episode_0453

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Refreshing. Regret. Annoyance. Embarrassment. Expectation.

I’m not entirely sure what this mix of emotions is. If I had to break it down, a few words come to mind, but none fully capture everything I’m feeling now.

But, it’s fine. It doesn’t really matter how I feel right now or how to put it into words. All I need to know—no, all I want to focus on—is just this one thing.

…As long as I don’t look away from this feeling of guilt. For as long as I’ve been holding back. I can let myself feel really… Good.

“Hey, let’s swing by her place later—” “What’re you doing for dinner? Wanna grab—” “Ah, shit, who the hell just spit their gum out here—”

I pass by a group of guys chatting in the alley and head somewhere familiar. The destination is nothing special—just a typical studio-style apartment you’d see everywhere.

Walking through the first-floor parking lot with my cap pulled low, I press the intercom button with familiar force. Even now, I don’t feel anyone’s eyes on me.

…Maybe I just look like some ordinary girl coming home to her place. Honestly. For someone sneaking around behind her boyfriend’s back, I look pretty damn unremarkable.

A cozy hoodie. A cheap baseball cap. Plain glasses. Slightly worn leggings. Scuffed sneakers.

What kind of girl goes to meet a man looking like this? …Even when I met Baek Jiho, I at least made some effort.

Well, for me, this is better. Showing up all dressed up to meet Seo Woojin would just be weirder. I just need his body. Like I said before, I just need a living, breathing dildo. It’s not like I have any other feelings involved.

The automatic door slides open behind me as I step inside and climb the stairs. “…….”

Unit 205. In front of Seo Woojin’s door.

Standing there, more nervous than usual, I knock. A faint shuffling sound comes from inside. Guess the soundproofing isn’t that great.

…Right. I should probably try to keep quiet.

That thought bounces around like a pinball in my head, but it doesn’t last long. The barely noticeable footsteps from earlier are now loud enough to feel like someone’s right behind the door.

“Ah, you’re earlier than I expected?”

Click. The door opens lightly, revealing Seo Woojin’s face. Earlier, he said in our chat he was on his way home, and judging by his outfit, he really just got back. Instead of the usual casual clothes, he’s wearing a shirt.

Guess he must’ve been out with Hayoon like this before coming back.

Glancing briefly at his face, I step forward without a word. Almost as if I’m nudging his shin with my toe—urging him to let me in, a little exaggeratedly.

Luckily, Seo Woojin doesn’t block my way. He just chuckles slightly, as if amused, and steps aside.

Thanks to that, I quickly make it to the foyer and shut the door behind me. Not like Seo Woojin’s an idiot—even if the neighbors saw us together, it wouldn’t matter.

But I didn’t want to leave even a shred of unease lingering. Only Seo Woojin needs to know about this shameful little secret.

“You’re wearing glasses?” “…Didn’t want anyone I know to recognize me. Not like it’s a complete disguise, but it’s better than nothing.” “Ah, I see… Well, they suit you. Though personally, I prefer your face without them.” “Stop saying creepy things like that.” “You should get used to it. Didn’t you say it yourself? ‘Sex partner’—might need one, or something like that.” “…….” “If we’re gonna enjoy this to the fullest, shouldn’t we know each other’s preferences?” “……Haa….” “You tell me yours, too. I’ll try to accommodate as much as possible.” “…Later.”

Technically, what I said was you might need one, not me.

Instead of bothering to correct him, I silently take off my glasses and set them on the shoe cabinet.

They felt awkward on my face, and besides… Seo Woojin— …Well.

It’s better for both of us if he’s more… excited. Just a rational, logical choice. Yeah. That’s all.

“Definitely better like this.” “Stop saying embarrassing things and move. Why are we still at the entrance?”

Either way.

I thought he might laugh or tease me for folding so quickly last time, but Seo Woojin seemed strangely… ordinary today. Not just ordinary—weirdly considerate and relaxed.

…The reason’s obvious. He probably loves that I caved first.

But getting pissed and hitting him repeatedly wouldn’t do me any good. Even if I did hit him, that’d have to wait until after— —Until after we’ve had enough sex to satisfy me.

