The First Lie
by Afuhfuihgs
Luna’s last memory was fighting Ian, who had attacked the carriage. After a strong impact to her head and losing consciousness, Luna found herself inexplicably in the Messiah clubroom, and Ross, whom she had wanted to see one last time, was standing before her. With a bewildered expression, she mumbled.
“…Ross?”
Luna thought it was like a dying dream, a final happy dream because she missed Ross so much before she died. If that was the case, she thought it best to spend her time as happily as possible, and Luna ran towards Ross with a happy smile.
Because she wanted to hug Ross tightly as usual and tell him how much she missed him.
But Luna, who had run towards Ross, returned to her original spot. Looking around with a bewildered face, Luna saw the dimensional portal and realized that the space magic Ross had created had moved her far away.
Why…?
Luna was overcome with a strange sense of betrayal and doubt at the sight of Ross, who had been approaching her earlier using space magic, creating distance between them. Just as her emotions were about to surge, Luna met Ross’s gaze as he knelt weakly on the floor, as if his legs had given out.
“….”
He was different. Clearly, undeniably, he was very different from the Ross she knew. It wouldn’t be wrong to say he had matured. She could believe it was Ross’s appearance several years later from the last time she saw him… Ross looked so different that Luna felt unfamiliarity.
Luna, feeling an inexplicable urge to comfort Ross as he stared blankly at her, his lips twitching slightly, took a step forward without realizing it.
“…Luna.”
Then, Ross spoke for the first time, in a voice lower and more hoarse than Luna remembered.
Ross finally decided on the expression he should wear. A mixture of joy and sorrow… he spoke pleadingly with a face full of anguish that made onlookers feel helpless.
“Please… don’t come near me.”
At those words, Luna felt as if an unknown lump had formed in her chest. It wasn’t that she was hurt by Ross’s words, nor was she suspecting that he had grown to dislike her.
It was just that.
She could vividly feel the deep sadness in Ross’s voice, a sadness so profound that she couldn’t fathom how difficult it must have been for him. Luna felt tears welling up in her eyes. Luna had always wanted to be someone Ross could lean on, someone who could provide him with a comfortable and relaxing place to rest.
But Ross had returned to his former self. He looked as precarious as he had before he and Luna started dating, as if he would collapse at any moment. So Luna felt sorry and heartbroken that Ross had to bear his sadness alone.
So she didn’t move any further, as Ross had asked. The impulse to run to Ross, hug him, cry together, and soothe his sadness was felt with every beat of her heart, but… her affection for Ross easily suppressed the impulse.
Luna pondered how to start the conversation… and then realized that she hadn’t responded to Ross’s words. She put on the brightest expression she could muster so Ross wouldn’t worry and opened her mouth.
“Okay, I understand!”
However, upon hearing Luna’s reply, Ross contorted his face as if he had been kicked in the chest. Looking visibly flustered, he hurriedly lowered his head to wipe away his tears, then looked back at Luna. Sniffling and swallowing his tears, Ross put on the brightest expression he could, just like Luna, and said.
“I’m sorry, Luna. It’s absolutely not that I’ve grown to dislike you. It’s just, just… if I hold you now, I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go again.”
“Then you don’t have to let me go, ever.”
Luna, thinking that this conversation was the last illusion she would see before she died, was able to freely give answers that she would normally be too embarrassed to say. Right now, it was more important to say what she wanted to say to Ross than to feel embarrassed. For Luna, a day, a week, a year wouldn’t be enough time.
“That’s a good idea.”
Ross chuckled softly at Luna’s immediate reply. But because Ross’s beautiful blue eyes were wet with tears, Luna felt that his laughter was sad.
Ross said with a look full of regret.
“But not now. I have something I need to do.”
“What is it?”
At Luna’s question, Ross paused for a moment before opening his mouth.
“Something I have to do as the head of the Messiah club.”
“Then you have to do it. Because it’s something only Ross can do.”
Luna felt Ross’s gaze slowly observing her face completely. Luna’s snow-white face couldn’t help but flush red at the affection contained in that gaze. Still, Luna never turned her head or avoided his gaze. Rather, like Ross, she carefully looked at his face, finding things that had changed from her memories.
He had more scars, and his skin was rougher. His once clear eyes had lost their light and were sunken low, and the corners of his lips had been torn and cracked many times, leaving scars.
