episode_0418

.

Perhaps it’s because I’ve grown tired of it.

If I were to roughly summarize the conclusion I reached in my head, it would feel something like this.

Think about it.

Even right before using a dildo, wasn’t it the same with just using my fingers?

Of course, that was long before I turned 21—roughly about five years ago—so it’s understandable that I’d get bored of it by now…

…But back then, the intervals were sparse.

Lately, the frequency has increased slightly, so maybe that’s why.

Just a little.

Anyway, it was inevitable.

No matter how enjoyable or happy something is, people eventually get tired of it.

So whether it’s masturbation or delicious food.

If you indulge in it three times a day, every day, it’s only natural you’d get sick of it quickly.

Still, the fortunate thing is that the solution is incredibly simple.

Since it seems like I’ve been satisfying my sexual urges too frequently lately, starting tomorrow, I’ll cut back from every day to just a few times a week.

If I can hold out like this at least until the vacation ends, wouldn’t there be a good outcome?

“……Haa…”

That aside, why have my sexual urges suddenly spiked so much this vacation…?

Was it because I saw—no, technically just heard—someone else having sex for the first time…? Whatever the case, was that the cause?

Letting out a short sigh, I stepped out of my room for a moment.

Fortunately, outside the door—which had been locked the whole time—Mom was the only one there, laughing away while watching a variety show. Dad was probably in the bedroom.

When she asked, “Did you come out to get water~?” it didn’t seem like she’d noticed I’d just been masturbating with a dildo.

Well, if she’d known what her daughter was up to in her room, she would’ve barged in long ago.

For now, I brushed it off with a plausible lie. As for the dildo, I’d have to wait for a chance to wash it later—maybe when both of them were asleep.

If all else fails, I could just wipe it down with a wet wipe.

“Where’s Dad?”

“Lying down watching YouTube. Lately, he’s been saying studying sahwal or something like that is good for the brain because of Go.”

“Even if I heard it, I wouldn’t get it.”

“Mom doesn’t either. Ugh…”

“What about you, Mom? What are you watching?”

“Huh? This is pretty popular these days, though? You don’t know it?”

“How would I know if I don’t watch TV?”

Stuffing my hands into my pajama pockets, I shuffled over and plopped down on the sofa, leaning against Mom, who was lying on her side.

It wasn’t that I was genuinely curious about what she was watching—I had a more sinister motive.

I wanted to test the waters.

If she had even the slightest suspicion about the toy in my room, I planned to get rid of it as soon as possible.

But Mom just grumbled about me being heavy and lightly kicked me away. Nothing seemed off.

I guess it’s still safe to relax.

“…….”

Of course, if I had just thrown the dildo away somewhere like Seo Woojin said—

If I had taken his advice and used a “meat dildo” whenever I needed to masturbate—

None of this would’ve happened.

But…

I really don’t want to play into that bastard’s hands.

“It’s boring. I’ll just look at my phone.”

After massaging Mom’s calves and getting up, I returned to my room with a glass of cold water.

—

418

Late August, Friday.

It’s been about a week since I started my “sexual urge accumulation” operation.

From doing it daily—or every few days when I wasn’t in the mood—this was the first time I’d gone a full week without masturbating.

Not something I can brag about to others, but it’s still a small achievement worth celebrating.

And surprisingly, it wasn’t even that hard to abstain.

People say quitting smoking takes a long battle, but this was so easy it almost felt anticlimactic.

After thinking about it for a few days, I realized that masturbating briefly at the pension might’ve turned into a habit.

It’s a good thing I resolved it before it got worse. Or maybe not.

Sitting in a corner seat on the subway home, I idly fiddled with my nails.

“…?”

A KakaoTalk notification chimed—something I hadn’t heard in a while.

I usually keep notifications off, so it’s rare for them to come through.

The fact that I heard it meant it was either from Baek Jiho—the only one whose notifications I kept on—or…

> “Anyone want to grab drinks tonight?” > “Blocked.” > “Wait, why??” > “Aren’t most of you almost done with your internships? Aren’t you all in Seoul?” > “I’ll pay half. Looking for someone to hang out with me and my noona;;;” > “You did the same thing freshman year, then begged not to split the bill after seeing the price.” > “Ugh… I just miss you guys, that’s all…”

Ah, so someone made a new group chat.

