episode_0465

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A place open to everyone, like an apartment hallway, feels somewhat inadequate for sharing private conversations between just the two of us.

For instance, a neighbor might open their door and step out to smoke. The likelihood of that happening suddenly is quite high.

So, for now, I didn’t respond at all to Baek Jiho’s innermost thoughts.

Not with feigned disgust.

Not with ridiculous irritation.

Not with the kind of denial a normal girlfriend would give.

…And certainly not with the worst possible response—agreement.

Without uttering a single word.

Then, after a pause, I spoke quietly.

“…The elevator. It’s still there, right?”

After asking, I took light, careful steps ahead of him.

“Let’s go there to talk.”

“…There? Where?”

“You know, the place we always go. Next to the playground.”

“…Ah.”

Rather than whispering secrets in a place like this, a slightly better location had come to mind.

465

Since Baek Jiho and I grew up together in this apartment complex for 20—no, 21 years—

Every corner of this place holds memories of just the two of us.

That small hill over there is where Baek Jiho fell while learning to rollerblade.

That tree-lined path is where, on some autumn day, we were held for nearly 10 minutes by someone—whether a fraud or a shaman—who told Jiho, “Your fortune looks good.”

And that food stall at the apartment complex entrance in the distance? That’s where I used to “plunder” one fish-shaped pastry every winter using Jiho’s allowance.

Finally, this western playground.

The small pavilion next to it was where I often had random conversations with Baek Jiho.

…Like the time, two hours after running away from home after fighting with my parents, I kept the innocent Jiho seated there while I wondered aloud when would be a good time to go back.

More recently, it was where I received a fairly large teddy bear as a gift.

In many ways, it’s a place filled with deep affection.

“Sniff… Did some students come here to smoke? I think I smell cigarettes…”

“It does smell a little.”

“Right?”

Well, it’s late—what can you do?

Ignoring the faint scent of cigarettes lingering in the air, I approached the pavilion.

Maybe the elderly residents had cleaned it during the day—at least on the surface, it looked spotless.

Even when I brushed my hand over it like a broom, nothing dirty came off.

Though the cigarette smell was a bit strong, it should be fine to sit here.

So, with a deep sigh, I plopped down.

Then tapped the empty spot beside me.

“Sit here.”

“…….”

After briefly glancing around, Baek Jiho silently obeyed.

What followed was a short silence. And the chilly sound of early winter wind.

After staring at the night sky for a moment, I fiddled with the thick knitwear I was wearing and spoke.

“Baek Jiho, do you really want me to sleep with another guy?”

There’s no point beating around the bush now.

So, I asked quite bluntly.

“…It’s complicated to explain…”

“Then, to summarize, that’s what you mean. …You’d feel better if I slept with another man. Like this.”

“……Yeah.”

As he answered, Baek Jiho’s gaze remained fixed on the playground floor.

Probably because even he finds this request embarrassing.

If our positions were reversed, it’d be like me asking Jiho to sleep with another woman.

…Him being this hesitant isn’t something I can’t understand.

Besides, if we’re pointing fingers at the worse person here, it’s me, isn’t it?

Because I’ve already… been secretly sleeping with another man all this time.

Hell, even when I masturbated, I’d mutter his name.

Baek Jiho, you… were never even in my thoughts when it came to that.

So, the one who should be making concessions isn’t you—it’s me.

After swallowing down a secret I’d never reveal in my lifetime, I asked shortly.

“…? Wait, Da-bin, what are you—”

“Baek Jiho.”

“…What?”

“There’s something I want to ask you…”

Since you’ve been staring at the floor like a sinner, I grabbed your collar and forced you to lie down beside me, making you look at the ceiling instead.

The ground was a bit cold for lying down, but maybe because it wasn’t just me—it was the two of us—it was bearable.

“About ‘satisfaction’… Um, is it because of what happened last time? The way I reacted weirdly…”

“…Yeah. You saw it too. I’m just…”

“…Too small.”

“….”

One year ago. On Baek Jiho’s birthday, that mistake.

When I brought it up a little too bluntly, Baek Jiho slowly turned his head away.

Seems he’s been really hung up on that part too.

If only he’d told me a little sooner, I could’ve said size doesn’t matter.

That the internet might glorify bigger, but something slightly smaller isn’t a problem at all.

That it might even be better that way.

I would’ve said something like that.

…But now that the topic of another man has come up,

I didn’t offer a single word of encouragement.

