Letter of Recommendation (15)

“Did you use hypnosis or something?”

The Count’s first words were rational. Despite having the ideal he so desired placed right before his eyes, he didn’t rashly reach out, but instead showed a cautious demeanor.

As if wondering if eating it would cause problems.

As if wondering if it would one day return as a knife pointed at him.

However, the fact that he’s showing such a reaction even though I, the person in question, directly asked him to cook me-

“All of this is of my own volition, so please don’t worry.”

“Of your own volition, you say. People often overestimate the words that come from their own mouths.”

-He didn’t believe it.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’m asking if you can prove that your words and actions aren’t being manipulated.”

In short, he was asking if I was sold for money or brainwashed. I playfully waved my hand. Like a girl who heard a funny joke, I giggled and said.

“Eum, I hardly think there’s anyone who’d be manipulated into a situation like ‘be cooked alive.’ You know it too, don’t you, Count-nim? That this isn’t brainwashing or hypnosis or anything like that.”

Induced emotions are obvious. Hypnosis and brainwashing can’t express complex emotions. No matter how skilled one is at using evil magic, there’s bound to be a slight gap. The joy and delight that come from the heart are the kind that can’t be faked with such false emotions.

Of course, even I am just a con artist trying to deceive the Count-but the fact that a death wish faintly exists in the dark abyss of my heart was an undeniable truth.

So I could act even more perfectly.

They call it method acting.

Acting that merges with the role is what gives the audience chills.

The Count shuddered.

“Then why?”

However, the actions of a madman still leave questions. This perverted Count asked me for a reason, even though he knew he wouldn’t be understood himself.

“Does there necessarily have to be a reason?”

Like some clown burning down the city of bats, I could only say ‘just because.’

It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t understand why a mere fifteen-year-old girl is inviting death. It doesn’t matter if he thinks all of this is a lie and acting. Do I need someone else’s understanding for what I want? Truly, a madman is a being placed on a lonely desert, walking alone for a lifetime.

Therefore, the reason wasn’t an obstacle for me. If he doesn’t like it, I can just plan for another opportunity later.

“Drink it if you don’t like it.”

…Even if it’s not the Count.

Smiling brightly, I put on my clothes. I raised the corners of my lips while making a disappointed expression. As if thinking, ‘I failed again,’ I slumped down in a dispirited manner.

“…”

The Count glared at me and raised the corners of his lips. It was a familiar expression. This dispirited face resembled the expression the Count was making. The smile of someone who couldn’t cross the line.

He slowly got up from his seat and headed towards the pure white door.

The place he headed to was the cooking chamber. As the door opened, the cool and fishy wind unique to the kitchen seeped out. That chilly air came like a blade, piercing my skin. I let out a heated breath and rubbed my thighs.

Even though it’s acting, thanks to my masochistic tendencies that have fallen to rock bottom, I came at the right time. I could feel a clear, sticky liquid flowing between my legs. I’ve been relatively quiet dealing with various things, but… my trashy nature hasn’t gone anywhere. Actually, Sophia was just an excuse, wasn’t it just what I wanted to do? I can’t completely deny it.

The Count, about to enter the cooking chamber, heard a hot moan and turned his head. He said, looking at my vulgar appearance.

“…Tell the Red Witch to tell Erze to open the second drawer of the annex. All the necessary documents, including the recommendation letter, have been prepared, so take them and go back.”

Sophia made a surprised expression and closed her mouth.

She roughly knew the situation from what I had told her. But, she received the recommendation letter before anything even started. Sophia was relieved by the words ‘go back,’ but she desperately racked her brains, not knowing how to deal with this sudden situation. Her pupils trembled. The Count didn’t see it.

I preempted Sophia before she could stammer.

“Congratulations, Unni! Is there only one left now?”

“O-oh…”

Sophia swallowed hard and hesitated.

“Really, what are you doing not leaving quickly? I’m going to have a good time with the Count-nim, so hurry up and go.”

Giggling, I turned my back. For someone who’s about to become food waste, I was strangely energetic. However, it wasn’t an awkward energy that seemed like a defense mechanism. A natural smile. It was a smile that couldn’t come out if I felt even a little fear.

Sophia nodded and tried to turn her back.

“Wait.”

But.

The Count called her.

“I usually enjoy such special dishes alone… but I think I’d be willing to let you observe. It wouldn’t be bad to establish a relationship with a talent who will become a great aristocrat in the future.”

Fortunately, he didn’t become suspicious or anything. It was just a question of whether she would watch the cooking from the side.

It was a kind of ‘exchange.’ Putting aside the fact that it was a dissection show of butchering a human alive, this meant that he recognized me as a proper aristocrat, and that he recognized Yujin-the Red Witch-as ‘the same kind’ as himself.

