episode_0182

[Episode 178] – What I Received from You (1)

Time passed, and before we knew it, the day of the New Year’s martial arts gathering had arrived. It was the last day of the year and a day of waiting for the first day of the new year. The New Year’s martial arts gathering was an event held on the last night of the year.

The New Year’s martial arts gathering, which also served as the debutante ball for young adults, was an event where young adults who had just come of age and adults gathered to dance at the stroke of midnight, marking the beginning of the new year.

It was enough to make the young adults excited about their debutante ball, especially since it was during the New Year’s martial arts gathering and held in the grand martial arts hall. Dancing at midnight and being recognized as an adult made this event quite thrilling for the young adults.

Perhaps that’s why. The grandeur of the last day of the year was quite bustling. Not only were there young adults attending the debutante ball, but nobles flocked to attend the New Year’s martial arts gathering as well.

“But no matter how much…”

I furrowed my brow as I looked out the window at the long line of carriages lined up in front of the castle gate. Even though it was almost time for the martial arts gathering to begin, there were still nobles who hadn’t set foot in the grand hall.

“Why are there so many people this year…?”

There were indeed many nobles who seemed eager to attend the martial arts gathering, to the point where it felt perplexing. As I stood there, seemingly unable to comprehend the number of visitors, Titania approached me from behind.

“Mother? Are you ready?”

“…Yes.”

I looked at Titania with a tired smile. It had always been a struggle for me to exhaust myself before attending the martial arts gathering. Frankly, even smiling right now was difficult.

As I let out a small sigh, I brought my hand to my nose and sniffed. When the warm scent of milk wafted from my skin, I couldn’t help but smile softly.

“Soaking in warm water for 30 minutes, then in heated milk for another 30 minutes, applying rose-scented oil, and repeating this three times… Honestly, today feels like I’ve spent the whole day submerged in water.”

“Haha, I guess I did the same, didn’t I?”

Titania looked wistfully at the childish tone of my words. Even after the bath, there was massage and exercise, hairdressing, and changing into the dress Titania had prepared.

I turned slowly to look at the dress I was wearing. It was a blue dress like the dawn sky, with a slightly severe front slit, cut not only at the chest but also down to the belly…

Feeling empty, I stroked my stomach, and Titania started to look up and down my dress with a sly smile. Every time Titania looked at me with those eyes, I felt a little perverted.

The dress was a bright one made of white, blue, and a touch of black. Fortunately, it was a flared skirt, not revealing the lower body.

On one side of the chest, there was a golden rose brooch, and for earrings, tear-shaped sapphires in a deep blue color that evoked the rising sea. Truly, it was too extravagant.

“Today, you are truly beautiful, Mother.”

As I stood still, Titania took my hand and kissed the back of it. It was a quiet but deep and weighty kiss. Unintentionally, I swallowed dryly at the natural action like flowing water.

With her lips still on my hand, Titania raised her eyes to meet mine. Her appearance was truly seductive. Despite wearing gloves, the warmth of her lips was felt on my skin, making me uncomfortable.

Exhaling softly, I glanced at Titania. She was also wearing a new dress. A dress made of white and black silk.

It was a dress I had never seen here before. Should I call it a Greek-style dress? I thought it was an elegant dress reminiscent of the attire of a Greek goddess, with graceful silk and red leaf decorations wrapping the body.

“…You are also really beautiful today.”

“Thank you, Mother.”

Titania, lifting her lips from my hand, looked brightly and smiled. Saying Titania was beautiful was not an empty compliment. Indeed, Titania was so beautiful today that she deserved to be called truly beautiful.

Tytania, who usually didn’t dress up like this, seemed to have a change of heart today, starting from her dress to her makeup. She looked the prettiest I had ever seen her.

As I was admiring her, she extended her hand to me with a graceful gesture, smiling and whispered to me.

“Shall we head to the party hall, Your Majesty?”

“…?”

For a moment, it felt like déjà vu. I seemed to recall a similar line, but couldn’t remember when. What was it? It felt like a situation similar to now.

I furrowed my brows for a moment, trying to recollect, but nothing came to mind. If I couldn’t remember, was it not an important memory? Or was it just my mistake?

“Mother?”

“…Sorry. I was organizing my thoughts for a moment. Yes, let’s go now.”

Unable to figure it out, I sighed softly and gently placed my hand on top of Tytania’s extended hand. As I did, she grasped my hand tightly and began leading me.

*

Tytania held Vivian’s hand, reminiscing about her childhood memories. Among the blurry old memories, the clearest one was of her 7th birthday.

It was just like now.

Young Tytania held her mother’s hand as they walked through the corridor toward the party hall. She was excited and skipped along, and her mother watched her with a smile.

As they passed the maids, each greeted them, congratulating her, and she responded with joyous laughter. It was truly a happy memory.

Arriving at the entrance to the party hall, it was just like now. The guard stood at the door, and she and her mother paused in front of it.

It seemed to have started from that moment.

Since my mother named me “Titania,” even though I was nothing.

Since my mother taught me “love,” when I had never been loved by any biological parents.

The day Vivian, this grand presence, became engraved in my life, it was clearly the beginning.

Titania turned her head and looked at Vivian. Her mother was gazing at her as if she didn’t understand what was happening, blinking as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. When she thought about it, it really couldn’t have been more absurd.

For over a decade of service in the royal court, just because her mother, who had raised her, had not inherited the “title” of the royal family, she was driven out. It was so unbelievable when she first heard it.

