episode_0221

“Hup…!! It’s morning, but it’s so dark… I’m starting to wonder if the world is truly ending at this rate. Don’t you think so, Saphia?”

“Gasp…!! Dragon-nim, you’re older, yet you’re speaking formally to me… You can just speak informally, you know…”

“Hahaha. My personality has changed, so I’ve started speaking formally to everyone, you see?”

Bivi and Saphia, who had been heading to the Tania region with the resistance to protect the remaining weak and were now hiding in a safe cave, were hanging laundry on a clothesline, chatting. As they did, Saphia looked at the darkened sky and grew anxious, wondering if the world was truly about to end, just as Bivi had said.

“This is serious… If all of our people heading to the Temple of Pioneering are defeated… then we’ll have to step up and resist them ourselves, won’t we?”

“We will…. By the way, it’s a surprise. To think you’d return like this… Weren’t you supposed to go with Cecilia-nim, Merzel?”

Bivi agreed with Saphia’s remark that if the resistance fighters heading to the Temple of Pioneering were defeated, even they, who were protecting the weak from behind, would have to confront the cult. Then, Bivi expressed great surprise that Merzel, whom she had expected to go with Cecilia, had remained here, as Merzel was hanging laundry beside her. Merzel, still hanging laundry, replied to Bivi.

“Of course, my heart longs to fight alongside Cecilia even now… but aren’t I the only one who can use a separate divine power from Camilla’s right now? So… I need to disrupt the divine power of the saints and priests that the people heading to the temple brought, and put them to sleep. If they keep struggling, something terrible could happen.”

“So, you’re saying that once the cultists who’ve been knocked out stop coming here, you’ll head to the battlefield too? By the way, how can you use divine power separate from Camilla’s?”

When Merzel explained that she was temporarily here to make the saints and priests brought by the resistance lose consciousness, Bivi understood. She then asked Merzel how she could use divine power separate from Camilla’s. Merzel, radiating a faint light from her hand, replied to Bivi.

“Originally, the power of each attribute has a kind of core, called the ‘Primal,’ and it’s Kaju’s role to manage it so it doesn’t go awry. That’s why almost all powers are connected to that core, and Kaju can even utilize those connections. However, in cases like this, where one uses their own power—meaning I myself become the core and wield that attribute—Kaju cannot interfere at all. So, this light right now is my own power, being used with me as the core.”

“Ugh… that’s a bit complicated… So, you’re saying that right now I’m using water power through the strength of the water spirit, but if I were to become the core of the water attribute myself and use water abilities, it would be different from how I’m using water abilities now?”

“Exactly, Saphia. In conclusion, using abilities by becoming the core yourself means becoming completely independent from the Primal core and unaffected by Kaju’s interference. Of course… reaching that level is quite difficult. Especially since most creatures in this dimension borrow the power of others… it’s very hard unless you adapt to a completely different power.”

As Saphia explained with an example, Merzel confirmed she was correct, adding that reaching the state of becoming the core of an attribute oneself was incredibly difficult. The moment Bivi and Saphia learned that Merzel possessed independent divine power, Bivi and Merzel, as if sensing something, looked in the same direction with sharp eyes and spoke.

“Something’s beyond there. Did you feel it too, Merzel?”

“Yes, Bivi. And it’s getting closer. You prepare too, Saphia.”

“Ah… Ah, yes!”

As Merzel summoned her glaive and glared towards the bushes, telling Saphia to prepare, Saphia gulped with tension and calmly began to concentrate the water essence in her hands. Just as the sound of the rustling bushes grew louder, I emerged from within, exhausted, and the three people were startled.

Then Saphia saw my unharmed appearance and, tears streaming down her face, said:

“Oh my… Zeke-nim…!! I’m so relieved you’re safe…!!”

“Wait a moment, Saphia. Have you forgotten the current situation of the world? The cult is brainwashing people. We don’t know if Zeke-nim, who is right before our eyes, has been brainwashed by the cult, so it could be dangerous to welcome him so hastily.”

“Bivi is right. And have you forgotten that Aria is now in the hands of the cult? Zeke might also have been influenced by the cult’s dark magic. Maintain your guard, Saphia… It’s an unavoidable situation…”

“Th-That’s…”

Listening to Bivi and Merzel advise Saphia to be cautious, mentioning that Aria was in the cult’s hands and that I too might have been influenced by their dark magic, I understood their feelings. In this world now, the only people who could be trusted were those who cursed the cult… But with their guard so high now, would they really believe me if I cursed the cult…?!!

‘All of those things would have become connections, and thus symbols of trust.’

“Are you… are you really Zeke? Then you really weren’t brainwashed by the cult…”

“Wait, Merzel…!! Ah… Ahaha…. It is Zeke-nim after all…!!”