Because right now, that’s the last thing Baek Jiho would want to hear.

“You always seemed like the type who’d dislike that kind of thing.”

“…I don’t know about preferences, but I wasn’t expecting much.”

“Figured as much.”

As if he’d already steeled himself for that answer, Baek Jiho only let out a short, bitter laugh despite my words.

Turning my head slightly toward him, I adjusted my disheveled clothes from lying down and continued.

“I’ve had those kinds of talks with classmates sometimes. About how bigger is better for boyfriends, or whatever…”

“…….”

“…Could you react a little? It’s embarrassing talking to myself like this.”

“…I was thinking the exact same thing. Hearing you say it out loud is just… mortifying. What if someone walks by?”

“No one’s coming over while we’re lying here like this. And I’m the one who should be more embarrassed, you jerk.”

Small talk.

Small talk.

Small talk.

And more small talk.

In any other situation, this wouldn’t feel strange at all,

But now, it just wouldn’t stop.

“…Anyway, do you really want that? …Me sleeping with another man?”

“…Yeah.”

“If you say it’s a joke even now, I’ll let it slide with just five real low kicks. Special offer—I’ll even bring Seo Woojin over to watch.”

“If I were going to say it was a joke, I would’ve cut it off already. Why would I set myself up to get slapped by you? Who’d joke about something like this?”

“Honestly, the one making this request deserves the slap more…”

“…I was ready to take the hit if you wanted to. I was so stunned I forgot about it.”

“No, that’s not what I meant—it’s not like I want to hit you now or anything…”

“….”

“…Anyway, I’ll grant your request. I will, but it’s just…”

Rather than small talk,

We dug a little deeper.

Into a topic that wasn’t just between us,

But one we’d never dare bring up in conversations with others.

“…Baek Jiho. Who do you want me to sleep with?”

“Someone who fits your type, for starters.”

“That’s it? Just a guy I like?”

“…And preferably… bigger down there.”

“…How am I supposed to confirm that? Are you going to comb through the men’s restrooms at the academy or something?”

“It was just a passing thought. Besides, most guys would probably be bigger than me anyway.”

“…….”

Then, even deeper.

“…Now that I think about it, there is a way.”

“A way?”

“What you just said… about wanting him to be bigger. I just thought of a way to solve that pretty easily. …Though it’s not foolproof.”

After racking my brain, an idea suddenly popped up.

“You’re not planning to go around asking guys one by one, are you?”

“…Why the hell would I do that? Idiot.”

“Then what?”

“….”

Lying side by side with Baek Jiho, I answered.

“We could ask a couple who’s already ‘verified’… Specifically, the guy in that couple.”

“…No couple would just agree to that. It’s basically cheating.”

“W-Well, I just thought we could try… I have a friend who bragged about her boyfriend being, you know… really big…”

“Da-bin.”

“…Yeah?”

“That… sigh…”

“…….”

“…Is it someone I know?”

“…….”

“…….”

“……Yeah…”

Though I said “couple,” in reality, I was only thinking of Seo Woojin.

It’s already been about an hour since Seol Da-bin and Baek Jiho broke up.

Contrary to what I told them, I returned home without any special plans and first gulped down ice-cold water until my head throbbed.

…If it had been a little earlier, maybe. But the sexual desire that hits at this ambiguous hour always makes the next day difficult. A necessary measure.

With my aching head settled, all that remained was physical comfort.

After carelessly placing the empty cup in the sink, I lay on the bed, recalling the scene from the motel earlier.

…Seol Da-bin, you crazy bitch.

Why did you lick my fingers right in front of your boyfriend, who was watching the whole “treatment” process?

Even if the licking was whatever, why did you make that horny face right in front of me?

Your boyfriend was watching, you lunatic.

…Judging by the atmosphere, you had no idea how obscene your eyes looked.

When it’s just the two of us, you’re never like that.

Even during shallow blowjobs, you always frown, so why were you melting like a pet this time, licking my fingers and acting clueless?

…Goddammit.

If Baek Jiho hadn’t been there, I would’ve used every last minute of that room.

As I stared at the warm beige ceiling, swallowing my frustration, a notification chimed.

Stretching to check my phone, I saw a message from the girl who’d been on my mind all along.

[Seol Da-bin]

– Do you have plans tomorrow?

And surprisingly,

For Seol Da-bin, it was unusually polite.