episode_0139

“The experiment you mentioned… what exactly was it?”

“It wasn’t a method that directly caused harm. It was merely about living alongside them, understanding the flow of mana, or collecting residual energy. You could say it was closer to observation than experimentation.”

“Data collection… In that case, it’s strange. Was there a reason to merely observe? If you had directly intervened, the process would have been much easier. Even just kidnapping and dissecting them would have secured far more diverse samples. I don’t understand why you chose such a passive approach.”

“……I don’t know. I don’t know either.”

The woman muttered at the words that pointed out her blind spot.

Was it a final line she couldn’t cross?

All this time, even while cooperating with the black mages, the Drunkard had never directly harmed the students.

She had only delivered the information and data requested by the cult.

In return, she received ancient texts on resurrection, or samples necessary for her research.

Selena said.

“I never intended to get close to Yuda. I only meant to think of him as a necessary sample, but…”

The distance was too close.

Even though she maintained a cold attitude and always drew a line, the boy approached her every time.

He smiled as if it didn’t matter.

That smile.

“That smile… I ended up thinking it resembled Lianne’s.”

The days that remained in black and white kept surfacing.

The Drunkard often staggered.

The tightening guilt made it hard to endure without getting drunk.

Her inner self was on the verge of breaking with just a slight trigger.

‘Did it succeed?’

It was an intentional part.

From before, I had done things to instill guilt in Selena.

Starting from kind words, meticulous care, a close distance, and finally, a smile resembling her younger sister’s.

So that she couldn’t escape from reality.

All this time, I had continually poked at your inner self.

“I’m sorry.”

Guilt had by now filled her mind.

What she faced at the end was.

None other than myself, sitting in a wheelchair.

An emaciated appearance.

A pale complexion due to insufficient life force.

Yet, the corners of my mouth didn’t betray my feelings.

My current appearance was that of a critically ill patient to anyone who saw me.

The Drunkard must not have been able to endure that reality.

“I know I don’t even have the right to say this, but.”

It must have pained her that someone was hurt by her choices.

And not just anyone, but the student closest to her.

Because he was the child who always whispered warm words to her.

The fact that I had intentionally consumed some life force proved helpful at this moment.

Thanks to it, I could push her into an even more dramatic situation.

Selena’s lips trembled.

Frustration clouded the fading redness of her lips.

“……Perhaps I overlaid Lianne onto Yuda.”

“Do you mean something like this?”

*Snap!*

I lightly flicked my fingers.

An illusion shimmered for a fleeting moment.

The next moment, instead of a blond boy, a violet-haired girl sat in the wheelchair before the woman’s eyes.

It was exactly as she last remembered her younger sister.

“Ah…”

Selena was surprised for a moment.

But realizing it was an illusion, she soon exhaled the breath she had been holding.

The Drunkard tightly clutched the edge of her blanket.

“You really don’t miss a thing.”

“You’re not asking how I know your sister’s face.”

“Because I know I’m not in a position to pry into something like that.”

The woman bit her trembling lip.

Silence descended into the abyss.

Although she had only provided answers until now, this time she posed a single question.

It was a question about the nightmare she had suffered for the past few days.

Her pupils wavered.

“May I ask one thing?”

“Of course.”

“When I fell under Yuda’s hypnosis. The dream… or perhaps memory… that replayed in my faint consciousness. Were all of those illusions created by Yuda?”

“That is correct.”

During the attack.

Selena, who had grabbed me as I ran towards the center of danger, trying to evacuate me to a safe place.

I put her to sleep and at the same time, instilled a dream in her.

The content of which was.

Memories of what would have happened if everything had gone according to the ‘true history’.

The academy landscape, ravaged by disaster.

The Drunkard had to wander and wander through such illusions for days.

Without even perceiving it as a dream.

Vomiting tears and blood multiple times.

“What did you see there?”

“A crumbling academy. I was sitting slumped in front of it. Scraping together scattered pieces of flesh, muttering, ‘No, I didn’t want this, I didn’t wish for this…’ over and over.”