“Haa…”

First, I turned off the noisy notifications. Pressing my earbuds deeper into my ears—which I’d taken out earlier because of a headache—I skimmed through the group chat.

Since the chat was newly created, there wasn’t much to see.

Most were wrapping up their internships, and since it was Friday night, the conversation revolved around finding people to drink with.

From the vibe, about 3-4 people seemed on board.

The rest had boyfriends with prior plans, were just lazy, had internships the next day, or still had work left—all dropping out for various reasons.

…So, what should I do?

Baek Jiho has been pretty busy lately.

My internship isn’t completely over yet, but I was planning to rest at home this weekend anyway.

Drinking… It’s been a while.

The people going are all close friends—no awkward relationships.

The only thing giving me pause is that I’d have to transfer subway lines to get to the downtown areas where we’d likely meet.

Other than that…

There’s no real reason not to go.

Hmm—

After inhaling and exhaling deeply while debating, I finally tapped out a short reply.

> “Where are you going?”

“Dabin, you were in Seoul, right? I went to Chuncheon.”

“Ah, right. Daejeon had that bread thing. Ilsan had Kintex and La Festa, blah blah.”

Next, a friend who’d interned in Busan—recently buzzing due to a serial arson case—launched into a long story about the strange dynamics between police, firefighters, and heroes.

Just as the mood was starting to drag, a story more shocking than the arson case came up.

“So, like… I kept following this senior around like a lost puppy because I wanted to help with the investigation…”

“Following them around… So you’re saying you fell for them because they were really hot. How predictable.”

“N-No, it wasn’t like that! They kept telling me to take breaks first, but I insisted I was fine and didn’t need special treatment… Then one thing led to another…”

“Led to another… So you got laid. You idiot.”

“…….”

“Motel? Or their place?”

“…In… the car…”

“Oooh…”

The story was about a friend who’d crossed the line with a senior they’d spent about a month with in Busan.

And this was from a friend who’d never even had a boyfriend before.

“…Wasn’t it uncomfortable doing it there?”

“Um… Honestly, it was a little, but… there was this thrill, you know?”

“…….”

What kind of insane thrill is that?

I muttered under my breath amid the chatter before taking a sip of my half-finished drink instead of lecturing.

Given how pretty this friend is, it’s not surprising—it’s more surprising she never had a boyfriend before.

But where do I even begin dissecting this?

If they’d gotten caught, wouldn’t it have turned into public indecency?

Plus, Busan is way too far from here.

Unless they’re planning a long-distance relationship, it’d have to be a one-night stand. Is that really okay?

My meddlesome side, dormant for a while, was revving up again.

…But getting too serious here would probably kill the mood.

After refilling my empty glass, I nibbled on some snacks in front of me.

“Oh, right. Dabin, there’s something I wanted to ask you…”

“…Me? …What?”

Somehow, the topic shifted.

The same friend who’d been spouting nonsense about “thrills” earlier leaned in and whispered to me.

“…You’ve been with your boyfriend for a while, so… I was wondering if you’ve ever…”

“…….”

If it’s that kind of question, why not ask someone else?

Like the friend next to me—or the one across from you, who changes boyfriends every few months?

I’d rather you ask someone else, but dodging the question would feel weird too.

In the end, I ended up answering.

“…Do you know what cunnilingus is?”

“…….”

“Have you ever done it with your boyfriend?”

And not just any question—

…An embarrassing one.

One I do know about.

“…Why?”

“Ah, the Busan story earlier… I was wondering if my preferences are weird…”

“Preferences? What kind?”

“…NSFW preferences…?”

“…You mentioned cunnilingus earlier. Right.”

“Mhm.”

Is this really the kind of conversation girls have?

For guys, it’d be like drinking together and asking, “Hey, ever gotten a blowjob from your girlfriend?”

Is she that drunk?

Well, there are a lot of soju bottles piled up already.

All sorts of thoughts crossed my mind, but I pushed them aside for now.

After washing down my throat with a shot of neat soju, I continued.

Unlike the usual advice I give—where I just wing it—this time, I had experience with cunnilingus.

