episode_0132

“What on earth brings you here, Rosie Nevermore?”

Rosie Nevermore, who was waiting for me in a separate waiting room, was so haggard that I couldn’t recognize her.

“…… You know.”

“It’s a bad habit to assume that the other person will understand 100% of what you’re saying, Marquis.”

“The things I did to you… the things that should be called wrong…”

“That’s too broad of a topic. Unfortunately, we don’t have much time, so I’d like to narrow it down a bit.”

I thought I had some right to refuse Rosie.

Now, I too have the right to live my life seeing only what I want to see.

I also felt like I had done everything I could to help my friend’s younger sister.

“… I have tarnished the honor of my teacher… no, of Arthur Berger. I have said all sorts of harsh words to you. I have sabotaged the work you have done. And…”

“You don’t understand what I’m saying, Marquis.”

“……. Calling you a monster. Calling you a murderer. Calling you… out of your sister’s grave.”

“The things I’ve listed so far are all bad, but they’re not the essence, Marquis. Unless you realize that, I have nothing to say to you.”

“………. What on earth should I do? Raoul Bergé.”

“Are you really here to ask me for the answer to that question?”

I almost burst out laughing because it was so absurd.

If only he had remained stubborn until the end, it wouldn’t have been this absurd.

I didn’t know that something that could have been overlooked as simply being due to his noble personality would be twisted like this.

“I don’t want to talk to you at all.”

“Didn’t you forgive Latri Berger and Liesel Berger? I also came to apologize.”

“…… Yes?”

“If you look at the wounds I gave, isn’t it difficult for me to even put them on the same level? They are your blood relatives, and I was a complete stranger. But why am I…”

Have you ever felt this much contempt for a particular person?

He seemed uglier and slimier than anyone I’d ever met.

“This is a relationship you broke off. There is no need for forgiveness or reconciliation, but I wonder what my intentions are.”

“… Every night, my sister appears in my dreams and blames me.”

“What do I care about your sister’s business?”

“My sister gets mad at me every day… Why did I make you like this… Why didn’t I try to understand even a little bit… So…”

“That’s not the kind of causal relationship I was talking about.”

I feel a little sorry for Leila, but I needed to be a little firmer here.

“I’m asking what I have to gain by interfering with your work.”

Even if it leaves a scar on Rosie’s heart.

“I have helped you so far. I have made you the head of the household through marriage. I have also killed the enemies who threatened you in the shadows.”

“… Yes. That is an undeniable fact.”

“What have you done for me? Have you ever thought of my dignity? Have you ever smiled at me? Have you ever… done something for me?”

“……..”

I can’t answer that.

At places like balls, he would always stand me up, on my birthday he would give me the corpse of a raccoon, which was my nickname, and in the end he would even insult my father.

“Did you enjoy it when you called me a monster? Why did you insult my comrades? How did you feel when you tarnished my father’s honor?”

I couldn’t control my mouth.

The hot things that had been sealed inside leaked out as if a volcano had erupted.

“Everyone you’ve defiled is someone who fought and sacrificed for you.”

“… Sorry.”

“Do you think you can turn everything back with just one word of apology?”

“I just…”

“Okay. I’ll listen to any excuses.”

And the words that came out of Roger’s mouth made him let go of the string of reason he had been holding onto until the very end.

“At first, I wanted you to get hurt even a little…but since you didn’t react at all…I thought it was okay…”

“There’s no way it wouldn’t be okay.”

This shouldn’t be happening.

I didn’t want to degenerate into an animal that had lost both dignity and manners.

However, my emotions, which were closer to instinct, ended up burning away all the lukewarm things like manners and dignity.

“Hearing that I’m a monster, hearing that I’m a murderer, hearing that I killed my comrades for the ball… It can’t help but hurt.”

It wasn’t just Rosie.

It was a word directed at everyone in this empire.

