episode_0155

I am not a professional swordsman. I am just a fighter who relies on martial arts and a staff.

But there was a certain amount of skill that could be learned from looking over the shoulder. It was something I learned from getting beaten up by my teacher every day, and movements I observed from competing with Camilla every day.

So, I could do something like a simple stabbing…

“… It really was short.”

The Demon King, who had been stabbed near the forehead, looked at me while spitting out blood.

I knew. This man’s anger was directed not only at the Empire, but also at himself. That was why he wanted to burn everything down like this.

If we had dragged this out from the beginning, we would all have died.

This man was definitely punishing the Empire and himself.

“Demon King.”

This guy would have tried to prove that he was not wrong by killing himself in the end. Even he would have been conflicted until the end about what he should punish more severely.

I could tell. I hated myself too. I used to take all the hate I received as punishment for killing Leila, without even realizing that the garden inside me was rotting away.

I was just looking up at the sky, thinking that it was winter, without even realizing that I was rotting away. I thought that the rotten garden, which had lost its flowers and was just barren, was a garden that naturally came with winter, so I left it alone.

I was the master of a rotting garden, and this man was the inspector who blinded himself.

The owner of the garden who didn’t even know that his own branches were being devastated, and the swordsman who didn’t even know that the sword he was swinging was cutting himself.

In a way, they were an equally foolish pair.

“Isn’t it funny how they’re both so foolish?”

Blood was also flowing from the corner of my mouth.

To begin with, my current body was something that should have died, but I had to force it back to life. Just as a traveler’s campfire that has outlived its usefulness dies out at dawn, it was natural for my sick heart to stop once the battle was over.

I lived a life similar to this man. It was certainly an undeniable fact. I came to hate myself as much as this man hated the world.

My heart and mind are not much different. Those things that tell me I am alive in my chest have rotted away because of my own fault for not knowing the value of living.

“Indeed… You didn’t risk your life…but you rushed in with the determination to die from the beginning…Since death was certain…you couldn’t see anything.”

I circled the spear I had driven into his groin area so he could die.

“Yeah. That’s what I was planning to do from the beginning.”

I feel sorry for Camilla, but once I’m dead, I have no intention of coming back alive. I just think about how to use the few minutes of grace I’ve been given.

From the beginning, every ending was decided, and what I’m in now is the best I’ve ever drawn.

“They always only care about results. Humans. I really don’t like them.”

It would have been quite funny to see them staring at each other while bleeding from each other.

“Just one more question.”

The Demon King asked, clutching the spear stuck in his abdomen.

“What on earth were you struggling for? Why did you decide that this rotten empire was worth continuing?”

“… Well, it’s not that interesting of a story.”

I answered, wiping the blood flowing down my lips.

“But let me answer that question first…”

10 years ago.

I saw Leila, who had finished sparring with me, quietly taking care of the household chores at the same time.

At the time, it was questionable. Combat training, household duties, studying with her father, and attending all sorts of events. It was surprising that she could do it with such a small body.

So I couldn’t hold back my curiosity and asked a question.

“Why do you live?”

Not many people could endure such a harsh lifestyle, and given the nature of the rotten empire, not many would appreciate her dedication.

“No one lives like you. Why do you get so caught up in something that no one understands?”

“… Are you asking why I’m trying so hard?”

Leila sighed with a look of weariness on her face and stroked my head.

“Our answerless Raul. Without me, you’ll only make a few real enemies…”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

“First of all, I want to ask you why you say that. But since you asked first, I guess I have to answer.”

Leila put down her quill and smiled.

“It’s definitely hard. Is it a miracle if I sleep three hours a day? There are many days when I don’t sleep even an hour.”

“So that’s why your skin has been so rough lately. Compared to Camilla’s, it’s like sandpaper…”

Leila continued speaking, still breaking my arm and neck.

“But you know, Raoul. No matter how hard it is, if a person has hope, they can endure it. Even if they are rolling around in the gutter, suffering from thirst and hunger. If they have hope, they can fill that empty space. On the contrary, no matter how rich they are, if they have no hope, they will rot away. Like the emperor bird… no, like Your Majesty. ”

“… It’s hard to understand. On the contrary, wouldn’t hope be able to prolong such a situation? The number of people who gain happiness after suffering would be smaller than the number of people who were happy from the beginning. That’s just a meaningless promise.”

