episode_0452

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The problem was feeling too much when I was with Seo Woojin, so if I could just fix this part, it would be fine… or so I thought.

It was the kind of empty theorizing people often dismiss as armchair philosophy—something I, too, could easily do.

To elaborate a bit more, the solution was to get a new dildo.

Not a bio-dildo, but a real one.

Maybe the size was the issue?

For instance, I might have grown too accustomed to the one I was using now, making it unsatisfying.

Or, surprisingly, something smaller might feel better.

Unless I only felt pleasure when Seo Woojin rammed into me however he pleased, shallow stimulation had actually been quite nice too.

But as I said before, this was all just armchair philosophy.

Superficial, wishful thinking—nothing more than absurd nonsense in reality.

…And the reason I knew that?

“…Annoying.”

Because I just tried it.

Seo Woojin, who was supposedly on his way to meet Hayun, had pissed me off, so I impulsively bought one in frustration.

And I tried it.

…It was mediocre.

I’d rather have stuck with the old one.

“……”

For a brief moment, I stared down at the 6-inch, roughly 15 cm dildo the adult store clerk had recommended as one of their bestsellers.

With a deep sigh, I carefully wrapped the thing I’d only used once in a bag and shoved it deep into the trash.

452

The Saturday filled with irritation passed.

On Sunday, soft clouds drifted sparsely outside the window.

Still half-asleep, I stumbled into the bathroom to wake myself up.

I usually try to rest as much as possible on weekends.

Sometimes I laze around in my room, other times I meet up with friends.

If my class ranking had been uncertain, it might have been different, but fortunately, I had enough talent to maintain a top position without overexerting myself.

But the reason I was unusually busy from the morning today was—

“I’m heading out.”

“What time will you be back today?”

“Hmm… maybe after dinner?”

Maybe if I focused hard on something else, my sexual urges would settle down a bit.

Last night, after burying my face in my pillow, cursing Seo Woojin with every obscenity I knew, and masturbating furiously, that thought had suddenly crossed my mind.

Of course, it wasn’t the first time I’d considered it, but I’d never seriously tried it before, right?

It kind of made sense, didn’t it?

So today, I dressed lightly and went out.

A baggy hoodie, leggings, and a cap.

Even the fashion glasses I’d bought after seeing Seo Woojin’s photo on a friend’s phone—something to obscure my features.

I hadn’t touched anything related to “dressing up,” so hopefully, weirdos would bother me less.

I looked a bit nerdy, maybe. Hmm.

Now, where should I go and what should I do?

The deliberation was short. I’d already made a list of solo activities yesterday.

The first destination was none other than the movie theater.

I wasn’t usually into movies, but I watched YouTube often and occasionally dramas with my mom.

Figured it’d be fine, so I’d booked a film recommended online.

But there was just one thing.

Everything else was fine, but one thing really bothered me.

The genre of the movie I’d booked was, of all things,

“Romance.”

“…Action or sci-fi would’ve been better, but…”

Obviously, it was better than watching something I didn’t understand with things exploding and breaking everywhere.

A heartfelt love story suited my taste more than paying to watch high-tech CGI.

But sitting alone in a romance movie surrounded by couples felt a bit weird.

Especially since the reason I was doing all this was because of Seo Woojin, and yet…

…No, whatever.

It wasn’t like there were any other movies worth booking—everything else was supposedly terrible.

If I just didn’t overthink it, it’d be fine.

Or I could just think about Baek Jiho the whole time.

Besides, it wasn’t an R-rated movie—there was no way I’d think about Seo Woojin while watching it.

– Groan… Ugh, ah… – Sigh…

“……”

…No.

Why was the sex scene so explicit when it was only rated 15+?

Was this really okay for minors to watch?

Who the hell rated this?

Even if it wasn’t outright shown, the silhouette alone made it obvious the guy was pounding away…!

What kind of idiots recommended this?

Just because it has a steamy scene, does that make it a masterpiece?

Damn it…

“…What a waste of time.”

At least I got a discount for the early showing—if I’d paid full price, I’d have been furious.

Unlike me, the couples around me seemed to be loving it.

Holding a half-eaten tub of popcorn, I walked out, sandwiched between them.

Next, I wandered the crowded streets, debating what to eat for lunch.

Kimchi stew or other Korean dishes felt too middle-aged-man-ish.

