episode_0131

Camilla wiped away the sweat that was pouring down like rain and took a long breath. My body, which had been overworked to its limit, felt intense muscle pain as if screaming, but I tried to ignore it.

It was something she had to bear, as it was the price of living a life of ease and comfort until now.

Thinking that he had adequately rested, he resumed the training he had briefly paused. It was a shame that there was no organization like the Academy for systematic training, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t just sit there and do nothing.

She couldn’t go because she didn’t have the honor to see Gilbert, who had just woken up, so all she could do was make sure something like that wouldn’t happen again.

She consoled the body that was in pain and resumed training.

As she watched Gilbert being taken to the hospital that day, Camilla reflected. How a life of pursuing only what one wants can harm those around her.

Looking back, it was a selfish life where I only thought about myself. As a cadet at the Academy, and indeed as a member of the Count Tristitia family, he had neglected his training and had forgotten his duties.

In my obsession with finding more enjoyable and more interesting things, I ended up taking my eyes off something very important.

The result was this. I had to face a very miserable situation where I had to abandon my friends and run away alone.

Camilla stopped training and gasped. She felt miserable that day and bit her lip without realizing it.

Then a thought suddenly occurred to me.

The moment I left Gilbert behind and went to ask for help. Was she really just thinking about asking for support?

Wouldn’t you be relieved that you could get out of that place somewhere in your heart?

Disgust welled up deep in Camilla’s chest and she felt nauseous. Although I had nothing to vomit because I had nothing to eat, I felt like I wanted to vomit out everything inside.

I reflexively denied it, but was it really true? Could it be that I didn’t think of that when I was sober?

My thoughts continued to linger. The thought that it couldn’t be that way and the thought that it was really true conflicted with each other.

Camilla sat down and looked blankly ahead. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was standing on precarious footing.

If it were true that she had those feelings at all, would she be able to endure it?

My thoughts started to take a turn for the worse.

As if I’m falling into a quagmire…

– Perfect!

“Evil!”

Camilla groaned, holding her head in pain as if her head was splitting. What kind of person on earth hit the count’s daughter on the head?

With tears in her eyes from the pain, she opened her eyes and looked back.

“… Gilbert?”

Camilla saw Gilbert standing in front of her and quickly closed her eyes. She, who had been suffering from guilt about Gilbert just a moment ago, could not help but shrink when he suddenly appeared in front of her.

Oh what should I do? What should I say?

Unlike her usual calm, Camilla was restless. When I met Gilbert, I was in a hurry when I wasn’t mentally prepared yet.

Gilbert, who may or may not have known what she was thinking, released the knife that hit Camilla’s head and looked at the surrounding vacant lot.

It seemed that the condition was worse than he thought.

“What are you doing?”

“Well, that’s training! Training is fun these days!”

Camilla tried to turn her restless head and treat Gilbert like she always did.

Although the effort was fake, his expression was unnatural and his words were trembling. Although he didn’t seem to realize it, Gilbert, as a third party, couldn’t help but sigh.

If Gilbert had pretended not to know and neglected Camilla as expected, it would have been an exhaustion scenario rather than an awakening event. Her talent, which has enormous potential, almost lost before it even bloomed.

It was also a chilling experience for Gilbert, who already thought of Camilla as a colleague.

“Unexpected group. Has training become interesting?”

“Okay then! Because moving your body is exciting…?”

Why is it questionable?

Gilbert suppressed the sigh that was about to escape.

What kind of interest does this guy who was suffering from exhaustion just a little while ago have?

Gilbert covered Camilla’s head with the towel he was holding.

“I heard you didn’t eat anything today. Training is not just about using your body, it also includes eating.”

“I have no appetite… ”

“He said that even eating is discipline. It has nothing to do with taste.”

When he spoke firmly and strictly, Camilla lowered her head. Somehow, I felt that I should not disobey Gilbert’s words.

“Then… Can I just take a shower? It smells a bit like sweat.”

“Hmm. Let’s meet in front of the accommodation in 30 minutes.”

“I understand.”

As soon as Camilla heard those words, she quickly ran to wash up. Although 30 minutes was too short, it seemed like if I did it quickly, I would have time to even use the perfume.

After taking the fastest shower of her life, Camilla checked the mirror several times and then came out of the dorm. In front of the dorm, Gilbert was standing blankly looking at the sky.

“I’m here!”

“Um.”

Gilbert stopped thinking and looked at Camilla. She swallowed, feeling somewhat nervous. I took a hot shower and felt a little thirsty.

