episode_0197

This situation was all too familiar.

‘Why, of all times?’

I was desperately trying to forget Alisa, but reality kept forcing me to remember her.

My head felt like it was about to explode.

As I clutched my forehead, Deborah pressed closer and whispered.

“Now… do you understand? Why I… know Alisa’s heart.”

“…”

Because she held the same feelings.

Because she loved the same person, Deborah could truly understand Alisa’s inner thoughts.

The sharp thorns surrounding the rose were no obstacle to her.

That’s why I understood it even less.

‘Why are you telling me something like that?’

If she truly loved me, Alisa was no different from a rival in love.

To reveal her feelings and try to save her rival when she could have just stayed silent and let the competition remove itself – she was a truly foolishly kind woman.

That’s why I couldn’t accept it even more.

Her feelings made me very happy and grateful, but I didn’t want to make the same mistake I made when Alisa confessed.

And I also had to keep my promise to Roxana.

‘So this is why she told me to keep my distance.’

Having been her teacher for a long time, she must have seen right through Deborah’s heart.

They truly were master and disciple with a strong bond.

I forced Deborah away with a bitter smile.

“Ah, ugh!”

With that rough force, Deborah let out a small groan and stepped back.

She flinched and stared at me.

Her beautifully sparkling violet eyes wavered precariously, filled with unease. Even without using her precognitive sight, she had predicted the future through my actions just now.

Before she could even open her mouth, I quickly spoke first.

“I’m sorry, but I… don’t like you.”

“…Huh?”

“I don’t have any feelings for you. So… find someone else.”

Having poured out harsh words, I turned my back.

I didn’t have the courage or the right to face Deborah’s sadness.

Just as I was about to take a step.

“W-wait a moment!”

Deborah quickly ran over and grabbed my collar.

Perhaps trying to hide her sadness, she forced a smile and joked.

“W-where are you going? Is it because you think it’ll be awkward? It’s-it’s fine. I’m perfectly alright.”

“I just don’t want to be with you.”

“W-what?”

“I’m uncomfortable when I’m with you. Surely you didn’t confess without knowing this would happen?”

“Oh? Ah, a-ah… I-I see. You’re uncomfortable…”

At my harsh reply, Deborah flustered, darting her eyes around.

Her eyes were moist, as if she would burst into tears at any moment.

I firmly shook off her grip on my collar.

“And don’t grab me carelessly. My clothes will stretch.”

“I-I’m sorry. I won’t do it next time.”

“Ah, forget it. It’s not like I’m going to meet you anymore anyway.”

“What? Wh-why?”

“What have you been hearing until now? I said I’m uncomfortable, didn’t I? Do I have to keep meeting you just because of you?”

“Th-that’s…”

Deborah’s expression slowly crumbled.

She tried not to show it, but tears already hung at the corners of her eyes, ready to fall.

Seeing that, my chest stung.

Thinking this was enough, I turned my back and began to walk away.

Just as I reached the corner.

“Ah, no! Don’t go!”

Deborah ran, scattering tears, and blocked my path.

Her eyes were so clouded, showing how much she had cried in such a short time.

She clutched at my chest and sobbed.

“It’s a lie, isn’t it? It’s a lie, right?”

“…”

“Why are you saying such things? The Ruan I know doesn’t say things like that. Ruan is kind, thoughtful… he’s a good person! *Sob*!”

Deborah swayed unsteadily, as if she would collapse at any moment.

She leaned on me, barely regaining her balance and standing upright.

Her appearance stimulated my protective instincts so much I wanted to support her immediately, but instead of comforting Deborah, I pushed her hand away.

Thwack!

“Agh!”

Losing her support, Deborah fell to the floor.

I desperately acted, suppressing my raging emotions.

“Me, kind? Would someone kind commit rape? You just saw what you wanted to see. Snap out of it.”

“Ruan…”

“And don’t pretend to know me from now on. It’s annoying.”

“Ah…”

As I coldly retorted, Deborah sighed and bowed her head deeply.

Tears dripped onto the floor.

I forced my reluctant feet to move, walking past Deborah.

‘Perhaps this is for the best.’

If we continued to be together, harm would eventually come. It’s better for both Deborah and me to keep our distance like this.

Even if it’s very sad and difficult now, eventually, with time, it will all be forgotten.

I continued to rationalize my actions.

But no matter how much I tried to convince myself, the lump of grief in my heart would not disappear.

At least I’m fine for now, but.

“Hic! *Sob*… *Wail*!”

At Deborah’s distant cries, the lump of grief fiercely flared up, becoming a ball of fire that burned my heart.

That intense pain left a deep scar that would never disappear.

“Damn it…”

And so, I became alone again.

***

In the deep hours of dawn, I, who had been sound asleep, suddenly opened my eyes.

As I sat up, I saw a figure in the dim, unlit space.

As the figure took a step forward, moonlight streaming through the window illuminated her.

Her identity was revealed by her light purple, wavy hair, beautiful deep blue eyes like the abyss, and decadent yet mature features.

“Roxana-nim?”

Startled, I sprang out of bed.

I never imagined she would sneak into the dormitory.

Roxana asked with a dark expression.

“Ruan. What happened with Deborah?”

“…”

“Please tell me. She’s been cooped up in her room ever since she came home. She doesn’t answer even when I ask. She hasn’t touched anything to eat since dinner.”

It seemed the shock was indeed severe.

To the point where she showed no reaction even to her teacher, whom it was no exaggeration to say she cherished most in the world.

