Me and My Time (4)

* * *

“Did I tell you to call me when the next preparation is done, or just call me?”

“Shall I erase the smell for you?”

“The smell isn’t the problem. Do you think I’m so blind I can’t see what’s right in front of me? Clean up the guts on the floor instead of flapping your tongue.”

Granshel, summoned back to the room by the Copy Ego, felt like her head was about to explode.

She really didn’t know how to do it. She thought the best she could do was pretend to torture, or push them to the brink of death, but she actually killed them without exaggeration. Of course, it wasn’t a true death, just a physical one… Either way, it was crazy. What kind of wizard conjures a dummy body and just moves the spirit around? It was so absurd it vanished into thin air.

“More importantly.”

Granshel covered her nose and lowered her voice.

“…Why is she like that?”

Something was huddled in the corner. Judging by the hair color, it seemed to be the real Yujin… She wanted to check, but her hair covered her body because she was bowing her head. But judging by the kkadeuk거리neun (gnawing) sound and the trembling body, she didn’t look good, to put it bluntly.

The Copy Ego casually wiped the flesh off her apron and said,

“It’s best not to touch her.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s a crazy bitch.”

A crazy bitch who cums during torture. It was an extremely objective assessment and a successful self-reflection. The Copy Ego was confident. So brazenly confident that Granshel was momentarily confused about what she had heard. When Granshel remained silent, the Copy Ego stepped forward.

“Did the exorcism go well?”

The Copy Ego asked, gathering the guts and flesh scattered on the floor and burning them. That casual question awakened her mind. Granshel licked her dry lips and approached Shuriel. The most dangerous Demon’s spirit among those clinging to her. A soul with the terrible pain of being torn, impaled, and devoured.

-The vengeful spirit has disappeared.

“…It’s gone. Really. You did exactly as I said?”

“Instead of hammering nails into her fingernails and toenails, I just cut them off… Is there a problem?”

“Ah, no. It’s just… that’s…”

At that moment, Granshel felt a chilling shiver. A mysterious sensation coming from the corner of the room. She reflexively turned her head.

• Kkadeuk.

Yujin, with a twisted smile, had a pulled-out fingernail in her mouth. The emotional currents she was emitting were so complex and bizarre that it was hard to gauge what kind they were. Their eyes met for a moment. Yujin twitched her eyes and started tearing off her fingernails again. It was already the fourth one. She only had intact fingernails on her little finger.

“Okay. Well, if the vengeful spirit is gone, we should consider it effective. I’ll say it again, she’s okay, right?”

“She may look like that, but she’s probably fine.”

“Really?”

“…Probably.”

In fact, the Copy Ego was just as embarrassed. It was the first time she had seen this version of ‘me’. Does that mean that’s what I’ll become if I experience death?

Granshel didn’t like the Copy Ego’s ambiguous answer, but she couldn’t let the proxy die. She had to see it through once she started. Besides, it was Yujin’s group who suggested it. She wouldn’t be responsible.

“I’ll tell you about the next soul. But this one is relatively okay. He died in a fire.”

As she said, it was ‘relatively’. The previous soul had been cut, gutted, and burned to death. This soul seemed relatively simple. The torture method was just burning him alive.

“Is there anything I need to prepare?”

The Copy Ego shook her head at Granshel’s question. Helping her in her current state would only be a hindrance. It seemed better to quickly exorcise the remaining souls. If Yujin was left in that state for too long, something bad might happen. The Copy Ego aimed for a quick resolution.

“…Okay. I understand. Call me when you’re done, as before. Clean up a bit.”

She accepted the request. Granshel told her the ‘exorcism method’ for the remaining souls and disappeared somewhere. The room soon became quiet. Only the terrifying sound of fingernails being bitten and the proxy’s soft breathing remained, ringing in her ears.

The Copy Ego walked step by step, making noise. She approached Yujin, who had bitten off all the fingernails on her right hand and was now biting her left hand. Exactly six steps later, she arrived in front of Yujin, who flashed her bloodshot eyes and said to the Copy Ego.

“…What is it this time?”

A voice like scratching a chalkboard. Yujin’s completely deranged voice contained pure madness and an equal amount of joy. How much ‘stimulation’ did she get to be so broken? The Copy Ego shuddered just imagining that unknown sensation.

“Sosatsu (Burning and Killing). Should we start right away?”

“…I have to make it. Wait.”

“You can quickly exorcise a soul burned to death by using Reconstruction, right? Why bother?”

“…”

Since I am that guy and that guy is me, most of our thoughts are the same. So I thought we could proceed right away, but Yujin, who had just returned from death, hesitated for a long time. Whether or not to make a dummy body.

• Ttak, ttak.

Yujin tilted her head to the side and tapped the floor. She used her left hand, which was not yet broken, to repeatedly hit the floor. She pondered for a long time. She hit the floor for so long that her intact fingernails broke and bent. The Copy Ego noticed hesitation in Yujin’s movements.

“Do you want to die again?”

“…”

“I’m not going to stop you, but if you keep repeating that, you might really go to hell?”

Haa. The Copy Ego sighed and created a ball of fire.

“I won’t allow it. To be honest, I’m jealous, but it doesn’t seem right.”

There was a slight silence at the end of the Copy Ego’s words. She told herself not to worry about it, but it flashed through her mind with terrifying timing. The Copy Ego bit her lip and said in a pathetic voice.

“You have a kid now, are you really going to do that?”