“Do you want to eat something?”

“It doesn’t matter what it is. If it doesn’t taste good, it’s just as fun as it is!”

Camilla was able to smile as usual, perhaps because she saw Gilbert looking the same as usual.

I’m glad you look okay.

She offered a brief prayer of thanks to the god. I was able to ease the burden on my mind a little.

Gilbert nodded once and started leading her somewhere.

Is there a place you have in mind in advance?

Camilla was getting excited little by little. Then, he soon realized that he didn’t deserve it and bowed his head.

I once again felt ashamed of myself for quickly looking so disheveled.

“This is not usual.”

“Huh?”

Camilla, who had been following him with her head down, slowly raised her head at Gilbert’s words.

He was still walking looking ahead.

“Do you feel guilty?”

“… It has to be that way.”

If you don’t feel it, are you even a person?

Whatever the reason, the fact that he left his friend in limbo and ran away alone was an unchangeable fact.

No matter how much I thought positively and rationalized myself, something soggy kept holding me back.

If it was a swamp, it was a swamp. A swamp of self-loathing.

“You did everything you could on the spot.”

“Don’t comfort me. No matter what, the facts don’t change.”

He answered as if muttering in a very subdued voice. This sense of helplessness that Camilla had was not something that even Gilbert could take away.

No matter how safe Gilbert was and how well he was, the shadow in his heart could not be removed.

“Gilbert. So far, I’ve been living the way I want to. I thought it was fun and I was satisfied. But that’s what’s been constricting my neck. This could have happened at any time, but I turned a blind eye like a fool.”

Camilla began her confession with Gilbert in front of her. She confessed to him without hesitation the sins she had been thinking about ever since Operation Gehenna.

I had no such shallow thoughts of wanting to feel at ease. I just thought it would be worse not to confess my sins.

It shouldn’t have been kept inside. I had to tell him my mistake straight away.

“I’m sorry. Because I am weak. I felt stupid and ran away from you.”

“You did what you had to do. In that situation, someone had to call for assistance, and that was you.”

“Yes, that might be the case. But it doesn’t change the fact that I ran away alone. If you don’t do well, I… ”

Camilla couldn’t bear to continue talking. If he really had been wrong, Camilla couldn’t even imagine what would have happened to her.

She couldn’t handle that guilt.

Again her head turned downward.

“Camilla.”

“Why… ”

Camilla answered, still without raising her head. The reason was that he did not have the honor to see Gilbert.

“I understand that you feel indebted to me. Because it’s difficult to leave your comrades behind on the battlefield. In fact, there are many cases where people die without being able to do that difficult task.”

Gilbert walked forward, but in reality he was looking past.

There were many horrors he saw on the battlefield that could not be described in words.

A person who sells his comrades in order to survive.

A person who sacrifices himself to save his comrades.

He had seen too many times the horrors of war that brought out the bottom of all types of human beings.

Was there anyone like Camilla among them?

It wasn’t. It was definitely there. There were certainly others who made different choices than her and remained by their comrade’s side until the end.

But it couldn’t be said that the ending was good. Because more colleagues were sacrificed due to late requests for support.

“This incident was just luck. If I hadn’t stopped him, the damage would have been greater. You just prevented it from happening.”

“If that happens, Gilbert, you… ”

“He must have died.”

Gilbert stated the fact very calmly.

Camilla took a deep breath and held her breath. The way he spoke of his own death in a detached way seemed like embers that had burned everything.

“It was a risky operation. I had the thought that I might die.”

“That’s… ”

“That was a story that applied to everyone, the members of the special unit, and even everyone who participated in the operation. Because we went on operations as soldiers of the empire.”

“Gilbert… ”

“So don’t feel guilty. Because you made the best choice with the intention of carrying that guilt.”

Camilla’s throat was clogged and she couldn’t say anything. Gilbert’s words weren’t just meant to comfort her.

I was just calmly telling her what I really thought.

Accepting even one’s own death with detachment and carrying out one’s mission.

Camilla somehow felt sad at those words. He is clearly a young master who grew up in a noble family, but why can he talk like a worn-out veteran from the battlefield?

Camilla’s detachment and detachment were so heartbreaking.

“Why can you say that?”

She asked, trying hard to hold back tears. I asked him how he could do that, as he seemed to be holding many secrets.

“Because I’m a knight.”

I see Gilbert thinks so.

In the end, tears flowed from Camilla’s eyes, unable to hold them back.

