episode_0188

Ian’s mouth opened.

“… Silbi.”

ah.

Only after hearing that voice did I become convinced again.

I am definitely dead.

I can’t believe you call me Sylvie.

That is absolutely impossible.

If it were a dream, it would be possible, but this is not a dream.

I don’t remember the long dream I just had, but it was definitely different from the feeling I had when I was dreaming.

I am dead.

Will I see the person I want to see one last time before I go to hell?

“Ian… .”

If this is really the last time.

What if I can’t see you anymore?

I am… .

“Ian, Ian… .”

With trembling hands, I hugged you.

I felt the warm body temperature from you, who did not resist.

I was so happy and sad.

Because you didn’t reject me, I realized even more that I was dead.

If this were real, you would have pushed me away.

There’s no way they would look at me with such pity when they hug me so carelessly.

If that’s the case.

I guess it’s okay to do as you please a little bit… .

“I’m sorry… .”

He climbed on top of you as you sat down and buried his face in your shoulder.

The smell of flesh, which I loved, was evident.

I hold you so tightly as if I’m falling in love with you, and belatedly tell you what I need to say.

I struggle to speak between bursting out crying.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry… . I, I am… . I have so many things I feel sorry for you. The sins I have committed are too great and many… . I’m sorry for apologizing now. I’m sorry for hurting you. By hurting, by tormenting, by everything… . I’m sorry for everything… .”

Once the words were spoken, they poured out without my will.

My throat hurts from crying out loud, but I still can’t stop.

“I’m sorry for making you have a hard time because of me… . I hope you don’t get sick. And yet, I who hurt you, I really… . I hate myself to death… . I did something unforgivable, and I shouldn’t be forgiven. Without even wishing… . Just, just, you… I hope you are happy… .”

The words that came out of my emotions did not make sense.

It was hard for me to know what he wanted to say.

I just blurt out the words that come to mind.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, and again, thank you… . I should have said this earlier. I should have done more… . Thank you for visiting me that day. Thank you for helping me, becoming a warrior, and allowing me to shine in front of people… . It’s all thanks to you that I was able to live a life where I don’t feel hungry or ignored. Thank you so, so much… . If it weren’t for you, I would have lived like that, without knowing happiness or love. It’s all thanks to you… .”

You hugged me as I buried my face in your shoulder and sobbed.

The size and weight of the arms and hands wrapping around my waist are unfamiliar yet familiar.

It’s the same feeling that supported me.

That feeling that was so precious and reassuring that I cut out.

ah.

you like this

hug me

If you treat me kindly.

I can’t hold back crying anymore… .

And I feel it again.

I’m really dead.

This is the last time.

I guess I won’t be able to see Ian alive again.

If it wasn’t dead, there was no way you would hug me.

It’s too late.

It has to be said after death, words that cannot be reached, and no matter how much I try, they are meaningless.

Still, I… .

“I love you… .”

I can’t bear these words anymore, even in my dreams.

“I love you so much. I really, really love you so much. I love you more than anyone else in this world… . Although it may be hard to believe… . Even though I’m such a naughty child and my expressions are twisted and twisted, I truly love you… . I also lied when I said I didn’t love you. There has never been a time when I didn’t love you… . I did it to test you… . I did it because I wanted to confirm your love. I’m sorry that I didn’t show up and hurt you like that. Sorry… .”

If this is the last time.

If it is the last fantasy time given before death.

Just a little more, just a little more… .

I couldn’t even wipe away my tears, so I quickly pressed my lips against Ian’s.

The soft touch was much warmer than I imagined.

The soft things piled on top of each other and rubbed together, creating even more heat.

The flowing tears touch my lips and make them wet.

It was embarrassing, but I didn’t have time to think about that right now.

I just pushed my tongue in.

I can’t stand you anymore.

If this is the last time anyway… .

Your body flinched slightly as the tongue invaded.

I was afraid that you might push me away, so I held you tighter.

Because it’s the last time, because it’s the last time… .

Please don’t push me away… .

Even in this dream, please… .

“Huh… .”

The slippery, squishy tongue was pushed in and stirred without consideration.

My nose is clogged from crying, making it difficult to breathe.

Every time their lips separate for a moment, they take a quick breath and then close their lips again.

The breathing that happens every time is so dizzying and strange.

