episode_0192

Stress-induced headaches, stress-induced gastritis, stress-induced hair loss, and so on. It’s a word so familiar that if you just tack it onto anything, it sounds plausible. We are all too aware of the collateral effects of stress. Words like, “Don’t get stressed,” that you might hear at the hospital. Or, “Don’t stress,” that someone nearby might tell you when you’re struggling. It’s not welcome, but it’s one of the things closest to life. The distance is incredibly short.

Therefore, whether it’s daily life or a life of ruin, mental health is a crucial issue. Especially in a situation like this, even more so. What if merely living and breathing is a continuous cycle of tension and stress? It would certainly drive people crazy, jumping out of their skin. Or perhaps it would plunge them into an unfathomable lethargy.

I have seen people in somewhat similar situations. There were those who collapsed instantly. There were also those who withered away, becoming exhausted little by little. And there were those who endured well but then lost their sanity. …In any case, I never saw a good outcome.

The humans who managed to endure each had their reasons. Some vented their emotions through violence. Others tried to forget everything through carnal pleasure with the opposite sex. Some endured with the emotion of ‘love’. Together with friends, lovers, or family. I, who had nothing, have memories of quite a bit of hardship. Judging by my own experience, the soldiers here are enduring well.

Captain Lee and his squad members, the supporting soldiers, Heize and Lawrence. I think they are truly in a healthy mental state. In addition, there was something that added a bit of vitality, and that was, ironically, MREs.

Combat rations themselves are excellent food in terms of energy supply. Other than that, well… For starters, I found it difficult to handle the extremely salty and sweet taste. A big reason was my tongue, which had adapted to my grandmother’s cooking. It was also a major factor that it wasn’t the kind of sweet-and-salty combination Koreans typically think of.

No matter how much I enjoy eating, I pride myself on not having fallen so low as to eat something like that. Unless I was on the verge of starvation. I was even reluctant to put it in my mouth, fearing it might destroy my cardiovascular system. So, I tried it a couple more times and then didn’t touch it again.

But for the others, it was a different story. Everyone, undeterred by the god-awful taste… no, they actually raved about it. The soldiers never left anything from their rations, no matter what the menu was. At first, I thought it was because they were hungry. So, I subtly mentioned it to Captain Lee.

“Wouldn’t it be alright to let them eat more if they’re short?” “Would that be okay?” “Well… aren’t combat rations originally for soldiers to eat outdoors? They’re working so hard, I think it’d be fine to let them eat as much as they need…” “Those are kind words. Everyone will be happy.”

And so, they ate only MREs for every meal. There were even quite a few soldiers who, liking it, ate two portions. Watching them, I was inwardly horrified. At first, I couldn’t understand that fervent atmosphere, but I soon realized.

‘No way, they’re eating it for the taste…’ That’s right. The soldiers enjoyed MREs in the sense of ‘gourmet’ food. The pleasure derived from the intense stimulation felt on the tongue was the biggest reason. It was certainly a genre of taste that didn’t suit the Korean palate. But it could definitely fill their stomachs.

Despite the destructive taste, there was joy in enjoying a menu divided into main and dessert. The forgotten act of gourmet eating infused them with vitality. The liveliness that appeared on their shadowed faces was proof. And the effect was much better than expected.

“Thanks to everyone’s hard work, we can see the end.” “……” “Seonghan-ssi. Um… it seems everyone wants to receive the leftovers…” “Oh… if they don’t fight and share…” “Thank you very much. Everyone will be delighted.”

As even small rewards were offered, the soldiers collectively ignited. Buoyed by the fervent atmosphere, their work efficiency also soared. The bizarre and, in a way, maddening taste awakened the soldiers. And this effect even reached unexpected individuals.

“Commander. Is there no more of this?” “I like this chocolate cake.” Even Jo Junwi and Lee Junwi, who had landed for fuel resupply, were picking out and taking menus. The destructive sweetness truly hit home for the two who had been enduring flight times akin to overwork. It was the kind of sweetness that made diabetes say, ‘If we eat this, today’s day one for us.’

Perhaps that was why. I had the illusion that the round-trip time between Konkuk University Shelter and the base had shortened. Now, on the evening of the fourth day since MRE distribution. We had cleared out the PX and almost completely emptied the ammunition depot.

‘…Is this right?’ I worried if I had perhaps unleashed poison on everyone on this expedition. It was reassuring that everyone liked it, but something felt… off. Still, I decided to think positively, figuring if it’s good, it’s good.