Of course.

I concealed scenes of the cult betraying her, or the truth about Lianne’s death.

To ensure that anger and betrayal wouldn’t dilute her regret.

So that she would suffer purely from her own sin.

So that she couldn’t even bring herself to beg for forgiveness.

I showed her only her mistakes.

“Then.”

This time, I asked a question.

What did you learn from your mistakes?

“How was it? After you woke from the dream.”

“……I thought.”

Was she recalling the memories of that time?

The woman tightly closed her eyes.

Even if it was just a dream, the scope of the illusion I provided went beyond the norm.

It must have lingered in her sight, touch, smell… and all other sensory organs.

As if she had actually experienced it.

Corpses crushed by debris.

Someone’s flesh and blood caught under her fingernails.

A disgusting smell of char that settled on the bridge of her nose.

The woman still savored those vivid sensations.

About those lukewarm, cold corpses.

The Drunkard lowered her head, then wrung out her voice.

*Trickle.*

A watery line trickled down her cheek.

They were none other than tears of relief.

“I ended up thinking… ‘thank goodness’.”

That the dream she had just seen was not reality.

That no sacrifices had occurred.

That peace still remained.

The woman felt a deep sense of relief.

She muttered “thank goodness” multiple times.

“If things hadn’t gone according to plan… I should have worried about Lianne first, I should have despaired over the failed plan… but more than that, seeing the children in front of me alive, realizing that the plan’s success was all a dream, and feeling thankful for it, I found myself detestable…”

Her blank expression slowly shattered.

The true feelings she hadn’t realized until now.

The guilt she had suppressed under the guise of longing, now bloomed again through the trigger I had planted.

The bud of emotions, having begun to blossom, could no longer be stopped.

The falling tears gradually gained weight.

“Only then did I realize.”

I.

“That I loved this place… more than I thought.”

Blind love obscures one’s vision.

Normal thoughts, her own life, and even love that should have been directed elsewhere.

The Drunkard, bound by her love for her younger sister, closed her eyes.

Only after destroying everything else she had loved.

Did she realize that she had loved them too.

‘Foolishly.’

Selena’s ultimate regret was likely for that reason.

Because she hadn’t realized her love for a long time.

Immersed only in Lianne’s death, she had forgotten all the love she had grown to feel for the academy, her teachers, colleagues, and students.

She had abandoned those who had become her home.

“I know. It’s too late to go back. I’ve come too far.”

The woman said.

It would have been easier if she had thought only of her sister’s resurrection, without realizing anything.

Because at the end of an infinitely extended straight line, she had seen other lights.

“To betray them, I’ve lost my purpose… and not to, I yearned for Lianne desperately.”

Selena.

You had many similarities with me.

No… you were me.

Because we suffered similar wounds and experienced similar brokenness.

I knew what kind of scar longing for loss left.

‘If I.’

If I were in the same situation, wouldn’t I have been similar?

No… perhaps with power, I might have done something far more terrible than what she did.

As such, I understood you.

That’s why, even while reprimanding you, I hoped your ending wouldn’t be the same.

Because the ending I faced was complete devastation.

-I’m sorry.

My previous life, where I became a shut-in gamer.

I wished you wouldn’t let go of the world like I did.

“What do you plan to do now?”

“……If I can’t go back, I should at least stop.”

I wanted to save you.

No.

I wanted to save the past me, reflected in the mirror that was you.

We were immersed in intersecting gazes.

“I’m going to end it all. And take full responsibility.”

“What does ‘responsibility’ mean?”

“Anyway, I can’t defy them. I made a mana oath in my heart. But it might be possible to tie up loose ends one last time. To punish them and myself.”

“Surely you don’t mean…”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Her watery pupils settled.

As if resigning herself to everything.

You spoke, tears streaming down your face.

“I’ll die.”

A nonchalant declaration of suicide.

Her red eyes were eerily empty, as if relieved.