episode_0171

[Episode 167] – Opposite of the past (1)

“From now on, let’s use separate rooms.”

“…Separate rooms?”

After the dinner with the ministers.

Returning to my room, I made a declaration to Titania, not just any declaration. I declared that from now on, I wouldn’t “cock” in the same bed and that I would use separate rooms. With my arms crossed, I boldly shouted at Titania while glaring at her.

“Yes, separate rooms! We’ll sleep separately from now on!”

“Why?”

“…Are you asking because you don’t know?”

As I furrowed my brow in disbelief, Titania giggled. Well, there’s no way you wouldn’t know. You should know best what I did to my body today.

“I didn’t intend to torment Mother to the point of not being able to sleep…”

“…I can’t believe it when I think about what you did to me today.”

Due to the vague heat rising inside my thighs and the marks on my neck, I felt peculiar. After lightly scratching the marks left by Titania on my neck a few times, I sighed softly and continued speaking.

“Anyway, due to the curse that changes my body every 12 hours, it was difficult to stay far away from Titania. Until bedtime, it doesn’t matter, but if it passes midnight, my body will turn into a child again.”

“It’s not like I’m Cinderella or anything…”

It felt like I became Cinderella whose magic is undone at midnight. Anyway, after sleeping and waking up, I would turn into a child again, so I needed to kiss Titania again to break the curse.

Moreover, Lily is no longer in the palace.

I couldn’t let others in the palace see me in the form of a child, so even if I used separate rooms, the adjacent room was the best option. I gently turned my head and looked at Titania as if asking what she would do.

Sitting on the bed with her legs crossed and resting her chin on her hand, Titania lowered her eyes for a moment as if contemplating, then glanced up at me standing beside her. She seemed somewhat angry, but…

Contrary to my expectations, Titania smiled brightly in response.

“Okay. I’ll ask the next room to be cleaned up.”

Titania, who nodded her head with a gentle smile, was terrifying. Is it because I have gained some experience now? When Titania smiles like that, I can’t help but think there’s something fishy going on.

Sure enough…

“But are you really okay? Are you sure you want to use a separate room?”

“…Of course I’m fine.”

“Really? Can you guarantee that?”

It was annoying to see Titania smiling at me like that. Can I guarantee it? Of course! Rather, I couldn’t understand why Titania was asking me such a question. Did she think I would feel lonely?

No, I actually preferred sleeping alone. Even when I lived with Katarina in the countryside, I always used a separate room, and I never felt uncomfortable sleeping alone. Really, not even once.

Back then, I did feel a little lonely. Well, at that time, I had left Titania’s side, so maybe that’s why I had those thoughts. But now, I was sleeping in Titania’s adjacent room, so there was no reason for that.

No matter how much I thought about it, there was no reason for it to be not okay. There was no reason to feel lonely, and I was used to sleeping alone. With a triumphant smile, I confidently said to Titania, crossing my arms.

“I can guarantee it. It seems like you’re the one worried instead. It’s not like I can’t sleep alone without you, like in the old days, right? If you come into my bed in the middle of the night, I won’t forgive you and will kick you out, you know?”

Titania seemed surprised by my provocation and widened her eyes. Then, she got up from the bed, laughing heartily, and slowly approached me. Titania wiped away tears as she laughed, finding something so funny.

“Haha, don’t worry, that won’t happen. Thanks to ‘someone,’ I’ve really gotten used to sleeping alone now. There won’t be any need to throw a tantrum at Mother like in the old days.”

That ‘someone’ must be referring to me. Somehow, I furrowed my brow without realizing, feeling like a needle was poking my heart. Titania brushed my cheek and continued speaking.

“Perhaps it was unconscious until now…”

“…? What are you talking about?”

Why is she suddenly saying that? Subconsciousness? As if she didn’t know, Titania just smiled and said.

“Surely, you will find out from today.”

“…Yes, that’s right. Anyway, did you allow it? If you change your mind later, I’ll scold you.”

“Yes, don’t worry. There won’t be such a thing.”

*

That way, I was able to gain independence from Titania.

It’s the next room, but still, having my own space where I can be alone, what could be better? I thought I could sleep well, avoiding Titania’s perverted gestures in the future.

I quickly took off my dress and changed into pajamas, then threw myself onto the bed. Lying on the bed with arms and legs spread out, I enjoyed my freedom.

Indeed, the spacious bed was even larger than I had imagined. It was a bed big enough for five adults to lie down and still have space. Even when Titania and I lay together, it was wide, but lying alone made me more aware of its size.

As I lay there staring at the ceiling absentmindedly, the events of today kept coming back to me. The image of Titania throwing herself at me as if her brakes had failed continued to flicker before my eyes.

…Just how long does Titania intend to keep doing this to me?

She said that the emotions she had been holding back had burst forth, so it didn’t seem like those feelings would easily subside. At least a month, perhaps? Until then, I had to push Titania away as much as possible.

Otherwise, it seemed like she might really cross the line. No matter how much Titania loved me as a lover, she shouldn’t cross the line as a mother. Because I am Titania’s mother.

In truth, I had thought about refusing even if it meant getting angry at Titania, who kept trying to cross the line all day today, but I couldn’t help but remember her words about how much she had held back.

So, I felt like I should endure a little bit. After all, it wasn’t worth getting angry at Titania for keeping the line and not touching the truly dangerous areas.

