Flowing Down

A somewhat impulsive question.

I thought I had put it out of my mind, telling myself to think about it after resting, but it seemed that wasn’t the case.

I asked Cecil, who had her arms wrapped around my body and was rubbing against me as if to transfer her body heat.

“Cecil.”

“Yes, Asha-nim.”

“What if… Cecil had to disappear because of me… what would that be like?”

Cecil, who had been rubbing her cheek against me in my arms, stopped moving.

When I carefully looked at her face, she was blinking her red eyes, seemingly lost in thought.

‘…What did I just ask?’

My heart suddenly grew anxious, and I shook my head, hastily continuing to speak.

No, I tried to.

The moment I opened my mouth, my eyes met her red eyes, which had been lost in thought.

I involuntarily swallowed, feeling as if I was being sucked in.

Somehow, I felt like prey standing before a predator.

Indeed, if Cecil were to overpower me, I wouldn’t be able to resist at all, so it wasn’t exactly a wrong thought…

‘…Though that would never happen.’

Cecil, who had been looking at me, gently crinkled her eyes and buried her face in my body.

To my body, which had been exposed to the cold wind, she felt unusually warm.

And… a slightly somber voice was heard.

“For Cecil to disappear… does that mean dying?”

My heart felt like it plummeted.

I tried to calm my rapidly beating heart and replied.

“…Probably, yes?”

The most probable method to revert my body.

Even without asking twice, it was about performing the Reverse Synthesis under the same conditions as when Cecil was created.

In truth, there’s no guarantee that I can revert even with this.

Because the fact that my body became like this was close to an accident itself.

For example.

My body might not return to normal, and only Cecil might disappear.

Nevertheless.

In the current situation, where not a single ray of hope was visible, it seemed to be the most probable option.

…That is, if you exclude the problem that it could lead to irreversible results.

Perhaps that’s why.

My voice, as I answered Cecil, wasn’t very bright either.

Cecil, who had been chewing on my words, mumbled and then spoke.

“If Asha-nim… needs it, Cecil will do so.”

“….”

However, Cecil’s shoulders, held in my arms, were trembling slightly.

She probably wasn’t trembling from the cold.

‘…What on earth did I say?’

As I panicked, I felt dampness on my shoulder where Cecil’s face was buried.

“But… if I think about never seeing Asha-nim again… Cecil… Ce, Cecil…”

Before Cecil could continue, I hastily spoke.

“That won’t happen.”

“R-really?”

“Yes… absolutely not.”

Realizing what was soaking my shoulder, I was extremely flustered, but I tried to act calm and spoke indifferently.

Because I was worried I might unnecessarily leave her with anxiety.

‘…If that were the case, I shouldn’t have asked the question in the first place.’

Had Cecil… ever shed tears like this in front of me before?

Thinking that, I realized anew how cruel a question I had just asked.

It was my fault for asking thoughtlessly, even though I knew Cecil was an anomalous existence compared to other Homunculi.

There was no one else to blame.

Cecil, how sad she was at the thought of never seeing me again, let thick drops fall endlessly onto my shoulder.

All I could do was pretend to be calm.

It was just stroking Cecil’s head and holding her tightly in my arms.

And then I kept whispering that it would absolutely never happen.

Cecil’s ragged breathing gradually returned to a steady rhythm.

Only then did Cecil lift her face, her eyes as red as her pupils.

Feeling sorry, I gently pressed her eyes with my sleeve, and this time, she smiled shyly, seemingly happy.

After watching her smiling face for a moment, I apologized to Cecil with regret.

“…I’m sorry. For asking something strange.”

“No. Asha-nim’s question wasn’t strange. But Cecil, thinking I wouldn’t be able to see Asha-nim again… I was very sad. I think I now understand the feelings of characters in books who lose their Lovers.”

Oh, I see.

I was a little flustered by the rapid-fire answer that poured out.

When I gently caressed Cecil’s eyes, which had started to sting again, Cecil hugged my body tightly.

…As I stroked Cecil’s warm back.

It suddenly occurred to me.

‘…I definitely can’t do Reverse Synthesis.’

I had pretended to be calm because Cecil was crying.

But when Cecil said she was sad about not seeing me and shed tears, I too felt my heart plummet and my breathing become ragged.

Even if that weren’t the case… I had already found it unsettling before.

‘I definitely can’t do it.’

Even if I had to live my entire life in this frail body… wouldn’t that be the case?

I’ll… try to find a way, but still.

Deep down, I might already be giving up.

That’s why I asked Cecil such a question and hurt her, I suppose.

I sighed deeply inwardly and straightened Cecil’s body, who was sniffing.

“…Let’s walk for a bit.”

“Yes!”

I held Cecil’s now brightened hand and walked along the sandy beach for a while.

Because I couldn’t just take Cecil back with her eyes all red.

Above Cecil’s head, who quickly brightened up and swung her arms.

Her hair, shimmering and swaying in the moonlight, was visible.

