episode_0187

Blurry consciousness flows like a cloud.

As my vision, which was as blurry as my consciousness, becomes clearer, the scenery gradually becomes revealed.

The senses also awaken.

A dark and smelly alley.

I was squatting at eye level like a rat eating discarded food.

Beyond the main street at the end of the alley, people are busy coming and going.

It is a society where people like me, who live in the dark and outside of order, cannot dare to enter.

“This is… .”

I know where this place is.

The moldy, hard bread in front of me even tells me the timing.

“No way… .”

You and I first met, that place, that moment.

Sure enough, someone walks from the edge with their back turned to the light.

That face seems a little younger than I remember… .

What I loved so much… .

“… … .”

Is it because I was looking too closely?

You stopped walking as if you were embarrassed when you saw me.

I know what you’re going to say soon.

Are you hungry?

That’s what they’ll ask.

Although he was sweet and kind, he seemed a little embarrassed by his behavior, as if it was awkward.

I’ve been thinking about it all along.

If I go back to our first meeting, how should I treat you again?

What is the correct answer?

What should I do to make you happy?

Can I stay by your side?

I’m not very smart, so it’s hard for me to think about things like that.

Still, there is one thing I have decided for sure.

At least if I get that chance again.

“I’m hungry.”

Not you, I will approach you first.

*

Is this a dream?

I had no idea why I returned to that day four years ago.

I don’t remember anything.

What did I do to end up like this?

What was I doing until just now?

What I do remember, however, is the big and small events that happened with you over the past four years.

Times when I complained but wasn’t actually uncomfortable.

My many sins against you.

A note of incorrect answers that I used to scribble alone to make up for it.

Those memories were particularly vivid.

“… I’ll stop watching and eat first.”

“Hee hee. I’m eating.”

That restaurant, that food, it’s all the same.

Even the sight of you sitting in front of me, diligently writing something down.

I was so happy and happy to see you like that, I watched you eating and drinking.

“My name is Sylvia.”

“… ah. okay. I was planning to say hello after you finished eating, but surprisingly, you are very polite.”

“Surprisingly? … Do you know me?”

weird.

Why are you talking as if you knew me?

“Hmm. Although not in detail.”

Ah, I see.

Ian was vaguely aware of what I did in the alley.

So, it’s not strange if you know a little about me.

Perhaps the situation itself, where a child was harming and begging people with magic in an alley and was polite, may be strange.

“I’m Ian.”

“Ian. Ian… .”

Ian.

It’s a short and light two syllables, but to me it’s a name bigger and heavier than anything in the world.

Not the food, but pronounce the name several times as if you were savoring it.

“Ian?”

“Huh?”

To my call, you respond.

I was so happy and ecstatic about that alone that I cried without realizing it.

“Uh, uh… . what’s the matter? Why are you crying, what are you doing? What’s going on? Is the food strange?”

“No, no, it’s delicious… .”

You shouldn’t cry.

It’s not enough to just show my good and pretty side in front of you.

Maybe it’s because I’m young, but I can’t control the endless crying.

You, who worry about me like that, are younger than I remember you, and that was so lovely that I kept smiling even while crying.

If this is a dream, I want to stay there forever without waking up.

*

I shouldn’t cry, but I kept crying every moment I spent with you.

It’s so beautiful, brilliant, and happy that you’ll become addicted to it.

I was happy and sad at the same time because it felt like this happiness was a mirage that I couldn’t grasp.

Like before, when I used nightmares as an excuse to fall asleep in your arms, I couldn’t hold back the tears.

You hugged me and comforted me and told me not to cry.

Your arms were so warm and your voice was so sweet that I felt like I was going to melt.

My body, held by you, also becomes warm.

It feels like I have become the sun in the sky.

You were the sky that surrounded me, covered me, and protected me.

Snap, tap, time passed as if it were stopped.

I told you one day

“Call me Sylvie.”

“… Suddenly?”

“Just. I hope so. Why not?”

“Okay, well… . There is nothing that cannot be done.”

I smile without even realizing it.

Sensing my waiting, you hesitated, then smiled and opened your mouth.

“Actual cost.”

“… Yes.”

Sylvie.

okay.

I am your Sylvie.

I was your wife… .

Laughter and crying keep coming out together.

Even though I know I shouldn’t keep embarrassing you, the way you get embarrassed is so cute.

I am selfish even in my dreams.

Since it’s a dream, is it okay to be a little selfish?

There’s a lot to put right.

There are a lot of things I need to apologize for.

As I fix things one by one, I will selfishly enjoy your love only occasionally.

Because that’s enough.

*

“Um, that’s right. This guy named Kati is actually… .”

It’s that day.

The day I found out that Kati was Mine.

At that time, I got very angry.

How could you do this to me?

Did you tell me to become a hero and make you stay with Mine all this time?

That demon is actually someone you shouldn’t trust, so what if he killed you and me?

… It was like that back then.

However, I now know that there is no concept of magic in the world.

Even if there were, Kati is not that type of kid.

It’s a little odd that he’s hiding behind you, sticking his head out and looking nervous, but he’s still a better kid than me.

“There was no intention to deceive… .”

“Yes. That’s right.”

“Huh?”

“Even if it’s Mine… . I haven’t had any accidents yet. I’m taking Ian with me because I have a reason to trust him.”

“Uh, uh… . That’s right.”

“It’s okay. If Ian believes it, I will believe it too. Your name is Kati?”

Kati nodded, hiding behind Ian.

At this time, he was at the same eye level as me and had almost the same build.

Maybe we could have become friends.

If I had tried a little harder, Ian wouldn’t have had such a hard time.

So, even in this dream, I correct my mistakes.

“My name is Sylvia. You might know the name by now.”

