episode_0161

“So, you came here to find what’s mine?”

I couldn’t say anything in response to the nameless man who smiled eerily as he spoke.

Obviously, it’s a lie.

It must be nothing more than a really stupid and obvious trick to confuse me.

Why can’t I make a sound?

Why can’t I think of anything to refute?

My head right now was like a tangled, unsolvable thread.

“And, as you probably already know.”

As if he still had more to say, Myeong-un spat out the blood that had gathered in his mouth and added.

“Your current disciple, Cheon Mu-myeong, is also the same as me. The only difference between him and me is that I have not met you.”

It was the only thing the man said to me that I could understand right away.

And, it was truly a word I did not want to understand.

“Huh… .”

What that means is that Anonymous is also a person like that man.

Because they are not the same person from a parallel universe, but really the same person.

If my disciple Cheonmu-myeong hadn’t met me in that hut, he would have called me here in the same way as that guy.

‘Nameless, me, to the abyss… .’

I had a vague idea that that would be the case, but it was nice to hear it directly from the man.

“… Was it like that?”

Suddenly, everything became empty.

“Huh.”

The efforts of the past 300 years have truly been in vain.

The object of my hatred was right in front of me, so why on earth did I dare to cut down God?

What on earth am I for?

What on earth could have possibly made him so coldly throw away the nameless child from his childhood?

If that were the case, it wouldn’t have been this miserable.

“Are you ready to stop playing lovers?”

I lowered my gaze as I heard a voice.

The nameless man, who seemed to be smiling refreshingly, was staring at me with eyes that had lost their color.

That was truly disgusting.

It’s like I’m facing pure evil itself.

“… Why.”

And, it was truly regrettable.

Why did you tell me this fact only now?

“Why did you tell me the truth…? What on earth do you have to gain from it…?”

I wish I hadn’t known.

It would have been happier to live a life of ignorance, chasing empty gods with no name.

“…Why.”

In response to my seemingly desperate question, Myeong-i let out a voice filled with evil and bloodshot eyes.

“Well, you shouldn’t be happy.”

“… What?”

“I worked so hard and still achieved nothing. I just couldn’t let my disciple, who was just a parasite on my efforts, be happy.”

I felt an inexplicable sense of disgust at the sight of the nameless man pleading with blood splattering.

It was truly a remarkable thing.

Of course, until just a little while ago, whenever I saw you looking at me like that, my heart ached.

Who would have thought that a single word could change someone’s gaze so much?

“… Yeah.”

I guess that’s your nature after all.

My attitude is also like a reed that breaks when the wind blows.

In the first place, the reason why I came to realize this feeling is extremely miserable.

‘…Forcing enlightenment as a side effect.’

The more I thought about it, the more miserable I felt.

He asked, holding the wooden sword under the nameless man’s chin.

“Do you have any final words?”

“Please, send me to the end of the abyss.”

With those words, the nameless man closed his eyes, and I put away my wooden sword and added.

“Tsk, it’s still ugly to the end.”

I threw down my wooden sword and turned my gaze to Jack, who was closest to me.

“You break that guy’s mind.”

“Oh my God… .”

Absolutely, I couldn’t do it.

My heart ached when I thought of hurting the nameless person with my own hands.

Every time my chest felt tight, I felt nauseous at myself for not being able to come to my senses yet.

“What are you doing? Don’t listen to me.”

Jack seemed hesitant at my words, but soon nodded.

“… Okay.”

Jack stands in front of the nameless man, moving his heavy feet.

“Excuse me for a moment.”

Suddenly, the wooden sword lying next to him caught my eye.

It has been used for quite some time so there are cracks here and there, but thanks to someone taking good care of it, the edge is sharp.

I wanted to break that wooden sword and throw it into the ground, but I couldn’t.

Why?

I don’t know either.

I didn’t want to think about anything right now.

No, it must be because I, an ignorant worm, still held onto hope even after coming to this point.

“Anonymous… .”

Please tell me that what that dead man said is a lie.

* * *

“I am a teacher… .”

It was difficult for Myeong-un to understand everything that was unfolding before his eyes.

Well, that’s because I didn’t know.