So instead, I quietly follow behind Seo Woojin, maintaining my poker face.

“It’s kinda late—have you eaten?” “…….” “You haven’t.” “I didn’t answer yet.” “Knowing you, that’s a ‘no’ anyway.” “…….” “Am I wrong?” “…I haven’t eaten.”

Yeah, I haven’t. So what?

Aren’t we just sex partners? Shower, fuck, shower, leave—that’s it.

But contrary to my thoughts, Seo Woojin hums and heads to the kitchen.

Naturally, yesterday flashes through my mind. Specifically, the memory of tasting his clumsy oil pasta. Now that I think about it, he was practicing that because his sex partner asked for it.

…Is he planning to use me as a taste-tester again?

Absorbed in random thoughts, I follow behind—only to find Seo Woojin already prepping a pan.

“…….”

Truthfully, I wasn’t thrilled. I didn’t come here to have dinner. I came here with a very clear purpose.

If I had horns like some mutant, I might’ve rammed them into him by now.

But whining for him to hurry up just because I was honest once— —Would’ve been so humiliating that I’d probably bite my tongue off.

So instead, I pull out a chair and grumble under my breath.

“I figured you’d drag me straight to bed. Guess not.” “Sometimes I might, but today I’m not in the mood. Plus, you haven’t eaten.” “…So what, more practice?”

I gesture toward the pasta noodles as he opens the cabinet.

“No. I finished practicing. Actually, I was supposed to make this today anyway. Mmm… Call it the ‘final evaluation,’ maybe?” “…Today?” “The girl who asked me to make this—I pushed our plans to later. She said she wanted to see you.”

Because of me.

Just that one phrase sends countless thoughts racing, but I don’t voice them. They’re all just embarrassing, trashy little distractions.

Like how he said something about fainting from excitement if he could do it with me—even remembering that makes me cringe.

And while these thoughts spiral, I’m painfully aware of my shabby outfit—something you’d wear to a convenience store run.

Mortifying.

So I keep my mouth shut until Seo Woojin finishes cooking.

“Here.” “…Thanks. Since you made it.”

The oil pasta he sets down smells surprisingly good, so I figure I should at least say something polite while picking up my fork.

“Does it suit your taste?” “…It’s alright.”

…But honestly, it’s better than I expected. Not perfect, and even the issues I noticed last time aren’t completely fixed—but surprisingly edible. Did I just skip lunch? Or is there… something else?

“Glad to hear that. Last time, you drank a lot of water afterward, so I cut back on the pepperoncini.” “…….”

…Oh.

He tweaked it to my taste. That’s why it tasted better than yesterday.

….

…I see.

“Alright, finished. …And, is it okay if I shower first?” “Sure. Oh, there’s a disposable toothbrush on the bathroom shelf.” “…Stocked up for your other sex partners, huh?” “Hahaha…”

After clearing my plate, I set my fork down—but then, suddenly—

Just.

Something.

I don’t know why, but… I feel so… …embarrassed.

Before I realize it, I’m practically fleeing from the table.

I’ve eaten with Seo Woojin a few times before. The only difference now is that this isn’t delivery—it’s something he made.

And it’s not even my first time tasting this pasta. It’s the second time.

So why does this feel so embarrassing?

Am I already flustered about what’s coming later? Is it because it’s basically the first time someone cooked for me?

Why?

How?

Just looking at Seo Woojin’s face— —Makes me burn with shame.

“…….”

……Just because that pervert put one thought into considering me—?

Unable to explain this overwhelming embarrassment, I spend the next few minutes under the showerhead, soaked through.

Then, abruptly— The bathroom door I’d firmly shut creaks open, making me whirl around.

“Why—why are you coming in? You should—!” “I mean, I just went out and came back—I should wash up too….”

What photos on a friend’s phone couldn’t capture. What double dates briefly showed—that playful smile he wears around Hayoon.

His naked body—seen more often than my own boyfriend’s.

…Not as hard as last time. Just a slight stiffness, like he’s holding back.

All of it falls under my gaze.

“Wouldn’t washing each other save time? Among other things.”

Something I never did with Baek Jiho—no matter how much he avoided me.

Again.

Softly requested.

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