episode_0167

Yeonju continued to walk along the path.

At 21, Seo Yeonju was unrecognizably more beautiful compared to her past self. It was the result of her relentless self-care.

“Easy, easy… It’s not difficult anymore…”

21-year-old Seo Yeonju murmured that.

She made eye contact with Seo Yeonju and smirked. She exuded a conceited attitude, like someone who had mastered everything in the world.

—Seo Yeonju, what is your life?

“Life itself is a movie. You have no choice but to live acting your whole life. If you do just that, it’s easy, you know? After subtly observing, if you do something that everyone likes, it’s over. Then you can receive plenty of affection and money.”

“…”

Seo Yeonju’s expression became ambiguous.

In the end, even 21-year-old Seo Yeonju didn’t mention herself. When asked what Seo Yeonju’s life is, she only answered what everyone likes.

Tick-tock— Tick-tock—

Seo Yeonju continued to move forward.

Her pace had become quite fast. A hope settled in one corner of her heart. A hope that if she kept going like this, she might have the confidence to give a clear answer.

“…”

But soon she had to stop.

Because she couldn’t move forward any further.

‘…Thorns? It’s blocked.’

A mountain of thorny bushes blocked the path. Moreover, the thorns were very long and sharp.

—Seo Yeonju, what is your life?

This time, there was no Yeonju to answer.

It’s obvious. Because she couldn’t move forward.

That was when.

—Seo Yeonju, what is your life?

A pitch-black shadow clumped together in the form of Seo Yeonju and materialized, asking. Seo Yeonju calmly replied.

“I don’t know what’s what at all.”

—It’s exactly what you saw. The footprints you left while walking through your life.

The shadow said briefly.

—So Seo Yeonju, what is your life?

“…I don’t know either. Stop asking. I feel like I’ll know if I go just a little further, but isn’t there another path?”

—There isn’t. Even if you move forward, there won’t be another you.

“Why not?”

Seo Yeonju was puzzled. 22-year-old Yeonju, 23-year-old Yeonju, 24-year-old Yeonju… Shouldn’t they all be there?

Then the shadow pointed to 21-year-old Yeonju.

—It’s because your answer stopped there.

Seo Yeonju finally understood.

21-year-old Yeonju defined life as ‘a movie to live acting your whole life’, and that is a thought that has been maintained without changing even once until now.

So even if she moves further, there won’t be another Yeonju, and even if she meets one, there will be no gain. Because those Yeonjus will give the same answer as the 21-year-old Yeonju anyway.

“Then what’s at the end of this path?”

—The answer to my question. The answer you’re looking for.

“What, then you should have said that sooner.”

Seo Yeonju approached the thorny bush.

“…If I somehow break through this and get through it, I’ll know everything, right? Who I am, what kind of voice my heart has, and what I want to do.”

First, she tried to touch the thorny bush with her fingertip.

However.

Whoosh—!

“…!”

The thorny bush wriggled like a living whip and lashed out at Seo Yeonju’s hand. It was so sudden that there was no time to scream. A beat later, pain struck.

“Ah, ouch…!”

Blood trickled from her hand along with a burning sensation as if it were on fire. However, the thorny bush that Seo Yeonju’s blood touched made a sizzling sound and disappeared.

Seo Yeonju finally realized the rule.

‘I can only move forward by erasing the thorny bush with blood.’

And the thought that struck her next was.

‘…Isn’t this crazy?’

It was an absurd sound. To break through such a large thorny bush, how much blood would she have to shed? Even torture wouldn’t be this terrible. She felt like she wouldn’t have enough even if she had a hundred lives.

“…”

But Seo Yeonju soon shook her head.

‘I want to change from before. I have to find the answer.’

After hardening her heart, she moved forward once again. She covered her face with both arms and forced herself to walk forward.

However.

“Huuueuk! Ueuk!”

It hurts. It hurt too much.

She couldn’t move forward any more.

How many more times did she try like that?

“Ah… Aaaaah…”

In the end, Seo Yeonju ended up collapsing.

All her skin was torn and covered in blood.

She gave up. It seemed impossible to even try anymore. Just standing in front of the thorny bush made her legs tremble. In the meantime, her brain had engraved the fear.

The shadow looked down at Seo Yeonju indifferently.

—Seo Yeonju, what is your life?

“My life, my life is…”

Seo Yeonju suddenly bit her lip tightly, and then.

“How am I supposed to know that—!”

She shouted violently.

“If I knew that, would I be like this? Why is this thorny bush even here in the first place? It’s an absurd rule! You’re saying that if I break through this, you’ll tell me the answer? Does that make sense? It’s no different from torture! It just gives me pain for no reason!”

—All the answers are beyond the path.