As I searched for a way to gain their trust, I remembered Kelly’s previous advice to me. I hastily summoned my backpack and began searching inside. Just as Merzel pointed her glaive at me, interrogating whether I was truly myself, I urgently pulled out Protega’s and Bivi’s scales from the backpack. Seeing the scales I produced, Bivi realized I was sane and, shedding tears, rushed towards me. I then collapsed on the spot, exhausted from walking non-stop until now, and spoke to Bivi in a tired voice as she approached.

“Pant… pant…. You’re… you’re all safe…. I’m so relieved you’re all… sa… fe….”

“….?! Z-Zeke-nim?! Zeke-nim!!”

As I collapsed before finishing my sentence, Bivi and the others were startled and rushed to me. Ah… damn it. I guess my body finally gave out from walking non-stop since Todrua… As I lost consciousness, I saw a scene in a dream. I was walking with Aria, and suddenly, a yellow light radiated from Aria’s body, and she ascended into the sky. Below, I was reaching out my hand to the ascending Aria, and the ascending Aria was reaching out her hand to me. And our crying faces when our hands couldn’t reach each other… Perhaps because it was similar to our current situation… did tears well up without me realizing…?

“Ugh… Ughhh…? Wh-Where am I…?”

“Oh my. You’ve woken up, Zeke-nim? We were surprised when you suddenly collapsed. Ah, this is the cave where we are currently protecting the families of the resistance fighters and the prisoners.”

As I regained consciousness and carefully raised my upper body, Bivi, who had been nursing me, explained that this was the cave where they were protecting the families of the resistance fighters and the prisoners. Still experiencing a headache, I clutched my bandaged head, coughed, and asked Bivi.

“Gasp… cough…. Bivi… so, are all the resistance fighters here…?”

“Unfortunately, most of the resistance fighters are currently heading to the Temple of Pioneering, which is the cult’s headquarters. By the way, what exactly happened, Zeke-nim? Although you’ve healed a bit, your body is in a very bad state… and why are two fingers on your left hand severed…? Could it be related to Aria-nim joining the cult…? Or perhaps…”

“Too many questions… pant… pant… Bivi… But now… now isn’t the time for this… I have to save Aria….”

“Ah… No, Zeke! You mustn’t move!!”

As Bivi asked me many questions about what had happened, I panted heavily and said there were too many questions. Then, recalling the dream where I had parted with Aria just moments ago, I urgently tried to get up to save Aria, and Bivi hastily restrained me. It was only natural. My body wasn’t fully healed, and I was still in pain, so Bivi was restraining me out of worry. Although I knew that… with only the single thought of saving Aria on my mind, I couldn’t understand Bivi and tried to somehow shake off her hand. But just as human strength cannot overcome a dragon’s strength, I struggled until I was exhausted and collapsed back onto the spot. Bivi then covered me with the blanket again and, stroking my stomach, said:

“The bruise on your abdomen hasn’t even properly healed yet. Please rest for now. Your friends will defeat the cult in your stead and retrieve Aria-nim.”

“…. There’s no time for that… Aria must be screaming right now… still screaming… I can’t just stay here like this….”

“…. Zeke-nim….”

Although I knew my body was not in good condition, I tried desperately to get up, saying I had to save Aria soon. Bivi looked at me with pity. Ha… damn it… I thought I was getting better… It seems my body has deteriorated again from continuously overexerting myself by walking and running… Haaah… And I already have a headache from unresolved issues…

“Haaah… I’m going crazy, Bivi… My body and mind are both a mess for various reasons right now…”

“Hmm… I don’t know what happened to Zeke and Aria-nim, so I don’t know how to advise you….”

“Actually… I’m a bit… dull when it comes to emotions. My emotions have been somewhat dry since long ago, so I don’t fully understand them… But… that’s why my head hurts right now…”

When Bivi said she couldn’t give any advice since she didn’t know what had happened to me, I revealed to Bivi, who was actively trying to help me, that my emotions had been dry. Bivi flinched in surprise and stared at me, and I explained everything that had happened between Aria and me. Bivi’s eyes widened in great dismay when she learned that my fingers had been severed by Aria and that I had been suffering from a great sense of responsibility for losing Aria all this time. With that, I finished explaining one last thing to Bivi.

“So… I’m very confused right now. Am I running like this because I feel responsible for Aria… or is there another reason…? Haaah… This is not the time to be suffering from a headache over such strange worries…”

“…. I didn’t expect Zeke-nim to have such worries…”

“Right…? To be worrying about my emotions in this situation… It’s really…”

“No, it’s not that. I thought Zeke-nim would surely know what that emotion was, but to be completely unaware like this… it’s surprising…”

“Huh…?”

