Interlude – Mirabilis

The knife flashed like the tooth of a beast, grazing the chest of the maid who attended me. From the blade that had brushed past his chest, red liquid dripped in droplets. The smell of blood, gushing out like coagulated blood, rode the wind and permeated my nostrils with a fishy tang.

It felt like beetles were flitting back and forth in my eyes. I couldn’t turn my head. I couldn’t even scream. He didn’t even bandage the wound, just shouted, “I’m not hurt!” and clung to the man who looked more like a starving beast than a person, fighting a battle he couldn’t win.

Serina, one of the few maids who had served me for a long time. The daughter of a petty, fallen family who had grown up in the common world without the proper upbringing for a noble. Truly, she didn’t suit the Rose Palace. I understood why Mullaba accepted such people as maids, but I couldn’t help but feel dissatisfied.

But looking at Serina, I could no longer demean the other maids just because they were from fallen nobility. If I looked down on them, Serina would also become a lowly being. I didn’t want him to leave my side. Just seeing his face and hearing his voice made my heart flutter as if I had been locked up for a long time and was finally going for a walk.

Even if he were to leave the palace now, I would want to tearfully stop him with my own hands. But why, without any martial arts training, would Serina stubbornly grapple with a madman in a fight he couldn’t win? No one expects that kind of role from you; you could just avoid getting hurt like the other maids.

Maids and court ladies crowded around, forcibly trying to push me inside the Rose Palace. Pushed by them, I went, “Euh,” and entered the building, but I ordered them to get away from me. The maids and court ladies flinched and took their hands off me, but Miella spoke to me in a tearful tone, “Princess-nim.”

“It’s dangerous now. Please take care of your body, hasoseo.”

But I shook my head.

“Serina is alone outside. I should be by his side, at least.”

Then Miella flinched. I heard he had been close to Serina among the maids for a long time. I didn’t want anyone in the Rose Palace to be closer to Serina than I was. When I looked straight at Miella, he closed his mouth, wondering what he was thinking, and blinked for a long time. He parted his lips with difficulty, his eyes bloodshot.

“I understand, saobnida.”

Miella stepped aside, opening up a little space. Alika, was it? The other court ladies also opened the way little by little, and I was barely able to get back outside.

As soon as I came back outside, the sight of Serina getting hit in the head by the man’s palm and bouncing away was etched in my eyes. His slender body, which looked no different from mine, fell to the ground and looked as miserable as a doll abandoned after a festival. Why did I have to witness such a sight? If something bad happens to you… As soon as that thought crossed my mind, a dizzying thrill made me gasp. My chest ached as if it would burst.

“Mirabilis-nim, you shouldn’t come out, anidoeobnida!”

Thanks to Mullaba’s shout, which rang in my head like thunder, I was barely able to shake off the deep anxiety that had gripped my heart. Yes, the head court lady’s words are reasonable. There’s no need for me to step in in this situation. Rather, I should avoid it. But… but I didn’t want to avoid it. If Serina risked danger for me, I should do this much for him. If I wasn’t willing to do even this much, it felt like the person named Serina was being degraded within me.

“But Mullaba, Serina is hurt.”

My mouth opened on its own, and Mullaba raised his wrinkled eyes at the sound that came out. He seemed deeply dissatisfied, but in the end, the head court lady also opened the way for me.

Serina was lying on the ground, and the man who had tried to attack me was surrounded by soldiers and being beaten with spears as if they were catching a rat. Serina’s blood fell on the grass, soaking the ground in droplets. The red and blue colors intersecting looked like a crossroads where life and death crossed paths.

I calmly knelt down next to Serina and held his hand tightly. His blood stained the maid’s uniform I was wearing and slowly seeped in, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t as rough and calloused as the hands of knights or warriors who did rough work, but it was rougher than my hands. His life, which had boiled over as he stood against the assailant who had tried to attack me, was conveyed to me like the warmth fading in my hand. I held Serina’s hand tightly, as if trying to trap even his body temperature.

‘Don’t leave me.’

Tears welled up in my eyes. Holding Serina’s hand, I bit my lip and gasped for breath. Just seeing the raw flesh of the wound on his chest felt like the inside of my eyelids was being sharply pierced.

