Roel’s Guilt

Roel woke up two days after being admitted to the ward.

After a little while, Flavia and Ilia came to visit, and as if trying to make up for the quota they hadn’t filled while Roel was unconscious, they enthusiastically chattered about all sorts of things (mostly related to Flavia).

After chattering for a while, Flavia was eventually warned by Ms. Joey, the ward’s nurse, and kicked out.

As soon as he finished the breakfast that Ms. Joey brought, Bella and Rosalyn visited the ward as if they had been waiting.

,Roel, you’re awake!

Seeing Rosalyn’s face full of joy, Roel naturally smiled and nodded.

,Is everyone okay?

At Roel’s sudden question, Rosalyn stopped smiling and nodded with a stiff expression. Roel, who didn’t see Rosalyn’s expression because he was clearing the tray, said.

,Hoo, that’s a relief. I was a little worried.

Rosalyn felt a great sense of guilt at Roel’s words, and bit her lip tightly with regret.

,Where’s Ross? Didn’t he come to visit?

Seeing Roel asking with expectant eyes, Rosalyn felt like she was about to burst into tears with guilt and just clenched her skirt.

As Rosalyn hesitated, Bella approached Roel, drew his attention, and stepped forward.

,He was banned from visiting because he was getting treatment. I sent the other kids back too.

Rosalyn was shocked inside, wondering, ‘What are you going to do if the truth comes out?’ at Bella’s nonchalant lie. But she also realized that she was deceiving Roel and just bit her lip.

Roel sighed and said in a gloomy voice.

,I see…. Haa, I guess I’m still far from being a hero.

,W-What are you talking about?! It’s thanks to Roel saving me from the black magician that I’m okay, and everyone survived without a single death thanks to Roel!

Rosalyn retorted as if she was having a guilt-induced seizure. Roel scratched his cheek in embarrassment.

,Is that so…? Still, I’ve noticed something while watching Ross these days.

,R-Ross…?

Rosalyn felt like her heart had dropped to the soles of her feet with a thud at the suddenly popping out name.

Bella asked instead of Rosalyn, who was dumbly gaping.

,What did you notice about Ross?

At Bella’s question, Roel said, touching his unkempt bangs.

,That I was too complacent. I regret thinking this was enough and not trying harder.

Rosalyn snapped out of it and retorted at Roel’s heartfelt words.

,Everyone knows how hard Roel works! He trains hard every day even after class, and he makes time to go on dates with us! He only sleeps for four hours!

Roel smiled and replied to Rosalyn’s words.

,That’s because of my greed. It’s because I want to grow and be by your side. That greed has grown a little more. I was worried that when the people I care about need me, I won’t be able to do my part, that I’ll disappoint them.

Bella frowned at Roel’s words.

,Right now, in the second year, no, in the entire academy, there are only three people who can fight Roel on equal terms. Don’t you think you’re being too self-deprecating? I think Roel is strong enough to protect the people he cares about, and he’s growing faster than anyone else.

After hearing Bella’s words, Roel looked down at his hands as if organizing his thoughts for a moment, then raised his head.

,I think I’m a really lucky person. Because I have people by my side who worry about me like this. Thank you always.

As Roel sincerely thanked Rosalyn and Bella, Rosalyn, who felt like she was about to burst into tears with guilt, felt a stabbing pain in her heart.

,I, I have something to do, so I’ll go first….

As Rosalyn said that and ran out of the ward as if fleeing, only silence filled the ward.

Bella asked Roel, who was looking out the ward window with his mouth shut, as if thinking about something.

,You seem to have a better relationship with your younger brother than I thought? You didn’t talk about your brother in the first year, so I thought you were an only child.

Roel gave a bitter smile at Bella’s words.

,It’s not so much that we have a good relationship, but that I’m nice to Ross to alleviate my guilt.

,Guilt?

Bella asked with a puzzled expression at Roel’s unexpected words. Roel ran his hand over his face and said.

,Ross…was always compared to me and belittled for no reason. At first, I didn’t like that, so I asked people not to do that to my brother, but for some reason, I only gained the image of a kind-hearted older brother, and nothing changed.

Roel, who was thirsty, drank the water next to the bed and continued.

