episode_0168

In the end, the point was this.

Is it lust or love?

That is the question.

In reality, this kind of dilemma was something that anyone could experience at least once.

But isn’t there a saying?

“You don’t have dirty thoughts about someone you truly like.”

Joohee senior, who was drinking coffee, was taken aback by my words.

We were in a small cafe nearby, having a conversation.

I emphasized once again, like it was the truth.

“Do you know? You don’t have dirty thoughts about someone you truly like.”

“…Is that so?”

Joohee senior, who seemed surprised at first, hesitated, but I nodded without hesitation.

That’s how it is.

You don’t have dirty thoughts about someone you truly like.

“So, you shouldn’t confuse lust with love. Do you understand? Have you ever comforted yourself with that person? Then you need to reevaluate your emotions.”

“….”

Joohee senior slumped his shoulders immediately.

Honestly, it was a case-by-case basis. But anyway, it was a way to help him organize his thoughts again by saying it like this.

‘Wait a minute.’

Suddenly.

I realized one hidden truth.

Based on his reaction now, did Joohee senior ever pleasure himself with thoughts of me?

Suddenly, I imagined Joohee senior moaning and calling my name while moving his hand vigorously.

Slap!

“Crazy bastard!”

I snapped out of it, slapping myself.

No matter what, this was not it.

That’s why I intentionally didn’t go to a bar but to a cafe.

I could take advantage of Joohee senior’s misunderstanding and say, “Shall we confirm it, senior?” and take him to a hotel.

I could confuse him and say, “It’s hard to define emotions by yourself. What you feel is important,” while engaging in physical contact to excite him.

Or I could say, “Shall we drink and talk about it together?” and take him to a bar, get drunk together, and then who knows, corrupt him!

Honestly, it seemed very easy!

“…The probability seems high.”

How would this woman be in bed?

When you continue to think alone, you often cross the line.

It was just the right time, so I gathered my thoughts once again and answered while looking at the confused Joohee senior.

“Senior, but that’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Huh?!”

Whether he thought it was embarrassing or not, Joohee senior, who continued to drink coffee, awkwardly responded.

“If you’re human, it’s natural to feel that way. Since you’ve lived much more fiercely than others, you may not have the experience to know this.”

“….”

“It’s not embarrassing. There are people who are very honest about their sexual desires.”

Like Seo Yerin.

Maybe because I saw Seo Yerin’s true nature, Joohee senior’s dilemma felt somewhat trivial.

So, I could give advice like this without feeling burdened.

Still, many fantasies that had just crossed my mind were still lingering.

I could have easily pushed Joohee senior a bit harder and taken him to a hotel.

“It’s getting late now.”

After finishing the remaining coffee in one shot, I smiled and said to Joohee senior.

“Let’s go back to the dorm.”

After that, we headed back to the dorm together.

There was no separate conversation on the way.

Sometimes, Joohee senior would glance at me, but that was it.

Before we knew it, we arrived in front of the dorm.

Even though I hadn’t eaten dinner, I wasn’t hungry.

I just wanted to go back quickly and lie down on my bed. I wasn’t physically tired, but mentally exhausted, and I wanted to be away from Joohee senior.

“Then, I’ll go. It was fun today, senior.”

As I smiled and said goodbye, Joohee senior, who had been staring at me, took a step closer.

“Just, once.”

Now, Senior Juhee’s flushed face feels familiar to me.

In a voice filled with longing, Senior asked me a favor.

“Can you hug me just once?”

“….”

“I want to confirm whether I’m just imagining things or not.”

Senior’s request was sweet.

I found myself reaching out to hug Senior without even realizing it.

So.

“No.”

I refused.

“I don’t think that would be appropriate.”

I have someone I like.

I understood Senior because I, too, had not firmly established my feelings.

But still, there needed to be boundaries.

“….”

It was the first time.

Seeing Senior’s almost crying face.

Unlike the confident Senior in front of the gangsters, now it seemed like he could crumble at any moment.

I quickly went inside the dormitory.

Thump, thump.

The sound of my footsteps felt unusually loud, and the inside of the dormitory was eerily quiet.

I felt guilty for leaving Juhee Senior alone, but at the same time, I felt a strange certainty that my actions were right.

I thought I should go back and play games or watch YouTube to clear my mind, but as I entered my room.

“You’re back?”

Choi Yiseo, lying on the bed and looking at her phone, gets up from her spot.

“Aren’t you coming here too often?”

Since moving to the dormitory, I had a tendency to come here too often. It was understandable since my room was close when I came to school.

Now, it was almost every other day, which was confusing.

“I came to take a break after helping the first-year students. It’s not nice to lie down in the common room.”

“You’re still helping the first-year students?”

I said it was too often, but Yiseo just laughed and changed the subject.

