episode_0215

“Zeke! Uncle is here!”

A long, long time ago. When Zeke was about 13 years old, Gid, who had been on a journey outside, returned to Todrua. With a bright smile, he headed to his brother’s house, carrying gifts he had bought for his nephew, Zeke. At that moment, Gid’s brother, Zeke’s father, chuckled and welcomed Gid.

“Well, well… the family member who went out has returned. Did anything happen out there, Gid?”

“Ah… I did see some strange guys out there, brother. So, later, I’m going to go to a far-off place to properly investigate them. Of course, I’ll hide my real name for your sake and the rest of the family’s. So, I was thinking of the name Sarzohn, how does that sound?”

“Whoa, whoa… I have to admit your vigor. But strange guys, you say… It seems the outside world is turning strangely… I guess I’ll have to keep training without rest to protect Todrua too… You be careful as well.”

When Gid told him about suspicious individuals he’d seen in the outside world, Gid’s brother sighed deeply, feeling the need to prepare himself. Gid then temporarily took off the armor he was wearing, set the backpack from his back down on the floor, and asked his brother.

“By the way, where’s Zeke, brother? Is he perhaps in his room? Haha… He’ll surely get excited hearing about my journey again, won’t he? I’m really curious about his reaction…”

“Sigh… Hey, Gid. It’s not necessarily because of you, but isn’t Zeke incredibly curious about the outside world right now? He keeps begging to become an explorer.”

“Huh? Didn’t you say you’d respect your child’s thoughts if you ever had one, brother? But now, suddenly, you’re saying something different… Ah, perhaps you changed your mind because of what I just said, worried about him? Don’t worry, brother. I will definitely make the world a place where Zeke can travel comfortably…”

“That’s not the problem, Gid. You wouldn’t know because you embark on journeys outside and rarely return home, but… I’m not worried about what dangers Zeke might face out there right now.”

“What? Then what exactly are you worried about, brother?”

When his brother said he wasn’t opposing Zeke becoming an explorer because he was worried about him facing various dangers in the outside world, but because of something else, Gid looked bewildered and asked what exactly he was worried about regarding Zeke. Zeke’s brother sighed deeply again, then turned his head towards the stairs leading to Zeke’s room on the second floor and spoke to Gid.

“You might not know, but… right now, Zeke isn’t interested in anything other than exploration. He’s completely engrossed in it.”

“Why is that a problem? Doesn’t that just mean he has great passion, enough to be engrossed?”

“…. Other than that, he just won’t show interest in anything else. Friends, friendship… all of those things. So, you don’t know that Zeke still doesn’t have a single friend, do you?”

“Th-that is a bit of a big problem… But isn’t it also because other kids don’t take Zeke’s dream seriously? I think it would be better to show interest if Zeke is to walk a good path… no, become a great person… Is that why he chose a path similar to a journey, exploration, by following me?”

Realizing that Zeke had no friends because he wasn’t paying attention to anything other than exploration, Gid realized the situation was slightly serious. He scratched his head, looking as troubled as his brother. When Gid then speculated that Zeke chose exploration, a path similar to his own, because he had shown interest in Zeke, Gid’s brother thought deeply before replying.

“That could be true… But… what if it’s already too late…? Haaah… Even though he’s my son… it’s difficult. Yet, on the other hand, I want to believe that Zeke is on the right path.”

“Don’t worry, brother. I’ll help Zeke too. He’s our precious family, isn’t he?”

“…. Yes… If Zeke really does go on an exploration… I’ll have to teach him many things before then…”

At Gid’s words, Gid’s brother vowed that if his son truly went out for his dream, he would definitely teach Zeke many things before that day came. And Gid was recalling that day and explaining it, and Cecilia, listening to his explanation, looked bewildered, her expression hardening, as she asked Gid.

“What exactly are you talking about…? Zeke is… what?”

“Haaah… It wasn’t particularly important, so I didn’t tell you, but… actually, Zeke, like Aria, isn’t someone with a properly formed heart, Cecilia. That boy… the one who wouldn’t pay attention to even trivial things… If we hadn’t taught him, you wouldn’t have met him in the state you know. My brother and I emphasized to Zeke that helping others is important, and we guided him to the right path. Thanks to that, he was able to slowly get closer to others, but… he’s probably still not very interested in other emotions.”

“…. Then, if Aria kept trying to win him over, and Zeke showed no particular reaction…”

“Sigh… I don’t know how he is now. Whether he’s still in the same state I remember him during the time we haven’t met… or if he’s developed on his own… But, if he’s still the same… he’ll certainly be indifferent to his own new emotions. Not because of Camilla’s divine power… but because of Zeke’s original… problem.”

