It’s harder to forgive than to apologize. (2)

It goes without saying that asking for forgiveness requires sincerity. Personally, I think it also requires courage.

Because it involves directly admitting and confessing to others the mistakes or ‘sins’ you have committed.

Even if this world were to end, I would end up cursing and swearing at myself, even though I should be on my side.

“Really… I was wrong. Ugh… “

When I see her suddenly changing the mood and raising her voice as if she is about to cry at any moment, I wonder how she was able to play around like before with such emotions and feelings.

Or maybe it was her last gasp.

Just before creating this situation, I was tense… I was trying to maintain my composure so as not to lose my resolve.

“Nora, don’t do this… I told you to talk.”

And that pattern of tantrums, whatever it might have been like for Nora, worked perfectly for me.

This isn’t about forgiving Nora or anything.

What I’m saying is that my complacent thoughts that we would have a frank conversation in a pleasant atmosphere were completely shattered.

What I lacked was… it was still ‘me’.

“Really, I’m sorry… I can’t accept your forgiveness… but really… !!”

Moreover, this situation is really not what I wanted.

Because I’ve never once wanted her, the main character and sub-heroine of this world, to suffer regret and ruin because of me.

If that was what I wanted, I would have run away from the kingdom, spread my name everywhere, bragged about how great I was, used cheats, and reached out here and there, starting with the princess’s work and ending with the events that would occur in the kingdom, and I would have handled everything on my own.

But I didn’t do that.

What I’m saying is that I genuinely didn’t want to make her regret it.

No, this is also a coward’s cowardly excuse.

“Nora, get up. First, put on some clothes and tell me what to do… “

“Ugh… I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry… The dark magic research club that I, we were trying to create was full of demons, and the students that made Rudis drop out were either related to the demons or enemies who were after ‘us’… !! You made me deal with all those people by myself, and yet you shamelessly only looked at the data Albert made, and even gave false testimony about things you’d never actually seen, and even got me expelled from the kingdom… !!”

“Calm down. No, it’s not your fault… “

It’s my fault for refusing to go with the flow of this world.

I saved their harsh childhood with only hypocrisy, and at the end, when things got twisted up to the point where I complied with the life-threatening quest that came to mind, I abandoned them and the main characters.

I was the one who ran away without taking responsibility for my actions, saying that I was a third-rate villain and that it was okay, without caring about what would happen next.

The low-level demons who entered the Black Magic Research Lab were originally the ones Nora was supposed to deal with.

And, it was the material that threatened the Black Magic Tower that was barely completed without me, as an incident related to black magic occurred at the Academy.

But I twisted the story… I sorted it out first.

I decided that there was no need to pour anger, hatred, and meaningless blood on Nora.

And the same goes for the children of noble families connected to the demons who would harass them.

Originally, it was going to be a story of Ellis, whose mother was murdered by the Demons, learning about them and going berserk, swinging her sword out of hatred, and controlling that hatred and anger, which would have been an opportunity for her to grow.

But I also stopped this. I didn’t want Ellis, who hadn’t lost her mother, to have a hard time, consumed by unnecessary anger and hatred.

Even without that, I was confident that they were all kids who could grow properly… while attending the academy.

I arbitrarily abbreviate the story where the main characters have to grow while overcoming sadness, hardship, despair, anger, and adversity.

And I consoled myself by saying that I had made other arrangements to help them grow.

This is enough, this is enough for the kids to grow up well.

The result of such complacent judgment is the current situation.

-Keep going.

He grabbed Nora’s arms a little too tightly and helped her up, as she looked like she might collapse and start sobbing at any moment.

No, I’m the one who should be apologizing here right now.

I never intended to cause you such regret and exhaustion. This is all… my fault for planning with my less than third-rate intellect.

“Ugh! Rudisuuu… “

“Stop. Don’t cry. Why are you crying with your pretty face after washing it cleanly? Okay, so won’t you listen to what I have to say?”

“… Sniff! Nod.”

The act of asking for forgiveness must include sincerity and requires courage.

And right now, the person who needs courage more than anyone else is me.

Not this little black sorcerer who has done nothing wrong but is crying with his forehead pressed against the floor, afraid that he will not be forgiven by me.

Because I was the ‘perpetrator’ who had to apologize to her for making her regret and suffer after being caught in a complacent manner within a quarter of falling into that easygoing plan at the time.

Please, I hope that the country can be a great apologist who can relieve the burden on her heart.

“Nora, I’ll explain everything. First of all… The reason I did that at the Academy was because I wanted you to become stronger. You may think I’m talking nonsense, but I wanted you, including Ellis, to become stronger through steady training in a safe space. Of course, the things I did in the process are all my own doing, and there’s no room for excuses. Oh, and I didn’t really peek into the women’s bathroom. “

Here, I bring up the story of your past life. I knew that you were characters in a novel and that you would have a hard time, so I looked after you.

If you explain it like this, there’s no way Nora, who is currently very emotional, will be able to accept it.

Rather, he might think that I’m trying to pass it off as a joke, or that I’m deliberately pushing him away to distance myself.

At least, if I were in Nora’s shoes, I would immediately slam level 3 magic into the mouth of the perpetrator who said such things.

“Sniff, you want me to…become stronger?”