…Even if it wasn’t with Baek Jiho.

Anyway.

“…I’ve done it before. So what?”

“When my senior said they’d do it, I was so embarrassed…”

“…….”

“…But it felt way better than I expected…”

“…….”

“I lied and told them it was just okay, but… Is that weird? …Dabin, how was it for you?”

…Good grief.

“…It felt… good. Yeah. It felt good.”

“That’s a relief… So I’m not a pervert for liking it…”

About a month ago.

Memories of what happened in Seo Woojin’s apartment resurfaced, making me tense my thighs before forcing a casual tone.

…Yeah. Honestly. Really honestly… it did feel good.

Whether it was because of the stimulation from the softest part of the body,

Or the added wetness from saliva.

It was incomparable to just using fingers.

But this was—

Not with Baek Jiho.

…But with Seo Woojin.

Not my boyfriend.

My friend’s boyfriend.

What I did with him.

“I liked it so much that time… I kept looking it up online… Wondering if I was a pervert or not… But I still secretly hoped they’d do it again…”

“…Ah, I get it…”

“Right? It’s just licking, but when they do it gently, it’s like… electric…”

Faking a knowing smile,

I slowly recalled that memory.

“…It makes you really wet, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, yeah. I got so embarrassingly wet that when my senior saw, they laughed and said it was cute.”

Back then, I probably—

Gripped Seo Woojin’s hair tightly.

Begged him to stop.

Told him not to lick anymore.

That I was satisfied, so please stop.

That it felt too good, so please stop.

That he could just put it in already, so please stop.

Then arched my back, panting.

“Dabin, is it similar for you two?”

“…We’re past the ‘cute’ and ‘pretty’ phase…”

“Ah, right. Makes sense. Childhood friends, right?”

“…….”

“So when you get wet, do you just… go straight to sex?”

“……Yeah.”

Seo Woojin’s shadow looming over me—

The way he pressed his hips down like he was crushing my womb—

The pleasure—

The sensation—

Crossing my legs, I let out a meaningless cough.

“…This is embarrassing. Let’s talk about something else.”

Exactly two hours later.

Just as my abstinence was about to hit ten days after surpassing a week.

After getting lightly scolded by Mom for staying out late.

Locking the door.

Lying face-down on the bed.

Stimulating myself with my own fingers until I was soaked deep inside.

Then, after a week—

…Using that hideous dildo.

Thrust, thrust.

Pounding my walls so hard I could hear it.

And coming—

Way too easily.

…Pulling out the dildo, now sticky with fluids, I took a short break.

Then did it again.

Still face-down.

Thrust, thrust.

Stabbing at the spot Seo Woojin had stimulated.

I never thought—

I’d be this drunk.

Right before the new semester began.

A message arrived from Seol Dabin.

It wasn’t anything I’d been hoping for—just a request to meet up for a bit. That was all.

While I was satisfied she’d taken the bait, it had taken a whole month, so it was slightly disappointing.

Still, disappointing or not, it was better than complete radio silence.

I immediately set up a meeting for the next day and spent the rest of the time resting to recharge.

The meeting spot was a relatively quiet part of the city—far from both home and downtown.

Spotting familiar hair, I tapped her shoulder.

“Good morning, Ms. Seol Dabin.”

“…….”

If she wants to hide her face like last time—

She shouldn’t be the only one. I should take some measures too.

“So, what’s the reason you wanted to meet me?”

I already had a rough idea.

Your boyfriend’s dick is small, right?

You gave him a complex over it, right?

…When we did it, you told me one weak spot of yours.

With something that small, he’d never reach it.

At best, he’d only get there with a dildo.

And you’re already getting bored of it.

So you want to try something else.

That was my assumption as I asked, but of course—

Seol Dabin didn’t say she wanted to have sex.

Instead, what came out of her mouth was:

“Honestly, I don’t like you, but I thought I should at least thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“Yes. After what you taught me, things have been going well with my boyfriend.”

“…….”

“Should we go to a café? I don’t know this area well, but…”

“…Sure.”

A thank-you that was slightly different from what I’d expected.

An inscrutable expression.

Tilting my head at Seol Dabin’s stiff tone, I followed her.