**Only Confused Emotions Remain**

Unable to properly steady myself from the shock I received from Rikarin and Aria, I had no choice but to slowly recover under Eli’s care. I wanted to apply emergency measures like when I fought Rikarin using magic, but since magic wouldn’t flow properly, I couldn’t recover any faster. So, I sighed deeply, lamenting my current plight. What is this… To be so unable to steady myself that I have to be protected like this… When I couldn’t even save Aria… As I sat leaning against the wall, sighing, Eli next to me wrote her words in a book and showed them to me.

‘Uncle Zeke. I’ve read all the exploration books you showed me. You’ve truly experienced incredible things.’

“…. What’s the use of experiencing such things… when I couldn’t even protect Aria in the end…. Even if I had been in good health… Haaah… I would have clearly been thoroughly beaten by Camilla and suffered terribly, wouldn’t I? Damn it… I’m really just a useless idiot…”

‘Don’t blame yourself, Uncle Zeke. Aria herself said repeatedly that she would blame herself terribly after regaining her senses. It’s difficult to say this in such a situation, but… don’t lose hope.’

“Don’t lose hope, you say… It’s impossible for me to face the Cult alone… Haaah…”

Feeling powerless even in the face of Eli’s encouragement to cheer up, given that I hadn’t saved Aria and was now in a state where I couldn’t save her immediately, Eli looked at me pitifully, then opened her book again and began to write. She then drew an additional picture and showed me both the text and the drawing. I was startled by the message.

‘It seems people who want to resist the Cult are starting to gather outside. So, Uncle Zeke won’t be facing the Cult alone. If only you can ask those people for help. I overheard where they were gathering, so I roughly know the location.’

“They decided to gather in the Magrion region…? Surely Cecilia and the others aren’t there too…! Do you know if the others are safe?”

When Eli told me that people were starting to gather to resist the Cult and revealed their meeting place, I was greatly surprised and asked Eli if the others were safe. Eli then looked flustered and quickly wrote her words in the book, showing them to me.

‘As I said again, I am a hermit, so I don’t know if the others are doing well. I’ve been avoiding people for five years. I’m sorry.’

“Ah… No… They must be alive, I suppose… They’re not pushovers, after all… But why didn’t you avoid me? Was it because I was collapsed in such a terrible state?”

When Eli emphasized again that she had lived avoiding others for five years due to the fear that she might harm them, I was curious why she had extended a helping hand to me like this. Eli was surprised again, then wrote with a flustered expression and showed it to me.

‘I’ve inconvenienced Uncle Zeke before… and Uncle Zeke has also helped me… various emotions tangled up and became complicated, but in the end, I decided it was right to save you first, so I did… Of course, I’ll be leaving you again soon. I’m afraid of what I might do to you again.’

“….”

Eli had agonized greatly over whether to save me, but in the end, after various events, she decided it was right to save me and showed me the words that she would leave soon with trembling hands. I realized that Eli was still afraid of herself. Afraid of herself, huh… What kind of feeling must it be to make her tremble so much…

“Haaah… Yes, I understand. But more than anything else, I’m most worried about Aria… Whether I can truly save Aria… And whether I can restore Aria to her senses… I lack confidence…”

‘…. I’ve been curious since earlier, Uncle Zeke. Have you perhaps fallen in love with Aria?’

Eli suddenly asked me if I had perhaps fallen in love with Aria. I looked bewildered and confused by the question. Why is she suddenly asking this? She knows very well that I have no interest in love…

“Why are you asking such a question all of a sudden…? That I’ve fallen in love with Aria…”

‘It’s just that whenever it concerns Aria, you seem… overly focused. About other people, you speak with certainty, but when it comes to Aria, you show a weak side.’

“Is that even a question? Aria was hurt by the Cult and hurt me because of it…! And others are clearly not pushovers who would be easily defeated by the Cult…”

‘But haven’t most of the others been thoroughly beaten by Aria at least once? And what if they, like Aria, were also affected by the Cult and became your enemies?’

“….”

When Eli asked if I really thought others were stronger than Aria, even though most of them had been thoroughly beaten by Aria at least once, and what I would do if they, too, were affected by the Cult like Aria, I couldn’t answer Eli’s question, my expression flustered. What if others also fell victim to Camilla’s divine power and sided with the Cult…? Camilla did say she had been implanting divine power into living beings a long time ago, so it’s not wrong… What… What is it…? Why… Why can’t I refute Eli’s words…? Flustered by Eli’s sharp remark, I eventually sighed deeply, leaned my head back, and spoke to Eli.