“Yeah. As you said, there were a lot of low-level demons hiding in the Frisian Royal Academy last year. Furthermore, some of the nobles kept getting involved with the demons. But, as you know, I’m pretty good at controlling my magic, right? So I noticed most of them, but I had no way of explaining this to anyone else. On the contrary, if I made this public, they might use my family’s support to politically attack our Black Tower, so I felt like there would be no answer. So… I went around harassing you guys and beating up the demons in such an stupid way. Haa… Even I think this is a really ridiculous excuse, but do you understand? “

“Nod. Sniff!”

It was an excuse that seemed ridiculous even to me, but her navy blue eyes began to take on the light of a believer listening to a pastor.

Ha, so that’s why pseudo-science doesn’t disappear?

“But this, as I dealt with it alone, I started making mistakes in the preemptive strike more and more. You said you noticed it too, but weren’t there some innocent students among the ones I kicked out?”

“… Nod. It was there. Sniff. “

In fact, they weren’t innocent, they were just assholes who became demon believers and participated in the academy terror event at the end of the first year.

Of course, you might ask if it makes sense to catch criminals before they commit a crime, but after entering the academy, they were jealous of the fact that Ellis, a commoner, and Nora, a black magician, were getting along well with Raoul, the child of a powerful noble family, and Albert, the crown prince, thanks to their skills, so they were idiots who planned to harm them in some way without caring about the damage to those around them.

I only managed to destroy it at the planning stage, but anyway, before the bastards disappeared before the academy terror attack, I was able to somehow prevent a major incident with just my two arms and magic circuits.

Nora will probably judge those people as innocent.

“That’s right. At the time, I was dealing with the demons, the nobles, and the children of the old farts, so my head was racing, and so I instinctively responded more aggressively to you, Raoul, and Ellis Albert, who kept nagging at me. What should I say? I moved them with a hero mentality without any reward, and I guess I just resented you for nothing… ?”

“Sniff…! Me too… sniff! That’s what I would have done. If those weak, ignorant idiots kept tripping me up, I would have really wanted to throw them over.”

I didn’t really mean it like that.

As expected, Nora, who unconditionally took my side regardless of the content of the conversation or the order of events, seemed to be beautifying my actions in her head.

This is really complicated. I feel like I’ve fooled an innocent girl.

“Anyway, that’s what I’m saying. You may have more questions, but right now, your recovery comes first. So don’t cry, don’t get too excited, get well soon, and then we’ll talk again. Okay?”

“… Yeah.”

“Yes, and… I’m really sorry too. No matter the outcome, I made a mistake of not trusting you, my teacher and sister. If I had just had a little more courage back then and told you the truth, it wouldn’t have come to this.”

Of course I couldn’t tell her, but anyway, now that it’s all been discovered, I need to apologize to her properly and ask for her forgiveness.

The apology she seeks from me is a misunderstanding that arose from my fault, but it is I, a third-rate villain, who has caused her such a misery.

“Sniff…! Then, Rudis forgives me?”

“Hey, where did you get the forgiveness and sleep? I’m just grateful to my sister who believed in me and followed me here. Instead, will you forgive me?”

“Yeah… I’m not mad at Rudis. Rather, I’m sorry, I was too weak… I was no help, you terrible sister… “

“No! It’s over now. You can’t apologize. If you apologize any more, I won’t answer your questions the next time we meet?”

“Huh?!”

It was really cute how Nora covered her mouth in surprise at my words.

This is not a nagging heroine who would always curse at me, but a friendly sister who would come to mind as she was saved by the teacher and me and would chase after the Lord of the Tower and her brothers.

-Slurp.

“Hehehe… “

“Thank you. And I’m really sorry. I tried not to make it difficult for you, but I ended up burdening you more.”

“Dori dori!”

When I talk to her while gently stroking her forehead like I used to, Nora shakes her head as if she strongly disagrees with what I say. But she doesn’t open her mouth as if she’s about to apologize again.

Seriously, I came back from a really long way just because of that damn quest.

‘… No, it’s just because I’m a coward.’

After completing the quest that put my life on the line, I should have taken steps to prevent this situation from ever happening again.

Even though I had the luxury of doing so, it was my choice to stay away from those who were in charge of the main flow of this world.

In the end, the quest was just an excuse, and the truth is that I was an idiot.

“Phew. Anyway, since the misunderstanding has been resolved, let’s go back to how we were before we entered the academy. Okay? “

“Yeah!”

I couldn’t help but smile like a father when I saw Nora, who had been crying until just a moment ago, smiling happily at my answer.

Seriously, how much longer are you going to be deceived by me? But, this bastard Albert, his cock fell off and he was brought to the temple, so why the hell isn’t he showing his face and acting like this…

-Drunk!

“?!”

“Huh?”

It was clearly the door that Nora had locked, so why did it open without any resistance?

Nora and I looked in surprise at the person who opened the recovery room door.

…oh my.

“Ask the urgent questions first.”

“… What is it?”

“Were the relationships between the priests, disciples, and sisters in your Black Tower originally this chaotic?”

“”?””

The strongest man in this world who appears as if even a locked door has no meaning. Clark Theodore, the Lord of the Imperial Tower.

He moved his lips, glaring at Nora and me, who did not understand what he was saying, with a look that seemed genuinely contemptuous.

“This is a church where urgent patients are brought in. This is not a motel where you can take off your clothes and do your best to make babies.”

“”Ah.””

A man taking off his shirt.

A woman who just got up from a dogeza party wearing a disheveled shirt that shows off her panties and bra, with her bottoms missing.

“Hiccup… !”

“Nora and I don’t have that kind of relationship… !”

Since those two people were in the recovery room, which was a sealed room, my words had no power in front of the wizard.