episode_0223

Suddenly, Ethan grabbed my arm and pulled me down onto the bed, his hand slipping under my skirt, causing me to feel a considerable amount of embarrassment.

While he had touched me up to my chest multiple times before, his hand had never reached below, making this the first time.

“Wait, Ethan, sir!”

“Quiet, Lillis. Isabelle is sleeping, you know.”

“That’s not the issue right now…uh?!”

Glancing at Isabelle’s servant room, Ethan covered my mouth with one hand, making me wonder if this time, it wasn’t just a joke but something more serious. My heart started to race with a sense of impending danger.

“I clearly mentioned that it was necessary until we defeat MacHart!”

Despite hearing that explanation, I couldn’t understand Ethan’s sudden rush to take my innocence. Naturally, I found myself struggling to escape the sudden threat of losing my composure.

Of course, pushing Ethan off me with just my pure physical strength was nearly impossible. It was a futile resistance.

My legs were pinned by Ethan’s lower body, my left hand held by his right hand, rendering me unable to move. With my mouth completely covered by his hand, I couldn’t even ask for help. It was a moment where my limbs and mouth were completely subdued by him.

-Groan.

“….”

-Thud, thud!

“….”

I tried to push Ethan’s body with my free right hand, but he didn’t budge. I even punched his side a few times, feeling a bit sorry, but his body remained motionless.

I refrained from using magic or resisting too much in this situation, as it seemed a bit risky.

“Lillis.”

“….”

-Nod.

Since my mouth was covered, I nodded in response. I thought it was better to resolve this through conversation rather than resistance in this situation.

Fortunately, Ethan seemed to have no intention of attacking me, looking at me quietly with a serious gaze, offering his confession.

“Lillis, I’ve always thought about you whenever I saw you.”

“Uh…?”

“Just reaching out and feeling your touch makes me think that you might leave me at any moment.”

“Uh, uh…?”

“Still, I tried to endure it. You’ve always been on my side. In important matters, I valued my opinion over yours, but sometimes, I could endure it because of the love you showed me.”

“….”

Considering he had just thrown me onto the bed, his response was surprisingly calm. Maybe he was trying to take advantage of me, but he was just expressing his feelings while covering my mouth.

It didn’t seem like the attitude of someone trying to assault me. At least, Ethan didn’t exude the same aggression as MacHart did a month ago.

Although there was a hint of instinct and reason battling within him.

“Do you know how angry I was when I heard you almost got caught by MacHart a while back?”

“….”

“I couldn’t sleep properly for days after that. I was afraid that one day, I’d wake up and you’d be gone from my side.”

“….”

“And my damn anger that still wants to tear that bastard apart is still there, but at that time, the one I was most angry at was myself. The thought of not being able to protect you, Lilith, and putting you in danger back then.”

“….”

“If I thought you would be taken away so easily by someone else, I even thought about making you mine like this, Lilith.”

“…Huh?!”

I couldn’t help but let out a bewildered voice again at Ethan’s somewhat shocking confession.

I was grateful to Ethan for honestly expressing his feelings, but in other words, it was like confessing that he could always overpower me at any moment.

The memories of Ethan I had so far were completely different from what I was seeing now, and it was inevitable that they kept flashing through my mind.

“Of course, I tried to endure it. I actually endured it until now. I thought that even if I lost everything else, it was most important to eventually gain your heart, Lilith, even if I couldn’t have it along with everything else.”

“Uh… Ugh….”

“But now, Lilith, if you keep making me conflicted like this, I don’t know what to do. Your heart, of course, but now even your body seems to be getting farther away from me.”

“….”

“Lilith, you said it yourself. A man who has an unmanaged body like a pig, doesn’t even follow basic manners, and constantly engages in sexual harassment is the worst.”

-Nods.

“I listened to your words, Lilith, and even learned swordsmanship from my father, worked out every day, and even took etiquette lessons for four hours a day, three times a week before entering the academy. And even though you keep tempting me as if testing me, I never crossed the line you set.”

– Nods.

“But now you want to join that playboy warrior’s party? Touching a saint and an elf, engaging in womanizing behavior with that guy’s party? After a few conversations between us, now that warrior guy has become more precious to you than me?”

-Shivers. Shivers.

Since I couldn’t agree with the last statement at all, I quickly rolled my eyes left and right to deny Ethan’s misunderstanding.

…Yes, I admit it. My actions may have caused Ethan to misunderstand, and I could understand why Ethan became so obsessed with me because of it.

Anyway, it might have been my mistake to decide to join the warrior party without telling Ethan that I could become a saint or not. It might have been a better choice to talk to Ethan first and accept his proposal before deciding to become a saint.