,Even my parents always praised me while comparing me and Ross to other people. I felt sorry for Ross every time that happened, but because I was young, I worked even harder because I was being praised by my parents, and Ross was always compared to me and his efforts were ignored.

,Why does that make you feel guilty? Isn’t that just because Ross is inferior?

Seeing Bella saying that as if she didn’t understand, Roel realized that Bella, who had fought daily battles for survival from a young age for the throne, couldn’t understand him.

The imperial family was a place where those without ability were eliminated and died. It wasn’t a place where inferior people could survive.

,If I was really kind, I would have been a support to Ross when he was having a hard time, or I should have stopped it. But I didn’t give Ross a way out, who was blocked by the wall called me, and I tried to do everything well to get recognition from others. With the dream of becoming a hero, I ignored Ross’s suffering and shone alone.

Roel lowered his gaze with a self-reproaching expression.

,Ross was always depressed and struggling, overshadowed by my light. I made even the praise and love that Ross deserved my own and grew tall alone. I ignored Ross, who was withering by my side because he couldn’t see the light in my shadow, and I only thought about growing taller….

,That’s hypocrisy. There must be countless people in this academy who have felt a wall with your talent, right?

At Bella’s words, Roel raised his head and met her beautiful golden eyes.

,I know, but other people weren’t blocked by the wall called me from the age when they should have been growing roots like Ross. This is an academy where the talents of the continent gather. Most of them are people who have been loved and praised for their outstanding talents since they were young and have planted very deep roots in their hearts. But Ross didn’t receive the love to plant deep roots. Because of that, he gets tired of everything easily and loses interest. He becomes a person who gives up easily because his roots are weak even with small tremors.

Bella unknowingly sneered at Roel’s words. She immediately remembered what to call such a person.

,Trash

Thinking that her choice was right, Bella erased the sneer from her face.

,But during the year I was at the academy, Ross changed. Whether it’s because the wall called me disappeared and he received light and his roots grew late. Ross, whom I met at the academy, became a person who worked hard differently from before, and he became a person who empathized with the pain of others and shed tears.

Roel ran his hand over his face.

,I still remember that moment when I close my eyes. I felt proud and sorry at the same time when I saw Ross receiving thanks from the people of Destin Village.

Roel, who had a bitter expression, continued.

,Seeing my younger brother crying like a child at the people’s gratitude…. I wondered, what kind of person would Ross have become if I hadn’t been there? I also felt guilty, thinking that it would have been better for Ross if I hadn’t been there.

,It’s the arrogance of a genius.

Roel reluctantly nodded at Bella’s cold words. It was a kind of feeling that Bella, who had never experienced such emotions, had a hard time understanding with her head.

More than hoping for understanding in the first place, he just wanted to confide his feelings to someone.

,I’m going to grow more with this guilt. If I stop here because I’m sorry, that’s what’s wrong. I’m going to become the strongest person and a good older brother and repay Ross.

Bella asked Roel, who was speaking as if making a resolution.

,What if your brother betrays you?

Roel, who was about to drink water, flinched at Bella’s sudden question and looked at Bella.

,Does she think that Ross will threaten my life someday like her siblings?

After organizing his thoughts, Roel looked at Bella with a serious face and said.

,It’s okay, he’s my brother. He was a brother who was always wary of me and kept his distance, thinking that I would harm him. Ross, who was a reasonless criminal his whole life, can do that to me.

Bella nodded at Roel’s words and continued the conversation with another topic.

Bella, who had a trivial conversation until the end of visiting hours, said goodbye to Roel and turned around and left the ward.

Bella, who had left the ward, inadvertently looked out the window.

Even though it was daytime, a faint moon was floating in the sky for some reason.

,Roel still doesn’t know how weak people’s beliefs are. That even blood-related siblings will point their swords at each other for their own benefit….

If Roel was a brightly shining sun, Ross was like the moon that rises during the day.

The moon is there, but it’s hidden by the light and can’t be seen unless you look up and find it.

The moon can only shine when darkness comes. What the world wants is the sun that drives out darkness, not the moon that illuminates darkness.

Therefore, it was enough for Ross to be the foundation for Roel as always.

,I wonder if his mind has collapsed by now?

Looking at the very faint moon, Bella gave a snake-like smile.