Kim Ji-hye (6)

,So, what’s the matter? Is it something we can talk about before dinner?”

,Well… it might take a little longer than that, is it okay if we talk before eating?”

,Sounds like it’s going to be quite long. I don’t know what you want to talk about, but if it’s too long, we won’t be able to eat, so keep it brief. If you’re just going to talk about Seon-ho, why did Ji-hye come along?”

That was a sharp observation.

Ji-hye, who was at her own house, was naturally sitting comfortably, but she kept glancing at Mom and me.

Since I just asked her not to get involved, she must feel twice as burdened.

,I came up because I have something to talk about too.”

,Both of you together? Uh… if you’re both going to talk about the same thing, just have one person speak. Your mom is getting old and can’t remember well if two people talk at the same time.”

,Don’t worry, Oppa will speak on our behalf.”

Ji-hye said loudly to Mom, who was doing some simple prep work in the kitchen.

Mom looked over at us and nodded, making sure we could see her even from a distance.

,Ha… am I even alive? I feel like my heart is going to explode.”

,You’re not dead yet, so stop talking nonsense and speak properly.”

,Am I really not dead? I feel like I’m going to disappear because my heart is exploding, why am I not dying?”

,What am I supposed to do if you die here?”

,Please, just live on your own.”

,Do you want to die, really?”

,Can’t you two stop fighting even when you’re old? Stop fighting and talk about whatever it is. Isn’t it important?”

Mom, having finished the simple preparations, sat down at the low table in front of the sofa and looked at us.

Mom’s expression was endlessly bright, seeing her children after a long time.

The problem was that the thought that this bright expression could be shattered, and the pressure, brought back the tension that had barely been relieved.

,Uh… Mom, that’s…”

,Yes?”

,That… that’s actually quite important, you see.”

,Tell me. As long as it’s not something like you hit someone, I can understand everything.”

Mom is smiling, and Ji-hye is quietly fidgeting with her hands next to her.

I’m suffocating and can’t even open my mouth, just moving my lips, but Mom is smiling and looking at me.

That expression that says she can understand everything, no matter how important it is.

Is it okay for me to shatter that?

Even if it’s for happiness, is it okay to drive a stake through Mom’s heart?

Ji-hye helped me one last time as I hesitated, unable to utter the final words.

,…”

Ji-hye grabbed my trembling hand without a word.

Even though she was shaking a little herself, she must have thought I was shaking quite a bit.

The idiot who had been putting on a show of doing it alone until just now was gone, and only the guy who could only do something with his younger sister’s help remained.

,Hoo…”

This time, I have to do it alone.

Even though the face of Mom, who is looking at me with a smile, will crumble.

Really, this time, it was something I had to say alone.

,Mom.”

As I slowly pushed Ji-hye’s hand away, Ji-hye let go with a rustling sensation.

,Yes?”

,…I’m going to marry Ji-hye.”

,…Yes?”

,I said I’m going to marry Ji-hye.”

,…Yes??”

The smiling expression on Mom’s face began to disappear.

Like an actor changing expressions in a play, her face began to freeze over, and I drove in the final wedge.

,Ji-hye is pregnant with my child, so I’m going to take responsibility. That’s why I came to tell you we’re getting married.”

With the final wedge, Mom’s expression was colder than the Ice Queen as she looked at me.

Rather, that gaze, staring blankly at me without any reaction, was chilling.

It would have been better if she had just hurled a curse at me.

…Save me.

I had to face the terror before me, shouting it thousands of times in my heart.

–

,Your father had an affair, and you two are marrying each other as siblings?”

A voice flowed from her expressionless face.

Fortunately, I didn’t feel the terrifying sense of being devoured, so I was able to suppress the fear within me.

,It’s allowed by law, and Ji-hye is pregnant. I’m going to take responsibility.”

,Responsibility, huh? Well, I’m glad you’re not like your father, abandoning your children.”

That wasn’t it. Mom’s words that followed immediately pierced my heart more smoothly and sharply than an ice pick.

,Did you think everything through before saying that? Ji-hye is pregnant, and you came to talk about it without thinking ahead?”

A direct hit. I was momentarily speechless at the unexpected direct hit.

,…I’m grateful you came to tell me. If you had suddenly come later after having the baby and said it was my grandchild, Mom would have died of shock.”

,It’ll get found out even if we hide it…”

,From the moment you came to tell me so confidently, my permission is just a formality, isn’t it?”

Another direct hit. It’s not like we wouldn’t do it if she objected.

,Even if I object here, you two will just go down and register the marriage, and Mom will just be made a fool and you’ll live together. If you don’t even need permission, why did you come?”

,Because you’re Mom.”

,Because I’m your mom, you have to tell me?”

,That’s right.”

,Then you could have just called. This mom feels like her insides are burning just looking at you two.”

I felt my insides burning as she said those words with an expressionless face.

Maybe it’s because she’s the mom who raised us, but she knew the situation for sure.

That we came to get permission that was half just for show. That we basically came to say something on the level of just having to tell her, everything.

,…No, then there’s no point in telling you.”

,It’s the same whether you tell me on the phone or in person. What do you mean there’s no point?”

