IF. How to Subjugate Her, Broken (1)

We won.

In 2016, I, who was literally called out ‘every day’, contributed to the championship, getting even blood on the baseball.

In the final game, I was overworked to the point my velocity dropped by nearly 10km, but regardless, I became one of the key players in the club’s first-ever championship.

As a reliever, I couldn’t get MVP or anything, but there wasn’t a single fan who didn’t praise me.

Even the Director, who always looked at me with a lukewarm gaze, praised my achievements, and I spent the offseason with a swelled heart, anticipating next year’s salary.

Just like that, when the hot stove cooled down and chilly spring arrived.

…The Director was arrested.

Together with the club owner.

Ah, the manager who put me in for 17 games and 14 appearances during the fall season survived. That guy was literally just a figurehead.

The details were like this.

Having won the championship, our revered Club Owner, who was trying to sell the team at its peak. But that guy, who was in cahoots with the Director from the start, got caught trying to sell the club for a high price, along with embezzlement, breach of trust, preferential hiring, and other miscellaneous dirty secrets. It was also revealed that the professional Director got caught pulling off his professional schemes, and as a bonus, his revealed sordid affairs poured fuel on the controversy.

Well, since it was originally a pathetic team, whether those two went down or not, it would have actually been a good thing for me if it was sold to a solid company. But perhaps as karma for such spite, the Director seemed to have cast a curse on my shoulder right before going to jail.

…I couldn’t throw the ball.

The drop in velocity I’d dismissed as simple fatigue could never be recovered. The more I tried, the more the pain just increased.

“Haa….”

When the Director fell, those entangled with him fell along with him. There was even a slight bit of trouble with me, and the Director’s daughter, ‘Seo Haeun’, who briefly worked at the club, was targeted over hiring irregularities and various other issues. Despite being a civilian, she faced a barrage of criticism from the media and online communities. Even ‘Seo Jia’, the Director’s youngest daughter who had no relation to the club, suffered all sorts of fabricated rumors right before her debut, causing her group to completely collapse. I heard rumors like the Director bribed the agency to get her into the debut lineup, that her personality was terrible, that she even interfered with club operations, and that she asked her dad to trade players she didn’t like, and so on. Furthermore, though I have no idea where it leaked from, the story that I’d once fought with the Director’s daughter spread, adding credibility to those ridiculous rumors. …Even the people spreading the rumors couldn’t agree whether it was Seo Haeun or Seo Jia who took me down, you know. My popularity was through the roof back then, so the fans, furious that their precious left-handed reliever was ruined, genuinely believed it, and just like that, the two of them became witches. …Besides, it wasn’t entirely baseless, so it was hard for me to refute it. I didn’t exactly have warm feelings towards them either, and besides, I was too busy taking care of my own body to bother. It was the crucial period where my baseball career would end if I didn’t rehab properly.

Well, actually, it did end.

“…Keek, kack. Shit. That’s damn strong….”

After taking a deep drag from a cigarette I’d never smoked in my life, I stomped out the butt, vowing never to smoke again. I’d somehow clung to hope until the doctor told me, ‘Don’t even think about playing baseball, you arm cripple,’ but finally, after hearing that blunt advice, I could decide to retire. I thought I’d lived a pretty decent life. I diligently picked up trash, and my social life was going smoothly, except for that one fight with the Director’s daughter. …My love life was a bit messy, sure, but I cleaned all that up during rehab. I never cheated, and frankly, I never even dated anyone. I don’t think I did anything to deserve this bad karma.

Why is my life like this?

I worked my ass off, dreaming of a decadent superstar life, but what’s the reward?

“…Ptooey.”

I looked up at the full moon, let out a breath, spat on the stomped-out cigarette butt, and walked out into the night. …Screw picking up trash ever again. Living virtuously and diligently doesn’t guarantee good fortune, apparently. I’m not even a good person to begin with, so I really worked hard pretending to be good and decent all this time. From now on, I’m gonna live however the hell I want.

Forgetting my rent worries for a moment and lost in some ridiculous fantasy, I was heading back when I turned a corner into an alley and ran into a woman dressed incredibly shabbily.

Beige-colored hair.

A thick padded jacket.

Shabby sweatpants.

She, wearing a baseball cap emblazoned with our team logo pulled down low, was shuffling along in slippers when she saw my face and jumped in surprise.

“…Excuse me-“

“Eek….”

But despite her shabby clothes, her striking hair color and face were so familiar that I spoke to her without thinking. Naturally, a scary-looking man approaching her in the dead of night terrified her, and she stumbled backward.

“…You’re Seo Haeun-ssi, right?”