Of course, I can’t know if Ethan would react as badly as he did now or if he would nod in understanding that I had no choice but to be honest back then, but in any case, maybe I could have handled this situation a little better.

“Lilith, please.”

“….”

“I really don’t want to do anything that would make you hate me. I’m always more afraid of you hating me than of hating you. I’m afraid that your eyes will turn cold and unpleasant, looking at me like you did when you were a child.”

“….”

“So please, convince me. Tell me that if I try, someday I can have your heart. If you can’t say that, I might really make a bad choice for you. If I can’t have your heart forever, I might choose to have your body at least.”

…What should I do?

Suddenly asking me to convince myself, there was no way I could come up with a suitable answer. I have lived a life far removed from things like psychology in my past life and this life.

But Ethan, who didn’t know about my struggles, simply quietly removed his hand from my lips, leaving me at a loss for words even though my mouth seemed to open as if to speak.

“……”

“……”

Ethan, lying me down on the lower end of the bed, was sending me a silent gaze as if waiting for my response, his expression and eyes too overwhelming for me to meet his gaze directly.

For some reason, I felt a surge of heat rising towards my face. It was as if, like the day I first realized that this guy liked me for the first time after confessing to Ethan, the emotions I felt from him were not just simple affection, but rather obsession and desire. Strong obsession and desire towards me.

In this passionate state of emotion, I couldn’t possibly convey the right words to convince Ethan while facing him head-on.

“Uh, Ethan…?”

“Yeah.”

“Could you at least let go of my hand for now?”

“Why? Are you planning to run away to the hero if I let go?”

“T-That’s not… I, I can’t think straight when you’re pushing your face so close and asking me questions… Could you please step back for a moment?”

“It’s okay. I can wait long enough. Lily, if you want, I can wait until tomorrow morning like this.”

“……”

If I stayed like this until tomorrow morning, my mental strength would probably not hold up.

But I couldn’t even think of the right words to persuade Ethan while being conscious of his gaze in this situation.

To get out of this situation and think clearly even for a moment…

‘Right, the spirit.’

Momentarily forgetting, I thought of the presence of the support troops and sent a distress signal to the wind spirit, Say, directly in my mind. Please separate me and Ethan for a moment in this situation.

‘Say, Say!’

“Yeah… Lily…”

“Say, please use your magic to separate me and Ethan for a moment! Just for a moment!”

“I can’t…”

“No! You can do it! Like when you gently pushed me with wind magic when I fought Agnes in the evaluation battle…”

“But… I made a contract with… Lily…”

“Yes! You made a contract with me, so you should listen to my request.”

“So… I can’t… Lily doesn’t like…”

“……….Yes?”

I was confused by the strange words, and just then, Sally, who was listening to my conversation with Say, suddenly interjected.

“Yes, Lily. Since we made a contract with you, we can’t do things that Lily doesn’t like.”

“W-What are you talking about?! I just asked to separate Ethan for a moment…”

“That’s why we can’t help you. Because Lily doesn’t like it.”

“What on earth…”

It was no use. Seeing the nonsense they had been talking about since earlier, it seemed that these spirits were not going to be of any help in this situation.

Just because I asked to separate Ethan for a moment, does that mean I don’t like it? That’s such an absurd thing to say.

Feeling the frustration of the conversation with the uncommunicative spirits, Ethan, who was looking at me, called my name once again.

“Why are you rolling your eyes so hard, Lily?”

“……!!”

“Were you talking to the spirits? Asking them to separate me from you?”

“D-Do you really think I would do that, Ethan? I-I was just thinking deeply and it took me some time to sort things out.”

“Fine. Then tell me now. Convince me that someday I will be able to have your heart, please persuade me.”

“……”

There’s no way that could happen.

Depending on what you do, I might fall for you, so behave yourself. How could I blurt out such absurd nonsense to Edan, who doesn’t even know what my intentions are?

As a maid, I had learned enough etiquette from Isabelle and the head maid, but I had never properly learned the kind of persuasive speech that could be spoken eloquently.

…I have no choice. In this situation, I have no choice but to use the most certain method instead of long-winded words.

I knew best how to earn a woman’s trust as a man, so the moment I decided to execute the first method that came to mind was when I was a man.

“Edan, sir.”

“Yes.”

“I have a quiet message to convey, could you please come a little closer to my face?”

“Yes.”

As Edan quietly lowered his head towards me, possibly thinking I was going to whisper something, our faces became so close that they were almost touching.

-…Touch.

…The softest touch of the two faces met for a moment.