Even though the blood-soaked Seo Yeonju was almost shouting, the shadow’s answer was calm. It was just like that.

—Also, it’s a space that was realized because you wanted it in the first place.

Seo Yeonju shook her head and sobbed.

“I don’t like it. I don’t like it. Just let me out, I still don’t know. Or just kill me instead. I don’t like anything anymore…”

The spirit that seemed like she would be able to hear the voice of her heart was nowhere to be found. The awakening that you would see in cartoons was still a distant story from her.

She didn’t suddenly have an epiphany, she didn’t suddenly gain tremendous power, and she didn’t have the courage to never be broken.

She’s weak. She was still weak.

In the meantime, Seo Yeonju felt a presence. Before she knew it, the Yeonjus of the past had followed and were watching her.

“Haa… Haa…”

The blood-soaked Seo Yeonju stared at them in bitter pain. Some fragment of her past that she had passed through.

She had only one thought.

‘I was so fresh and pretty back then…’

Now she knows for sure.

Her past self was not as ugly as she thought it was at the time. It wasn’t natural to be hated, and she only seemed to be in a state worthy of being loved.

That’s why she regretted it now.

Why couldn’t she be confident back then? Why did she always scold herself for being ugly, cry all night, and live uglily while only looking at others’ faces?

It would have been okay to enjoy the time and live, but why was every moment so urgent, as if she were being chased by someone?

—Seo Yeonju, what is your life?

At the shadow’s question, the past selves opened their mouths all at once.

“I’m stopping Mom and Dad from fighting.”

“It’s a desperate struggle not to be bullied.”

“It’s a punishment I have to endure because I couldn’t die.”

“It’s self-care to look good to others.”

“It’s acting to be loved.”

Seo Yeonju’s heart felt heavy as she listened to it.

“…”

It felt like a stone had fallen on her heart.

‘Pitiable. Too pitiable.’

Her past selves are empty, let alone being loved. They were in a state of being completely empty inside. She had only lived life as an observer or witness, and had never lived as Seo Yeonju even once.

‘Maybe…’

Would it have been different if she had been born into a happy family?

If she had a lot of money, if she wasn’t bullied, if she was pretty from a young age, if she had happiness that didn’t even consider suicide, if she hadn’t become depressed…

“…Haa.”

Seo Yeonju ended up laughing.

Because there were too many ‘ifs’. She knew it too. None of these assumptions meant anything.

In the first place, the past cannot be changed.

So, wasn’t fate determined from the moment her parents broke things while fighting in front of Yeonju? To live like this, I mean.

—Seo Yeonju, what is your life?

“…Okay. I’m not even interested anymore.”

She can’t stand herself because she’s so insignificant.

She’s not unlucky enough to have lost her arms and legs like a tragic heroine, and she’s not great enough to be a hero. She was truly ambiguous.

A mediocre person who has mediocre abilities, is mediocrely unhappy, and can’t do anything at important moments. A crazy person who spent her childhood, which could have shined, in vain.

‘Looking at it now, my younger self was pretty enough. If I had worried earlier from then, if I hadn’t filled my life with others and had focused solely on myself…’

…It would have been different now.

But.

That was when.

—Seo Yeonju, what is your life?

When she heard that question once again.

No, to be exact, when she saw her own reflection in the pool of blood on the floor. Suddenly, a thought flashed through Seo Yeonju’s mind.

“…”

What’s reflected like a mirror in the red pool is her own appearance. It’s obvious. She could see well because her eyes were fine.

25-year-old Seo Yeonju is contained.

It’s the current Seo Yeonju.

“…”

Yeonju raised her head to look at her past selves, then lowered her head again to look at her appearance in the pool. She repeated that very slowly about three times.

Why didn’t she know?

The current self is also not bad.

No, it’s excellent. It’s a natural thing because it’s the result of fiercely managing and creating it every day.

So, maybe.

Isn’t it not too late?

When she looks back on this moment when she is in her 30s or 40s, wouldn’t she think it was a sufficiently shining time? Instead of being frustrated, shouldn’t she just move forward from now on?

“…”

Seo Yeonju swallowed hard and stood up.

If it’s not too late, she must challenge it right away.

She jumped into the thorny bush once again to break through it.

Pshushushuk—!

“Eueuk!”

But it’s still difficult.

It’s not easy even if she grits her teeth and tries to move forward. Moreover, the thorny bush was wriggling as if it were alive.

It seemed to be threatening Seo Yeonju, shrugging its shoulders. As if asking what kind of impertinent things she was doing now after living that way her whole life. As if telling her to stay as she is.

It’s frustrating, but there’s no way. Now, even just making eye contact with the thorny bush makes her body tremble. In this state, she won’t be able to move forward even one step.