“If it was common sense, you wouldn’t kill your comrades if you were doing it for the sake of the ball. You must know how great a sin that is. Why would I kill Leila on purpose? You beggar…!”

“Raoul Bergé…?”

“Murderers…? Killing those who betrayed the alliance is a crime? Those who have never been to war are cursing me, talking about better methods… Those who tremble at the sight of even a single cockroach are good at talking nonsense…!”

I just killed those who killed Leila. Those who betrayed the alliance and created insecurity within it. I think it was excessive, but I still think that what I did was right.

“Monsters…? You keep talking nonsense like that, completely forgetting what we fought for. If it weren’t for us, you would have been pieces of meat on the swords of the Demon King’s army. You disgusting things without faith, strength, or even the slightest sense of self. That’s you. That’s the Empire. ”

The reason I wanted to recuperate was because of the empire.

I hated this disgusting country so much.

I even thought that it would be better if this disgusting country were to perish.

No, I think I even thought about killing those disgusting things myself.

That’s why they deliberately brainwashed me.

I said that I was fine. I didn’t feel any hurt by their words. I just had to live with a bland attitude. I just had to live like a vegetable.

I brainwashed myself into thinking that I shouldn’t harbor hatred or resentment toward them, and I pushed myself into a narrow darkness.

“There’s no way it’s okay to say things like that…!”

Your Majesty, Your Highness the Empress, Camilla, and me too.

It may seem like we all just brushed those words off, but we all shed tears of blood at first.

Is this the price for fighting with all your might for your country? What will become of these comrades who fought and sacrificed their lives for a country like this?

I wanted to kill them all.

But I laid down my weapons because I felt that doing so would make the dedication of those who gave their lives for this country in vain.

We were ashamed that we had even entertained such thoughts for a moment.

That’s why I wore a mask.

His Majesty covered his rage with the mask of an eccentric emperor who indulged in wild and unruly acts.

Her Highness the Empress suppressed the curses she wanted to pour out against this empire with vulgar insults and a mask of intellect.

Camilla quenched her urge to overthrow the empire with alcohol and covered it up with the mask of a madman.

I too, after adding a hint of murderous intent towards this empire, sealed it with the mask of a tasteless lord.

“… We’ve always tried. To find a reason not to kill this empire. ”

“……”

“And I always tried to find a reason to look at you kindly.”

“Raoul Bergé I am jealous of my sister…”

“Do you know what was the most hurtful rumor you ever spread?”

There have been countless scandals, but there was only one story that stabbed me in the heart like a dagger.

“You’re saying I didn’t mourn Leila’s death?”

“That’s just…!”

“There’s no way I wasn’t sad… Do you know how miserable I felt as I ran away, hugging her body…”

I felt like the lack of speaking skills that people around me were pointing out would become a problem again.

Still, I wanted to vomit out everything hot inside it.

“I lost half of my body that day. I forgot how to express my feelings that day. I thought I would go crazy if I didn’t do that. So if you don’t know… if you don’t know… if you don’t know anything about others…!”

I shouted at Rosie.

“If you don’t know anything, then shut your mouth! You fucking brat!!!”

“I only looked after you because I was looking after your sister! You little bitch who couldn’t achieve anything with your own hands!!!”

“If you put everything in such immature hands, you should have lived quietly! At the very least, you shouldn’t have made a new wound on top of the old one!!!! At the very least, a human should have that much conscience!!!!!”

As soon as I poured out my hot emotions, something even hotter began to rise up from within me.

“Coolook…!”

Crimson blood soaked the floor, and my vision began to shake unsteadily.

Red and blue intertwined, and soon the world began to take on a dull gray hue.

“Fuck…”

I couldn’t understand.

Even I, who suddenly became like this.

There are also people who shake the bright tomorrow in front of me who gave up everything.

And there’s also Logie who blocks his way.

This fucking world too.

I couldn’t understand anything.

“This sucks, really…”

And I hated everything I couldn’t understand.