episode_0132

“Haa…”

In the dark room, relying on a dim lamp, I, who was diligently moving my hands, glanced at the clock and sighed deeply.

The clock had already passed 11 and was approaching the number 12, but the work just wouldn’t decrease.

A gift for Her Highness the Princess, work that was gradually piling up, new people had to be hired, the tax audit that had been left unfinished due to going to prison also had to have the data organized and submitted, and although there was still about a month left, I had to keep in mind His Majesty the King’s birthday.

“Kkeueung…”

I turned my stiff neck, let out a groan, and stared blankly at the ceiling.

I wish there was another me.

When you think about it, there are many things that could be entrusted to others.

If I passed off a few things and concentrated, I would have some leeway, but my personality makes me too anxious to entrust work to others.

I’m not a perfectionist, but I’m a gloomy and broken person with a subtle distrust of humanity at my base, so I can’t entrust work to others very well.

If I’m watching, it’s okay, but if work happens outside of my sight, I get a lingering feeling like I went to the bathroom and didn’t wash my hands.

I don’t know if I have some kind of trauma, but even though I’ve never been scammed or greatly harmed by someone, I have an enormous amount of anxiety.

I was frustrated with myself and tried to fix it…

Unfortunately, it didn’t work out.

It’s said that it’s not easy to fix a congenital personality, but I felt like I was going to get a mental illness, so I quickly gave up before I completely broke down.

“Aihyu…”

It was painful, but if I couldn’t avoid it or fix it, I had no choice but to accept it and enjoy it as much as possible.

Fortunately, most of it was making clothes that I liked, so as long as I was sewing, it was bearable, even if it was difficult.

If it hadn’t been for making clothes in the first place, I wouldn’t have come this far…

“… Ouch!”

Was I thinking too much?

While moving my hands blankly, I pricked my hand with a needle.

With a jolt and a twitch in my butt from the pain, I hurriedly put the fur down on the desk as if throwing it, and examined my finger first.

Dark red blood beading on the side of my thumb.

“No…”

Pale, I wrapped my thumb with a handkerchief, and with my uninjured hand, I rummaged through the fur, looking for any areas with blood on them.

Fortunately, it seemed I had safely put it down before the blood came out, so there were no visible blood stains.

If there had been blood on it, I would have had to secretly go to the sink in the middle of the night to wash and dry it, which would have taken up a lot of time, but that misfortune didn’t happen.

“Whew…”

I let out a sigh of relief and pressed down on my thumb.

How many months has it been since I was pricked by a needle?

Or is it years?

I must be tired and absent-minded these days, making such a beginner’s mistake.

If I keep holding on like this, I’ll prick my hand again.

Tomorrow is the weekend, so I have plenty of time, so there’s no need to rush too much. It would be best to finish up moderately today and go to sleep.

“Tsk…”

I smacked my lips and got up from my seat.

– Click…

“Young Master…”

And at the same time, the door of the room slowly opened, and Emily appeared with a complicated expression.

“Um, I was about to go to sleep, look, I was about to go to the bed, see?”

“……”

I hurriedly appealed to the direction of my body towards the bed, but Emily just stared at me silently without saying a word.

… Is she angry?

Looking at her expression, she’s not angry, but the feeling I get is unusual.

“Emily, I’m sorry, you know I’ve been very busy lately, so…”

“Haa…”

“Gulp…”

As I immediately began to make excuses, what flowed out was a deep, deep sigh.

I shut my mouth, swallowed, and waited for Emily’s reaction.

“Young Master, I know very well from watching you by your side that you are busy, so I won’t say anything this time.”

Fortunately, extenuating circumstances were taken into account.

“Thank you…”

As I smiled and felt relieved, Emily shook her head, came inside, closed the door, looked at me intently with sad eyes, and opened her mouth.

“But I’m a little worried every time I see you these days because it seems like you’re overdoing it too much.”

“What?”

I frowned and asked back.

Even though I’ve been living busily, thanks to Emily’s close supervision, I’m getting enough sleep, and I haven’t really overdone it?

“Young Master, you haven’t properly rested for months.”

“Eh~ There’s no way that’s true.”

“No, you haven’t.”

Emily shook her head and answered firmly, then asked me with a sulky expression.

“Young Master, how many days have you rested without doing anything at all since August?”

“……”

It’s not a difficult answer, but I was speechless.

That’s because I don’t remember well.

I clearly remember the things I’ve been busy doing, like making clothes and arguing with the Duke’s family, but the memory of me lounging around in bed hasn’t been updated anew since I left my family home.

“Still… Didn’t I rest for a few days…?”

As I spat out an answer close to a question with a voice that had no conviction at all, Emily narrowed her eyes and pouted her lips, answering.

