Self-Harming Crazy Bubbly Magician

Silence.

What word could perfectly describe this situation?

The receptionist, Mary, who had been quietly observing, took me to a secluded spot, gently took my hand, and said.

“I don’t know what got into you, but being an adventurer is a very dangerous job. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows.”

I know.

The majority, those E to F-rank adventurers, mainly get stuck with shitty jobs like collecting herbs, catching rats, and cleaning sewers. The only monsters they can catch are goblins and gremlins at best. And if they don’t go in a party, they risk getting their asses handed to them. By goblins, no less.

“Besides, what’s with all this blood? Did it spill during the transport of materials?”

“It’s my blood.”

“……What?”

“Haa….”

My head started to ache. My interest was already fading fast. I couldn’t be bothered to explain, and I didn’t even know why I had to explain.

Can’t they just make me an adventurer?

“Magic, I can use magic.”

Showing would be a hundred times faster than explaining.

I snapped my fingers and cast the sanitation magic [Clean]. It was a spell that anyone who could handle Mana learned as a must. It was also the first magic I ‘newly’ learned.

I didn’t really want to use Clean since I felt alive when I smelled blood on my body, but I had no choice since Mary would try to persuade me until she died if I stayed like that.

“Magic! You can use magic!”

Mary was genuinely impressed when she saw my clean body.

Being able to use magic in this industry is a huge advantage. Among adventurers, a mage is like a noble, second only to a healer.

Even if you don’t have offensive magic, it’s fine. Those who have mastered water magic are like walking wells, and if you can light even a small flame, you’re treated like a living lighter. If you can make a small sphere with light, you can use it as a torch. It’s good for saving on oil costs.

“Can you use other magic too?”

Magic, huh.

I have a lot. It’s my specialty.

“Meteor, Earth Divider, Absolute Zero, Flame Strike, Icicle Lance. And basic weather manipulation and…”

“Huh?”

“Besides that, there are techniques without names, like compressing enemies or making their bodies explode….”

“Stop! Stop!”

I hadn’t even mentioned one percent of the techniques I could use, but Mary’s eyes changed to a look as if she was looking at a crazy woman. She looked very dubious.

“Just kidding. You’re a funny one. Alright. It’s better to experience it directly. Come this way. You need to fill out some basic information. You can read, right?”

Nod.

Most people who can use magic are so-called ‘educated’ people. To learn magic, you need basic internal Mana and the ability to read.

It was funny to call someone who could read ‘educated,’ but there were tons of people in this world who couldn’t even get basic education. Unlike modern times, there were so many things you could do with just a sword here, so education was for the dogs.

Of course, I learned without being taught.

Mary ignored the line and put me at the front. I felt a little bad for cutting in line, but it was good for me if it was faster.

“Name… Yujin? Okay, okay. I understand.”

It wasn’t my real name, but Yujin was perfect as a name that wouldn’t feel out of place regardless of East Asian, Western, or gender.

After writing down additional information like ability, age, and other relevant details, Mary told me to wait a moment and disappeared inside the counter.

“….”

It’s already boring.

It would be much better to hole up in the inn and cut my wrists, but I decided to grit my teeth and only do ‘party’ stuff.

When an unspecified number of people live together with the same goal, conflict is inevitable. Regardless of the trigger, whether things go well or not, ‘discord’ suddenly appears.

Stabbing you in the back with a knife while distributing loot, coming to strangle you while you’re asleep, or feeding you sleeping pills and then giving you to wolves.

Surprisingly, dozens of adventurers die like that every day.

Nevertheless, there were many reasons to form a party. There were monsters everywhere that you couldn’t handle alone.

…Of course, that didn’t apply to me. At least, all the monsters in this city area weren’t a threat to me.

The reason I’m joining a party is nothing special.

To experience a ‘dangerous situation’ that might happen someday.

I cover up the boredom and ennui with tension and fear. That was the best choice I could make. Then I might be able to live another day.

…More importantly, when will she be back?

Impatient, I released Mana to check the situation inside. She was making an adventurer’s pass. She was engraving my name on it, but the speed was quite slow. It seemed like it would take a little longer.

