episode_0227

Two days have passed since I unintentionally (partially forced) accepted Ethan’s sexual desires in a slightly different way than I had imagined, and now Ethan and I are staying at the Blackwood Manor instead of the academy.

With my treatment ending around the same time as the student council tasks were completed, there was no reason for me to stay at the academy any longer. Plus, I hurried back to the estate to avoid the possibility of other theology students at the academy finding out that I am a saint.

Due to my extended stay at the academy after the evaluation, my return to the Blackwood Manor coincided with Harold’s return, and as a result, this journey back was once again shared with Harold in the 4-person carriage.

…Harold’s rambling about old stories inside the carriage was an added bonus. Why does a middle-aged man nearing 50 have so much to talk about?

After almost twelve hours of non-stop chatter with the tired Sword Master Speaker, I returned to the manor without even getting a wink of sleep in the carriage yesterday.

I woke up in the morning feeling a bit tired, even though I had risen from the familiar bed after a long time, my body felt heavy as if it were being pressed down by scissors. My muscles felt stiff and unrelaxed.

It wasn’t because of the change in bed. Until now, whether it was at the Blackwood Manor, the academy dormitory, or the academy church infirmary, I had always slept well regardless of the bed.

Simply put, the reason was first that damn MacHart and second, because there was no one sleeping next to me.

Since the day I was threatened by MacHart, I had a few nightmares of being attacked in the middle of the night, but each time, I was able to fall back asleep thanks to Ethan’s warmth beside me. After returning to the Blackwood Manor, I couldn’t rely on that anymore since we each had our own rooms.

When I was staying at the academy church infirmary, Agnes was always there with me, which gave me some peace of mind. But after switching to sleeping alone for the first time in a while, I couldn’t sleep properly last night.

“Ugh, ugh….”

“Lilith, are you okay?”

“Huh? What?”

“You’ve been looking tired all day. You looked like that when I saw you this morning, and you still do.”

“I agree with Isabelle, Lilith. Did you have trouble sleeping because of the change in bed?”

During lunch, Isabelle and Katarina asked me this, so I had to reassure them that it wasn’t the case and wave off their concerns.

“No, Katarina. I’ve been changing beds while going back and forth to the academy. I just had a bad dream last night because I was a bit tired.”

“Can you continue working like this? Should I ask Ethan to let you rest for an hour or two? I’ll keep an eye on him in the meantime.”

“Thank you for worrying, Isabelle, but I’m fine.”

It was a funny story that the head maid would go to bed when the master was wide awake. Especially in broad daylight like this.

After finishing the meal, I put aside the short chat with my colleagues that was allowed at this time and returned to Ethan’s personal maid duties.

“I’m Ethan’s personal maid, so I’ll take my place.”

I must be in a terrible condition if I can’t even sleep properly.

I didn’t completely fail to sleep, but it was more like repeatedly waking up from sleep, which I could endure.

…There was a time when I thought that way too.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

And, two days later.

When the tension of waking up from sleep due to recurring nightmares that flickered every time I closed my eyes continued for about three days, my mind had already deteriorated to the point where even breathing alone would evoke a sense of exhaustion.

“…….”

“Um, Lilith…?”

“…Miss Lilith?”

“…….”

“Well, maybe you should take a break….”

“With your current condition, even Lord Doyeon would understand, Miss Lilith….”

Isabel and Katarina seemed to be saying something from both sides, but to be honest, just keeping my eyes open required my full concentration.

‘I’m going to die….’

It was the moment, after three days, when I could feel why not being able to sleep became torture. It’s not like they use this to extract information at the CIA for nothing.

If someone were to offer to put me to sleep comfortably right now in exchange for revealing the secrets of my past life, I honestly wouldn’t have the strength to refuse. No, I don’t even know if I have enough mental strength left to even comprehend such a demand.

