episode_0163

Pretending to be okay.

That’s what the phrase means. It’s exactly as it sounds.

Pretending to be okay. In other words, it means acting like everything is fine when it’s not.

Here, “okay” usually refers to something mental or physical, likely something accompanied by pain or discomfort.

Pretending not to be in pain. Pretending not to be hurt, and so on, can be considered similar examples.

Once again.

Pretending to be okay. This phrase succinctly describes Kim Taehyun’s recent state.

“Mr. Taehyun.”

Kim Taehyun stared blankly into space for a moment, not hearing the voice coming from behind.

Then.

-Tap, tap.

Feeling a light tap on his shoulder, he snapped out of it, stood up from his seat, and exclaimed.

“Yes, yes!”

“Why are you acting so absent-minded since earlier?”

His supervisor, Kwon Sungyeol, asked, looking somewhat concerned. Sensing the atmosphere, Kim Taehyun immediately put on a smile and smoothly transitioned his expression.

“Oh, nothing at all. By the way, did you call me?”

“Not me, it was Director Cha.”

“Oh, I see.”

At the mention of the director, his expression almost faltered for a moment, but he quickly composed himself and… no, corrected his thoughts, and turned towards Director Cha who had called him.

“Director Cha, did you call for me?”

“Yeah. But are you feeling unwell?”

“No, no? Not at all.”

At Kim Taehyun’s response, Sungyeol furrowed her brows, reached out, and touched his forehead.

“Hmm, no fever?”

“W-what!”

Startled, Kim Taehyun quickly stepped back, pulling away from her hand.

“Why are you so flustered?”

“Oh, no. Your hand felt a bit cold.”

“Oh, really?”

Checking her temperature by touching her own hand.

“I’m not sure. It feels a bit cold. Maybe it’s because of the air conditioning. Since the heat has subsided, you can turn it down a bit.”

“Haha, I see.”

Sungyeol rubbed her arms together as if feeling a bit cold, causing her chest to rise and fall naturally.

Kim Taehyun quickly averted his gaze, fearing he might make a mistake, and asked.

“B-by the way, was there a reason you called me?”

In response to Kim Taehyun’s question, Sungyeol lowered her arms and picked up an envelope from the desk.

“Can you take this to the safety inspection room? The microbial levels seem a bit off. I was going to send it by email, but you know they’re doing an intranet check tonight. So they asked for it to be delivered in person.”

“Oh, I see. I’ll go and bring it right away.”

“Thanks.”

With the documents in hand, Kim Taehyun left the development team’s office and headed to the safety inspection room on the second floor.

*Sigh.*

As he stepped out of the office where the development team was located, he let out a deep sigh.

-Thump, thump.

He couldn’t seem to calm his pounding heart. Several times a day. He should have been used to it by now. But his heart still raced uncontrollably, seemingly independent of his will.

That’s what love does. Yes, just like before. But the difference between now and before is that back then, he could freely express this overflowing emotion. He could shout out loud, “I love you. I can’t live without you.” But not now. Everything except for his heart, his position, his life experiences, his background, prevented him from loving freely.

So his feelings became something that could never be conveyed or shared.

But did you know?

Suppressing this overflowing desire to love, to shout out love, and to expend energy, requires much more physical and mental strength than actually loving, shouting out love, and using physical energy.

That was his current state.

In short.

“I’m tired….”

I’m exhausted.

Honestly, what am I even doing?

There’s an 11-year age gap between us. And a 14-year gap in experience. What suits him now is probably… no, not probably, but definitely not himself.

She is someone with too many deep wounds to hold. And he is too immature.

That’s why, rationally speaking, giving up on these feelings is the right thing to do. That’s the right choice.

But, where does emotion come into rational control? Suppressing the heart that beats like crazy contrary to his own will every day was the only resistance he could muster.

Just act like everything’s fine. Act like you’re not excited to see her. Act like it’s not difficult. Act like there are no emotions at all.