Because he had never reached transcendence, he would have fallen into despair like that man, but because there was salvation in Cheonharang.

That’s why it was nearly impossible to completely understand that man’s feelings.

“… No.”

But I should have known.

That way, I can convey my apology.

The master fell into the abyss because of that man, no, because of his own past.

I ended up trapped in hell.

So, to somehow ask for forgiveness.

No, even if he couldn’t ask for forgiveness, he had to at least tell the truth to the Master and apologize. He had to know.

And, for Anonymous, this situation was fortunate.

The flow of time is different inside and outside the mind.

This place was very kind and gave Anonymous plenty of time to think alone.

So, I sat cross-legged and pondered.

“… if.”

What would have happened if I had lived the same life as that man?

Could it be that he too, like that man, was desperate to meet his master?

It was difficult to give a definitive answer to this.

Even the current namelessness would be willing to sacrifice itself for my teacher, so how can I not say that I am in such despair?

Maybe, I think I can do it.

“… No, I would have done it.”

He was a person who had no fear of being born, and he felt satisfied when he did whatever he wanted to do.

Didn’t he even drive his own parents, his own blood relatives, to death because of that?

“Phh.”

Suddenly, I thought of him and laughed.

Because the more I thought about it, the more I ended up with one answer.

‘That’s why I shouldn’t have been born.’

Aren’t you the one who started all the problems? No, you are the one who causes everyone to be unhappy.

People around you cannot become happy unless you try to be happy.

I am the proof myself.

It was my fault that my parents lost their lives, and it was my fault that my teacher fell into the abyss.

When I think about that fact.

“… sigh.”

The nameless man’s heart was torn apart.

Still, a sense of helplessness came over me at the sight of myself not being able to do anything.

The strange color in the nameless eyes slowly lost its form, and in its place, only a faintly trembling pupil remained.

“Ugh… .”

*

How much time has passed?

While he was suffering alone, a sudden light began to surround Muyeong.

“Ah.”

He could instinctively know that he was anonymous.

“It’s time.”

Soon, my master began to appear, along with a strong pain felt in the nameless body.

And, there’s also a wooden sword thrown away in the corner.

“…”

Anonymous looked down at the complicated and frustrating something that filled his chest.

Because I didn’t have the courage to look straight into the Master’s face.

He wasn’t even qualified to do so.

… but, things won’t go this way.

“Master-”

With that thought in mind, I called the teacher.

“Anonymous.”

My teacher, who had stopped talking, looked at me with a cold gaze that I had never seen before.

“… Yes.”

It felt like an awl was stuck in my heart, but Myeong nodded silently.

Obviously, it is because the Master will be in more pain.

Because the Master called him.

All Anonymous could do was answer the Master’s questions.

A voice without any highs or lows pierces into my ears.

“Have you seen everything so far?”

Even though winter has not yet begun, a cold chill seeps into my heart.

“… Yes.”

“Then, I have something to ask you.”

Thud. My heart sinks.

The nameless man’s brow furrowed. Small drops of water fell from his eyes as if washing away blood.

“Is everything that bastard says true?”

A complex question with a lot to answer.

However, there was only one answer that could be given.

“Yes… .”

“… Huh.”

Soon, I can hear my teacher’s heavy breathing.

Under the weight of it all, Myeong couldn’t raise his head.

Obviously, I had a lot to think about what to say.

When I look into the cold eyes of my teacher, a cold winter comes to my mind, and it becomes completely white, covered in snow.

“… Are you sure?”

“Yes… I saw it in his mind… .”

“Is that so… .”

There were no further questions.

Perhaps, even though you hate yourself, you can’t think of doubting that statement.

Perhaps, even if he had lied, the Master would have believed him.

Well, that’s the kind of person the teacher is.

Even though he said he hated me in words, he never showed that he truly hated me.

Because that’s the kind of person the teacher is.

“… Sorry, sorry.”

On the other hand, I am something.

Right now, at this moment.

Don’t you regret telling the truth?

“… done. I want to be alone for a while.”

“Master… .”

“I’ll be away for a while, so don’t come looking for me.”

Until now, I have believed that I was naturally fearless, and that I should do whatever I wanted to do when I was born.

He was a bigger coward than his teacher.