episode_0295

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The time when nights grew chilly had already passed.

Breathing in the mild late-April night air, I stole a glance at Seo Woojin walking beside me through the crowd and let my thoughts wander.

The perfume initially meant for his girlfriend—I ended up receiving it instead.

Up to this point, it wasn’t a big deal.

It was a gift, so there was no reason to feel bad about it.

I didn’t have the habit of buying or wearing perfume, so it wasn’t like I had any reason to be particularly happy about it either.

But then, why did I feel so unsettled now?

Why was this insignificant perfume making emotions I couldn’t name bloom uncontrollably inside me?

It was just like last time.

Irritation.

Frustration.

Disgust.

No matter what words I tried to pin to my feelings, none of them felt quite right.

I thought I knew my emotions better than anyone—that only I could understand them.

And yet, that belief now had cracks running through it.

“….”

But if that was the case,

where had things gone so wrong that I ended up this confused?

“Sigh….”

I exhaled the night air I had inhaled earlier like a sigh, lightly furrowing my brows as I tightened my grip on the paper bag handle.

Even then, the gap in the bag refused to close completely, letting the perfume Woojin and I had picked out together peek through.

EDT or EDP or whatever.

I’d already forgotten the short explanation I’d heard about which perfume was better.

Its name, written in unfamiliar French, had long evaporated from my mind.

But—the scent itself? That much lingered faintly in my memory.

Of course it did.

I had sniffed it briefly and recommended it, saying it seemed like a nice gift.

In other words, it was a perfume… with a scent I liked.

So, if a guy who wasn’t particularly fond of such perfumes gave it to me,

what emotion should I be feeling?

…It shouldn’t be a good one.

At best, the possibility of it being positive was no larger than a fingernail.

For example… well…

“What are you doing?”

“…Ah.”

Before I realized it, I had unconsciously lowered my head, lost in thought.

Snapped back to reality by the faint tug at my sleeve, I finally looked ahead.

A traffic signal, glowing red, stood directly in front of me.

“Are you that tired? It’s not even that late yet.”

“…Guess all the walking got to me. And there’s been something on my mind.”

“Ah, right.”

To be honest, I wasn’t tired.

There was something weighing on me, but not enough to affect me this much.

Really, it’s all your fault.

You’re giving me such a headache.

…Of course, I couldn’t say that, so I shook my arm free from Woojin with a flimsy excuse.

My sleeve, which had been gently held in his grasp, slipped away with a soft tug.

“Then should we just take a taxi? The subway might just tire you out more.”

“…No. Why waste money on a taxi? And look at the crowd—do you really think we’ll catch one here?”

Just then, the light turned green.

Stepping onto the crosswalk a beat ahead of Woojin, I walked forward, leaving the sound of his footsteps behind me as I resumed my earlier train of thought.

Positive emotions.

They had no business being tangled up with Seo Woojin—a guy who acted perfectly normal on the outside but had nothing but women on his mind.

Hadn’t recent events proven that much?

Before the accident forced us into more conversations, he had been utterly indifferent to me.

And afterward? Half indifference, half teasing.

…Then, after getting caught smelling his scent on my shirt,

I ended up being pulled into his treatment…

…sessions.

The whole dynamic made it impossible for any good feelings to even take root.

But even so—hypothetically—if I did harbor positive emotions toward him…

…then surely, his help today would be the reason.

And the name of that emotion?

The closest fit would be…

Gratitude. Wasn’t that the most appropriate word here?

With a slight tweak in perspective, I could even argue that—unlike Yoo Siwoo—Woojin’s past indifference had spared me some trouble.

Even after catching me in such an embarrassing state, he never blackmailed me—just did something that made him feel good… for a while.

And this time, he even went out of his way to help, sacrificing his own time.

So even for trash like him…

…gratitude wouldn’t be too out of place.

It wasn’t like I was losing my mind, Stockholm Syndrome-style.

…It made sense.

But if this feeling was only gratitude…

Wouldn’t something still feel missing?

“…….”

“…….”

As we stepped onto the escalator leading into the subway station, the clamor around us gradually faded.

The roar of cars speeding down the road.

The din of the bustling streets.

The music spilling out from various shops.

And louder than any of it—the busking performances scattered throughout.

All of it faded away, leaving only the faint mechanical whir of the escalator…

“….”

And something I hadn’t noticed until now—

the sound of my own heartbeat.

“Th-The train’s here, let’s hurry. …Fast.”

Mentioning something obvious to anyone with eyes, I hurried forward, flustered by the inexplicable sensation.

The way my chest pounded recklessly—

this wasn’t the first time.

It happened often when I was in heat…

No, it was inevitable back then.

