episode_0248

Why I Couldn’t Receive It

I was originally human. Born a noble, I enjoyed everything and could possess anything I desired. I always strived for higher places and always presented an unyielding front. Yet, despite all that, no one ever paid me any attention. I don’t know why. But I didn’t care much, anyway. I thought money could buy even affection.

“Alright~! Let’s eat this today!”

“Wow~! Dad’s the best!!”

“….”

The sight of harmonious families passing by on the street. It truly infuriated me. That child was clearly just acting cute to be loved. To receive love by acting cute… To put in such useless effort just to receive a little love… Is there any fun in living like that? I thought. But then, when I turned 20, I started to feel an strange emptiness in my heart, and anxiety began to set in.

“…. What is this…? This feeling…? What on earth is it…?”

I had thought I didn’t need love. That’s why my parents and those around me hadn’t paid me much attention. But it’s strange. The more I strive, the more my worth increases… So why do I feel so empty…? Why on earth…? I have excellent grades, and wealth that others envy… What am I lacking…?

“Mom!! I did so well on the test at school today!!”

“Oh my! That’s wonderful! Dear, look at this! Our daughter, you wouldn’t believe…”

Ah… I see…. That’s what love is. The harmonious sight of families walking down the street. And parents praising their children… Seeing that, I instantly realized what was missing in my heart. Since childhood, I had taken everything for granted, and others viewed my current self as natural… That’s why no one praised me. Because I had only strived to be unique on my own… So, once, I tried to emphasize something to my parents.

“Mother. Father. I spoke with the Duchess today. And as a result, the Duchess willingly agreed to cooperate with our family. Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Isn’t that obvious? Failing to negotiate in that situation would be a failure for our family. Of course, you should succeed. And if you bear our family’s name, it’s natural that you must succeed. Isn’t that right?”

“Ah…. Ahaha…. Yes… That’s right.”

But as if they intended to raise me strictly, my parents never praised me. Instead, they regarded everything—even success—as natural, seeing my achievements as mere expectations rather than something to commend.

No…. I didn’t want to hear such harsh words… I wanted kind words, like that family. I wanted to be praised for being amazing… But… but why does everyone consider all this natural and refuse to praise me? I could have failed…. Why do they assume my success and not even consider failure, refusing to praise me…?!”

The continuous natural outcomes, and the natural acceptance… Even five years after realizing I wanted to be loved, I still received no praise, no affection, no love from anyone. I alone worked hard, and everyone else simply accepted it as an expected outcome…. But then, one day… a chance came to me… a chance for me to receive love.

“Uh… uh…? Lady…? From your body…?”

“Oh dear…. What on earth is this…. Uh-uh-uh…?!”

While praying in the cathedral, following my family’s tradition, divine power began to overflow from my body. And at that moment, I instinctively realized that the Source of Divinity had chosen me, and I cheered. I didn’t want to miss this opportunity. Because this meant I was going to manage a new Source of Divinity, and the Source of Divinity had acknowledged my qualifications and chosen me…!! It felt as if the Source of Divinity whispered to me:

‘Are you ready to become the Divine Kaju who will manage the Source of Divinity? You, who possess the most innate talent to manage the Source of Divinity across many worlds.’

“Ah…. A god…. If it’s a god….!!”

I couldn’t refuse that whisper. I couldn’t refuse that offer. A god…!! If I become a god, everyone will not only look up to me… but also give me immense love. Because this cathedral, and all the temples, are buildings meant to serve gods…!! Religion is also an altar to follow and serve gods…!! So, I couldn’t refuse this offer. And finally… I came to reside in the place where the Divine God… no, the Kaju was.

“So this is divine power… If I master how to properly wield this power here… I can win the hearts of the entire world…!! Now I don’t have to harbor emptiness in my heart…!! Now I…!!”

I worked hard to win hearts, just as I always had. This was the same even after becoming a Kaju. I continued to strive. Until everyone truly acknowledged me. But… but something was strange. The world I had dreamed of… hadn’t appeared before me.

“Oh…? What happened…? Why isn’t everyone looking at me…? Why…?”

No one looked at me. I learned much later that it was a time not long after the end of a massive conflict called the Kaju War. My predecessor, the Divine Kaju, had fought alongside Kajus of the hostile faction and other beings against the Kajus of the benevolent faction, and had been defeated. That’s how I came to take the position of the second Kaju. But… but that was the previous Divine Kaju. Why…?

