episode_0120

From the next day, Tia rummaged through books. It was to find a cure. She checked each part that could be a clue. She placed her emaciated finger on the letters and read meticulously. Even what she had already read once. She read it again and again, just in case she had missed anything.

Thump. Thump. Fosao loitered nearby. Around this time, Tia would usually cook for him, but with no word, he was trying to draw her attention. However, Tia was engrossed in her book and unresponsive. Eventually, the hungry pig spoke first.

“Um, Ti-Tia…?” “…” He called her once, but she didn’t answer. Her face seemed to have closed off her ears, buried only in the letters. Fosao called again. “Tia?” Finally, he succeeded in getting her attention. Tia turned to look at Fosao with an expressionless face.

“Now… shouldn’t you e-eat something?” “Eat by yourself.” “What about Tia?” “I’m fine.” Turning her eyes back to the book, the conversation ended.

She said she was ‘fine,’ but her body was far from it. Tia’s shriveled limbs looked as if they would collapse with the slightest shake, and there was no life left in her face. She was keeping her promise not to eat, so that the money could be used to buy more books and medicinal ingredients.

Fosao seemed worried about Tia, who was growing increasingly haggard. He repeatedly tried to persuade her with a fearful expression. “Tia. Ah, no matter what, you have to eat to live…” “I told you I’re fine!” “…Uh, uh-huh!” Fosao, intimidated by her firm refusal, backed away. In the end, he had no choice but to leave the house idly.

Left alone, Tia continued to read. Whenever she found a potentially useful treatment method, she immediately calculated its feasibility. “No.” But no matter how much she read, no clear solution emerged.

Rustle rustle!! She frantically scratched out the memo with her quill pen. “Haa…” Thud. Tia clutched her sweat-soaked forehead. She knew it herself. That she wasn’t in her right mind.

Suddenly, looking down, her emaciated body was revealed. It had changed so much that even she was surprised. Her shoulders and arms used to be strong enough to show graceful lines, and her thighs were quite thick from all the swordsmanship practice and mountain climbing. Now, she had lost so much weight that she had become as thin as the delicate Marie. Moreover, even though she had lost weight, her body should have felt lighter, but instead, it felt even heavier.

“…” Tia had always felt sorry for Marie. Her body was too weak to go out much, forcing her to live confined within the house. But now… she found herself in the same situation.

Click. Tia moved her dry fingers. Devoid of life, it was a grotesque movement, as if a skeleton were stirring. “Ah…” Yes. It must be so hard that she’s losing her mind. Even I, watching, feel like I’m going crazy.

My hollow eyes looked back at the sickbed. I could see myself lying asleep. If it were me in that situation. If, conversely, Tia were lying on the sickbed. What would I have thought? Honestly. As a ‘person.’ Would I be able to avoid thinking that my life had fallen into such an abyss because of Tia?

Her fingers gradually approached my face. If she were to strangle me with those dry fingers right now and end it for good. This hellish suffering would be over. …Tia didn’t do that. Like a mother, she merely stroked my cheek gently.

Suddenly, Tia pulled out a coat she hadn’t worn in a long time. She draped a cloak over herself, took out an old herb bag, and slung it over her shoulder. She opened the back door of the general store and ascended deep into the mountains.

Whoosh-!! It was a day of fierce snow wind. One shouldn’t go out in such weather. Moreover, entering the mountains was extremely dangerous. Soon, snow fog would settle, filling everything with a gray mist, making it impossible to distinguish front from back, thus isolating one in the mountains. But Tia merely pulled her hood down deep. She did not stop walking.

What on earth was she looking for in this winter mountain? The ground was entirely covered in snow, with no trace of green to be found, yet she continued to wander the mountain, searching for ‘something.’

Crunch. Crunch. Snap! “Ack!” Her foot fell into a snow-covered pit. Tia, who had fallen, trembled as she got up. A wound appeared on her knee, but she merely wiped it off with snow and continued on her way.

A patch of grass appeared. With frozen, reddened hands, she pushed aside the snowdrifts. But all she saw was weeds. “Cheonjinju…” Tia was looking for the medicine I had tried to make for the Village Head-nim.

It wasn’t clear what use Cheonjinju would be. It just seemed that she firmly believed I could only wake up if she personally found rare medicinal ingredients. Perhaps it was due to a misguided belief that only through such hardship could her sins be diluted, and only by suffering herself could she save me. No matter how brilliant Tia was… in the face of the worst situation, her judgment was bound to falter. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do. She had lost hope, so she couldn’t stand still; that’s why she was acting that way.

She endlessly wandered the snowfield, searching for plants that didn’t even exist. Before she knew it, Tia had entered deep into the forest. She seemed to suddenly realize she had come too far, having only chased what was directly in front of her. She looked around.

Howl! The snow wind grew fiercer, and the snow fog thickened. She hadn’t left any markers, so she couldn’t find her way back. It was a colder winter than ever before. Tia’s coat was covered in white. Her hood, touched by her breath, was encrusted with ice. Everything around her was pure white. If death were white, then it seemed only death enveloped Tia.