Last night, the night before, lying in bed, I tossed and turned several times in an attempt to fall asleep, but every time I tried to fall into a deep sleep, I kept getting entangled in nightmare-like things and forcibly waking up, and my peripheral nerves, which hadn’t even been able to sleep properly for three days, were slowly reaching their limit.

‘If I don’t somehow deal with this quickly, MacHart…’

At this rate, my head would explode before anything else. The MacHart subjugation plan that I had painstakingly crafted over a month was on the verge of complete failure.

However, there were still three days left until the execution date of the operation, and if I spent three more days in this state, I would end up in a situation where I would be the one suffering from MacHart instead of subjugating him.

‘I absolutely cannot let that happen.’

Being caught by MacHart and becoming a flesh doll was more horrifying than being a cadet under Ethan or being a hero with a future mortgaged for years, shooting across the country. If I had to choose among the three, it would be better to be with Ethan. After all, these days, Ethan wasn’t the trash he was in the original work. Even if I were to be a cadet, it would be better than being MacHart’s flesh doll or aimlessly wandering the world without pay….

‘No, why do I keep thinking like this.’

My head was tired, so I could only think in a one-dimensional manner. I had already eliminated such a future to prevent it from happening in the first place.

I had stuffed garlic into my stomach in the Blackwood Mansion kitchen to prevent such a thing from happening in the first place, so why was I compromising here?

When a person enters the realm of the unconscious, they naturally seek the most likely way to survive according to the survival instinct imprinted on their body. Perhaps that’s why I unknowingly recalled Ethan in my mind.

…But what does Ethan have to do with my survival instinct in the first place….

-Ding dong.

“…………Ah.”

As I brought the spoon filled with soup to my mouth, my hand momentarily weakened due to fatigue, causing the spoon to fall right below my mouth.

The falling piece of metal bounced off my chest, scattering its contents, and made a loud noise as it fell to the ground.

Sensations of dullness made it hard to feel the touch or the heat of the spoon that fell. The only thought that crossed my mind was that I should pick it up.

“…Ah?! …Miss, are you…!”

“…Milady! Let’s first…”

The voices around me gradually faded, making it difficult to distinguish who was speaking. It could be Isabelle, Katarina, or just any maid.

As I instinctively thought about picking up the fallen spoon, my body leaned forward from the chair, swaying as the weight of my upper body caused me to wobble.

-Thud!

‘Ah.’

…It would hurt a lot if I fell to the floor like this.

In truth, I didn’t mind the pain, I just wanted to get some proper sleep. If I fell to the ground and passed out, I probably wouldn’t wake up for a few hours.

However, contrary to my hopes, the sensation of my body falling was not on a hard floor, but in someone’s embrace, and that warm feeling that seemed to envelop me guided me into a deep world of slumber.

***

In the dim darkness. All around, above, and below, complete darkness painted the space.

As the feeling of accumulated fatigue disappeared from my body, I realized that I had arrived in a strange place.

‘…No, it’s not unfamiliar.’

While it was difficult to continue thinking due to fatigue while awake, in this ‘dream’ place, my mind could function to some extent.

Of course, the disadvantage was that I couldn’t escape from this ‘dream’ place, limiting the direction of my thoughts and preventing me from thinking of more than two things at once.

Thinking of this place as a space I had visited several times before, and realizing that it was a dream, my mind naturally anticipated what would happen next.

-Thump. Thump.

“….”

In the darkness, something emitting a faint light approached me with footsteps.

The footsteps of the persistent and annoying fellow that had been appearing in my dreams for the past few days.

“Are you awake? How does it feel to be left alone in the darkness, huh?”

‘Damn.’

Just hearing the slimy voice made it feel like something was crawling up from below. Since it was a dream, there was nothing to vomit, but still.

In the darkness, the face of the fellow appeared with a faint light, as if I were the protagonist left alone in the darkness.

“Long time no see, foul-mouthed lady.”

“….”

Encountering the damn MacHeart countless times was beyond counting.