“Did you have a good time with Juhee Senior?”

She knew.

I tried to answer casually, but the image of Juhee Senior just now came to mind, and I couldn’t speak.

Seeing my hesitation, Yiseo realized that something had happened and looked at me for a moment.

“Come here.”

She reached out her arms and called me over.

“I don’t feel like it.”

I felt a reluctance to be embraced by another woman right after what happened with Juhee Senior.

But Yiseo walked towards me and hugged me tightly.

“Are you feeling down?”

There was nothing more to it.

Yiseo just gently asked, as if comforting me, and I found myself sighing.

“A little?”

“What’s bothering you?”

“Just… I can’t do as much for the people I care about as I want to.”

In the end, I was just one person.

“And thinking that this might just be my selfishness?”

I couldn’t make promises I couldn’t keep.

“I’m sorry. Can I think about it a little more?”

“Why do you say such mean things while pretending to be nice, our Woojin.”

Yiseo teased with a smile.

I apologized, but Yiseo didn’t respond. She just hugged me tighter, as if to reassure me.

Whenever I talked to Yiseo, my heart felt lighter.

She accepted my selfishness, my indecisiveness, my desires without any judgment.

And yet, her tone, emotions, and actions remained unchanged.

It felt comforting to have her reassure me that it was okay to be myself.

Different from Seryun, Yiseo affirmed me in a different way.

It was possible.

I cautiously hugged Yiseo back, who was wholeheartedly expressing herself.

After a few minutes like that.

I lowered my hands, grabbed Yiseo’s thighs on both sides, and carried her towards the bed.

Thud!

Yiseo was taken aback when I laid her down.

“Wait, wait! I didn’t mean that?!”

“Yiseo, you know that, right?”

It’s complicated because of Senior Juhee.

I know that doing something like this is morally wrong.

Emotionally, I was still dizzy.

“Love and lust are different.”

Lust is honest.

What can I do?

Love and lust are similar colors, but there is a slight difference.

As I buried my face in her chest, Choi Eiseo grabbed my hair and pushed me back firmly.

“I don’t have any clothes to change into, and I have to go now. So, endure it?”

“I’ll finish quickly.”

“I have no intention of doing that!”

“Then I guess I’ll have to make you want to.”

When Choi Eiseo said that if she gets excited, it’ll be over, she finally sighed and said, “Start with a kiss.”

Choi Eiseo let go of my hair.

I stayed on the bed, leaned over Choi Eiseo, and kissed her.

We exchanged passionate kisses.

Choi Eiseo had gotten quite good at using her tongue.

Feeling like I had tainted her with my lewdness, I became even more excited.

After the somewhat lengthy kiss ended,

I looked down at Choi Eiseo.

Phew!

She pushed me to the side and quickly got up.

“Hoo, hoo! Fully charged! Can I go now, Woojin?”

“Don’t talk nonsense! I really got up fast!”

“No time? You usually last a long time once you start.”

“Then you shouldn’t have gotten me started!”

“Woojin….”

Choi Eiseo, who looked upset, asked me sadly, “I’m satisfied with just a kiss, are you not?”

“No.”

“….”

“Heart and lust are different, right?”

“Anyway.”

Choi Eiseo, who had already picked up her phone to reply to messages, suddenly turned to me.

Her hurried breath, messy hair, slightly sweating, and trying to hide the wetness by constantly crossing her legs.

Choi Eiseo was clearly in an excited state.

“Let’s just say I’m not feeling well today and can’t go.”

“I really want to do that. But I can’t. Woojin, watch some adult videos. You seemed more excited after watching them.”

She must have checked that already.

Choi Eiseo finished replying to the messages and left immediately.

“Hey, something big happened! Look at this!”

I tried to show her how serious the situation was by quickly taking off my pants, but

“You crazy bastard!”

Choi Eiseo, who was surprised to see me just before taking off my panties, ran out of the room.

“….”

I sighed as I stood there half-naked, hitting my forehead.

I felt like I was back to reality.

The gaze of the senior who looked sad while looking at me just now came to mind, so I hurriedly put on my panties and pants.

“Did I buy beer?”

I remember the last time I drank beer with Oh Daesang was the last time.

Of all times, there was no beer in the fridge.

With an empty heart, I checked the fridge just in case, and there were six cans of beer and a bottle of wine.

“Hmm?”

I thought I remembered drinking them all, so I was puzzled, but each beer and wine had a post-it note attached.

-(¯ㅁ¯)

Drink moderately!

– This is for me to drink with you! ٩(°ꇴ°)۶

“Oh.”

The handwriting was definitely Choi Eiseo’s.

Beer bought for me to drink and wine bought for us to drink together later.

Seeing that made my heart ache for no reason.

“Oh, really.”

I scolded myself for being stupid again for letting Choi Eiseo leave.