episode_0124

“I have absolutely no intention of forgiving you all either.”

Christine’s heart sank heavily at those words.

She already knew. She and the rest of the hero’s party had no right to say anything to Eric, even if they had ten mouths. Yet, in some corner of her heart, she had still held onto a vague hope—that maybe, just maybe…

We’re trying so hard. We’re doing everything we can to face Eric.

Surely, Eric would recognize their sincerity.

But the expression on Eric’s face as he said he wouldn’t forgive them was utterly indifferent. No anger, no sorrow—not even resignation. If only it had been any of those, it would have been easier.

If it were anger or sorrow, they could work to resolve it. If it were resignation, they could give him hope that they could change.

But if he held no emotion toward them at all from the very beginning, there was nothing they could do. The same eyes that had avoided her when she first learned his secret were now looking at her—expressionless, cold, like when she mechanically processed tedious paperwork.

The faint warmth she had felt when she barely managed to hold his hand had long since vanished. No—perhaps even that warmth had been nothing but her own delusion.

“Ah… ugh…”

Christine barely stifled the whimper that escaped her lips. The way Eric spoke so casually terrified her, and she felt like she might burst into tears without realizing it. Eric wasn’t helping her and the hero’s party grow out of revenge or pity. It was purely out of duty—because it was what he wanted to do.

“Chris? What’s wrong all of a sudden? Are you feeling sick?”

Eric’s concerned voice was the last thing she wanted to hear right now.

“N-no, it’s nothing… really.”

A lie. It was anything but nothing. She wanted to interrogate him right then and there, but she didn’t have the courage.

Of course not.

If she had even that much courage, her relationship with Eric would have been entirely different by now. In the end, all Christine could do was confirm what she already knew.

“What do you mean, you won’t forgive us?”

“What’s with you all of a sudden? We agreed not to act shamelessly with each other. You know better than to think like that. If you start harboring weird feelings, this party will fall apart in an instant. Besides, you already know my secret. I thought you’d at least know how to act.”

And, as expected, a question with a predetermined answer only received the answer it deserved.

“So…”

“……”

“It’s just… the money…”

“Huh? Wait, how far did I get? Sorry, oppa. Just one more—”

“What’s wrong with you? Is something dangerous going on—”

“No! It’s… definitely not that.”

After barely returning to this world, she had struggled desperately to earn Eric’s attention. But now that she had it, it was under the worst possible circumstances. Even as Eric spoke to her warmly, she felt no emotion from him toward her. It was nothing more than the concern one would show a stranger collapsing on the street—basic human decency.

What made it even more wretched was that she couldn’t sense even a hint of malice or disregard from Eric. Though not as sharp as Elia, as a leading successor of the Grave Duchy, reading people’s true feelings was second nature to her.

And that was why she knew. No matter how hard they tried, the relationship between them and Eric could never be mended.

“Doesn’t it bother you? Working with us like this?”

“Of course it does. But it’s necessary. If I don’t do this, you won’t get stronger.”

“…It’s different with Lucy noona.”

Eric gave her a puzzled look.

“Lucilla? Why bring her up all of a sudden?”

“I thought you two were alike. The way you both stubbornly focus on what you want to do, or how you dive into things with terrifying intensity, or how you handle annoying tasks without batting an eye. I didn’t realize it before, but seeing you now, you’re really similar.”

“Really? If I were as hardworking as Lucilla, I’d feel too guilty. I’ve seen how crazily she swings that sword.”

“Yeah. You’re… different after all.”

“My apologies for that.”

Eric Grave and Lucilla were not the same. Lucilla’s training and determination were means to an end. She could keep pushing forward to achieve something, and until the Demon King crushed her, her efforts never betrayed her.

Eric’s training, on the other hand, had no purpose. Or rather, the training itself was the purpose. He wasn’t raising Christine, Elia, Lucilla, and Cecilia to gain something—their growth was both the goal and the means.

Christine asked lightly, as if it didn’t matter.

“Do you know what noona’s doing right now?”

“Not really. Now that you mention it, I haven’t paid much attention to her. She’s the type who can handle things on her own, unlike you guys. Besides, it’s not like I can do anything for her right now.”

As Eric said, Lucilla was silently repeating her training, just as she had been advised. Everyone agreed it was too early for her to draw the Holy Sword and be chosen as the hero, and realistically, Eric had no way to help her.

Though Christine hadn’t seen her often either, with Elia and Guild Master Rin’s help, Lucilla swung her sword relentlessly—whether at the academy or the imperial palace’s training grounds—with an intensity that was almost eerie.

“You won’t tell noona either, right?”

“Tell her what?”

“That you… actually—”

“Remember everything? Of course not. Who would I be doing that for?”

“I see. That’s… good.”

She couldn’t bring herself to say, Give noona the same chance you gave me. If she was like this, what difference would it make for Lucilla? Yet, at the same time, a dark, creeping thought wrapped around her.

Lucilla and Eric’s relationship was entirely different from his with the other three. Though she had blamed Eric at the very end like the rest of them, before that, their relationship had been almost colorless, odorless.

She hadn’t listened to Eric’s advice either, but unlike Christine in previous loops, she had never hurled insults or dismissive remarks at him. Could that small difference have changed something?

The mere thought of Eric reaching out to Lucilla—but not to her—made Christine acutely aware of how petty she was.

It was nothing more than delusion, a near-impossible fantasy. But Christine didn’t even have the courage to dismiss it as such.

“Can I… ask why? Even I can cooperate with you like this. If noona becomes the hero later, wouldn’t she be more helpful to what you’re trying to do?”

“Don’t encourage it. You only found out my secret by pure coincidence. I’m not going through that again. And even with the Central Church incident, didn’t you and Cecilia just make things harder for me by trying to ‘lighten my burden’? If Cecilia, who doesn’t even know I have my memories, is like that, imagine if Lucilla found out I remember past loops. She’d probably offer up her liver and gallbladder.”

“Don’t you feel anything… at all?”

“Me? Why?”

“I mean… well…”

“I don’t need apologies from you guys. That kind of thing would just make me miserable. If you’re really sorry, spend that time thinking about how to defeat the Demon King instead.”

“Are you sane?”

“Huh?”

“Aren’t you angry? Don’t you want revenge? You have every right to! Don’t you hate me for saying this? Don’t you want to lash out? You were ignored over and over! You only ever heard things you shouldn’t have, and in the end, you died miserably—and you feel nothing toward us? That doesn’t make sense! Take revenge! Mock us, look down on us!”

“It makes perfect sense.”

Eric cleanly shut down Christine’s outburst.

“You just proved my point perfectly. If I did what you’re saying, would you keep asking me why I’m not angry? Why I’m not cursing you out? What a tiresome way to live.”

His voice grew gentler, almost patient.

“Let it go, Chris.”