My body is tense and hot, but my brain feels like it’s going to melt.

Honey flows down my throat every time my saliva-soaked tongue and lips drink you greedily.

Your whole body becomes hot sugar.

I want to melt like this and seep into your mouth.

“Huh, haha… .”

I twisted my head and coveted you from various angles.

I am happy to the point of extravagance.

It’s too much fun to be given to someone like me.

Even though it is the last moment before death, is this okay?

Is it okay for someone like me to enjoy this kind of happiness?

I have a crime committed against you… .

What a terrible place hell is, that it waits for such a sweet ending.

I’m not afraid.

If I can leave with these memories, I can smile even if I am completely erased from the world.

You will be by my side until the moment of death.

My memories are still clear.

In the end, even when I die, I will never forget my sins against you.

Go to hell.

Either disappear forever.

I don’t mind disappearing like this.

“Ugh… .”

A coquettish breathing sound that is embarrassing even to think about myself keeps leaking out.

I cling closer to you to hide my shame.

More, just a little more.

Even if I could sacrifice eternity to live just one second, I would be willing to do it for this one second.

So, just a little more… .

“Hmm… .”

It was difficult to breathe, so I had no choice but to part my lips.

I buried my face in your shoulder again.

It will all be over now.

you. Or me.

It will soon turn into a handful of ashes and disperse.

It will all disappear.

“I’m sorry. Sorry. Sorry… .”

I wanted to hold on to that sad end, so I clung to you and whispered my sincerity over and over again.

“I love you… . Ian, I love you so much. love you. love you. I really love you so much. I love you the most in the world… .”

I closed my eyes tightly and repeated the words like a prayer.

I love you I love you… .

“I’m sorry. don’t forgive me You don’t have to forgive. So, forget everything, pretend there was no such thing as me, and be happy… . That’s all I need. love you. And, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… .”

I want to live.

I don’t want to die.

I want to stay by your side.

I want to keep seeing you.

I want to live.

But, but, but… .

“I’m sorry, Ian, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… . Sorry… .”

… … .

… Why doesn’t it end?

Something is wrong.

Around the time I felt that.

“Actual cost.”

You called me again.

I sniffled and slightly lifted my head.

You, facing me, observed me with a gloomy, sunken face.

Seeing you sympathize with me like this, it definitely can’t be reality… .

“… huh. Me, I’m here.”

“You can stop now.”

“… Huh?”

“That’s enough.”

“What… .”

“You can stop being sorry.”

“… … .”

You let out a light sigh and swept my hair, which had become a mess from crying, to the side.

The sight of myself in your eyes was quite funny.

I cried all my tears and snot, so it was worth it.

But now wasn’t the time to worry about that.

After organizing my hair, you spoke while gently stroking my cheek.

“… I forgave you already. So you can stop apologizing.”

“… … .”

I am speechless.

Unbelievable.

It’s not just what you say.

This situation itself… .

Without realizing it, I asked in a dumb voice.

“… Am I not dead?”

“… … .”

“Am I alive?”

Ian frowned as if wondering what that meant, then laughed.

It seems like they can’t stop it.

“Yes. You’re not dead.”

“Huh? Why, how… . I clearly… .”

“I don’t know if I will believe it or not. Devil… Lee, I saved his life before he died.”

“The devil… ? The devil made me… ? The Demon King is, uh… .”

My eyes wander with nowhere to go.

Then, it was fixed to the table next to where Ian was sitting.

There was an open notebook with incorrect answers that I always carried with me and wrote whenever I had time.

Just like someone was watching just a moment ago.

Ian noticed my gaze and spoke.

“It was too little.”

“Look, I saw it… ?”

He smiled leisurely and shrugged his shoulders.

“I was bored while waiting. I just happened to be there.”

“… … .”

It’s shameful and shameful.

But, obviously, you told me earlier… . I forgive you… .

I didn’t die.

lived

Ian forgave me.

This is all reality, not a short, sweet fantasy just before death.

I feel like crying in a different way than before.

I’m so happy.

My heart is filled with satisfaction, to the point where I wonder if I’m going to die like this.

With unstoppable tears and uncontrollable smiles.

I called you.

“Ian… .”

“Yes. Silbi.”

Sylvie. Sylvie.

The name resonates in the brain like an echo.

You called me Sylvie again.

Only then did I truly come back to life.

“I love you.”