“Why isn’t anyone looking at me…. I’m managing the Source of Divinity and striving to maintain it correctly, right now…!! So why is everyone ignoring me…?! Why aren’t they grateful to me…?!”

It’s strange. Why does everyone… Why isn’t everyone grateful to me? Why does everyone look at me with the same eyes they did when I was human… no, when I was a promote…? No matter how much I pleaded, everyone expressed indifference, saying I was just doing what was expected. No one expressed gratitude to me through divine power. Why? Everyone expresses gratitude to the Kaju through prayer… So… why?!

“….. Ah… I see…. I… I was just… a mere component…? I was…?”

Of course, I didn’t know then that people temporarily hated the Kajus of that attribute because of the hostile Kajus’ atrocities. But even if I consider that unavoidable… why is it that through the divine power spread throughout all worlds, I don’t feel anyone’s gratitude towards me…? Weren’t Kajus beings who governed all existences… who managed their assigned attributes…?

“…. So you were like that too…. The former Divine Kaju… Kataless, you became a hostile force because you, too, couldn’t receive what was rightfully yours… Ha… Hahaha… What is this…. What is this…. This isn’t how it should be…”

It felt truly hollow. I became a Kaju with no lingering attachment to my life as a promote… but to live for a long time without receiving gratitude from anyone… I couldn’t accept that. Afterwards, I painstakingly avoided Kajus and other beings who thought differently than me, and began preparing to create my own world… a world filled with beings who loved me. It was clear that the benevolent factions would obstruct my plans if they knew, so I forced myself to live hating them, deeming them annoying presences that would ruin my plans….

“To do that, I’ll need to use this Source of Divinity… And… I’ll need to leverage this parched heart and emotions in reverse…. I will….”

And so, I completed all preparations and put my plan into action. First, I traveled through various dimensions, brainwashing people with divine power without them realizing it. To be precise, it was manipulating their emotions with divine power while they were fully conscious, making them worship me while fully conscious…

“Aaah… O Goddess of Divinity…!! My light…!! May you be eternal….”

“…..”

When the first victim bowed with words of worship towards me… I felt incredibly good. I was filled with ecstasy to a degree I had never experienced in my life. With the feeling of emptiness slowly being filled, I was as happy as finding water in a desert, I smiled, and I slowly began to descend into madness. It didn’t matter. If it was this kind of madness… I would immerse myself in it thousands of times over…

“I need more…. More…!! As much as the affection I should have originally received… I need more…!! I will definitely… I will definitely create my own world…!!”

Though manipulated, having received people’s hearts, I began to expand my sphere of activity even further. One person… two people… and then four people…. Slowly, the number of believers who trusted me began to grow, and my heart was filled even more by the worship and affection I received from them. Then, by chance, I met a being who came to understand my will.

“Hmmm… What you’re doing… is really interesting, isn’t it? Hahaha… Somehow, I feel like I’d feel even better if I followed you, you know?”

“….? Your appearance… are you truly of a race called Lugra?”

“Oh my…!! This… It’s unexpected that you know me, isn’t it? Hehe… More importantly… won’t you allow me to follow you? It’s not uncommon for me to become someone’s attendant, you know?”

“…. You want to become my worshiper?”

“Of course~! No… Of course, I do~! My Goddess….”

And so, I gained one Child of Light named Kate. I bestowed divine power upon Kate, and Kate, having received divine power, transformed to closely resemble a promote. And through Kate, I realized. That there was someone who agreed with my will and willingly offered their heart like this…. Having thought that, I began to desire even more. I decided to unconditionally call those who followed my will closely the Children of Light…!! To achieve that, I….

“…? What kind of light is that all of a sudden…. Ugh?!”

I kidnapped a spear-wielding saintess who was guarding a cathedral and made her my worshiper. A saintess named Adoleth… Then, another saintess who was in the cathedral gave a meaningful smile and said to Adoleth, who had become my ally:

“Oh my. You… possess truly interesting power. Are you, by any chance, a saintess?”

“I am the Goddess of Divinity. But seeing this, are you not afraid of me?”

“Aha… So you are the Goddess of Divinity. In that case… may I leave with you? Rather than this tiresome cathedral, I’d like to assist you, you see? A goddess, that is… Hahaha…”

A saintess named Tesia, with a sinister darkness lurking beneath her surface. I welcomed her into the Children of Light. And after that, I visited another dimension and met a long-haired man in charge of a small church. That man poured divine power onto the demon next to him, turning it to dust, then spoke to me.

