From the Summit

What I did next after unexpectedly obtaining the World Tree’s Spear was extremely ordinary. Ignoring Benedicto’s words directed at me, I left the church. After putting the World Tree’s Spear, a gift from Aili, into my spatial storage, I wandered forward and then backward, repeating the process.

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Although I didn’t gain the brilliant enlightenment I had hoped for when I came to find the World Tree, I obtained something much better. Returning to Modest with satisfaction would be the right thing to do… but a sense of bleak difficulty made me hesitate.

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A faint, bitter smile repeatedly formed and faded on my lips at the cold thought that no one would be waiting for me even if I returned to Modest. Suddenly, my clubroom, which always promised me coziness and comfort, popped into my head like a habit, but that was even more of a place I couldn’t return to. It was the happiest place for me, so I couldn’t defile it with my own hands.

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As I stood there blankly, I noticed the paladins who had come out of the church discovering me and quietly returning inside, and only then did I come to my senses. I had no intention of causing trouble. I no longer felt like expressing my troubled heart to anyone. I didn’t want to reveal my weakness to be pitied.

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I used to talk a lot, but the number of days I didn’t say anything unless I was in the labyrinth gradually increased. Perhaps it was because I didn’t have a suitable conversation partner. I had already shared too many stories with Ellie, who was closest to me, in the labyrinth. If I didn’t push her away, she would cling to my skin. I didn’t want to repeat the experience of carving indelible scars on my body.

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Feeling gloomy in front of the beautiful, great, and blessed World Tree was miserable, but I walked slowly toward the World Tree in a state where I couldn’t even feel that, whether it was because I was indifferent or insensitive. Walking without any thoughts, I was able to stop sooner than I thought.

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I leaned my back comfortably against the barrier that surrounded the World Tree like a fence, stopping my steps. I had easily obtained the best and strongest weapon I could use, but instead of joy, I felt a strange flow of emotions. I vaguely felt that it was a color created by a memory from the past, but all that came to mind were fleeting afterimages that scattered like breath.

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It was as if I had become a fish that could no longer swim in the wide sea because it was trapped in a narrow fish tank. A strange sense of frustration that I hadn’t felt before entered my chest and rolled around like a stone, making a “deudeudeuk-” sound, feeling ticklish yet like a terrible motion sickness. It had been a while since I felt this way, so I felt a paradoxical sense of welcome.

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I hummed a pop song that I used to listen to repeatedly, not knowing the meaning of the lyrics but simply indulging in the emotions conveyed by the singer, and raised my head high. Looking at the World Tree that covered the sky, I quietly felt the traces of the sun faintly disappearing. In that moment, an impulsive action that could break free from the suffocating frustration flashed in my mind.

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It was far from the brilliance I wanted and extremely absurd, but for some reason, I felt like laughing, so I decided to follow the impulse. The plan was simple: repeatedly use spatial magic to reach the top of the World Tree. Knowing that I would fall and die when all my magic power was exhausted, I carried out the plan without any worries.

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And finally, when I captured the world in my eyes from the top of the World Tree, I could understand where this impulse came from. The memory of that day was so beautiful that it contained the scent and temperature of that moment, the colors and emotions of the night sky, exactly as they were.

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,If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything. I was able to work this hard because you were by my side. I want to be happy with you. So please stay by my side in the future. I will never leave your side either.”

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The words I said to Luna at the highest spire of the cathedral. I was at the highest point of the capital, but I was under the illusion that I had returned to the moment when we didn’t look down once, but matched each other’s eye level and only looked at each other’s eyes. Without realizing it, I opened my mouth wide and blankly scanned the past.

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I found Luna’s face in the city lights far away. It wasn’t as intense or realistic as the Luna I had seen in the labyrinth, the Luna I could touch and feel, but to me, it felt more like Luna than anything else. Because it was the same as now, too far away to reach even if I stretched out my hand.

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,I love you, Luna. More than you can imagine.”

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Luna’s expression, as she caught her breath with difficulty at those words, desperately hoping that her sincerity would be conveyed to me, came into view.

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,I love you, Ross. Even if all the seasons end and no one remembers, forever.”

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The seasons do not end. The harsh winter disappears, and spring eventually arrives. But Luna is nowhere to be found. Until I return spring to her, her season will always remain there.

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Only after wiping my face did I realize that I was crying. Wiping my damp palms on my clothes, I didn’t try to wipe away the flowing tears. It wasn’t that I wanted to cry my heart out. I didn’t even feel like it.

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It was just that a hazy sadness had turned into tears. On top of the tree with unfathomable abilities called the World Tree, I finally realized what I had truly lost. I don’t know if it’s my enlightenment or a gift from the World Tree… but I’m just grateful that I found out what I lost.

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All the voices of Luna that I had met so far were different. The Luna in my imagination, the Luna in paradise, and the Luna in my memory all had different voices. How could that be?

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The answer is simple.

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Because I had forgotten what Luna’s real voice sounded like. That’s why I didn’t realize that each Luna had a different voice. It hasn’t even been years. Only a few months have passed since Luna died. That’s how long it takes to forget what emotions the voice of the person I thought was my whole world contained, what beauty it held.

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,…Was it a love with an expiration date of less than half a year?”

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Even if I muttered to myself, no one answered. Even though there are countless me’s in countless worlds, no one answers. Then, can I find the answer I desperately want with a quantum jump? No, even if I find the answer to the question, it won’t be the answer for me.

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Even if they are the same canned goods, the contents will be different.

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I forgot Luna’s voice. That voice that gently whispered my name. Next, I might lose the warmth, the emotions we shared. But the love that Luna gave me will not flow away and will remain in my heart as it is. Because it has already clung to every part of my soul. It would be right to say that its nature has changed. Although it has faded, her colors have dyed my soul with a beauty that I could not have imagined.

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I don’t know what else my worn-out emotions will make me forget, but I will not forget my goal of finding the Holy Grail on the 10th floor of the labyrinth and reviving Luna. As I said, if it weren’t for Luna, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything. Even if I want to die, even if I want to give up… all of that is possible only if Luna is by my side.

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I took out the letter from Saint Aili that I had put in my pocket. There’s nothing more foolish than reading the contents of a letter you already know, but I read the letter again. It didn’t take long because it was such a short letter. After reading the letter, I tore it to shreds so that it could not be recognized and threw it away.

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Like flower petals fluttering in the wind, I sent the feelings that Aili left behind on the pieces of the letter flying into the darkness far away. I must have made several false promises to Aili that I couldn’t keep. I couldn’t keep my promise to save her, so ironically, I could have been the last Ross.

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Lying is not difficult for me. I was born from lies, so it was inevitable that I would have a job that feeds on lies. So I can’t help but doubt myself. Whether there were really no lies in the sincerity I told Luna, whether I knew that the lies that had secretly seeped in without my knowledge were hiding behind the mask of sincerity and turned a blind eye. It’s ridiculous that I endlessly doubt myself even though I can’t find the answer.

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,It’s okay.”

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The words that suddenly popped out of my mouth. Since it was a word I uttered while thinking of myself as ridiculous, it must be a clear lie. But I could understand why I uttered those words from the top of the World Tree, where I could see the whole world.

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,It’s okay.”

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Because lies were reality for me. Just like a false story made up of imagination came to me as reality. The skin of the old scar is all torn and bleeding, but it’s okay.

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Because I want to be happy with you.