But unlike those times, my body now was perfectly fine.

Far from burning up, my temperature was entirely normal.

Back then, even the slightest brush of fabric against my skin sent tingles through me—yet now, it felt no different than usual.

The same went for the boiling arousal that used to leave me flustered.

Not once did I feel the urge to drag Woojin into some secluded spot.

There was only the pounding in my chest.

To chalk this all up to gratitude…

Didn’t feel nearly enough.

Whether by sheer luck or the ebb of the nighttime crowd, the subway car wasn’t too packed when we boarded.

At the very least, empty enough for Woojin and me to sit side by side at the edge of a row instead of standing.

Of course, the seats weren’t that spacious—our shoulders pressed tightly together, but that was the extent of it.

No skin contact, so this much was fine.

Experience had taught me that as long as we weren’t directly touching, nothing would happen.

The only concerning thing was the way my heart’s erratic pounding steadily grew louder.

…At this rate, it felt like it might leap right out of my throat—but thankfully, Woojin seemed none the wiser.

Either he was resting his eyes from exhaustion…

Or texting some other girl…

At most, he caught me staring and muttered something about not sneaking glances.

…Meanwhile, each time, my heart hammered loud enough to rattle my eardrums, leaving me mortified enough to crawl into a hole.

“….”

Was this truly just a chemical reaction sparked by gratitude?

…Was there really

no other reason?

– Next stop: Euljiro 3-ga. Euljiro 3-ga…

Sitting in silence with Woojin, I only realized we’d reached my transfer station once the announcement began.

Still clutching the gift bag protectively against me from my spot at the edge of the seat, I hesitantly poked his arm and parted my lips.

“…I’m getting off here.”

“Huh? Oh—yeah. Good work today. See you tomorrow.”

“…….”

Just like with any other student, he offered a gentle smile and a polite farewell.

…A face he only wore for social interactions—when beneath it all, he was actually cold and indifferent.

By now, I should’ve been used to that mask of his.

Instead, I glared at him with inexplicable irritation.

Normally, I would’ve risen from the seat without a second thought and parted ways cleanly—

maybe thinking, Today wasn’t so bad,

or Wonder if Yoo Siwoo will finally keep his distance now.

But today, even that practiced act of his rubbed me the wrong way.

You can afford to be honest with me.

You already know everything about me anyway.

…Our treatment sessions.

That sex—

twice now.

“…I said I’m getting off here.”

Maybe that was why.

Before my thoughts could fully settle, my lips had already repeated my words unprompted.

Because of it, that ever-gentle curve of Woojin’s lips faltered ever so slightly.

Because of it, my already-pounding heart sped up just a little more.

As if I’d taken one step closer to the right answer.

“…So? What, you want me to say ‘have a safe trip’?”

“That’s no different from what you just said.”

“Then what do you want to hear?”

“….”

I didn’t know.

If pressed, maybe something honest.

But considering that, wasn’t his See you tomorrow already at least 90% genuine?

What reply had I been hoping for when I sullenly pushed for more?

“….”

…Wait.

A sudden thought struck me.

Was it possible…

that I was hoping for something only I considered Seo Woojin’s true feelings?

– Doors will open on the right…

“Stop saying weird stuff and get up ahead of time. With this crowd, you might not make it out.”

So then, what did I want to hear?

No—what did this body, no longer satisfied with mere gratitude but now muddled with other emotions,

want to hear?

Maybe…

something like this?

“Hey…”

“Yeah.”

“…Would you… prefer it if I just left like this?”

Outside the pitch-black subway windows, the neatly ordered platform slid into view.

Unwilling to look at him, I kept my gaze fixed ahead as I continued.

“Earlier, you mentioned the vice president was drinking with friends, right?”

“….”

“…We never do that.”

“….”

“It’s not even that late yet. We could grab a simple beer at a convenience store or… something….”

The scenery rushing past the window gradually slowed.

Next stop: _____.

Doors will open on _____.

The earlier announcement was drowned out by the squeal of brakes.

“Ugh—fine, forget it. I was just… thinking Yoo Siwoo might get jealous or pissy—”

“….”

“—since just the smell of alcohol on me would send him spiraling into weird imaginations—”

“….”

“…Never mind. Forget I said anything. I’m leaving.”

The scenery stopped.

The doors slid open with the station’s jingle.

Embarrassment.

That was the only emotion left in my head.

Whatever I was feeling toward Woojin now couldn’t be real.

It mustn’t be.

It was just my gumiho nature muddling simple gratitude with something indecent.

So, instead of waiting for his nonexistent reply, I decided to wrap things up myself and moved to follow the crowd out—

“….”

—if only Woojin hadn’t grabbed my wrist at the last moment.

If only.