“…Hoo.”

But Yeonju gathered her breath.

Because she had decided to move forward now.

‘…If it’s scary to look at, can’t I just not look at it?’

Thinking about it, it was like that.

‘I’ve always lived thinking only about the things I’m afraid of.’

I’m afraid my parents will get divorced, I’m afraid I’ll be bullied in class, I’m afraid someone will hate me, I’m afraid of the next day if I live… It was always like that.

Ah, now I know the identity of the thorny bush.

Yeah, the thorny bush was Seo Yeonju’s future.

The future that Seo Yeonju has always vaguely feared, and that gnawed at her heart every time she worried about what would happen!

So.

If she wanted to change from now on, what she had to do was decided.

‘I have to fix this damned attitude first. If I only fill my heart with fearful things, it will only become empty. Just look at my past self. Let’s fill it with something else now.’

Yeah. With the thought of being reborn.

Seo Yeonju said that, turning her back to the thorny bush.

Now the hideous thorny bush doesn’t come into her view. Only the terribly cute past selves can be seen.

At the same time, this was Seo Yeonju’s decision.

From now on, let’s not worry about the opaque future and tremble while moving forward. Let’s focus solely on the present.

Puuk—!

When she took a slight step back, the thorns tore and penetrated her back. But Seo Yeonju was raising the corners of her mouth for some reason.

Maybe she had been hearing the voice of her heart since long ago. However, she just didn’t have the courage to face it. She kept putting it off, only thinking about fearful things every time.

It’s time to face it now.

—Seo Yeonju, what is your life?

“Okay. I’ll tell you.”

Seo Yeonju said, taking another step back.

“I know for sure now.”

Puuuuk—!

As she took a big step back, the knife-like thorns tore Seo Yeonju’s body to shreds. A terrible sight. But Seo Yeonju didn’t stop, even while spitting out blood.

She endures. She can endure it.

It hurts as if she’s about to faint, but it wasn’t as difficult as before. Because she didn’t try to force herself to see the opaque future. Because all she can see are her past selves.

In fact, her current self may be hideous.

The appearance of struggling to break through the thorny bush, screaming, and trembling is far from the image she had been dreaming of. It won’t be elegant or pure.

It wouldn’t be an appearance that would be loved by others.

But. What does that matter?

In the end, isn’t this also a scene that she will beautifully reflect on when it passes? Yeah, that’s important!

Surely her future self will evaluate the present as very brilliant! Because effort focused solely on herself, leaving aside all other fearful things, is like that!

Yeah! So!

Focus on the present!

Since she can’t know the future right now anyway! Desperately struggle in the present! Now, reminisce about the beauty of the past that has long passed! Isn’t it enough to live like that!

Like that, one step.

Another step pushes the future and fear away with her back.

“Life is.”

And another step.

“My life, what my life is…”

Another step. She fears nothing.

“…a flower path walked backwards.”

Then a strange thing happened.

Hwaaaa—!

The blood that had completely soaked the floor began to grow into flowers. The Yeonjus of the past were amazed.

Every time she took a step, the knife-like thorns tore Yeonju to pieces. But Yeonju doesn’t stop. Rather, she was convinced that this method was right.

Puuuuk—!

Tear me apart even more!

Leave nothing of my shape!

A self that had unnecessarily worried about the opaque future, a self that had filled her heart with others, she doesn’t need that even a little bit from now on!

So Seo Yeonju willingly pushed her body between the thorny bushes. She doesn’t stop backing away.

Strangely enough, the scenery in her view became more splendid as she did so. Efforts like blood grow densely everywhere as flowers.

‘Go. Go. Don’t be afraid and go, Yeonju.’

How much time had passed like that?

Finally, when Yeonju was no longer in the form of a human, Seo Yeonju realized that she didn’t feel any sensation on her back. She had finally broken through everything.

A smile came out on its own.

But that wasn’t because there was no more pain.

‘…Beautiful.’

That’s because the path she had passed through had become a beautiful flower path before she knew it. How heartwarming was the sight of the young Yeonjus smiling brightly and playing. She feels proud.

—Arrived.

The shadow said one word.

Yeah, this flower path was the scenery of the destination, and at the same time, it was the realization that Seo Yeonju would gain.

Life is a flower path walked backwards.

The future cannot be predicted even a little bit, and that’s why it’s uneasy, but trembling and moving forward is a foolish choice. It was enough to just focus on this moment and do her honest best. Surely, when she looks back on it, she will know that it was a moment as beautiful as a flower.

—Seo Yeonju.

This time, the shadow asked differently.

—What do you want to do?

“…”

Seo Yeonju couldn’t answer.

