episode_0198

LIL.

You’ve had that experience, right?

It’s that experience of waking up in the morning feeling so refreshed, just opening your eyes and being completely awake, and not feeling any discomfort in your body.

This morning was like that for me.

Could it be because I slept well last night after performing with a clown for the first time in a while?

Or was it because he had blocked the Demon’s possible dagger in advance?

Well, there is no right answer. It could be one of those, or it could be all of them. I’m not sure.

“Ah… … !”

But I couldn’t deny that they were part of the reason I felt refreshed when I looked out the window at the smokescreen.

Yesterday, we dealt with all the demon trees, Planta Carnivora, and the lord of the territory where Planta Carnivora appeared and all of his surviving family members were captured here.

With the Crown Princess of the Clifton Empire actively cooperating, there was no way for them to escape in the first place.

I heard from Shadow that the Emperor is only holding his position, and the Crown Princess and Crown Prince are handling all the major and minor imperial affairs.

Of course, even if they hadn’t cooperated, Shadow would have caught them on his own, but thanks to the Empire’s cooperation and Shadow’s collaboration, they were able to catch them all without missing a single one.

anyway,

“Huh~. Honey~.”

“Did you sleep well?”

Now is the time to focus on the clown, whose pale skin was revealed through the blanket and shining like a jewel in the sunlight.

◈

After the morning rush and a shower with the clown, the breakfast table that greeted me was no different from any other time.

The witch chewed and swallowed her food thoroughly while talking with Aunt Papi about the ingredients.

May and Catherine are busy, as always, chatting at the dinner table, quickly changing topics, then bursting into laughter, then eating again, and then laughing again. Meanwhile, neither of them eats their carrots, and Santa catches them and scolds them both.

The pundit was sharp even when he brought the fork and spoon to his mouth, as if he were a trained instructor in the military.

Santa pointed out May and Catherine’s complaints about the side dishes in a warm and gentle voice.

Hwang Yi used a spoon to scoop up exactly the same amount of every side dish and meat and put it in his mouth.

jester?

The clown, as always,

“Honey~. Ah~.”

Busy taking care of me.

Of course, I’m not a mean seven-year-old boy who can’t even eat by himself. But the clown doesn’t intend to take care of me like that, so I just take what he gives me.

It was a normal morning scene at our house.

At first glance, this place, the restaurant scene, seems like a beautiful and warm place, but when you turn your gaze to the smokescreen outside the window, the scenery is completely different.

If this is heaven, is that place like hell?

He was placed in a training ground with a divine restraint device, unable to do anything for nearly 12 hours.

That too, at a time when the night is passing by.

Although there are nobles among them who have reached the level of quasi-superhumans, there are also those who are just fat pigs.

They probably had the coldest night of their lives. When had the nobles ever faced the raw dew of the night?

“So now we need to warm it up.”

“Huh? Honey?”

“No.”

I said no, and although I was talking to myself, there was no way the clown who was so close could not hear. She turned her gaze away from me for a moment and looked at the training ground I was looking at,

“Huh~? Well. Those trashes won’t be cold in the end. What if it’s hot?”

“I guess so?”

As I was laughing at the clowns and their treatment, I suddenly had a strange feeling.

It was just a strange feeling that suddenly flashed through my mind, like a long-forgotten memory coming back to me out of nowhere.

Was I really that cruel?

Even if they did wrong, were they really so cruel as to laugh at their deaths?

Was I born to be someone who felt no emotion at all about killing people?

These thoughts continued one after another.

If I think about it, even when I was young, when I was struggling to survive each day as an orphan in Krestuti, I wasn’t this kind of person.

Even though there were many days when he went hungry, he did not kill people to steal their money to solve his meals. He would rather work himself to death for small amounts of money like a fool.

So when did it start?

‘ah!’

It was a strange experience to go back in time from my past self. At some point, memories from my very early childhood that I had forgotten came flooding back to me, even though I didn’t intend to.

And then I realized when I first said ‘kill me!’ to someone.

‘It was after I became a candidate.’

It was after coming out of the light of awakening.

And yet, the thoughts continued. Without stopping.