“There were exactly three days, you only rested for exactly three days during a time of over 100 days, and one of those days was the day you came out of prison, Young Master.”

“Huh? Only that much? That doesn’t make sense, except for September, I was home every weekend.”

“Then shall I list one by one what you did at home, Young Master?”

“Uh… No…”

Even though I thought it was absurd that it was only three days, I tried to refute it, but Emily widened her eyes fiercely and asked me back in a scolding tone.

Becoming meek in an instant, I avoided Emily’s gaze and awkwardly patted the back of my neck.

It wasn’t like I was doing physical labor, but it felt like she was reacting too much.

“Still, it’s not like I’m moving my body a lot.”

“If you say that you sometimes skip meals on the weekends and only draw and sew at your desk, I’m really going to get angry.”

“……”

It felt a little strange to hear a maid say that.

If what I’m doing is overdoing it, isn’t Emily, who’s taking care of my mess, living like an abused slave?

“Then Emily too…”

“Young Master also goes to bed late and doesn’t rest in the evening!”

As my name flowed from my mouth, Emily, who seemed to have a surge of emotion, squeezed her eyes shut, trembled, screamed, glared at me, and slowly approached me.

“You skip meals whenever something happens, you always go to bed in the early morning and ask me to wake you up in the morning, and I thought you would rest a bit after coming back from prison, but you went straight to work! Young Master, do you know that you still haven’t gained back the weight you lost while you were in prison? Rather, your eyes have been rotting more and more blankly since you were released!”

“S, sorry, so calm down…”

“Calm down what calm down! Young Master, do you think I don’t know what you’re planning to do these days? I want to pretend I don’t know, but it’s so obvious that you’re overdoing it, so it’s hard to pretend I don’t know!”

“Okay, I know, so please calm down, okay?”

I hugged Emily, who showed no signs of calming down, for the time being.

“Eugh!”

Emily, whose eyes were firmly rolled back, still huffed and puffed and expressed her discomfort even after being held by me, but after a while, she became quiet except for breathing roughly.

“Emily, I’m really sorry.”

“I don’t need your apologies.”

I cautiously offered an apology to the calmed Emily, but Emily answered curtly, pinching my side slightly.

“I understand that you’re busy, so it can’t be helped, it’s unavoidable.”

“That’s right…”

“But Young Master, don’t try to shoulder everything alone, it’s okay to entrust some things to others, isn’t it?”

“I want to do that too, but… If it’s not someone trustworthy, it’s a bit difficult to entrust it to them, I get too anxious to live.”

“But, don’t you have to entrust the work to know whether they’re trustworthy or not?”

“That’s true, but…”

It’s not that I don’t know.

I know it too, but it’s not easy.

Even if my body is comfortable, my mind doesn’t become comfortable, so in the end, I’m just miserable either way.

“Young Master, do you know what?”

As I made a sullen expression and couldn’t answer easily, Emily gently wrapped her hands around my waist and opened her mouth in a calm and gentle voice.

“What is it?”

“Young Master makes a very foolish smile when you’re making clothes.”

“What?”

At the unexpected sneak attack, I trembled my eyelids and looked at Emily as if I was dumbfounded.

But whether I did that or not, Emily smiled brightly and continued to say what she had to say.

“You open your mouth in a circle, narrow your eyes like a thin crescent moon, and heave your shoulders while making a lewd and foolish-looking laugh, it’s very foolish but also cute.”

“……”

As if reminiscing about my foolish smile, Emily paused for a moment and softly curved the corners of her eyes.

However, Emily soon put a gloomy expression on her face and said, banging her forehead against my chest.

“But those smiles of yours have become rare these days, it seems like you’re paying more attention to the atelier or the surrounding situation than to the clothes.”

“That’s…”

I gave a bitter smile and bit my lip slightly.

It’s not like I wanted to, though.

“Of course, I know very well that it’s difficult to easily resolve this situation since your situation is what it is, I’ve been watching by your side the whole time, but how about trying to have a little leeway? And try to trust others a little too.”

“……”

I don’t know what to answer.

Is that so?

Or should I say I’ll try?

Or is it difficult?

It was difficult to choose any one of them.

As I moved only my lips without making any sound, Emily, who had her forehead against my chest, raised her head and looked up at me.

“I want to see you smiling brightly while doing what you want to do, even if I’m a bit of a pervert.”

With her earlobes flushed bright red, Emily, who shyly revealed her true feelings, didn’t say anything more after that.

And as if trying to comfort me, or perhaps to encourage me, she patted my back for a while, and just when Emily’s sweet fragrance was filling my clothes.

Carefully releasing her arms and getting out of my embrace, Emily left the room, leaving behind the words, “Good night,” as usual.