“What do you think?”

If it were me, I would have nodded and happily watched. It’s not like my eyes would wear out from seeing it, and I wouldn’t feel any particular emotion from the cruel sight. But there was no way the faint-hearted Sophia would do that. She was already exhausted just from acting.

“I…”

Sophia hesitated. Her true feelings were full of wanting to refuse, but she was watching my reaction.

I secretly whispered through telepathy.

-Say you’ll wait here.

“…I’ll wait here.”

“You don’t enjoy cooking?”

“Yes. Unfortunately.”

“It might take a long time?”

“It’s, alright.”

“I’m sorry. I was being long-winded. Then, take the recommendation letter and go back.”

The Count turned his head, slightly disappointed.

Sophia was terrified that he would call her again and quickly left the dining room.

However, his interest had long returned to his lovely ingredient. I smiled shyly and headed to the cooking chamber.

* * *

The cooking chamber, which I entered through the pure white door, was full of pure white things, as much as the color of the door. Daring to express it, it was a snowfield. The tiles and walls, the cooking utensils, and even the knives used for handling were all pure white. The lighting was a bit dim, but it wasn’t noticeable because the color was bright.

I shivered in the cold air. I was already cold because I was only wearing underwear.

“Wow… it’s all pure white.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“To see the blood splattering properly?”

“I’m glad you understand.”

You’re quite the madman yourself. I only muttered inwardly and smiled brightly.

Seureung! The Count picked up a knife from the wall and checked the hardness and sharpness of the blade. The metallic sound of the blades colliding made my spine tingle and my neck feel chilly.

More than that, it’s a uniquely shaped knife. Boning knives focus more on ‘deboning’ than ‘chopping,’ so they’re thinner, finer, and longer than regular knives. It was similar to the knife used by the Demon chef Parsich.

-Peolleok. The Count put on a white apron that looked like it was only worn when butchering cows and asked.

“How did you come to have such thoughts?”

Why did I come to have such thoughts.

There were really, really many reasons why I fell to this state. When I was wandering around alone without a goal, I did a lot of extreme plays that crossed the line. But it’s different now. I have a goal, and my emotions have become more diverse. I even have something to protect. And now that I’ve even awakened to sadism, which is the complete opposite of my nature, if you ask why I’m doing this…

“It sounds really crazy, but I get excited when I self-harm or attempt suicide.”

I feel pleasure from pain.

It’s an undeniable fact.

When I couldn’t accept this fact. I regretted it every day with the same topic. If the first emotion I felt wasn’t pain. If it wasn’t the kind that destroys me. Yeah, if I had awakened to sadism instead. I wouldn’t have lived like this crazy bitch.

“Is this not your first time?”

“I don’t remember when it was. Was it when my father strangled me? Or when I was beaten to death for stealing bread on the street?”

“A tumultuous life.”

“Of course! It was a really tumultuous life. I also gambled on when a rotten rope would break when I hung myself, or I enjoyed the daze just before death by stabbing a knife into my wrist, or I deliberately fell from a high place to smash my body.”

“Hmm.”

The Count’s reaction was indifferent. We’re not in a relationship that needs mutual understanding. Therefore, the Count didn’t bring up the question of ‘why’ anymore. Instead, he just expressed his thoughts as they were.

“You managed to survive even after doing such things.”

“Because I had countermeasures. I guess I didn’t really want to die.”

“I won’t condemn you as a coward.”

I forgot I was acting at the confession mixed with sincerity. The corners of my lips, which I was forcibly raising, went down in an instant. It seemed too late to fix it already, so I looked at the Count’s reaction, but fortunately, it didn’t seem necessary to raise them again.

I immediately made an expression as cold as frost. The same face as usual. The vitality was gone from my eyes, and they became rotten, dead fish eyes, and the corners of my lips went down, piercing the floor, making me gloomy.

“…To invite death without hoping for salvation, and then to cling to life in an ugly way when death gets close, and to not forget that base pleasure and crawl back into the abyss again.”

I muttered to myself, regardless of whether the Count was listening or not.

“Well… I got tired of even that and came here. Do you perhaps hate people like me? If so, I might be so sad that I’ll commit suicide.”

“Of course not. Are you saying that even after receiving the Vice Tower Master’s recommendation letter just four days ago?”

“It hurts more to fall from a high place. Eum, but it’s still a waste. Astra, and becoming the Vice Tower Master-nim’s disciple, too. If I wasn’t so messed up, at least, more than now. I could have lived properly. Haha.“

Is this acting, or is it my true feelings? The dry laughter that leaked out at the end might be sincere.

“Do you regret it?”

“…Not at all.”