Bivi had expected me to know what kind of feelings I had for Aria right now, but when I said I didn’t know, she looked bewildered and said it was surprising. I then felt that Bivi seemed to know what kind of feelings I harbored for Aria, so I asked her back. Bivi, seeing my reaction, suddenly smiled faintly and spoke to me.

“Chuckle… Actually, your uncle, Gid-nim, told me that your emotions had been dry last time, so I already know about your emotions.”

“What…? U-Uncle Gid is also with the resistance…?”

“That’s right. But more than that… listening to you now, I’ve realized that Gid-nim didn’t know you well either. And of course, I’ve also come to realize anew that Zeke-nim doesn’t know himself well either.”

“Me, myself…?”

“That’s right. Both Gid-nim and you. You seem to have thought that your heart has been dry since long ago… but actually, it seems that’s not the case; you’re just not used to emotions. Were you perhaps the type of person who didn’t think much about things you weren’t interested in before?”

“….? H-How did you know that…?”

When Bivi asked if I used to be the type of person who didn’t think much about things I wasn’t interested in, I was greatly surprised and asked how she knew that. What was this…? I hadn’t explained anything like that yet… How did Bivi recognize my past self…? As I became bewildered, questioning her words, Bivi looked up at the ceiling and spoke to me.

“Actually, I was the same. Like you, I didn’t think much about things I wasn’t particularly interested in, and I showed a cold demeanor. Then, when I met Protega, I changed my way of thinking. Ah! You’ve already heard that I used to be like that, haven’t you?”

“Ah… yes…. You certainly said so…”

When Bivi asked if I remembered her mentioning that she wasn’t always this gentle, I recalled hearing that story from Bivi with Dio V Runner and answered yes. That’s right… Bivi was originally said to have a belligerent and fierce personality. As I remembered my conversation with Bivi and nodded, Bivi asked me:

“Zeke-nim. Didn’t you have many thoughts when you saw Aria-nim? Especially recently.”

“Huh? Ah… certainly… I worried a lot and so on.”

“I also didn’t know what that feeling was and was incredibly confused, just like you. But… when I saw Protega’s face again, I understood what that feeling was. That’s why I can understand your confusion right now. I honestly didn’t think I would ever have such feelings.”

“What on earth is that feeling…?”

When Bivi said that she too had times when she was confused because she didn’t understand what emotions she was feeling, just like me, and that because of that experience she could understand me, I was about to ask what that feeling was. Then, Bivi suddenly lifted the blanket slightly, placed her hand on my chest, and said with a smile:

“Zeke-nim. There’s no need to try and deny it. You already know what that feeling is. But your mind is rejecting it as if it’s something impossible.”

“My mind… is denying emotions?”

“Zeke-nim. Close your eyes and think calmly for a moment. Rather than trying to find out what it is… try to recall your memories with the intention of understanding it. And don’t overthink it… just think simply.”

“Understand it rather than find it out…?”

When Bivi told me to close my eyes and calmly try to understand that emotion by recalling my memories, I was initially bewildered but closed my eyes as she instructed. The thought that crossed my mind was… whether I would truly understand that emotion by doing this. Still, I emptied my mind as she said and reviewed my memories… and when memories with Aria suddenly came to mind first, I felt strangely at ease. Before, recalling such memories only tormented me due to the pain of losing Aria… This is strange… Why…?

“Zeke-nim. You didn’t know you were shedding tears before you woke up, did you? I wondered why you were crying, but after hearing your story, I can understand. How do you feel now?”

“No… not yet…”

“Think back from the beginning: who was always by your side, and how did you think of that person? Don’t doubt, don’t deny, just accept. Temporarily abandon the belief that you naturally wouldn’t feel that way, and consider that you might.”

“Abandon my belief temporarily…? And if I think about the person who was always by my side… Aria was always by my side…. Wait… could it be… the feeling I had was…”

“Chuckle… I had that exact reaction at first too. But doesn’t it feel more peaceful once you know?”

The moment I followed Bivi’s advice and guessed something, my eyes widened in surprise. Bivi smiled, saying she had been the same. Then, I slowly raised my upper body and began to think about myself, gazing at my trembling hands. And… only then did I understand what feelings I harbored for Aria, and only then could I wear a smile on my face. So that’s it… I had already felt that way… That’s why I was so shocked… Then… there’s only one thing I need to do now…!!

“Bivi-nim. Thanks to you, I was able to find out what that feeling was. But, may I ask for one unreasonable favor?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Take me… to the Temple of Pioneering.”

Having realized what emotions I was feeling, I now understood what I had to do, and asked Bivi to take me to the Temple of Pioneering. To that temple where Aria was…!