I took a step toward Kati and stretched out my hand.

“You don’t have to hide so much. Let’s get along well from now on.”

“… … .”

Kati, who noticed Ian’s notice, carefully held my hand.

Ian also looked at me with puzzled eyes.

I just smiled and lightly shook our joined hands.

*

Mercy, Aria, Beatrice, Kylie.

One by one, Ian’s colleagues increased.

Originally there was a lot of opposition.

I didn’t want there to be more women next to you.

I always hoped that I was the only one for you.

So I complained and fought a lot.

… Honestly, Beatrice and Kylie deserved a fight.

What are their personalities like?

anyway… .

It didn’t happen this time.

They welcomed me, treated me kindly, and helped me adjust.

Beatrice and Kylie were still the same grumpy and dirty personalities I knew.

Still, I endured it.

I tried to get along amicably.

Although you were embarrassed, you were relieved that I treated you that way.

It was nice to see you like that.

Seeing you relieved because of me.

I was happy just because I was able to see you getting a little better in your situation thanks to me.

Is this a dream?

Or am I dead?

So, is he atonement?

But it’s strange.

I’m too happy right now for it to be atonement.

If I could see you again like this, wherever it may be, I think it would be heaven.

Can this be called atonement?

One thing is certain: this is not reality.

No matter where you look, there is a haze at the edge of your vision.

The fog becomes increasingly thicker and wider as time passes.

It’s as if it will completely cover my vision one day.

As if to suggest that one day this illusion will all disappear.

If that’s the case, I won’t stop atoning until it’s over.

*

Time passes intermittently.

A festival day to commemorate the victory after the recapture of Zeriha.

It’s that day.

Me dressed up in a fancy dress.

You are checking my attire.

After the festival was over, I told you I liked you.

… If only I hadn’t said that. Would it have been better to be different?

“… Ian.”

“Yes, actual cost.”

Sylvie.

Every time you call me that, I feel like I just melt.

I feel like it will seep into the ground and bloom beautifully into a flower.

After the tour is over, I have something to tell you.

but… .

“… Thank you.”

Saying that wouldn’t work.

You chuckled.

“Suddenly?”

“Just. … Now that I think about it, I feel like I haven’t said thank you often.”

“What’s new?”

Did this end up happening?

now… .

*

Ian was kicked out.

How did that happen?

No matter how much I think about it, I can’t figure it out.

I tried so hard, but why couldn’t I avoid this ending?

After all, this is a place of atonement.

So, it may be that I am constantly being asked the price of my sins.

If that was the case, I had to accept it.

As time seemed to cut off, I continued to struggle.

But I couldn’t change what I couldn’t change.

The first warrior party was brought to trial again, and the execution was suspended through a judicial deal.

I voluntarily stood in their center.

I held them and led them on your behalf.

There was a lot of hard work.

There were many times when I wanted to be praised, so I remembered that.

… But, I guess there was something to write that down.

I can’t remember it well.

I met you in the city of Fiorene.

This time too, I caught you.

But, I endured it all the same.

One strange thing is, it seems like you originally picked something up and gave it to me.

Why won’t it be like that this time?

What is this sense of discomfort?

Traces of the struggles of helping with urgent dungeons, managing the first party in one’s own way, fighting enemies with a readiness to die, and entering the battlefield.

There are so many things I want to be praised for by you.

As I fought and struggled, I pondered the past over and over again.

Things I owe you an apology for.

Things to be thankful for.

The feelings that I had to convey to you, that I wanted to convey.

I lived like that, hoping that it would reach me someday, but with the contradictory feeling that it should not reach me.

Living like that, like that… .

ah.

Realized.

When I saw you fighting the devil, I remembered how I ended up.

Above the pit where the decisive battle took place, you stared blankly at me, who was caught between you and the Demon King.

Time stopped and no one moved.

Just, there was an ice man next to me who said I had to go then.

“How about it?”

“Good.”

“What?”

“He died on behalf of Ian.”

“Because I can remain in Ian’s heart?”

“No. Because Ian would have lived. That’s enough.”

“… … .”

I held the ice man’s hand.

It wasn’t cold.

Is it because I’m equally cold?

Or is it because it is a world where one cannot feel warmth?

“Thank you so much.”

“… … .”

“Hello.”

Time that has stopped flows again.

My body, caught between Ian and the Demon King, is cut off and I fall to the floor.

He died like that.

The fog that filled the corner of my vision spread quickly.

Completely covers your eyes.

The last time I saw my face, I was smiling.

… That was enough.

*

“… … .”

I barely lifted my heavy eyes.

I think I had a long dream, but I don’t remember.

It’s so long it’s hard to remember.

But, it’s strange.

Lift up your eyes and dream.

What does that mean?

I’m dead.

I remember the last moment clearly.

To save Ian, I teleported in front of him and took the devil’s attack instead.

At the end, I even saw Ian stab the Demon King in the heart.

But how… .

The feel of my waist when I touch it with my hand is also fine.

The upper and lower body were attached.

It’s an unfamiliar room.

It feels cozy thanks to the sunset shining through the window.

… I see

You died and came to the afterlife.

A healthy body and an unfamiliar space, that explains it all.

“… Huh?”

I was surprised when I got up.

Ian was sitting right next to the bed where I lay.

It just froze.

A thought at rest is barely active.

‘… ‘Is it heaven?’

That was all I could think of.

As far as I know, hell is a place made of ice and the bitter cold breaks bones.

But this place is far from hell.

There is Ian.

Wherever it is, as long as I have Ian, it’s heaven… .

‘I have to go to hell…’ .’

What happened?

Ian’s expression sank forlornly as he looked at me thinking seriously.

There was also a slight crack between the eyebrows.

Slowly, you opened your mouth.

“… Silbi.”