Moreover, doesn’t Titania know it too? That if she crosses the line, this behavior will be immediately stopped. So, it’ll probably end with a kick to the thigh or a slap on the neck. Truly, she’s a quick-witted and clever child.

And as Titania uses me to vent her emotions, won’t her mocking behavior gradually diminish? Yes, it surely will. As sexual desire decreases when released, right? Perhaps Titania will be the same.

So, I just have to endure a little.

In a month or two, she’ll get tired of it and find another way. Well, how much can Titania torment me by biting and sucking? I can endure at least as much as today.

She has been enduring the difficulty of loving me all this time, as a mother, I should be able to tolerate this much, right? Considering the mistakes I’ve made towards Titania so far, I should be able to bear this much.

“Truly. You’re a daughter who loves her mother too much.”

With a confidence that seemed to come from nowhere, I breathed out and looked up at the ceiling, smiling softly. Then, saying that I needed to sleep quickly, I blew out the candle and hugged the pillow, closing my eyes.

…At that moment, I simply took Titania’s feelings lightly, believing that time would solve everything.

I denied the fact that I kept erasing the line that had already been crossed and redrawing it again.

At that moment, I didn’t know.

No, I knew but pretended not to.

All these thoughts were nothing but “self-justification.”

I deliberately ignored them.

*

…How long had it been since I closed my eyes?

I peeked, opened my eyes, and looked at the clock. It was well past midnight. Soon it would be dawn, not unusual at all. I sighed deeply and tossed and turned in bed.

“…I can’t sleep.”

Really, I couldn’t even sigh.

No, I fell asleep but woke up after 30 minutes. Since then, for some reason, I couldn’t sleep and tossed and turned in bed dozens of times. Normally, I would fall asleep within 10 minutes of resting my head on the pillow…

Today, for some reason, I couldn’t sleep at all.

I tried stretching because I couldn’t sleep, counted sheep, and tried everything. But instead of falling asleep, as time passed, my mind became more restless, leading to the current situation.

Clutching the pillow tightly, I stared blankly out the window as dawn began to break, and suddenly, I remembered the conversation I had with Titania earlier. “Would it be okay for me to be alone? Can you assure me?” What did I say back then?

…I can’t remember clearly due to my tiredness, but it was clear that I gave a foolish answer. I was so tired that my mind wasn’t working, yet I couldn’t sleep. This situation felt too awkward.

Is it because the sleeping arrangement has changed? Is it because the room for sleeping is different now? Or is it because the pillow has changed? Was I always this sensitive about where I sleep? I buried my face in the pillow and kicked my feet restlessly.

As I continued to toss and turn on the wide bed, time passed, and the morning sun shone through the window, signaling the start of a new day.

“Ugh. I’m so sleepy, but I can’t sleep…”

As I gazed blankly at the sunlight streaming into the room, a bitter laugh escaped me. Did Titania know about this fact? Is that why she used the term “subconscious”? I slowly began to acknowledge it.

Unconsciously, I had become accustomed to sleeping with Titania.

I suddenly recalled the memory of when Titania wanted to have separate rooms from me. Did Titania feel the same way back then? Was lying alone in bed awkward and unsettling for her too?

“Ugh…”

Letting out a small sigh, I quickly jumped out of bed, opened the door, and peeked into the hallway to see if anyone was there. After confirming no one was around, I swiftly dashed into Titania’s room.

As soon as I jumped into the room, Titania, who had just woken up from sleep, was sitting on the bed stretching. She greeted me with a fresh smile when she saw me standing there holding a pillow in one hand.

“Did you sleep well? Mother.”

I felt like I was going to die because I couldn’t sleep properly, but it seemed like Titania slept very well. She stretched comfortably and approached me with a bright smile. Her morning greeting clearly indicated that she knew about my current state. I couldn’t see my face because I didn’t look in the mirror, but surely my face must have looked terrible. Feeling uncomfortable, I covered my face with the pillow.

Then, Titania, who had squatted down and met my gaze, asked me,

“So, did you bring the pillow to sleep with me? Just after one day?”

Her tone seemed somewhat provocative, and somehow it hurt my pride. Yes, it was just one day, wasn’t it? Maybe I couldn’t sleep just because my sleeping place changed. And since I’m so tired, I’m sure I can sleep well tonight.

I don’t know if I’m not in my right mind because I couldn’t sleep properly, or if my head is too stiff to think normally. Somehow, without knowing why, anger surged within me, and I turned my head away from Titania, glaring at her.

As Titania looked at me and smiled mockingly, I, too, unknowingly snorted and turned my head, establishing an inexplicable sense of pride, and lied to Titania.

“That’s impossible, isn’t it? I slept well even alone. In fact, I felt even better sleeping deeply without you.”

“…I see. It seemed like your eyes were so bloodshot that you couldn’t even sigh. I guess it was my mistake.”

“Of course…”

Titania, who raised the corners of her mouth, said so. Then, she rested her chin on her arm on her knee, let out a sigh as if she were really disappointed, and spoke in a voice that seemed to feign disappointment.

“I wanted to sleep with you because I couldn’t sleep properly, but if you’re more comfortable sleeping alone, I can’t help it. At my age, I can’t throw a tantrum and ask to sleep together, can I?”

“Oh, no…”

The moment I tried to say something, Titania’s eyes narrowed coldly. It was so cold that I couldn’t even speak and could only smile awkwardly.

“So, please continue sleeping alone in the future.”

“……”

…I made a mistake.