The Order’s Mad Dog (3)

“Sorry… you said?”

I’m sorry. A brief silence flowed in response to those cold, chilling words. Agnes looked at me with an expression that said she didn’t understand.

I didn’t turn my head, but stared straight into her trembling eyes. Our gazes met. The tips of her fingers trembled slightly. It was hard to even guess how much emotion was contained in that tiny vibration.

In the suffocating silence, Agnes opened her mouth.

“Why…? Why are you apologizing?”

I apologize for your changed appearance.

Just as Agnes hadn’t been obsessed with me from the start, I hadn’t thought of her as anything special either. A stuck-up female knight who endangered her party because she was blinded by performance. A member of the human race whose death wouldn’t cause a second thought. That was my assessment.

But at some point, she had changed. We had somehow remained in each other’s hearts in some form. Whether that form was positive or negative, I couldn’t know. I didn’t need to know. The fact that it remained was what mattered.

I said in an emotionless voice.

“I deceived you, Agnes.”

“About what?”

“Everything.”

Everything I showed you was a lie. The smiles, the kindness, all of it was deception. Even the apology I’m uttering now doesn’t contain any sincerity. Even the reason I couldn’t leave and stayed for four days was because of a faint sense of responsibility, not because I felt guilty about it.

All that Agnes left in my heart was a sense of responsibility.

“…….”

Agnes felt a nameless fear at my extremely indifferent appearance. She bit her lip tightly and began to push herself internally. As if she would be swallowed by fear if she didn’t.

Agnes opened her heavy mouth.

“It doesn’t matter. You saved me from despair. Because of your sacrifice, I-…”

Haa.

A game to me, salvation to someone else. I smile bitterly at the enormous gap between the two. If this isn’t irony, what is? I ignored Agnes’s desperation and cut her off.

“That too.”

And so, the final sentence was dropped.

“That’s all a lie too.”

“…….”

“I’m sorry.”

Perhaps thinking it was a low-quality joke, Agnes gritted her teeth.

“Bullshit.”

But she was vaguely aware. That she didn’t know the girl in front of her. That she hadn’t been able to remove even a single veil covering the girl. She didn’t want to admit it, so she didn’t say it out loud, but it was just an escape, and the reality didn’t change.

Agnes screamed, convulsing.

“Bullshit!”

If all of this was a well-crafted play.

If the sadness and sacrifice were all deception and lies.

If I knew everything and brazenly deceived her.

It wouldn’t be easy to accept the fact that she was just a doll on a stage. The despair she felt was real, and the guilt she felt towards me had actually become a shackle. So now I’m going to stop. The end of the deception. It was time to give the doll freedom.

Tak! I snapped my fingers. After a brief silence, small spheres of red, blue, black, and white began to circle around her.

Agnes gaped.

“H-how….”

Evidence too clear to deny by saying I was joking.

The pure elemental crystals floating around her may look simple, but it would be difficult for even a magician of considerable skill to imitate them.

That’s because you have to use pure Mana with a purity of 98% or higher.

Given the knight’s characteristic of having to condense Mana as purely as possible to strengthen their Aura, there was no way Agnes wouldn’t recognize this technique.

Agnes knew best how crazy this was.

“You… hid your power? Why?”

The curtain was drawn and her eyes were opened. The cruel truth that she had closed her ears to and tried to ignore was tearing Agnes apart like a blade.

“Would you believe me if I said I was courting danger to get stimulation?”

As the saying goes, all things return to their origin. Once I saw the `end` of magic, I lost interest in everything. Because the result will be the same if you reach the extreme. I don’t even try because I know the end. That’s how I lost interest in the world.

In the meantime, the `new stimulation` I found was just pain.

The direction was a bit twisted and turned into masochism, but the fundamental reason didn’t change. The reason I hide my power and court danger is stimulation, only to get stimulation…

Agnes said in a hollow voice.

“…I guess I have to believe you.”

It was a self-deprecating lament. Then she closed her eyes tightly. At first, she thought it was a joke, so her lips were slightly raised. They were frozen in that position, and even now that she had realized the truth, they hadn’t come down.

“I’m sorry.”

The human mind is more fragile and selfish than you think, so it doesn’t accept shocks as they are. Slowly, very slowly… it chews, repeats, and denies them.

But it’s no use. The more you do that, the more you realize the reality. By the time you accept the terrible reality, your heart has already been torn to shreds. The process is several times more painful than the result, making it even more agonizing.

I hear a sound of swallowing, and her eyes open. Agnes, who has entered the acceptance stage, said quietly.

“Yujin….”

Agnes, who always called me “you” or “adventurer,” is calling me “Yujin” for once. I didn’t bother to figure out the intention and nodded indifferently.

“I, I….”

A collapsing voice.

“How much stimulation… am I to you?”

An unexpected question.

I expected her to feel disillusioned or draw her sword, but I closed my eyes and pondered Agnes’s question.

If I only consider the amount of stimulation, it’s true that it’s somewhat lacking. But the emotion I’m feeling now is something I’ve never experienced before. It’s the first time someone has been so obsessed with me, and it’s the first time I’ve revealed my identity like this.

“Agnes, you are….”

I open my eyes.

“It was a little lacking… but it was a different kind of stimulation.”

“I see….”

Agnes lowered her waist and met my gaze while I was sitting on the sofa. She reaches out her hand. Then she slowly stroked my cheek. The eyes looking at me were empty. I silently accepted her touch.

Agnes said in an emotionless voice.

“I’ll ask you one last time, Yujin.”

Her hand gradually went down and settled on my neck. Agnes, who wrapped her hand around my neck, continued to speak without looking at me properly.