She hurriedly wiped away her tears, afraid that he might see her. Her eyes were red and bloodshot and she tried to smile.

Camilla now knew what she had to do.

I had to support Gilbert, who thought nothing of even his own death.

Camilla thought that was the best she could do for leaving him behind.

So before that.

“Thank you. I’ll do my best.”

“Got it.”

Let’s cry a little more.

She shed tears as she followed Gilbert.

***

Ugh! This is a mistake, a mistake!

Camilla, who arrived at the restaurant with Gilbert, left for a moment, making the excuse of going to the bathroom.

How on earth could it possibly make sense for a countess’s daughter to cry and snot out her nose in front of a man she didn’t know?

Of course, there was a reason, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel shame. This was because Camilla herself was psychologically concentrated, but the fact that it was the mistake of a lifetime remained the same.

Besides, you want to support Gilbert?

Camilla’s cheeks turned bright red.

Fortunately, I was lucky enough not to say those words out loud. If I had said something like that in that situation, I would have hung myself right now.

She fanned her feverish face and looked at the mirror in front of her. Inside was a girl with a very sad face.

“Smiling… ?”

It was a fact that I was not aware of. She didn’t know what was so good that the corners of her mouth would go up and down.

Until Gilbert came, I doubted whether it was me who was suffering from depression and self-destruction.

I was doubtful that such a terrible feeling could change as quickly as I exchanged a few words with Gilbert.

No, it got better.

It was true that I felt much better, perhaps because I cried quietly.

The depression that I couldn’t express in words and the feeling of self-destruction that brought about terrible self-deprecation have now subsided.

All that remained was a resolution to reflect on my indolence and correct my complacent thoughts.

All of this happened less than five minutes after talking with Gilbert.

For Camilla, that felt really amazing. Even if the person she felt guilty about was Gilbert, the feelings she felt were not something that could easily disappear even if he came.

However, after a few words of conversation with him, she cried like a child and put down the burden in her heart.

Even thinking about it, it is so easy to hear such words from someone who feels guilty and wonder if it is okay to do this.

Even thinking about it now with a calm mind, it was a strange thing.

I guess that’s not important.

It was already in the past, and continuing to embrace it would only cause trouble to Gilbert.

It was a little embarrassing, but I needed to support him so he wouldn’t collapse.

Camilla calmly calmed down and returned to the table where he was waiting.

When I saw him quietly looking at the menu, my heart started pounding, perhaps because it reminded me of the ugly behavior from earlier.

“Ta-da! I’m back.”

“Because it takes time. I ordered it in advance.”

Gilbert showed her the menu and told her what she ordered. Coincidentally, it was her favorite food.

“The menu composition is very good?”

“It will be because you ordered the foods you like.”

“I see! So you ordered a portion of my favorite food?”

But have I ever told Gilbert what his favorite food is?

Camilla tilted her head.

I nodded without thinking, but when I thought about it again, I didn’t remember saying what my favorite food was.

Did he, who likes to talk loudly, say something like that without thinking?

However, it was somewhat surprising that I still remembered something so trivial.

Despite his blunt appearance, Gilbert may have a caring side.

It might be a little touching.

Camilla tried hard to hide her red cheeks and hid her joy.

It was because I was bothered by the sight of him smiling right away, even though he was crying a little while ago.

“I will prepare a meal for you.”

While I was chatting with Gilbert about various things, food was served.

The food tasted not as bad as she thought.

It may have been because I haven’t been able to eat a proper meal, but it felt like the most delicious food I’ve had in a while.

After finishing their meal calmly, the two walked out of the restaurant. The lively street scene welcomed the two.

Camilla felt that the scenery before entering this place was very different from when she left.

They say that the world you see changes depending on your mindset, and that seems to be what they were saying in this case. As my mind became calm, the scenery I saw also seemed peaceful.

“ is the distance.”

“Huh?”

“To protect this street, we went on an operation that day. All the choices you made were for this purpose. The times we ate normally and the times we watched this street were made possible by the accumulation of such choices. And I would have said it.”

Gilbert stood in front of Camilla.

He turned away from the sunlight and looked back at her.

“If you feel anxious, follow me. In that regard, you did a great job. Camilla.”

Was it an illusion that Gilbert, backlit, looked infinitely gentle?

Camilla shook her head.

Camilla of the world was struck twice.

She smiled brightly.

***

[Sub-scenario – Information on seekers of twisted possessiveness has been updated.]

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