“Ah, well….”

Without letting the woman I’d just bumped into get away, I took off my baseball cap-the same team logo as hers-and leaned in. …Fortunately, she recognized me. After blinking several times while staring at my face…

“……”

…Truly unfairly, she glared at me with pure contempt. Well, I figured I probably knew why.

**

Surprisingly, breaking the ice wasn’t difficult. She seemed to have something she wanted to say to me, too. …Actually, I didn’t have anything to say. Still, since I was bored, I brought her to the convenience store, and noticed her appearance hadn’t changed a bit. …Her chest seemed even bigger.

“It’s been a while.”

“…Yeah.”

The woman who used her authority as the Director’s daughter to look down on people when she worked at the club. Actually, it felt less like she was looking down on people and more like she suffered from severe trust issues, but from the receiving end, it was pretty damn annoying, so I once said something. I didn’t even know she was the Director’s daughter back then. Fortunately, before we could have a huge fight, a close senior colleague tipped me off, so it ended as a minor incident.

“….”

…She doesn’t seem to think so. Well, considering how much those people who claim to be my fans cursed her out, it’s understandable she’d be wary. I still doubt whether those people were even my real fans, you know. Our club probably didn’t have that many fans to begin with.

“…Haeun-ssi, what have you been up to these days?”

“……”

I even bought her Häagen-Dazs, trying to get her to open up about her recent life, but she remained completely silent. Didn’t she follow me because she had something to say? I just brought it up because I was bored, so I don’t really have anything to say. …And yet, with her showing so much hostility, I can’t even think about flirting.

“Um… I’m retired.”

“…What?”

“I retired. …My shoulder got ruined.”

“….”

“…People only pay attention when you’re doing well. Once you get injured and can’t play, they forget all about you.”

Since she seemed to view me as an enemy, I decided to show her evidence of my ruined life to build some rapport. I rolled up my sleeve to show the scar on my shoulder and spoke despondently. She looked utterly surprised, as if she couldn’t have imagined it, then wore a very complex, mixed expression.

“…I got cursed out a lot by my fans, Haeun-ssi.”

“…Not really. The reporters were more disgusting.”

“Well…, I guess so. It’s their job, after all.”

“…They turned someone into a cripple and then acted like they didn’t know.”

…Haha. It felt like it was talking about my life, and I felt unsettled. Getting cursed to hell even though I did nothing wrong and being treated like trash, or becoming physically crippled like me. Both are truly pitiful lives. Surely neither she nor I did anything significantly wrong, you know.

“…You must have suffered a lot because of those rumors.”

“Well…, they weren’t exactly false rumors. …It’s true I fought with you.”

“That the Director overworked me because I fought with you, Haeun-ssi, is a false rumor.”

“…I don’t know about that. That guy might do something like that.”

“…Even if he did, it wouldn’t be your fault.”

“…Is that so?”

…But everything happens for a reason. If fighting with her was the cause, and my baseball career being shattered was the result. Could I possibly feel any fondness towards her? Likewise, from her perspective, fighting with me was the cause, and her life becoming a target was the result. Even if it wasn’t a long-lasting issue, that’s how it looks to bystanders throwing stones, but the one getting hit remembers it for life. Despite all that, I didn’t want her contemptuous gaze. …It’s unfair. It’s not even my fault.

“…You asked what I’ve been up to lately.”

“Ah, yes, yes.”

“I don’t do anything. …Nothing at all.”

“….”

“Whenever I go out, I feel like people are staring at me, so it’s scary. …Kang Joo-hyuk-ssi, you wouldn’t know this feeling, right?”

“…I’ve experienced something similar.”

“…When?”

“When I went to the hospital. …I was scared I’d hear there was no hope.”

Still, I offered a bitter smile and empathized with Seo Haeun, who had begun pouring out her woes after her hostility softened slightly. …Because I felt wronged too. It’s not exactly your fault, but getting tangled up with you and a cascade of coincidences led to this life, didn’t it? But it feels too unfair to just listen to someone else’s woes. As if competing to see who was more miserable, we stared silently at our slowly melting ice cream, laughing bitterly.

“…Want a bottle of soju, Seo Haeun-ssi?”

“Huh?”

“This conversation is too bitter. …Let’s drink something to make it less bitter. Life sucks, doesn’t it?”

“….”

“No.”

“Then I’ll go buy one. …Let’s drink it outside.”

“Okay.”

I can only endure this fucked-up life by getting drunk. Or embrace someone. …The latter seems difficult. Let’s go with the former. Who knows? I did some bad deeds today for the first time in a while. Maybe luck will be on my side, differently than usual.