Even if not that, didn’t you swear? Not to create a duplicate personality, and not to do anything that leads to real death. But she had already broken two of them. Even if she broke more now, there was no hope of change, but still. The Copy Ego crossed the line, but didn’t erase the line itself.

Yujin bowed her head again and muttered someone’s name. Aileen, Aileen… Aileen… The short three syllables that Yujin compulsively recited made the Copy Ego feel nostalgic.

“Is that your kid’s name?”

• Nod.

The trembling subsides as she nods her head. Yujin stood up with a face as gaunt as a drug addict. She casually snapped her fingers and created dry firewood. She even set up a diffusion prevention spell to prevent the fire from spreading in the room.

“Yujin.”

She asked, just in case. To the ‘real’ Yujin, not the fake one. She didn’t turn her head and just opened her mouth to answer.

“I won’t die.”

She would only use Reconstruction to exorcise him, as the Copy Ego suggested.

“Just throw the fireball. Let’s finish the rest quickly.”

* * *

The greatest danger of drugs is not the adverse effects or momentary pleasure. It’s the addiction. You know what will happen if you keep taking it, but you still reach out. It’s so terrible and terrible that it’s hard to escape on your own without someone’s help.

Honestly, the stimulation right before death was no different from usual. It was the same as when I was butchered by Count Bridonia and had my guts spilled out. But even then, it was like that. When I came back from the brink of death. I couldn’t forget that moment, and I kept having bad thoughts.

Just once. Should I do it just once more? Just once is enough. Not a lot, just once. But I held back. So I thought I could hold back this time too. But it wasn’t. It was on a different level. Every moment is a flashback when I open my eyes.

True death brought a rapture that could never be forgotten.

I died. I must have died for sure, but I’m alive. I was so happy about that fact. I had the illusion that my ugly and desperate efforts to live were rewarded. Even though I had the insurance of a dummy body, the tension didn’t fade.

That moment was real. It was like a drug. It reminds me of that moment and offers a strong temptation. It was so sweet that it was hard to forget, I really regretted it.

• Tadak, tadak…

I thought in the burning firewood.

If I keep doing this, I’m really fucked.

“Aaaagh――!!!”

The flesh melts. Red muscles took the place of where white skin should have been. But as time passed, new flesh grew. It was Reconstruction. I was going to keep melting and recovering until the vengeful spirit was exorcised and disappeared. It would take about ten minutes.

“Kkeueup――?!”

Of course, unbearable pain awaited me. It would have been less painful if all my nerve senses had died, but if the nerves came back to life during the Reconstruction process, hell would start again. Engulfed in flames, I screamed and struggled.

I focused all my strength to avoid being swept away by unconsciousness. I can’t forget that rapture, and even though I know that if I die now without a dummy body, it’s really the end, I’ll stop Reconstruction the moment I let my guard down.

“Ten minutes have passed. It’s over.”

As I was shaking off the hand of temptation, ten minutes had already passed. As a result of calling Granshel and checking, the vengeful spirit had disappeared as expected. Shuriel’s body was also improving. Now, if I do it a few more times, the ‘exorcism work’ will be over. The vengeful spirit attached to Pawin also needs to be exorcised, but it’s less than Shuriel, so it won’t be long if I use this method.

From now on, it was a matter of time. But it was hard to shake off the temptation with a ‘pretense’ that had no end.

Aileen, Aileen. The name of my daughter that I recite every time. She must be showing off her skills at the academy by now. A soft body hugging me with a bright smile, a body that has grown much bigger than me now. Just imagining that makes the corners of my mouth go up. The temptation to die like this even subsided with that warmth.

“…”

Ah, damn it. I should have found another way.

“All the vengeful spirits have been exorcised. I can’t believe this is possible… More than that, you. Yujin. How are you still okay after being subjected to such things? I personally want to study it.”

“…”

“…You don’t look okay. Your copy said to mind my own business, so I won’t interfere, but anyway. Now it’s okay to wake Shuriel up. Or you can move her as she is.”

Granshel used her shadow to lift Shuriel. I glanced at the floating Shuriel and bowed my head again. Organizing my thoughts was more important than talking right now. I solved Shuriel’s problem, so now only Pawin is left.

Unlike Shuriel, Pawin’s vengeful spirit doesn’t have deep resentment, so a ‘pretense’ is enough. The fact that the pretense is enough to kill an ordinary person is beside the point.

“Is this how I felt when I only said what I had to say? I need to refrain from doing that. It’s quite frustrating to feel it myself, isn’t it? It’ll be hard to fix since it’s a habit… but I’ll try.”

Should I try it one more time? No. I recall the Copy Ego’s words. ―If you keep repeating that, you might really go to hell. It’s not a figurative expression. Naraka (Hell). A pit of despair that you can never climb out of once you fall into it.

“Yes, Copy-ssi? What’s wrong?”

Should I ask Shuriel? At first, simply, by strangling her to death. It wouldn’t be bad to pile up dummy bodies and enjoy strangulation rape.

“You want to talk to a reindeer head?”

Piling up dummy bodies and experiencing continuous death… It seemed okay as long as it wasn’t a dramatic death. Like this time. If it’s a ‘relatively’ simple death, the stimulation might be less. If I raise the threshold all at once, something big will happen, so I’ll raise it gradually from the bottom.

Okay. I decided.

“…?”

But.

When I finished thinking and raised my head, there was no one in the room.

Not Granshel, not Shuriel.

“…Where did they go?”

And neither was the Copy Ego.