So does that mean all the candidates feel no emotion at all about killing people?

no.

After becoming a candidate, I heard anecdotes about several candidates through the Dean, and it was said that some of them were trembling at first because they couldn’t catch a single monster.

Then why me?

Because you’re a card master?

Desperate thinking.

Like a wise man seeking wisdom through inquiring, I continued to ask and answer questions on my own.

First of all, there is the reason why he is a card master.

Yes, that could be possible.

When you unlock the power of the Card Master, you will be able to see and feel all of the Arcana’s pasts, and empathize with their sadness and pain.

In the past of the Arcana, there always appears a human or a kindred spirit who causes internal strife, deceives and tries to kill the family, or betrays the trust.

Those bastards are so ugly that you’d want to kill anyone.

― Even death is easy for trash!

This way of thinking may have come from looking at the past of the six Arcanas.

But is that really all?

Just because I’m a card master?

Up until this point, it’s a situation where we can just wrap things up and move on, but strangely, a sense of foreboding is telling us that this isn’t everything.

I followed the sudden sense of foreboding without ignoring it.

Among the questions that constantly arise and subside, some were answered by myself and some were put aside as I moved forward.

Then, the question suddenly appeared and I felt a sense of awkwardness.

– Why were you so angry at Benjamin?

– Why were you so angry at that lazy candidate?

The answers to these questions came quickly.

― I hated it when those who received power from God became lazy and arrogant. No, I loathed it.

Then why?

Was I originally like that?

Have you ever had that kind of mindset?

Were you the type of person who hated lazy people?

Again, questions poured down like a shower. When the questions poured down like a shower and piled up to my knees,

“Ah!”

He let out a sigh in his voice.

The source of my anger at those who use the power given to them by the great God for their missions so sluggishly and extravagantly did not come from me, but from within me.

A soul from a country called Joseon.

The actions of the nobles and candidates who led the partisan politics of Joseon, which the soul despised and hated the most, are very similar.

That’s why it was like that.

The reason why I had this strangely unpleasant feeling towards Benjamin from the moment I first saw him.

Because it gives off a similar vibe to those who oppose for the sake of opposing, like the leader of a faction in partisan politics.

As soon as one answer is found, the answers to the questions follow, as if causing a chain reaction of explosions.

On the other hand, the personality of being generous to the commoners and actively engaging them in dangerous work more than the nobles is also likely the influence of this spirit.

Because the lives of the common people, watched over from high by the spirit of Joseon, were filled with deep sorrow and resentment.

Maybe that’s why Catherine, unlike other women, easily gives up her seat and trusts others. This poor little child has lived a life similar to that of a powerless commoner.

There’s more.

The distrustful nature of humans who cannot easily trust others.

Although he only believes and trusts in the Arcana and cooperates and is friendly with superhumans, the root of this human distrust, which keeps a certain amount of wall between them, also lies in the soul.

Of course, I too almost died right before awakening.

And I also saw the people of Kresti celebrating their murder.

But before that.

The reason why Goh Gwan-seong lived alone in a luxury officetel with so much money was not only because of the side effects of the power called Shin-an (神眼).

He was an orphan.

An orphan who was abandoned before even being weaned.

The orphanage he lived in was a living hell, the worst.

Although Goh Gwan-seong had a job as a BJ who communicates with people, he was a person who did not trust humans. The only things he believed in were money and the power of the divine eye.

So what about the soul of Joseon?

This soul is worse.

Before he could even stop crying for the first time after birth, he was abandoned by his mother and killed by his maternal uncle.

Perhaps, if the soul of a sister had not been with this soul to keep it centered and persuade it to do things for me, this soul might have become an unprecedented evil spirit.

The souls of me, confession, and Joseon, who didn’t even have a name, were connected. From the moment our souls united at the first awakening until now.

So is the previous me (White) different from the current me (Gray)? Am I not me?

No, it’s not.

There is white and there is gray.

Because free will when it’s white and free will when it’s gray are no different.

Up to there.

It was an epiphany.

It was not a martial enlightenment that would lead to becoming a superhuman, but an enlightenment that came from deep contemplation and investigation into the unknown thing called the soul.