…Say what you need to say, Kim Seon-ho.

If I can’t convince her here, both my and Ji-hye’s lives will be dark.

Even if we can’t get our parents’ blessing, we shouldn’t get their curse.

I took a breath, quickly organized my thoughts, and opened my mouth.

,I came to tell you, in the sense of asking you to give Ji-hye to me, because I’m going to take responsibility for her.”

,…Anyone would think you’re saying, ‘Please give me your daughter, Mother.'”

,That’s right.”

At my firm answer, Mom let go of the hand that had been propping up her chin.

Then she sat up straight and looked at me.

As if to say, “Let’s see you give a proper greeting.” With the feeling of a picky mother-in-law from a drama.

I responded by getting off the sofa, kneeling down, and bowing my head with a table between us.

,Mother, it’s true that this son has committed an act he shouldn’t have.”

I bowed my head for the big bow, but the oppressive feeling on the back of my head was so fierce.

This sensation that feels like my heart will stop from fear at any moment. But if I couldn’t even say these words and tried to get permission, wouldn’t that be highway robbery?

I’m a different guy than before.

Right now, Kim Seon-ho isn’t asking Mom for her daughter as a son, but has to ask for permission from the perspective of a man asking for her daughter.

,But this son likes Ji-hye. I will take responsibility.”

My voice trembled.

Neither Ji-hye nor Mom made any noise.

It’s been decades since I’ve used such awkward honorifics, but right now, rather than being ashamed, I swallowed the resentment rising from within and raised my head.

,Please let me marry Ji-hye. I beg you.”

I met Mom’s eyes.

Unlike the cold and lifeless eyes until just now, she was looking at me with eyes that had come back to life.

But unlike that vitality, there was also a coldness contained within.

The sharp sensation of an ice pick, as if it would pierce through my eyes at any moment, pressed down on me.

This time, I didn’t avoid it and faced it head-on.

,I got a job and I’m working smoothly.”

Just the fact that Mom wasn’t making any objections, I thought it wasn’t at least negative, and continued to speak.

,I also have an additional side job in preparation for any unforeseen circumstances. Of course, it’s not going smoothly, but still, it’s enough to eat for a month.”

,So?”

I drove in the final wedge with that short word.

,The son who used to laze around at home is gone now, so I can take responsibility for at least one person. So I’m going to get married. Please allow me to marry her!”

Before an answer could be heard, I grabbed Ji-hye’s arm, who was still sitting on the sofa.

Ignoring her face, which was dyed bright red, I pulled her into my arms and hugged her.

It was an act that could have made her shout, “What are you doing in front of Mom?”, but Mom ignored it even after looking at me.

And my resolve was firm.

She’s my woman. She’s carrying my child, and even though she’s my younger sister, she’s my woman.

After hugging Ji-hye, who was struggling in my arms in confusion, and meeting Mom’s gaze for a long time, the silence ended with Mom’s words.

,Ugh… I should just die from suffering, Mom really. Why are you getting permission just like your father…”

,Just like him? What are you talking about?”

,…Sigh.”

She sighed deeply and covered her forehead.

I had never seen her like that even when I was lazing around at home all day, so I was just filled with the thought of, “Why?”

Ji-hye, who had buried her face in my arms and covered her ears, I thought she covered her ears well at times like this.

I put my hand on top of Ji-hye’s hand to make sure her ears were covered properly, and then asked Mom, who was just sighing, again.

,What do you mean by ‘just like him’? Do you mean the way he got permission was the same?”

,…Wait a moment.”

Mom looked at me for a moment, then got up from her seat and headed to her room.

I was worried that she was going to bring a club from the master bedroom, so I kept my guard up while wrapping my arms around Ji-hye.

But unexpectedly, what Mom was holding in her hand was an old, worn-out book.

It was a book with an old atmosphere, like the so-called ‘family register’ that I had only seen in photos or videos.

,Take a look.”

,What is this?”

,You’ll know when you read it. Just don’t regret it.”

At Mom’s words, I slowly opened the book.

As I turned the old book page by page, so old that the edges would tear if I gave it a little force, I saw my name, which was familiar even in Chinese characters.

Since the culture of writing names in Chinese characters is still remaining when writing names in resumes or official places, I knew at least my name.

,’There’s nothing strange? Next to it must be Ji-hye, why did she tell me to look at this?’

Unable to feel anything strange, I was about to close it when I looked for the person above me, that is, Dad.

Since Korea falls under the paternal bloodline, it’s natural that Dad is there, and even after seeing that, I didn’t feel anything particularly strange.

There’s nothing wrong with Dad’s either, what exactly did Mom tell me to look at?

,What’s strange is…”

What was strange was right next to Dad’s name.

Clearly, the place where the names of uncles or aunts, etc., should be written.

Since Mom usually comes to Dad from another family, she wouldn’t be registered in the family register.

,……”

,Do you see it now?”

,…W, why is Mom’s name here…?”

The name of the uncle who should have been next to Dad was one space away.

And the other names were next to it, but right next to Dad, there was a familiar name that I also knew.

[Kim Si-ye], that was Mom’s name.