As I reflected on how disgusting I was, self-loathing boiled over. The thought of cutting the chain link and really dying came to mind from time to time. My mind is being polluted. I need to meet Shuriel quickly if I get the recommendation letter. I need to remember the reason why I have to live so I can do something.

At that time, the sound of a turning iron wheel lingered in my ears. As I turned my head at the sound of the clanging, clanging, I saw a hook used to hang meat. I stopped my negative thoughts and asked the Count.

“Can I hang myself there?”

“Can you hang yourself? You have to hang yourself upside down with a hook on your ankle.”

“There’s nothing I can’t do.”

I chuckled and untied my underwear straps. My small breasts and tightly closed private parts were exposed. The Count held his breath and lowered the hook rope, and I approached the hook with graceful movements.

A sharp iron needle that would draw blood even if you just touched it with your fingertips. I stabbed the hook into my ankle without any hesitation.

“Eugeuk…”

-Pusyuk…!

An undeniable amount of blood flowed out. I gritted my teeth and hooked the other ankle as well. It was like being caught on a fishing hook. The Count immediately pulled the rope. Deureureureuk! As the pulley was pulled, my body was pulled up in an instant.

“Akeup.”

I made a strange moan and was pulled by the rope, and hung upside down on the meat rack as it was. The Count, seen upside down. He massaged my arms and calves and said.

“As time passes, blood will rush to your head and it will be difficult to think. Is there anything you want?”

“Haa… Heu, heueu… Want, anything?”

“I’ll cook you as you wish. You can say anything.”

“As you, wish. Haeu, keup…”

“I understand.”

The Count’s cooking was immediate.

The start was the biceps brachii. The Count, holding a boning knife, estimated the thickness of the muscle and fat layers, and then cut the skin as it was. The skin with the bright yellow fat layer attached split to both sides. I widened my eyes at the pain of my arm being torn and screamed.

“Ageuk, keuheup――?!!”

“Thin. Thin and soft. This is the first time I’ve had such a wonderful ingredient.”

“Aheu, heup… I’m glad, keuheu… you like, heueu…”

“I recommend saving your words.”

The Count chuckled as he looked at the vaginal fluid flowing between my private parts. The words that I get excited by pain weren’t a lie. Seeing that I’m still reacting even though my body has changed, I wonder if my soul is rotten. I accepted the Count’s touch with self-deprecation.

I forcibly awakened my fading mind and looked at my arm being dissected in real time. All the skin on my right arm, except for the forearm, was peeled off. The bright red muscle was exposed. I frowned at the intense smell of blood that stung my nose and gasped for breath.

“Ah, eu…”

I couldn’t use Reconstruction, so I was short on blood. My mind is fading. The Count’s face, seen through my blurred vision, looked happier than ever. I can say with certainty that I’ve never seen the Count so happy, and it was a smile that will never be again.

He said in a voice full of joy.

“If possible, I’m thinking of cooking it while maintaining its original shape. The arm will be separated into the forearm and upper arm, and fingers, and made into grilled, crust, and skewers respectively, and the leg will be roasted whole from the ankle to the calf, and the thigh will be cut into five equal parts in a circular shape and grilled as steak.”

“E, eu…?”

“The torso will be cut open between the breasts to remove the intestines, and then the ribs will be cut into pieces and grilled, and the remaining intestines will be finely ground and made into hamburger. The head… will be cut off, smoked, and used as a decoration.”

Was death coming this quickly? Since I wasn’t using Reconstruction, my mind was already creaking. It was just my right arm, but I couldn’t hear the Count’s words well. I made a bizarre expression with pain and pleasure mixed together and convulsed my body. The flowing vaginal fluid slid down my stomach and reached my face.

“Aaa, eup. Heugeut…”

From some point on, my body gradually became lighter. As soon as I checked the remaining blood flow, my left arm was cut off. At this point, I had lost my language ability and was only repeating meaningless babbling. My mind was working perfectly, but my body had lost its function and wouldn’t move as I wanted. Helplessness, despair. As death approached, the longing senses that I hadn’t felt for a while began to bloom again. The faint memories of that time when I was struggling to maintain this worm-like lifeline.

“Ahhieueuk――?!!!!”

At that moment.

A saw blade came into my chest, forcing its way through the flesh. Deudeudeuk!! The bones and muscles were cut, and the belly skin split. The intestines inside the torn stomach were turned over and poured out. Bright red liquid gushing from my throat. It was the limit now. It’s a miracle I didn’t die from shock.

“Kkeuheup, eup…”

I looked at the Count, spitting out blood. I struggled to roll my faint eyes, which were losing vitality, and looked at the Count cutting my stomach. Even that was only for a few seconds because my intestines were pouring out from under my face, but he was smiling. Just like I’m smiling now, he was wearing a bright smile.