Just because she didn’t receive “approval” from her father. Just because she didn’t have the “first night” with her father. Just because she was abandoned by that man. That was why her mother had to leave the royal court.

“Even now, it’s really…”

She was so frustrated because it was so absurd. Who was the person who died and supported the royal family in place of her young self? Who was the person who served the royal family without any reward while assisting her grandmother?

Thinking that her mother had no choice but to leave her side for such a trivial “reason,” even now, it was hard to bear the anger rising to the top of her head. Just because of that man and the first night…

“……”

“Titania? Are you not going in?”

“…No. Just a moment, just a moment.”

Setting aside the fact that her mother had kept herself pure until now, what was important now was what she had prepared for her mother. In truth, it didn’t matter when she found out…

As Titania let out another sigh, Vivian, who had been watching her, smirked. Why is she doing this again? Isn’t it going to be awkward if she doesn’t go in soon?

Looking anxious and not knowing what to do. As she looked at Titania in that state, Vivian suddenly remembered the young Titania who couldn’t dance and was at a loss.

“Titania, are you still…?”

“Yes, yes?”

“You still can’t dance?”

“…? Yes?”

Titania looked at Vivian with an incredulous expression in response to the absurd question. However, Vivian, as if genuinely concerned, began to comfort Titania.

“Surely you’re not worried because of thoughts about dancing after such a long time? Your expression is exactly that… Don’t worry too much. If you don’t want to dance, you don’t have to, right? Just say your body isn’t feeling well and let it go.”

“…Is that not the case?”

“Then why do you keep making such an indecisive expression? You only make that face when it’s related to dancing before the ball.”

“Did I do that?”

Vivian let out a deep sigh and then glared at Titania with a truly frustrated look. The glare seemed to say, “What am I going to do with you and your lack of coordination?”

“Well, your lack of coordination has always been severe. Even the teachers said you were like a baby taking its first steps when you danced. It’s inevitable that you’re worried.”

“Oh, no, it’s really not like that…”

“Ah, it’s just a memory. You were so cute when you held my hands and toddled along, matching the beat to the song.”

…”

Titania, blushing to the tips of her ears from the sudden teasing, glanced at Vivian while pursing her lips. Vivian responded with a mischievous smile, understanding that her playful smile and teasing words were meant to ease her tension.

Realizing that the playful smile and teasing words were meant as a joke to relieve her tension, Titania let out a long sigh, then squeezed Vivian’s hand a little tighter.

“Are you feeling a bit more relaxed now?”

“Yes, thanks to you. I’m completely relaxed now.”

“Good, I’m glad. So, were you really tense because of the dance?”

“It’s not that. It’s not like that…”

I wanted to speak in a more serious atmosphere, not like this. Titania turned her head to meet Vivian’s eyes as if resigned. Vivian looked at Titania with a puzzled expression.

“Mother.”

“Yes, Titania.”

“…I have a small gift for you, Mother.”

“A gift?”

Vivian raised an eyebrow at the word “gift.” A gift now, just before entering the ballroom? As Vivian pondered deeply, Titania released Vivian’s hand.

Releasing her hand, Titania slowly approached the door and instructed the usher to announce her presence first, then her mother’s. It was as if it were from another time.

Seeing this, Vivian’s previously smiling expression slowly began to stiffen.

It felt like she would finally understand the déjà vu she had felt earlier. She couldn’t understand why she only remembered today, a day so similar to the past, now.

“Ti, Titania, wait…!”

As Vivian reached out to grab Titania, the loud voice of the usher drowned out her own.

“The ruler of the kingdom and Her Majesty the Queen, Her Highness ‘Titania Snow White,’ is entering!”

The party hall’s doors opened, and Titania turned back to look at Vivian. Vivian frowned slightly, unsure of what to do, and bit her lip while looking at Titania.

Titania called out to Vivian once again.

“Mother.”

At Titania’s call, Vivian looked up and gazed at the ballroom. She was confused. Truly, utterly confused to the point where her head wouldn’t function properly. What on earth should she do?

“Titania…”

“I’m just returning a very small part of what I’ve received from you.”

With those words, Titania turned away and disappeared into the light of the ballroom. Never in her wildest dreams had Vivian imagined that Titania would prepare something like this for her.

From the start, she had thought that “that” was something she could never possess. The ministers, even the Queen Mother, had said it was inevitable, due to tradition and history. She had given up long ago.

Even if the beloved people were different in “gender,” there was no discomfort. Still, we were a “family,” and no one denied that. We were just different in “gender.”

Yes, merely different in “gender”…

…When Titania was young, I often wondered what it would have been like if I had been the same “Snow White” as Titania. Then I wouldn’t have to leave Titania’s side – I thought.

…But now it’s too late.

“Really… it’s too late.”

Taking a deep breath, I slowly headed towards the ballroom door. The attendant standing in front of the door looked at me, then went inside and took a deep breath to shout loudly so that everyone in the ballroom could hear.

“As the mother of the queen and the second queen consort of this kingdom!”

As I heard the ear-splitting shout, I entered the ballroom. Unlike when I was young, unlike Titania, I didn’t cry. I wasn’t of crying age, and I didn’t feel like it.

Instead, I kept laughing, feeling awkward.

Raising my head, I saw Titania waiting for me in front of the ballroom door, reaching out her hand. I started to approach her slowly, smiling and waiting for me.

Moving forward to hold the hand she extended to me.

Embracing my new “gender” for the rest of my life.

I took another step forward to take the hand Titania offered me.

To the woman who loves me sincerely.

“Queen Vivian ‘Snow White’ is entering!”