Pass.

Same with soups. I’d eat them for breakfast, but not lunch.

Pass.

Meat for lunch felt off, and I didn’t trust myself to grill it alone.

Pass.

I considered a Chinese restaurant, but the thought of ordering alone made me suffocate.

Pass.

Fast food… was unnecessary.

Pass.

Eliminating options like this left only Western food, which I liked anyway.

With the internet’s help, I found a well-reviewed place nearby and headed straight there.

But.

Only after arriving at the small restaurant did a belated realization hit me.

The memory of that bastard feeding me pasta yesterday.

“…Haah…”

Still, at least this time I was eating pasta on my own terms.

It was almost funny how I’d gone there full of expectation, got rejected, and was now cursing Seo Woojin.

If anything, he hadn’t laid a finger on me—he’d just acted normally.

With Western food off the table, my options dwindled to nothing, and I ended up with fast food: a burger.

At least burgers weren’t tied to any memories with Seo Woojin, and I’d eaten them occasionally with Baek Jiho.

After filling up on a set meal, I walked back out onto the street.

…But the more I did this, the more I became conscious of Seo Woojin.

A small doubt sprouted in my mind, but I shook my head to dismiss it.

It was just bad luck that things kept reminding me of him.

If I kept at it, I’d eventually find something immersive.

And so, I spent the afternoon trying out various things alone.

“……”

…If I’d known it’d be this meaningless,

I would’ve just gone home halfway through.

“…Why do I keep thinking about him? So annoying…”

Even as I strolled leisurely among people, last Saturday kept resurfacing in my mind.

The Saturday I’d kept secret from Baek Jiho—the one where I’d done Seo Woojin a favor.

Even as I tried to kill time at a bookstore under some hotel, last Saturday came back to me.

The Saturday when my mom, who I thought was asleep, suddenly woke up, forcing me to hide under the covers with Seo Woojin.

The same happened as I walked down a street similar to where we’d had that double date.

The Saturday I’d first learned how to kiss.

The infuriating Saturday I’d tangled tongues with Seo Woojin and had sex—it played in my mind relentlessly.

Cursing him as much as it replayed.

Growing irritated as much as I dwelled on it.

Hitting the replay button endlessly.

Even after masturbating dozens of times with a dildo resembling his.

It kept coming back,

…I hate this.

I know this is wrong.

Even though I know, I keep… …doing it.

Even though I feel guilty.

I can’t stop.

Baek Jiho would,

Absolutely despise me for this.

But I can’t stop.

I’m so ashamed I could die.

“……”

Maybe I should just be honest before getting caught…

…….

….

…No.

I need to make sense.

If I’m going to be honest…

Might as well…

[Seol Da-bin]

– Are you with Hayun right now?

[Seo Woojin]

– I was earlier. Jiyun was there too.

– I’m on my way home now.

– What’s up?

– Or did you see me passing by?

[Seol Da-bin]

– So you can take a call right now?

[Seo Woojin]

– Right now?

– I could, but is it something you can’t say over text?

[Seol Da-bin]

– Just answer.

– Ah, ah. Hello?

“Hello.”

– Why the sudden call? Did something happen? You don’t sound like it, though.

“Shut up and just… …listen to what I have to say.”

– …Hah. Fine, go ahead.

“…Haah…

– ……

“That, uh… remember what I said before? When we ran into each other at the tteokbokki place… and I guessed you were with Hayun?”

– Hard to say. I just remember you hating my guts.

“…Last time, when I asked about that girl, you said she was just a sex partner, and I cursed you out. I even asked if Hayun was a joke to you too.”

– Now that you mention it, I kinda remember. So, what about it? Did you call just to curse at me again?

“It’s… ……haah… Damn it, seriously… …And one more thing.”

– Are you drunk?

“A little… No, whatever. Just shut up and listen.”

– ……

“You said you already have a lot of sex partners… That your sex drive is annoyingly high and it’s a problem.”

– ……

“…I’ll admit it…”

– ……

“That… maybe you do need… sex partners…”

– ……

“…I’ll help you… with that… sex drive…”

– It’s fine. You don’t have to—

“…I want to help, you bastard…”

– ……

“……”

– Can you come to my place? Now.

“……”

– ……

“……”

– ……

“…Okay…”