Feeling hot droplets flowing down my cheeks, I slowly bent down and kissed my maid’s forehead. Dewy sweat beaded on his forehead and clung to my lips. I tried to keep his salty taste in my mouth for as long as possible.

********

I was restless and worried, so I couldn’t sleep properly. There had only been two times when I hadn’t been able to sleep like this since I called Serina in to help me sleep well. The night I threw a hot teacup at him and last night. No matter how hard I tried to close my eyes while hugging the wall on the bed, I couldn’t stand the sight of Serina being stabbed in front of me.

I couldn’t even bring myself to drink alcohol, so I spent the whole night tossing and turning, and finally fell asleep near the end of the night. As dawn broke, a maid woke me up. As the curtain of night was lifted, I opened my eyes, still drowsy from sleep. Beyond the dim dawn light, the maid who was waking me up looked like a black shadow doll with no eyes, nose, or mouth.

“Serina?”

In my hazy mind, I brought a familiar name to the tip of my tongue. Then the shadow seemed to flinch.

“I am Miella, Princess-nim.”

A somewhat familiar voice rang in my ears. Then my sleep-addled mind snapped awake, and embarrassment washed over me. I didn’t show it and answered casually, as if nothing had happened.

“Yes, he’s in the treatment room now. I was flustered and called Serina out of habit, so don’t worry about it.”

As my eyes got used to the light, the features of the person-shaped shadow gradually came to life. The white collar of the maid’s uniform, which I had seen countless times, also came into view. But the more my eyes regained their strength, the more I realized that the person in front of me was not Serina, and I felt empty and disappointed. Miella stared at me as if he was spaced out for some reason, but when I asked, “Is there anything else?” he panicked and hurriedly stepped back.

I barely ate breakfast when Mechio reported that ‘Serina has regained consciousness and there are no major problems.’ The moment I heard his words, the chain of anguish that had captured my heart snapped lightly, as if it were nothing. It felt like the anguish I had suffered last night was just a nightmare. The words “That’s a relief” popped out of my mouth on their own, and even I could feel the relief in my tone.

After receiving the report that Serina was safe, Mullaba asked me if I should continue the Health and Wellness Festival. But if Serina’s symptoms weren’t serious, there was no need to be afraid. Yes, I nodded to myself, thinking that Serina would have acted like me for sure.

“Mullaba, there’s no need to do that. If only the Rose Palace suspends the event, the palace people will be disappointed and others may look down on me. I’ll do it as scheduled, so tell the palace people to enjoy the festival.”

The head court lady answered, “I understand, saobnida,” but I thought I saw a faint surprise and delight flitting across his eyes. Did Mullaba think I would suspend all the events? A question flickered in my mind, but I soon brushed it aside. What’s important to me today is something else. I have to visit Serina.

I called the maids and got dressed. As I was wondering what to wear, I suddenly remembered that he had recommended black clothes to me before, so I chose that outfit. But since I wasn’t going to pay my respects to a dead person, I couldn’t wear all black. I wore a belt embroidered with gold thread and deliberately wore earrings decorated with deep green stones. There was no need to wear a formal dress, but I still had to be dignified.

Outside the window, the voices of the palace people, excited by the festive atmosphere, flowed in, chattering. At first, it sounded awkward to me, but as time passed, it gradually became a natural joy. I went to the window and looked outside. In my eyes, the round, pebble-like heads of people were gathered below, rolling around, ttektegul-ttektegul. I was with them yesterday, too. But that noisy place like a marketplace is not where I belong now.

How can I express the feelings I have for him?

Serina’s image comes to mind. He’s about the same height as me, isn’t he? His build is similar to mine, although he’s a bit more fleshy. He’s healthy and lively. Black hair, brown eyes. Unlike me, his colors are deep. If I dyed my hair black, could I become like Serina? Did the air outside the palace, which I thought was vulgar, make Serina strong?

When I recall his voice, I suddenly feel a strange joy. To me, it sounds as if a rich fragrance, like butter freshly melted in hot heat, is infused in the sound he makes. I hadn’t realized it, but I seemed to have been secretly happy and enjoying Serina’s appearance and voice all along. Now that I can’t see him, I feel the difference anew. Like a small spring that quenches my thirst, I relied on Serina for so much. I want to see him, I want to hear him, and I want to touch him.