Because her whole body was torn by the thorny bush. No matter how you look at it, there was almost no flesh left, and bones were visible here and there. To the extent that it was right to call it a blood-soaked mass of muscles.

At that time, the young Yeonjus frantically weaved flowers and made a flower crown. They put it on Yeonju’s head.

As if to say she had suffered. Also, as if to say thank you.

And as if to say please take care of her in the future.

At the same time, an amazing thing happened. Her body, which had been torn all over, returned to its original state. No, now that she was smiling, she was in a much more beautiful state than before.

“Yeah.”

Smiling brightly, Yeonju said.

“I mean.”

Now that she can define her life, she can clearly hear the voice of her heart. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

“The voice of my heart, my honesty, my wish is…”

Even though she was from a divorced family, even though she grew up without being loved, even though she was bullied in class, even though she was full of suspicion about the gazes around her, even though she was foolish and pathetic…

Even for such a self.

“…I wanted to love myself. Always.”

She wanted to love herself.

Seo Yeonju carefully hugged the little Yeonjus. Feeling a stream of tears running down her cheek.

◈◈◈◈◈

‘Lies, lies, lies.’ At the filming site.

The crowd in front of the desk and monitor installed for monitoring was no joke. That’s because the director, staff, and related people were all watching in breathless silence.

Their mouths never stopped.

“Ms. Sua didn’t shout NG this time!”

Everyone had their own expectations, but still, the worried expression was greater. Because Sua had made too many NGs in the meantime.

“Can we finally see Yeonju’s acting?”

“That’s right. What kind of acting will she show us?”

“Don’t we have our own predictions?”

“We do. Crying, going crazy from despair, getting angry, eventually committing suicide following Suhee…”

Many things that were usually expected were listed.

The staff and related people had already read the script, so everyone had many predictions about what would happen from the beginning.

Director Park Muryong said.

“Quiet. It’s something that can be confirmed directly with your eyes.”

Everyone fixed their eyes on the monitor in breathless silence, and then.

“…Huh?”

They all expressed their doubts at once.

◈◈◈◈◈

Swish—!

Seo Yeonju suddenly came to her senses.

‘…Ah?’

The sensation of standing on the sand, the weight and warm warmth of Sua on her back, she realized that she had returned to reality.

Even though she had experienced so many things, it seemed that the reality hadn’t even passed for a second. But it’s not just a dream. The stream of tears still flowing down her cheek was proof.

…Yeah, she feels completely different from before.

In the meantime, people in black suits appeared on the sandy beach. The Gyeil Faction had chased after them.

『How diligent. Did you find a grave in advance?』

The male actor in charge of the Gyeil Faction leader raised the corners of his mouth.

Seo Yeonju thought. What is Park Siyeon’s honesty?

Is it right to beg for her life in an ugly way? Or should she cry loudly, grieving over Suhee’s death?

Anything would have been reasonable in its own way. Because they are choices that can’t be definitively said to be wrong. However.

“…”

Seo Yeonju rather raised the corners of her mouth.

Because she could see the best choice now.

Park Siyeon resembled herself exactly.

She only looks at others’ faces and always hides herself. From some point on, she even forgot what her honest self was.

So.

—Live as a person, not a dog.

It’s time to listen to Im Suhee’s words and realize it. Like Seo Yeonju, who faced herself through Sua’s words.

『Suhee, just lie down here for a moment.』

Yeonju laid Im Suhee carefully on the sandy beach and searched inside her suit. She took out a dagger.

The Gyeil Faction members couldn’t stand it and burst into laughter.

『Are you even going to commit suicide? You’re so impatient. If you just wait quietly, we’ll cut you well. You have to stab it well? Otherwise, you’ll suffer!』

『No.』

Seo Yeonju shook her head.

『I’m going to kill you.』

She said, smiling while crying.

『You’re all going to die at my hands today.』

『…Are you kidding me right now? A bitch whose hands are trembling from the start.』

『That’s right. Well, she might not be able to kill even one person in the end.』

Unexpectedly, Seo Yeonju easily admitted it.

『But.』

Her face was filled with a sense of relief.

『What’s important to me right now isn’t that.』

She’s honest now.

She doesn’t use her head or try to look good. She just reveals her revenge for Suhee as it is.

Park Siyeon and Seo Yeonju realized at the same time at this moment. The reason why people value honesty so much.

Now she knows. Honesty is worth it. Because it enriches her own life, not anyone else’s. Because it makes her feel like she is living autonomously.

So Seo Yeonju grabbed the dagger. Not to kill the opponent, but just to be honest with herself.

For the appearance that Im Suhee wanted so much.

『Suhee, don’t I seem a little more human now?』

Seo Yeonju’s smile was bright.