Time passes.

The pain gradually subsided, and the smell of blood was no longer there. There was nothing threatening me, and everything was peaceful.

I feel nauseous.

Assimilation phenomenon.

It’s a mental illness-like phenomenon that sometimes occurs. You feel like your whole body is melting and becoming one with the world, and you’re likely to go crazy if you’re not careful. Of course, that doesn’t really mean you’re assimilating with the world…

I needed something to cover up this terrible feeling.

As soon as I put the adventurer’s pass in my arms, I turned around and went outside. I couldn’t hear what Mary was shouting. My head was ringing.

“Yujin? Yujin!”

I hurriedly moved my feet and arrived at the inn where I was staying. I opened the door violently enough to make a kung sound, ignoring the gazes that poured in, and went into the room I had checked into.

“Hey! Hey you!”

I heard the innkeeper, who belatedly realized the situation, approaching me. He’ll probably kick me out or demand money, one of the two. I caused quite a scene this morning.

‘Where’s my knife?’

The innkeeper must have cleaned it up.

‘Use magic? No….’

I became impatient.

The nausea doesn’t stop.

―Jjaenggeurang!

I picked up the lamp on the table and threw it at the window. The window, unable to withstand the impact, collapsed powerlessly. I rummaged through the floor, which was a mess of broken glass. I was cut and cut by the glass, becoming covered in blood, but I didn’t care.

When I finally found a large piece of glass comparable to a blade. Without a moment’s hesitation, I rolled up the sleeve of my left arm and―

Stabbed it straight into my wrist.

“Keuk.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. The acrid smell of blood stung my nose. Twice the pain came to me when I pulled out the glass shard.

“Aah….”

After fixing my limp left arm on the floor, I stabbed it in again. Blood splattered. After repeating this process several times, I couldn’t feel anything anymore.

The artery had been severed a long time ago.

“Heu. Heueu. Haa.”

Saliva dripped from my mouth. I felt like I was going to faint.

I had created an almost severed wound, so if I left it like this, I would die from excessive bleeding. I was proficient in elemental magic, but I didn’t know anything about body strengthening or healing using divine power.

If I don’t reconstruct my body right now―

I’ll die.

My head was spinning. Death, which had come so clearly, whispered beside me.

―Kung, kung, kung!

The innkeeper knocked on the door with an angry voice, and I came to my senses. I breathed heavily and looked around. I was surrounded by a sea of blood. The amount of blood coming from my tattered wrist was beyond imagination.

“Haa….”

If I closed my eyes here, I would definitely die. But unlike my heart, which was pounding with fear, my face was smiling more happily than ever.

―Kwajik!

The door opened. The innkeeper, who had brought tools because I didn’t open the door, forcibly tore it off.

“Hey! What were you doing this morning… Euaaak! What are you doing now!”

My smile gradually distorted. I was reconstructing, but if I didn’t succeed within 2 minutes, I would die from excessive bleeding.

‘I have to… reconstruct… my mind… isn’t… intact…’

2 minutes.

That was my remaining lifespan.

That’s why I was desperate.

I didn’t want to die. Only now, after coming this far, did the fear of death dominate my entire body. I want to live. I want to live. I don’t want to die so meaninglessly.

I couldn’t think of anything else.

“Haa… haa….”

57 seconds.

New flesh sprouted.

41 seconds.

The severed arteries found their place, but there wasn’t enough blood.

24 seconds.

I force my heart to beat. I didn’t forget to regenerate blood with magic.

13 seconds.

Sensation returned. I felt terrible pain.

7 seconds.

The wrist was completely sealed.

3 seconds.

I checked that the blood was flowing normally.

1 second.

No threat to life.

“Potion! I brought a potion, you!”

I couldn’t see my right vision. My eye had rotted away. It was the price of excessive body reconstruction. One of my lungs seemed to have shrunk, and my legs seemed to have necrosis since I couldn’t feel them.

I liked all of this situation very much, so I inadvertently let out a chuckle.

“Heueu.”

When I yearned for a life that would fade away in vain, I felt alive.