Yes. Attaining the Way.

It is as if we are talking about the ‘Tao’ in Taoism, which says that the Tao is everywhere and can become anything.

As I was absorbed in the realization of what I had never seen before, a huge door with a peaceful atmosphere caught my eye and I slowly approached it.

“Oppaaa …

As Catherine’s shrill screams pierce her eardrums, the warm, clear light that seemed so distant fades away.

I feel my heightened consciousness plummet to the floor and I feel a little blood rise as I am thrown.

“Oh my god!”

“Key, Keycat! You! What the heck!”

But when I came to my senses and looked around, I saw Uncle Joseph and Auntie Papi seriously scolding Catherine.

And among them, Catherine is shedding tears.

“Oh, brother!”

“Mi, I’m sorry. Gray. I’m really sorry.”

“I’m sorry. How could you do this? Seriously, Catherine!”

A couple who feel sorry for each other but don’t know what to do.

They are also children of superhumans. The heightened consciousness I felt a moment ago was a kind of moment of enlightenment, so I will not think of anything as I look back and forth between Catherine and me, who broke the moment. I will be too embarrassed.

“Ha, but! Rumi said so! My brother disappeared.”

“Huh? Disappear? Me?”

“Ugh! Lu, Lumi said that. Oppa was going to see a glimpse of the truth and go to a special place… … .”

Catherine couldn’t come up with an answer, so she turned her head to ask the Arcana.

“Where did you go?”

There is no one. The Arcana.

Even if Catherine had screamed out of surprise, there was no way Arcana could have stopped her. However, Catherine’s scream reached my ears in its entirety.

The Arcana didn’t exist before Catherine screamed.

Oh! Of course, it didn’t disappear completely, it just went back to the card.

[recall.]

As soon as I summoned Arcana with my mind instead of my voice, they appeared with light. They rushed to me with anxious expressions, and at the moment when they were about to pour out their worries,

“What was my condition?”

I put the women at ease by asking them questions first.

In fact, my current state was one where I could feel my consciousness being heightened and something different, but I couldn’t even figure out what it was.

“Honey. I almost became a god.”

“Huh? A fairy? Huh? Is this it? A feathered immortal?”

“Yeah.”

Not only the Jester, but the Arcana also look at me with concern, as if they were looking at the situation outside from within the cards.

“What a relief! Catherine!”

“Huh?!!”

He approached Catherine, who was flinching in surprise, and carefully stroked her face, which was still flowing with tears, and hugged her tightly. Catherine was so scared that he could feel her delicate body trembling.

“Thank you.”

“Huh? Thank you? To me? Really? ”

“Yeah. Really. If you disappear again, you have to call me out loud like you did just now. Got it?”

“Okay! Got it!”

I gave Catherine a firm hug and let her go, as she sniffled and made a nasal sound.

“Honey. Are you sure you’re okay?”

He approached me like that and asked, unable to hide his worry about the clown.

“Huh? What?”

“It’s like a feather-climbing immortal. A feather-climbing immortal who has escaped the limitations of the flesh and attained the Way.”

“I know. That.”

“Don’t you feel sorry?”

“Are you sad? Why?”

“Huh?”

“Huh?”

Rather, the clown, who seemed to not understand my question of why he was disappointed, asked back, and for the first time in a long while, his expression was showing that of when he was called the Little Sword Queen.

“The Uwhadengseon. That’s completely plausible, and it seems like a tragic accident, right?”

“ in?”

“Maybe. Of the people who are said to have ascended to the top of the mountain in legend, maybe half of them just stared at the wall all day long, and their souls ran away because they were starving for so long. To break free from the limitations of the flesh and attain the Way. Oh! I really like flesh. I love it. My body. I don’t want to take it off.”

“Pfft. Ho, hohoho.”

“Don’t laugh. I’m serious. You almost got killed, right? Good job, Catherine!”

“Yeah!”

Come to think of it, how did I end up here?

Oh, all that trash outside!

I don’t know if I gained any enlightenment or not, but I definitely gained the realization that trash should be cleaned up as soon as it is seen.