At that sight, Luna wanted to ask him what he had been through, but she decided not to ask until Ross told her first, as he usually did. Because everyone has things they don’t want to talk about.
“Hey, Luna. If I did something that anyone would consider pathetic… what would you do?”
At the sudden question, Luna flinched without realizing it. Seeing Ross give a bitter smile at her reaction, Luna hurriedly tried to answer, but stopped abruptly at Ross’s serious gaze and thought about it.
“Whatever it is, whatever happens… I will naturally be with Ross.”
“I thought you would say that.”
Ross, giving a wry smile, slowly lowered his gaze and said.
“You know, I… I lost everyone precious to me.”
Ross’s words ended, but Luna didn’t say anything. Because Ross wasn’t finished speaking yet.
“Because I liked you so much, because I missed you so much… I recklessly thought I could lose everything to get you back.”
Ross’s face was full of sadness as he said that. The sadness was so intense that Luna, who was watching him, unknowingly shed tears that streamed down her face.
“So now I hate myself so much. I hate myself so much that I just want to hold my breath like this forever.”
Luna felt nauseous at Ross’s words. The melancholy in Ross’s voice wasn’t a lie or an exaggeration, but all vivid sincerity. Ross, swallowing his words several times while silently shedding tears, finally managed to speak.
“…So I thought that if I got you back, I would have to pay the price for my mistakes to everyone. Because that’s my role, and it’s something I have to do.”
Ross’s gaze, which had been looking at the floor, slowly rose and tangled with Luna’s gaze in the air. In that instant, Luna felt goosebumps all over her body. Luna had never imagined Ross looking so precarious and struggling so much.
Ross, who had been breathing heavily, finally exhaled all his breath and said.
“But standing in front of you like this… I really feel pathetic for hesitating.”
Tears welled up in Ross’s eyes and fell down his cheeks to the floor. Luna also shed tears that fell to the floor. Luna, whose feet had been rooted to the spot several times, bit her lip tightly, suppressing the urge to run to Ross.
Although it was the last chance she had to share with Ross before she died, Luna didn’t choose to pour out her emotions and leave without regret. As always, she was someone who prioritized the happiness of the person she loved.
So Luna decided to spend her last moments for Ross. No, there was no need to decide. It was a natural action for Luna.
“That’s right, Ross is pathetic.”
Luna smiled at Ross, who was staring blankly at her.
“I will never leave Ross’s side, no matter what mistakes he makes. There’s no reason to hesitate. So you’re pathetic.”
Luna, sniffling, said to Ross, who was smiling as if he was dumbfounded, in a deliberately mismatched arrogant tone.
“Do you know what I was thinking in that desperate situation facing death?”
“…No.”
“I was worried about Ross. I was worried that he would be too sad about my death, that he would be in too much pain… and that he would lose his way forward. All I could think about was Ross.”
At Luna’s words, Ross, who had been endlessly shedding tears, opened his mouth with difficulty.
“…Blame me. Blame me for dying because of him, for promising to protect me and not being able to. Curse me and blame me.”
Luna smiled at Ross’s words. And tilting her head slightly, she asked Ross.
“Do you think Ross would be able to do that?”
At that question, Ross gave a bitter smile, as if he had realized something.
“…No, never.”
“So I can’t either. Because I love Ross.”
As Luna finished speaking, Ross, who had been kneeling on the floor, stood up. It was a movement without hesitation. His expression, which had been full of confusion, also looked clean, as if he had made a decision.
“Luna.”
“Yes, Ross.”
“I love everything about you.”
Luna couldn’t help but answer sincerely at the sight of Ross revealing his true feelings while meeting her gaze.
“I love everything about Ross too.”
Hearing that answer, Ross slowly approached Luna. The closer Ross got, the faster Luna’s heart beat. Finally, Ross, who had stopped right in front of her, slowly lowered his head and touched his lips to Luna’s. A thrilling shiver and a feeling of happiness spreading throughout her body made Luna smile pleasantly as Ross said softly.
“I promise… I won’t make you worry about me anymore, or make you sad. Everything will be alright.”
After saying that, Ross passed by Luna and left the clubroom. But Luna couldn’t turn around or hold Ross back. She was in shock.
Because Ross’s appearance just now was the first time Luna had ever seen it. An appearance that even Luna, who had seen everything about Ross and loved everything about him, had never seen.
So Luna knew immediately.
That the promise he had made just now was the first lie Ross had ever told her.
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