Although the amount of supplies in the PX and ammunition depot was less than what was at the helipad, even considering that, the transport was showing signs of finishing quite quickly. Those accustomed to the work, including Captain Lee, roughly estimated. “It’ll be over by tomorrow.” With the end directly in sight, the atmosphere was excellent. The complete absence of casualties also played a part, as this was an operation with a low probability of success and safe return. In this atmosphere, Captain Lee encouraged everyone not to lower their guard until the very end, to avoid any accidents. It seemed to me that Captain Lee was not only rallying the soldiers but also bracing himself.

‘Usually, people tend to let loose at this timing.’ Often, significant damage occurred due to carelessness at the very end. This was a common occurrence, on either side. Fortunately, it seemed that wouldn’t happen this time.

‘I also put in some effort…’ I hadn’t stopped patrolling throughout. I paid particular attention to the moments when helicopters came and went. Thanks to that, I was able to search and verify most of the main post. There was no danger, nor was there any special luck. I reported the patrol results to Captain Lee almost in real-time. Because of this, he knew there was no immediate major threat to us. Nevertheless, he maintained his vigilance until the very end, without letting his guard down. He was certainly a man befitting a commander.

I moved a little distance away, spread out a box, and sat down. To rest my legs, I pulled out a cigarette and lit it. ‘……’ A faint sense of fatigue made my body feel heavy. I felt it mentally, rather than physically. It had already been fifteen days since we left our shelter. It felt like I’d worked without a single day off, so I was filled with the desire to just relax. I wanted to take a hot shower and roll around in a soft blanket. I wanted to eat my grandmother’s warm and delicious home-cooked meal. I wanted to have a drink with everyone. And also, for the guys to quietly gather together…

‘Ah, this hyung… really…’ Even at this moment, I frowned at a needlessly handsome face. I wondered what the easygoing Dong-woo and the easy-to-tease Incheol were doing. Above these small, joyful, and pleasant memories, another face I wanted to see emerged. Delicate eyebrows, as if painted on clean, white skin, and a slender jawline. Long, flowing black hair. Small, soft-looking, pretty lips. Eyes that gently curved towards me. And a soft voice that I found pleasing to hear…

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!” Ah, damn it, NG. The subtle emotions of a winter man that were gently rising stumbled. A mischievous and ill-mannered laugh came to mind, and I couldn’t help but crack a smile.

‘…Have I been starved for too long…?’ While I was chuckling, lost in useless thoughts. “What’s so funny?” Captain Lee, with fatigue etched on his face, approached. He came over with a relaxed stride, naturally stood beside me, and lit a cigarette.

“Just… thinking about this and that.” “Is that so. It’s a good thing to have memories that make you smile.” Captain Lee spoke with a relaxed expression.

“By tomorrow afternoon at the latest, the full withdrawal should be complete.” “We’re finally seeing the end.” “…Indeed.” Captain Lee slowly exhaled a long stream of cigarette smoke. I could sense relief and lingering emotion in his breath. I, too, relaxed and enjoyed my cigarette in sync with him.

“…Thank you.” “Suddenly?” “Haha! Not suddenly, but…” Captain Lee looked away into the distance, as if embarrassed. Then, calmly, he spoke in a serious voice.

“If it weren’t for Seonghan-ssi… I would have joined the zombies. Not just me, but all the squad members.” “……” “The operation would have failed, and everyone would have suffered great damage.” “Hmm.” “From start to finish. I am simply grateful.”

There were no elaborate words. I received Captain Lee’s honest and simple words indifferently. “You’re making me cringe to death. Please stop.” “Heh~” “I’m getting paid for this, so don’t worry about it.” “Still, gratitude is gratitude.” “…Hah.” He’s quite rigid. Captain Lee and I chuckled softly. We remained silent until our cigarettes burned out.

“Seonghan-ssi.” “Yes.” Captain Lee paused for a moment, then spoke heavily.

“Would you consider joining us?” “……” My gaze instinctively turned to Captain Lee. “I wish you would come with us, Seonghan-ssi.” A sudden proposition. Captain Lee’s voice, as he spoke, was calm, but trembled slightly; serious, yet tinged with faint expectation. And the weight I felt. I could sense that these words were by no means a casual probe.

Discarding the cigarette butt, I slowly stood up. I met Captain Lee’s gaze; his expression was slightly tense. To him, who was sincere, I also spoke carefully. “…I…” Captain Lee’s eyes trembled slightly.