“You said you court danger to get stimulation.”

Her hand tightens.

“Am I enough to be a future stimulation?”

The betrayed trust becomes sorrow and constricts her chest, and the rising despair rots inside because it can’t come out. Agnes’s distorted smile was filled with a terrible poison.

“Ah….”

I sigh briefly at her desperate appearance.

I realized that something was broken in her. I could feel a strange sense of kinship because I was just as broken beyond repair.

“Can you handle it?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“To not regret it.”

“That’s contradictory.”

“Is there anyone as contradictory as you?”

“Heueu….”

I chuckle at the pointless sarcasm.

After chuckling for a while, I grabbed Agnes’s empty hand, pulled her in, and said.

“Of course.”

I changed my mind.

“More than enough.”

I’ll gladly play along.

I revealed all the facts, but instead of backing out, she’s running at me? It’s hard to find emotions this heightened anywhere. You’d think she’d cool down if she knew the difference in our levels, but Agnes’s emotions burned even hotter.

I liked that fact very much.

“Agnes.”

I pull her in and place her hands on my neck. Agnes was slightly taken aback by my bizarre behavior, but she quickly regained her senses and grabbed my neck with both hands.

It wouldn’t look good with just one hand.

I put my hands on top of Agnes’s hands and said in a provocative voice.

“Do you hate me?”

“…….”

“You probably hate me. You probably hate me so much you want to tear me to pieces. You wouldn’t feel bad even if you broke my limbs and fed me to the dogs. I’m the one who put you in that state, right?”

“…….”

This time, as if seducing her.

“It’s okay.”

“…….”

“It’s okay to strangle me, beat me until I’m covered in dust, cut off my arms and legs and throw me in the basement.”

“…….”

“It’s okay to pour out all the emotions you’re feeling right now. Anger, despair, sadness… any emotion is fine. I’ll accept it as it is.”

I whisper to Agnes, who is maintaining her silence.

“My knight. I’ll be your toy for tonight.”

A devil’s whisper.

Agnes didn’t remain silent any longer.

As soon as I finished speaking, she tightened her hands and constricted my small breathing hole. A lump of pure desire that I felt after a long time. The emotions that were heightened to the extreme were enough to make my body burn.

Kkuuuk….

“I-it’s okay… keuheuk….”

My face turned red because I couldn’t breathe. I could clearly feel the knuckles of the fingers gripping my neck. I enjoyed the fading consciousness and trembled my arms and legs.

“Keuheu….”

-Kung!

Agnes let go of my hand just before I passed out.

I fell to the ground and sprawled out in an unsightly manner, burying my face in the floor.

However.

“I knew it….”

There was no further action.

“I can’t do it after all.”

There was no further violence either.

“I’m sorry.”

There was no further… acting either.

“I’m not enough to be your stimulation.”

I blankly sat down and looked at Agnes.

She hugged me while shedding tears like chicken droppings.

“For the first time… I had someone I wanted to give everything to….”

“…….”

“This kind of thing… this kind of thing….”

“Agnes…?”

Now… you’re going to do this now?

You’ve teased me this much and now you’re backing out?

Please, don’t hesitate.

My burning body quickly cooled down as if nothing had happened.

“I’m… sorry….”

Agnes hugged me and cried for a long time, and when she ran out of energy, she collapsed from exhaustion. I could realize it when I heard her screams. It was all my delusion. I was the only one who was broken.

I felt miserable.

* * *

I stayed one more day after Agnes collapsed. This was because I was reluctant to move due to the suicidal impulses accompanied by severe depression and lethargy. I also thought it would be polite to be by her side for one more night.

“I showed you an unsightly appearance last night. I apologize.”

“It’s okay. I’m the same way.”

Agnes didn’t cling to me like before.

Rather, she treated me with a relieved expression.

“It’s really… a life of pretense. You too, me too.”

Unlike me, who was still dissatisfied.

`What is this all about….`

Dalgeurak, dalgeurak…. The sound of tableware and plates colliding sings on the table. The time is around 9 a.m. The slightly late breakfast foreshadowed that this was our last meeting.

“I guess I have to go do the things I’ve been putting off.”

“I see.”

“Yujin, what are you going to do?”

“Heueum….”

Maybe I’ll provoke the neighborhood thugs and get beaten up to my heart’s content. It was about to explode because it was cut off ambiguously yesterday.

I raise my head, not hiding the rising annoyance. Agnes smiled when she saw my sulky face.

“I have information that might interest you. A Great Labyrinth has appeared in Kahalia.”

“Labyrinth?”

Labyrinth (迷宮), as the word implies, is a palace filled with countless treasures that bewitch adventurers.

“Kahalia is a small to medium-sized city located a little northeast of Bridonia. It’s a city that’s been a little sluggish in terms of adventure… but that’ll be the end of it today. The lifespan of a labyrinth is at least 5 years. If it’s that big, it might last at least 10 years, or even more than 20 years.”

Naturally, many adventurers aiming for treasure would flock there, and it was just as dangerous. Making a lot of money meant that not only mediocre adventurers, but also skilled adventurers would flock there.

I nodded roughly.

“Well, then….”

Breakfast is over.

“Is this really goodbye?”

Kkubuk.

I bow my head.

“Don’t worry. I won’t reveal your true skills.”

I went out into the street while being seen off by Agnes. To be honest, I didn’t hear anything other than the two keywords Kahalia and Labyrinth. I pressed down on my tingling lower abdomen and endured it.

`It’s not enough….`

It wasn’t enough at all.

This was really the limit.

I turned my gaze to the back alley.