Come to think of it, I’ve never thanked Serina before. Even after going out and returning with him, I would just wash myself lightly and fall asleep. I must remember to tell him this time. What should I say? I was lost in thought for a long time.

“Amica…”

(Friend…)

I was startled when I realized the word that had suddenly flowed out of my mouth. I am a princess and Serina is a maid and a fallen noble, so can I call him ‘friend’? Can I think of him as a friend? Would he also sincerely acknowledge me as a ‘friend’?

“Serina Rantallum.”

I slowly called his name, including his family name. Rantallum, I don’t like it. It makes me feel like Serina isn’t my person.

“Serina.”

I called only his name. I feel much better. Even the syllables of the sounds containing e, i, and a seem to be smiling and dancing on my lips. I’ve called it countless times, but I’ve never paid attention to the ‘name’ itself.

Serina.

It’s a vulgarized form of Serenos, an ancient word meaning ‘clean, quiet.’ It’s so common that even commoners use it, so it can’t be said to be a particularly beautiful or elegant name. But when I think of it as his name, the sound that my tongue creates suddenly seems to spread with a truly pure resonance, just like its meaning.

I recited his name aloud several times. Every time I thought of him and pronounced his name, I felt as if the syllables were seeping into my body with a gentle resonance, and a secret joy welled up and moistened my heart.

“Serina, amica Mirebileis.”

(Serina, friend of Mirabilis)

I like it a little more, but it’s still not enough.

“Serina, amica carisema Mirabileis Reginas Awimicanas.”

(Serina, dearest friend of Princess Awimica Mirabilis)

I like it much better. I’m not a princess yet, but since I’m just saying it to myself, it’s okay to exaggerate and show off a little, right? Rather than modifying him with the family name ‘Rantallum,’ I want to mix in my name and call him. He’s my person. I really like the expression Mirabileis (of Mirabilis). My person, my thing, my friend who won’t leave me.

I was thinking about the word amica (friend) for a long time when it suddenly occurred to me that it was derived from amo (to love). ‘Friend’ is also indirectly related in meaning to the word amatrics (lover).

When I reached this thought, I suddenly felt the blood rushing to my face. It was burning hot, as if I was intoxicated with embarrassment. When I put my finger on my cheek, it was so hot that it felt like I would get burned. It’s not like we’re in a daesik relationship, but women being lovers with each other. Serina and I are not like that. But once I became aware of it-like fine dust flying in the wind-random thoughts kept rising in my head and wouldn’t settle down.

I didn’t want to meet Serina with this mindset. Serina had risked danger for me, but all I could think about was a daesik relationship. I got up from my seat and walked around the room for a long time, calming down the feverish heat in my body that was disrupting my peace of mind.

I’m glad there’s no one around. If the palace people had seen me calling Serina’s name aloud and my face turning red, they would have definitely thought it was strange.

It’s still noisy outside, but the feeling of the sound is slightly different. It wasn’t a joyful sound, but a flustered and disorganized sound. I tilted my head, wondering what was going on, when suddenly I heard a knock on the door.

“It’s me, Najadilexda.”

Royal Mother’s voice was suddenly heard from beyond the door, and I was startled. Royal Mother didn’t wait for my answer and opened the door as it was. I could see the attendants who had followed Royal Mother behind him. Royal Mother’s face, whom I hadn’t seen in a long time, was still so stern that even I, her own daughter, had difficulty understanding her emotions and thoughts. Rather, Father’s emotions were conveyed more easily.

“I heard your news and came all the way here, Mirabilis.”

Royal Mother scanned me from head to toe with a cold gaze, then spoke in a slightly relaxed voice.

“You were about to go visit that child, I see. As a master, you should, of course. I also came to the Rose Palace because of that matter.”

Royal Mother still didn’t ask my intentions. I wondered what kind of daughter I was in Royal Mother’s eyes, and the complicated emotions I had felt while thinking of Serina just now came down coldly and rolled on the floor. As I listened to Royal Mother’s words, I secretly picked up the fallen emotions and put them deep inside my heart.