“That’s not wrong. I’ve seen a few people get angry and ask why I gave them hope. If I knew it would be like this from the beginning, I wouldn’t have started.”

That was my thinking at the time.

If happiness is something you can’t obtain from the beginning, wouldn’t it be more comfortable to just give up and live?

No matter how much you stretch out your hand towards something that is out of reach, all you get is a sore shoulder.

I was thinking of living my life contentedly, wandering around in front of it, having given up everything.

“But just because I’m having a hard time and unhappy now, does that mean I’ll continue to be unhappy in the future? Can’t we say for sure that it will be like that? If I keep trying, won’t I get a chance to change my life someday?”

“What a meaningless assumption.”

“Yeah. It’s meaningless. I don’t know. But when the important moment comes, if I miss happiness due to my lack of effort, there’s nothing more unfortunate than that.”

“On the other hand, isn’t it also unfortunate to not get that opportunity even though you tried hard?”

It seemed like our discussion was going on parallel tracks.

But since it was Leila who broke my loneliness, breaking that parallel didn’t seem like a problem.

“At least you can get the consolation that you tried.”

“……”

“We are beings who regret whatever we do. No, a person who lives a life without regrets is a retard. Do you know what the most retardic word in the world is?”

“Long live His Majesty the Emperor?”

“Don’t do things you’ll regret from the beginning. How many people know the results of their actions? That’s impossible unless you can see the future. Even if you only do things you won’t regret if you look into the future… That’s not fun. The fun of life is anticipating what kind of results your actions will bring in the future.”

It felt like I’d been hit hard in the head.

“Everyone does something they regret in life. Even if they did the opposite, it’s not certain whether they would regret it or not. If you don’t fear that regret and work hard, you can grab a bright future.”

“… But there’s no evidence or basis for what you’re saying, right?”

“Why isn’t it there? It’s right here?”

“What…?”

“The fact that we met is proof of that, my other half.”

Leila said, bringing my hand to her face. The warmth I felt on her cheek seemed to melt my frozen heart a little.

Her words pierced my heart.

“If I had avoided meeting people because I was afraid of regretting the breakup after losing my parents, would I have been able to meet you? If you had rejected everyone because you were afraid of regret, would I have been able to meet me?”

“… I don’t know.”

“Yeah, I don’t know, but I guess we met somewhere or in some other way. That’s what makes it fun.”

I don’t remember anything else.

All that is clear is that her cheeks were warm.

“That’s why I’m trying to kill the Demon King.”

“…..”

“Surely this empire is trash and not worth existing. But how long will it be like that? Won’t it become a moral country that is good to live in someday? No one knows, right?”

At that time, I thought the Demon King’s anger was justified.

I took up arms only because I wanted to protect my family.

I never had the slightest thought of punishing evil.

“His anger may be justified, but he arbitrarily denied the possibility. He coldly denied everything with the excuse of hot anger. He made up his own mind about a problem that no one knows about. I don’t like that.”

“… According to your logic, there is no one in this world who deserves to die.”

“Yeah. That’s why we fight because our conclusions are different. I also think that there are people who deserve to die. But it might not be the case by other people’s standards. That’s why we fight.”

Leila also started stroking my face as I was doing.

“I would still say that this empire is worth existing. Yeah… In the end, no one knows.”

“I don’t know…right.”

At the end of the story, I answered the Demon King confidently.

“I really don’t know. You foolish king. Since no one knows… I just stopped it.”

“… Yeah. You don’t know? ”

The Demon King sighed.

“Then the reason for what I will do from now on.”

Even though the Demon King had his abdomen pierced, he still took a step towards me.

Even though red blood was dripping down his body, he did not waver at all.

“It probably won’t be much different”

The Demon King held the sword he was holding with difficulty, the sword made of ripples,

It stabbed me in the heart.

“Yeah… I guess I wasn’t all that different in the end.”