Scar

Grasping the meaning behind someone’s actions is quite difficult. If someone tells me I don’t look good today, I get flustered because I can’t tell if they’re worried about me or just saying it because they’re concerned.

Even when there’s no problem at all, and I’m just idly thinking about what kind of snack to have, if I suddenly hear such a thing, it lingers in my memory like an ink stain on a white shirt.

I could just brush it off as them thinking of me, but in the end, that action is just social consideration veiled in paltry hypocrisy, not an act of uncovering the truth.

It’s just the back view of a coward, forcing a bitter smile and hoping that oblivion will solve the problem as always.

That’s why I didn’t think about what Ellie’s kiss meant. I can’t tell if it was an impulsive act or if she planned to seize that moment. Unless I’m the person involved, there’s no way to confirm if my guess is correct. In other words, it’s a waste of time and energy.

That’s why it bothered me even more. Without any explanation or excuse for the kiss. Just the fact that she only left the words that her first kiss was sweet, as if evaluating food, couldn’t be easily erased from my mind. The question, along with the emotion, was etched into my brain.

Left alone in the room where Ellie disappeared, I ended up returning to the clubroom with a bitter smile.

With memories that will remain like scars.

***

Building a cozy house on the island was a pretty good choice, I thought, sitting on the edge of the bed. Thanks to using magic, there was no inconvenience in using the bathroom or kitchen, which are realistic problems.

But I didn’t realize that there was an unexpected problem until the late afternoon when I headed to the clubroom, thinking of maybe going to the library.

When I opened the door, something like a note fell to the floor. Suddenly, I remembered flyers for pizza or cold noodles being stuck to the door in the past.

But this is Transcendence Academy. If it’s not the library, there’s no one among the people who come here who would put up flyers.

Maybe there are flyers in this world that I didn’t set up. With a little expectation, I picked up the paper that had fallen on the ground and checked the writing.

[Looks like you’re out, so I’m leaving a note. Come to hyung’s (older brother’s) dorm when you see this!!! Please!!! – Roel]

I grasped the problem with the contents of the note. That’s right. I can’t know about visitors who come to the clubroom from my room.

Even if they knock, it naturally won’t be heard by me on the island beyond the closet.

With the thought that I should visit a magic engineering specialty store and order something like a doorbell, I moved my steps to the combat department dormitory.

There was also something I wanted to ask Roel about. It’s not like going to the library is that important, so let’s go and do both.

When I knocked on the door of the dormitory where Roel was staying, the door opened with light footsteps. He must have gotten his hair done to commemorate the vacation because he looked even more radiant today. Annoying, just a little bit.

Fortunately, there was only Roel inside. Judging by the fact that the bed was made, it seemed like everyone had gone home for the vacation.

I was relieved that I didn’t have to force a smile and greet hyung’s (older brother’s) friends.

,”Ross! You came. I went to the clubroom earlier, but there was no response even when I knocked. Did you go out somewhere?”

Unlike me, who had been tossing and turning, caught in worries and guilt, I felt a little grumpy at Roel’s cheerful and bright appearance.

“No, I didn’t hear it. But why did you call me?”

I asked in a slightly blunt voice. But as always, with a good-natured smile, Roel grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into the room. A strange scent I smelled somewhere was coming from Roel.

“It’s vacation now. If you’re thinking of going on a trip with hyung (older brother) like last time, find out in advance-“

“I’m busy. I’m going to be training with Professor Lycan during the vacation. It starts tomorrow.”

I didn’t need to listen to the end, so I cut off Roel’s words and expressed my refusal.

Upon hearing the name Lycan, Roel’s eyes changed to a look full of pity for some reason. In an instant, anxiety took hold in a corner of my heart.

“Ross… have you been having a hard time all this while? You should have asked hyung (older brother) instead… Even so, to make such a choice…”

At Roel’s muttering, I reflexively swallowed without realizing it. I could feel from his voice that Roel wasn’t joking.

“Well, I’ve already promised. I should just think of it as training hard this time.”

Unlike my inner thoughts, which wanted to run away right away, I tried to act as nonchalant as possible. It was a paltry pride that I didn’t want to show a weak side to Roel.

Roel nodded as if he was proud of me.

“As expected of my dongsaeng (younger brother)… You’ve really grown up now. Thinking of training hard even during vacation…!!!”

I ignored Roel, who was sending me burdensome glances. Suddenly, I saw him packing his luggage. It was an expensive carrier, so it must have been enchanted with space expansion magic, as there were more clothes next to the bed than the size of the carrier could hold, ready to be packed.

He must be thinking of leaving the academy for a while to solidify his relationship with the heroines, according to the original story. Pretending not to know, I asked with a curious expression.