“Haaah… I don’t know either. To be honest, I’ve been told for a long time that I’m emotionally dull. My parents and uncle helped me open up a bit, so I can at least show kindness to others and feel enjoyment now… But perhaps because of that, I truly have no idea what emotions I’m feeling right now…”

“….?”

“To be precise, I thought I had learned emotions enough that there wouldn’t be any problems now… But being pushed into a corner like this just makes my head more complicated… And when you just asked that question… I couldn’t answer immediately. However, it’s certain that before the Rebarud facility, which you saw in my exploration book, I only had friendly feelings for Aria… The problem is, after that, when I saw Aria, emotions I hadn’t felt before surfaced, and I’ve been living in confusion because I couldn’t understand what they were… Whether this is love, responsibility, or one of the emotions I haven’t learned… I genuinely don’t know right now.”

When I revealed the truth that I had actually been emotionally barren and had begun to learn emotions late, and that unfamiliar emotions had emerged for Aria after the Rebarud facility, Eli seemed greatly surprised, as if she hadn’t known I was such a person. Then, Eli suddenly started writing in her book again and immediately showed me her words.

‘I never knew Uncle Zeke was in such a state. I knew you seemed different from others, but I didn’t realize it was this… Although it might be presumptuous for me, who caused trouble with excessive emotions, to give Uncle Zeke advice… Still, if I may be so bold, you will surely come to understand it gradually later.’

“Will I really be able to? Seeing how my parents kept emphasizing emotions to me… it feels like I truly grew up emotionally barren… That’s why, when I was young, I might not have emphasized my dreams to others, which could be why everyone ignored me… Haaah… This is not the time to be thinking about this… Even if there’s a resistance force, the opponent is Aria… I should be thinking about how to save Aria, not thinking about this right now…?”

‘I don’t think so, Uncle Zeke. As a personal opinion, I believe what Uncle Zeke needs right now is to figure out what feelings you harbor for Aria. Otherwise, you’ll keep trying to save Aria while confused, and that confusion could ruin everything.’

Eli emphasized that if I didn’t resolve my current confusion, things would surely go wrong later, and that it was more important to figure out what emotions I currently felt for Aria. I agreed with half of what she said but was skeptical about the other half. This was because I doubted whether I, who had learned emotions through the teachings of other family members, could truly do it on my own.

“…. I don’t know. For this, I lack confidence… Haaah… It’s funny… I, who kept telling Aria to take care of herself… was actually so unconcerned about myself…”

‘It’s okay. A journey begins after such a realization. And even if Uncle Zeke can’t figure out the identity of those emotions right now… I believe that with time, Uncle Zeke will surely discover what those emotions are. Because Uncle Zeke has spent a long, enjoyable time with Aria.’

“….!!”

Eli explained that even if I couldn’t grasp the true nature of those emotions right now, she believed I would eventually realize them on my own with time, because I had spent a long and enjoyable time with Aria. I was greatly surprised and froze at her words. That remark… it’s just like what Village Chief Arvina-nim said before…

“Zeke-nim… Do you like Aria-nim?”

“Huh…? Uh… I… actually, I don’t know myself… I’m actually a person with a rather barren personality when it comes to emotions…”

“What? Barren, you say? Zeke-nim, who can express such a variety of emotions?”

“Haaah… The truth is, because I was emotionally barren, my family taught me many emotions, and thanks to that, I can show this side of myself… But I haven’t properly learned love, so I’m confused whether I love Aria or not. I’m keeping it a secret because I think Aria might be disappointed…”

“Don’t worry, Zeke-nim. If it’s Zeke-nim, who has spent a lot of time with Aria-nim… you’ll surely figure out what those emotions are on your own later. I believe so. Hehe.”

Previously, when Arvina had asked me if I liked Aria, and heard my circumstances, Arvina had believed that I would surely figure out the true nature of those emotions on my own in the future. And when Eli said the exact same thing, I was greatly flustered, then finally sighed deeply and spoke to Eli.

“I truly hope so… I hope…”

‘I believe in you, Uncle. I truly believe… that everything will be alright.’

As I truly wished aloud that I would someday figure out what emotions I harbored for Aria, Eli showed me words of encouragement and stroked my shoulder with her right hand. And so, with only confusion remaining, I began to ponder how I truly felt about Aria.