Guilt surfaced again, and the lump embedded in my heart fiercely flared up.

Unconsciously, I replied curtly.

“I just did what Roxana-nim wanted.”

“What I wanted? What do you mean?”

“…Deborah confessed to me this afternoon. She said she loved me. So I rejected her. That’s all.”

“You rejected her confession? Is that really all?”

“Yes. I did speak a little harshly. But if I hadn’t, she wouldn’t have given up.”

Roxana fell silent.

Staring at me with complicated eyes, wondering what she was thinking, she eventually sighed.

“Haa… I understand. Thank you for telling me. And thank you for keeping your promise.”

“It was just something I had to do, naturally. You don’t need to feel burdened. More than that, if our talk is over, you should leave. Even for Roxana-nim, lingering too long might lead to being discovered.”

I subtly glanced at the bed on the opposite side.

There, Kenneth was scratching his stomach, sleeping in a strange posture.

Though I hadn’t made a fuss, I hadn’t lowered my voice either, yet he wasn’t waking up. It seemed Roxana had done something.

Just then, Roxana posed an unexpected question.

“But are *you* alright?”

“Pardon?”

“I know it’s not my place to say this. You must think I’m shameless. Still, I want to ask. Are you alright? Are you… satisfied with this?”

Guilt showed on her face.

She said it was for her disciple, but her conscience must be pricking her for ruining the relationship between Deborah and me like this.

I let out a wry laugh.

“No, I’m not alright. I’m sad. If it were up to my heart, I’d want to accept Deborah.”

“Then…”

“But I won’t. Because it would be dangerous to be with me. I hate the phrase ‘I let you go because I love you,’ but what else can I do? There’s no other way.”

“…I see. Alright. I’ll go now. See you… again later.”

Leaving a promise, Roxana was instantly enveloped in deep blue magic and vanished.

All that remained was me, standing under the pale moonlight.

***

“[All students, you’ve worked hard. I hope you’ll work even harder next year and have an even more rewarding year. That concludes my speech.]”

—Whoa!

Clapping erupted!

The closing ceremony for the vacation had ended.

The students cheered at the exhortation that finished at an unbelievably fast speed.

Afterward, freedom arrived for them.

“Hey! What are you gonna do during vacation?”

“Me? I’m going to the ski resort with my fiancée.”

“Oh, really? I’m going to a hot spring.”

“Oh? When?”

The students formed groups and talked about various things.

Among them, my story was also being discussed.

“They seem to have broken up, haven’t they?”

“Yeah. I haven’t seen them talk to each other once today.”

“Did he perhaps cheat on Deborah behind her back?”

“No way, surely not. How could any other woman catch his eye when he has Deborah? They probably just had a fight.”

Deborah and I were considered the representative couple of Class 3, so our reputation was considerable.

Thus, others sensitively picked up on the changes in our relationship.

‘It’s completely different from summer vacation.’

Back then, rumors of a passionate romance with Deborah circulated, coinciding with my broken engagement with Skadia, but now, conversely, rumors of a breakup are spreading.

It was truly ironic.

Ignoring all the whispers, I moved to the meeting spot where I had arranged to meet Abel and his group.

The group who had arrived first was waiting there.

“Yo, Ruan. Over here.”

Yas, who had somehow changed into the traditional clothing of a desert tribe, waved his hand.

I heard he was returning to his hometown with Serlin this time.

Something about planning to get married right after graduation?

He said he was going to get permission from his father, the tribal chief, beforehand, but I, on the other hand, was amazed at how Serlin had persuaded Count Madres.

With her kind of background, she could surely pick and choose from any decent marriage prospect.

Count Madres probably shed tears of blood at the thought of having to hand over his painstakingly raised daughter to some lowly, dark-skinned desert tribal nobody.

After exchanging a few words with Yas, I turned my attention to Abel.

“Abel. You said you were staying here too, right?”

“Yeah. My parents decided to move to the capital next month. They said there’s no need for me to come, so I’ll just train during that time.”

“Oh? Uni isn’t going either?”

“Uh, yeah. Uni’s family is also moving to the capital.”

Abel laughed awkwardly.

Even if they were childhood friends, it was too suspicious for both families to move to the same place as a group.

However, if all of this was the church’s consideration for Abel, the hero candidate chosen by the Goddess, then it all made sense.

It’s hard to protect them if they’re far away, so they must be trying to gather them all during this opportunity.

Abel would never dream that I knew these facts, so it was natural for him to hide it.

‘I guess I can fully rest assured about his family now.’

I had always worried that the Dark Church might target Abel’s family, but thankfully, that’s not the case.

As I let out a sigh of relief, Abel, in turn, asked me.

“What about you, Ruan? What are you going to do during vacation?”

“Me? I… I’ll just train here. I don’t really have any plans.”

“Oh? Then, by any chance…”

“Hmm? Speak.”

“W-would you like to go see Alisa?”

“What?”

“Let’s visit Alisa’s family. We can’t just leave things as they are, can we?”

“…”

This guy still hasn’t given up, even after hearing such harsh words from me.

‘Well, that’s how a protagonist should be.’

Doing what others cannot without batting an eye is truly a characteristic of a protagonist. Admiring his tenacity and persistence, I shook my head.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not going. You guys go by yourselves.”

“Ruan…”

“Anyway, since that’s how it is, I’m leaving now. I have to go train.”

“Ah, Ruan!”

I said my goodbyes to the group and left the auditorium without regret.