“Where are you going?”

“Yeah, I’m going to stay at Flavia’s villa during the vacation. If it weren’t for Professor Lycan’s training, I would have taken you too. It’s a shame.”

If I had accepted Roel’s offer, I might have had to deal with Flavia’s blatant glares every day. My nervous breakdown might recur.

“That’s good. Have fun, hyung (older brother) needs to rest a bit.”

Starting next year, all sorts of incidents will put pressure on Roel. My sincere wish was that he would spend happy times with the heroines without any worries, even now.

“Looks like you’re thinking of catching up while I’m resting?”

I ignored Roel’s playful smile.

“Is that all you called me for?”

“Yeah. Well, not really… Do you want to have dinner together? I heard a barbecue restaurant opened in the capital. An alchemist runs it, and the seasoning combination is no joke.”

A barbecue restaurant run by an alchemist, I was honestly tempted, but I shook my head.

“It’s okay. I have to prepare for training tomorrow, and weren’t you originally planning to leave in the evening?”

“That’s right. But I can make time to eat with my dongsaeng (younger brother)~ The villa can wait a little later.”

No, Flavia would definitely burn her hair off to prepare dinner for Roel herself.

If she finds out that her dinner with her waiting boyfriend didn’t happen because of his annoying younger brother… It’s more comfortable to eat barbecue alone.

I pretended to be nonchalant, tidying my bangs, and casually asked what I was curious about.

“It’s a shame, but it’s okay. You should have asked me to eat together yesterday. I would have been fine with dinner.”

“Huh? Of course, I thought of that too! I went to the clubroom, but you weren’t there, so I just ate at the restaurant.”

I felt a strange satisfaction at Roel’s answer. Ellie didn’t meet me as a substitute for Roel. She really made time for me.

“We must have missed each other.”

At my words, Roel shrugged with a smile and started putting clothes into the carrier.

I scratched my cheek and asked.

“Do you want me to help?”

“Thanks, but it’s easier for me to do it if I want to organize it later. It’s easier to remember where everything is.”

That’s a very relatable statement. It feels like another commonality has been added between the brothers. Turning my head to Roel, who was carefully putting in clothes, I observed the yellowish wallpaper and asked casually.

“…How did it go with Ellie?”

I could feel Roel stopping his movements as if he had frozen at my words. After a moment of silence, Roel stopped organizing his clothes with a sigh and came closer to me.

I felt uncomfortable at Roel’s awkward expression as he scratched his head.

“Actually… I was going to confess something to you, so I asked you to have dinner. The day you and Ellie came to see me… After you left, I talked with Ellie for a long time. Ellie confessed her feelings to me, and I… asked for some time to think.”

At Roel’s words, I felt inferiority boiling up from the bottom of my emotions. How could he postpone Ellie’s confession? As if reading my thoughts, Roel said defensively.

“As you know, there are many women by my side. It’s different from what people generally think of as dating. I wanted to give Ellie enough time to think.”

As Roel said, becoming a new member of the harem requires a lot of determination. I was a writer, but I will never understand that feeling for the rest of my life.

Roel’s harem was just following a popular cliché. I still wondered if dividing one person’s love is… truly being loved.

Roel continued.

“After meeting you and Luna yesterday, I met Ellie for lunch. We had another serious conversation, and I clearly stated to Ellie what the disadvantages of becoming my lover were and what I couldn’t give her.”

Given Roel’s personality, he would have said his shortcomings without hiding anything. Always being sincere with others. That was one of the reasons why Roel was loved.

“…But Ellie still decided to be with me. She said she’s happy just being with me… So, I’ve been dating Ellie since yesterday. Everyone accepted Ellie with joy.”

I turned my gaze away from Roel. Looking elsewhere with a slightly crooked posture, I noticed something different from usual.

Only then did my question get resolved. So that’s how it was… I smiled bitterly.

“Ross, I really intend to make Ellie happy. I won’t love her less than others, and I’ll fill her with affection without any shortcomings. I can promise you that.”

I chuckled at Roel’s words as he watched my reaction. Why is he promising that to me? Because I was once his only friend and childhood friend? Or because I was once in love with him?

Suppressing my boiling emotions, I forced a smile mixed with ugly hypocrisy.

“I believe you. I thought you would be like that, hyung (older brother).”

With those words, I approached Roel and patted him on the shoulder. Roel smiled happily, as if he had received permission from Ellie’s guardian.

Unlike the other beds in the room, which smelled of a subtle strawberry scent, and Roel’s bed, which had two pillows placed on it with the sheets removed, I said in a low voice.

“You’re the only one who can make Ellie happy, hyung (older brother).”

Genuinely grateful that I don’t have the ability to convey sincerity in my voice like Roel does.