I’d worn when entering Ethan’s room, I hurried toward the training grounds.

I had a lot to discuss with Ethan, but more than that, I just wanted to be near him for a while.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

-Whoosh! Swish! Swish!

“Haaahp! Hahp! Haaaahp!!”

Ethan Richard Blackwood. No longer a virgin.

Having taken his first step as a man about two hours prior, he was now swinging his sword vigorously to clear the storm of thoughts in his head.

-Whooosh!!

“Haaaaaahp!!!”

Though he would have preferred to stay in bed, skin pressed against Lilith’s, the lustful demons in his mind wouldn’t allow it.

Even after releasing his pent-up desires into her body twice, his cravings for her showed no signs of abating.

The sleepiness from staying up all night had vanished, replaced entirely by lust. When he came to his senses, he’d already spent thirty minutes fondling Lilith’s breasts while she slept.

Fearing he might end up violating her if he stayed, Ethan hastily dressed and left.

Now, he sought to calm his mind through the simple sword drills of his childhood.

Dual-wielding required too much thought, allowing distractions to creep in. But swinging a single sword in one repetitive motion left no room for wandering thoughts.

‘I’ll just do this for two hours, then return.’

By then, he’d be exhausted enough to collapse into bed the moment he lay down. Hopefully, sleepiness would overpower lust.

He’d already instructed the mansion staff. He’d told Dietmeyer to ensure no servants came to his room today no matter what, and just in case, he’d also asked Head Maid Melissa not to look for Lilith.

…Both had given him strange looks, but he didn’t ask why. They probably already knew.

‘No, no distractions.’

-Whoosh! Whooosh!!

“Haaahp!! Haaaahp!!”

He swung harder, focusing solely on the motion. This was the most effective way to calm his foolish mind, which wandered to Lilith at the slightest provocation.

Not that a life spent thinking only of her would be so bad-but there were many obstacles to overcome first.

Marrying the daughter of an obscure branch family’s baronet would require considerable preparation.

To achieve his dream, he first had to wake from it.

After about ten thousand swings over two hours, the wooden sword finally slipped from Ethan’s exhausted grip and clattered to the ground.

-Thud.

‘…That should be enough swings.’

His body was sufficiently fatigued now-surely his lust wouldn’t flare up again.

Though whether he could resist the sight of Lilith half-covered by the sheets was another matter entirely. That would require sheer willpower.

Maybe he should close his eyes before entering the bedroom. He knew the furniture layout well enough to navigate blindly, avoiding the need to face Lilith directly.

But his plan was thwarted the moment he turned to leave.

“……”

“……”

-Grin.

“……”

-Clatter.

The instant he turned, the apparition of Lilith appeared before him. He immediately spun back around and grabbed the fallen wooden sword.

‘After all that swinging, my mind still isn’t clear?’

If anything, the hallucination had grown more vivid. Her smile seemed so real, as if she were truly standing before him.

Start over. Another ten thousand swings in two hours. Ethan moved his arms swiftly, desperate to dispel the illusion deceiving his senses.

Lilith’s fleeting smile-just a figment of his desire.

The sound of light footsteps approaching-another trick of his lust.

The presence behind him, the familiar scent-all illusions.

-Soft.

“……”

Even this sensation of something soft pressing against his back… surely an illusion.

“…You treated me so roughly earlier, yet after just a few hours, you’re pretending not to see me?”

But her whisper in that sweet voice-there was no way that could be imagined.

“…L-Lilith?”

“Finally, you look at me.”

…His composure shattered.