“I sense immense divine power from you. Could it be that I’ve been led astray by demons and can’t recognize a god?”

“I sense immense divine power from you too, Priest. May I know your name?”

“My name is Shalev… My heart tells me that if I follow you, I’ll be able to harbor even more faith within me. May I follow you?”

“…. Seeing your talent, it reminds me of my former self. Very well… I welcome you too as a new Child of Light, my new child named Shalev.”

And so, I welcomed Shalev into the Children of Light. In the dimension I visited next, a boy with talent for divine power was playing in a village. However, the people of that village were rude individuals who rejected divine power. They were impious. So, along with my followers, I incinerated all living beings in the village, sparing only the nameless boy.

“Uwaaaah…. Mom…. Dad…. Sa… save me…. Please save me…. Please….!!”

“Don’t worry, child with divine talent…. Although your divine talent isn’t as much as I desired…. you also have a vast vessel capable of holding my mighty divine power… Now your name is Zerben, my child… And you will be with me to spread my greatness… and increase my worshipers….”

And so, I bestowed divine power upon Zerben and manipulated his emotions. In this way, my worshipers began to increase day by day. And finally… I saw that the dimensional gate to the Elum dimension, known for its truly bizarre characteristics, was open and I was convinced. In that dimension, I wouldn’t be interfered with. In that dimension, I could create my own world without anyone’s hindrance…!! Filled with such joy, I… faced an unexpected problem.

“The… the dimensional gate…. This is….”

As peculiar as the dimension itself, the dimensional gate was also peculiar… slightly unstable. The power of the dimensional gate was too weak to bring the entire Source of Divinity at once. So, I had no choice but to send my clone and my worshipers to that dimension first. And in that dimension, I discovered a female knight guarding a castle.

“…. Taking that female knight with me would be useful.”

“Yawn… Glad it’s peaceful today too…? Hmm? What on earth is that light…. Ah…..”

And so, I made the female knight named Remie one of the Children of Light and began exploring Elum… no, Krenthid World with her. At that moment, I realized that this was a dimension where demons had only recently been killed by angels. To think there was such a difference in the flow of time… I liked this dimension even more. Then, I met a knight in a place called the Magrion region.

“I sense immense power from you. I feel you could fulfill my deepest desire…. May I accompany you?”

“Who are you?”

“My name is Okute. I believe that only humans think they are the truth. But, of course, I believe that gods are above us. With you, I think we can create a world where humans can always be on top. Therefore… I, too, swear to be your strength here and now….”

And so, I acquired the last of the Children of Light, named Okute. And for my perfect descent, I scattered my divine power across all living beings in this world, implanting it within their bodies, hoping it would become a larger vessel for divine power through generations. And to gain power through faith and to accelerate my plan, I initiated actions to instill fear in humans.

“Uwaaaaaah!! What is that creature?!”

“Graaaah!!”

They were monsters. Beings twisted by my divine power… And I manipulated people to amplify the rage and despair in beings that could become sources of fear. I isolated the Snow Woman to make her heart colder, and instilled impatience in the World Tree… As my work progressed smoothly… I finally, after a long time, discovered… Aria Ritt, a being with a colossal vessel for divine power…!!

“Yes…. Now… now the time has come…. Now I will…. create a world where I am loved forever…!!”

And so, I made various preparations to amplify Aria’s emotions. I prepared a seasoning named Zeke Looprian, and with the flavor of jealousy, I planned for Aria Ritt to ripen more exquisitely… more quickly….!! To finalize my plan more swiftly…. I had prepared everything….

“Aria Ritt….!! This saintess, like rotten food… How dare she obstruct my plan like this…!! Otherworlder…!!! How dare you completely ruin my plan!!!”

Camilla began to rage as all her plans crumbled. Her connection to the Source of Divinity was severed, and the dimensional gate was closed, preventing her from bringing the Source of Divinity here any longer. In short… now there’s no need to worry about the world ending due to Camilla’s impatience…!!

“Camilla!! Your filthy ambition was never going to be realized anyway!! So now… it’s time to pay for the sins of deceiving so many people until now!!”

I raised Trahan towards Camilla, burning my will for the final battle.