Not long ago, she told him that he tries too hard to please others. That it’s ingrained in him.

But he’s lived his whole life like that. So when he said it’s not difficult, it’s because he’s never lived differently. So when she told him to try living a little differently, to make an effort, he agreed and actually tried.

At first, it was uncomfortable. Always accommodating others, naturally, without any turmoil, he was just like a yes-man. But when he shouted “NO!” for the first time, people accepted his will very strongly. Some even choked up. Asking if they did something wrong.

Recently, as he gradually became accustomed to such things, he realized how tired and difficult he had been living all this time. So he was grateful to her for advising him like that.

But….

“Who would have thought it would be difficult because of the person who gave me that advice….”

She told him to be honest with himself. But it’s ironic that he can’t be honest with her, of all people, in this situation.

He wants to be honest, but if he does….

“It’s a crisis.”

“What, did something go wrong with the project? Suddenly what crisis, what crisis?”

“Eek!”

Lost in thought and walking absentmindedly, someone suddenly spoke to him. Would anyone not be surprised? Startled, he turned around to see an unexpected figure standing in front of him.

“Manager Yook?”

He was none other than Yook Junghyuk, the head of the sales department.

“Hey, Kim Taehyun. Where are you going?”

He raised his arm vertically and greeted him, asking. Wasn’t that the greeting style of otakus?

“Oh, I’m going to the safety inspection room. It’s a task from Manager Jung.”

“Is that so? Well, our paths overlap anyway, so let’s go together.”

“Oh, yes. Haha.”

He didn’t know why he started talking to him, but anyway, no. It wasn’t a pleasant thing to be with a boss who was even more obscure than Jung Doyeon.

“Do you have some work to do?”

It was one of the typical questions bosses ask their subordinates.

“Yes. I learned a lot from this project.”

“Hmm. You always learn a lot from doing a big project. And work is always something to do. People are tired because of that.”

“Is that so? Haha. It seems like that.”

“Hmm. It looks like you’re also worried about people right now. Am I wrong?”

Kim Taehyun was a little surprised. He thought Yook Junghyuk was just a pervert who only knew how to hit on women, but surprisingly, there was a sharp edge to him.

“Well, do you have any worries? Everyone is doing well and guiding me a lot.”

“If they ‘do well’ and ‘guide’ you, then the other person becomes the boss.”

“Huh, huh?”

This is a bit… no, quite surprising. He thought he was skillful in dealing with people, but Yook Junghyuk seemed to get a different feeling from every word he said.

“Hehe. Ah, this person. It’s only been about 6 months since you joined, where is your subordinate? Why are you so surprised?”

Listening to it, it was a valid point. His attitude, laughing as if he found himself amusing, was a bit annoying but true.

“Oh, Director. It’s really not that difficult for me. The project is finished now, and only minor details are left, so I’m just a little tired.”

“Hmm, it’s external factors, huh? Usually, people don’t use work as an excuse for being tired. Especially not to a superior from another department. So, it’s because of a person, right? A superior who can make you tired externally… Ah, Jung Team Leader?”

“Ah….”

“Hahaha! Correct. You’re always trying to please Jung Team Leader. I guessed randomly, but your expression is telling. Why? What did Jung Team Leader say to you?”

Kim Tae-hyun quickly waved his hands and denied it.

“No, no way. That’s not true! Jung Team Leader treats me so well.”

Indeed, it was true. Honestly, even looking at him as a person, Jung Team Leader was someone worth admiring to a certain extent. It was not just because he wanted to make her his life mentor. It was separate from the emotions he currently held.

“Hmm… if Jung Team Leader treats you so well, and you’re worried because of him… hmm….”

Director Yook just made a noncommittal sound and chuckled. Then, he patted his back a couple of times.

“Haha! You’re young. Do your best!”

And then.

“Well, I should be going now. Take care!”

With that, he quickly disappeared.

“What, what is it? What did he figure out?”

Kim Tae-hyun couldn’t help but feel uneasy.