Her lustrous hair shone as if embedded with stars.

As I stared blankly, Cecil met my gaze and smiled brightly.

 …I thought this when we first met, but.

It struck me anew how beautiful she was.

Although, because she had masturbated while stroking a heinous object on the day we met, my impression of her beauty was somewhat overshadowed.

While walking along the sandy beach with a rustling sound.

Thinking that I had made her cry, I felt I had to take responsibility and asked.

Of course, this time… it wasn’t a strange question like before.

“Is there anything Cecil wants to do during our break?”

At that, Cecil tilted her head.

“Something I want to do, you mean?”

“Yes.”

She seemed to ponder something, then crinkled her eyes gently and spoke in a joyful voice.

“Cecil is happy just being with Asha-nim! Oh, I wanted to go to the beach together, and now we’re here!”

“I-is that all?”

…I couldn’t tell if she was simply not greedy or if she just didn’t know anything else.

‘From what she says, it seems she reads a lot of books when she’s not in front of me.’

Only then did Cecil seem to ponder, humming “Ooh~” and wiggling her fingers.

The answer that came out a moment later was enough to make my body sway.

“Then Cecil wants to go on a Date with Asha-nim!”

“Cough! Cough! D-Date?”

“Yes!”

Cecil was smiling brightly with a face that asked what the problem was.

I felt the cold sweat trickling down my back and forced a smile.

“Couldn’t what we’re doing now also be called a Date?”

Was she displeased that I was trying to get away with it after promising to apologize?

At my words, Cecil shook her head with a rare resolute expression. The claim that followed made my mind even more confused.

“Cecil wants to go on a Lovers’ Date with Asha-nim!”

“Lo-Lovers?”

“Hehe… Yes.”

…I was at a loss, having no idea how to explain it to Cecil.

I wasn’t even sure if I could explain it coherently in the first place.

I myself needed to have properly dated someone to point out the differences item by item, didn’t I?

It wasn’t for nothing that I had set up an expensive Workshop and holed myself up.

“Um… Cecil.”

“Yes! Asha-nim!”

“The love you’re thinking of… is probably not the love between Lovers.”

Cecil shook her head from side to side.

As if she couldn’t accept it.

“Why is that?”

“Uh… uh, th-that is to say…”

At this point, even a coherent explanation would be insufficient, and my stammering probably made Cecil disbelieve me.

I rummaged through my swirling mind, recalling a memory that might contradict Cecil’s words.

‘…This is it!’

I cleared my throat for a moment and spoke to Cecil, whose eyes were sparkling as if demanding an answer.

“Cecil. Do you remember when we first met?”

“Of course!”

Then this will be easy.

Thinking that, I recalled the day I first met Cecil.

I saw Cecil under the showerhead, where hot water was pouring down.

Then, with foamy hands, she stroked a large phallus, and ejaculated pure white semen….

…Not this, further back.

Then I saw the messy Workshop.

The Workshop was filled with unknown debris and a terrible stench.

Cecil, who appeared from within the billowing smoke, spoke her first words to me.

“When you first saw me, you called me Mother, didn’t you?”

“I did!”

…?

It seemed Cecil didn’t understand what was wrong.

As her guardian, there would be a need to educate her for sound… values.

“If I’m Cecil’s Mother, then I can’t be Lovers with Cecil.”

“Why is that?”

“Uh… well…”

Here, my values clashed in my mind again.

In my past life’s world, incest was taboo, but in this world I live in now… it wasn’t exactly treated that way.

…Of course, that was also limited to relationships between men and women; for same-sex relationships, especially between women….

No… wait, I’m a man, though….

Various thoughts became a jumbled mess in my mind.

Thinking about how to explain it properly to Cecil was.

Too difficult for me right now.

Then, the large phallus that would be growing beneath Cecil came to mind.

Feeling my face flush, I mumbled.

“…If I think about a successor, it might not be a problem… but.”

“Asha-nim?”

“Uh, u-uh, yes?!”

“You look like you’re in pain. Come to think of it… it’s cold outside. It might be better to go inside quickly.”

Seeing my flushed face from embarrassment, she seemed worried, and her demanding expression vanished, leaving only a face full of concern.

‘…It actually worked out well.’

I gave a small cough and pretended to be in pain, touching my forehead.

“Ugh… I-it’s a bit cold, shall we go inside now?”

“Cecil will hug you tightly so you don’t get cold!”

“Uh, okay.”

After hearing her talk about a Lovers’ Date, I couldn’t help but be conscious of Cecil clinging to me.

…She smelled good.

‘I’ve managed to gloss over it for now, but.’

I can’t keep doing this forever.

Then, before that… shouldn’t I clarify my position?

Whether I am male or female.

From that trivial… no, very important matter.

To whether I will continue to bear the Family name.

‘…I don’t know.’

To a question too difficult to answer.

I stroked Cecil’s head, who was clinging to my side and transferring her body heat, and returned to the mansion.