Thump. Her strength gone, Tia leaned against a tree. Her red hair fluttered in the fierce wind. “Haa- haa-.” She hugged her body tightly. But her body, having not eaten properly, only grew colder. “…Sleepy.” She blinked. It seemed she was growing increasingly drowsy. Curled up tightly, she slowly began to fall asleep.

Whoosh! It was then that her consciousness blurred, and she gradually slipped towards death. “…Ah…!” A small sound reached Tia’s ears. “…Ti-a!” She lifted her frozen eyes towards the direction of the faint sound. Piercing through the white fog, someone was coming. It was Fosao.

“Tia!” “…M-mister?” Watching the growing shadow, Tia closed her eyes. Thud. At the same moment she collapsed onto the snowfield, Fosao rushed over and embraced Tia. “Tia? H-hey, wake up! Tia!” The limp girl gave no answer.

* * *

Tia opened her eyes. The first thing she felt was warm heat. A quietly burning brazier was right beside her, and her body lay on a soft bed. The moment Tia realized she was lying in Fosao’s bedroom, she felt a deep sense of relief at being alive. Rolling her eyes to the side, she saw Fosao dozing off, nodding his head. She opened her mouth to call him, but a cough escaped instead.

“Cough.” At the sound of her cough, Fosao’s head shot up. “Ti-Tia? You’re awake?” “Cough. Cough!” “Ngh- don’t strain yourself! L-lie down!”

Gurgle-. Fosao filled a cup with warm water and handed it to her. “…” Tia only moved her lips. No voice came from her throat. Even when she coughed, she had to wince from a pain that felt like her throat was tearing. Her limbs ached as if pricked by needles, preventing her from moving. She lay still, repeatedly drifting off into a hazy sleep.

By the time a day had passed. “You s-said you have to make Ritsu’s medicine?” “…Yes.” Tia, barely able to speak short sentences, first said that she was worried about me.

Fosao sighed. “How will you m-make medicine with that body?” “I can do it… Cough, cough.” Tia tried to get out of bed but lost her balance and stumbled. Fosao hurriedly stood up.

“No! You c-can’t! Ti-Tia… please… You’ll really get hurt if you do that!” “…” “Please… Tia! Take c-care of yourself first.” He grabbed Tia’s hand and pleaded with a desperate voice. “If Ti-Tia is healthy… you can protect Ritsu!” At least, that wasn’t wrong. Tia looked like she was going to die before I did, but she showed no sign of stopping. The only one who could stop that rampage was… Fosao.

“I-I’ll do it! You rest, Tia!” “Cough! You don’t have money to buy medicinal ingredients, do you?” “I’ll find a way to get them. Th-that’ll do, right?” He then ostentatiously put on his coat. “I’ve a-also made food. Eat if you’re hungry.” Pointing to the stew placed next to the brazier, he went out into the blizzard.

“Cough, cough!” Tia leaned her head against the windowsill. She could see Fosao’s back as he headed down to the lower village. She watched him quietly for a moment, then pulled her body under the covers.

* * *

That night. Fosao did not return. Since he was someone who always returned before nightfall, Tia frequently found herself looking out the window. Even though it was too dark outside to see anything.

Tia spoke to me, lying on the sickbed. “Mister seems a bit late… Cough. I wonder what happened?” Then she leaned her body, still feverish, against me. “I’m sorry my body is sick. Cough… cough! If I get a little better, I’ll go try to get the medicine again.” “…” “But… now I don’t even know. Is there… truly a way to wake Ritsu? Cough, cough!” “…” “There must be, right? …Yes. There has to be… I hope there is…”

Exhausted, Tia looked up at the window again. Wondering when Fosao would return. If he could even make it back today. And if something bad might have happened. She waited with worried eyes.

Before long, dawn approached. At a time when the faint howl of wolves could be heard from somewhere far away. Tia, who had been dozing in front of the brazier, now just a pile of ashes, heard the sound of the door opening.

Thump! “Gasp- gasp-!” Fosao walked in heavily, breathing roughly. Tia, coming to greet him, couldn’t help but be surprised. …His stout body was a mess. It was torn in many places, with countless wounds.

“Mister? What… happened?” “Ah, uh-huh? I-I went to the mountain for a bit…” “Cough. You said you were going to the lower village.” “I just c-couldn’t find any… so I tried to dig for it myself…” Fosao scratched his head.

“B-but I brought some. Hehe.” He pulled out a handful of ‘Cheonjinju’ from his pocket. Tia’s eyes widened. She received it with trembling hands. Looking at the Cheonjinju, which was so cold and frozen… the girl couldn’t say anything.

Plop. A drop of blood fell onto the floor of the general store. There was a large wound on Fosao’s torn pants. “Mister…” “Th-this? It’s nothing…”

It wasn’t. It seemed he had stumbled while rummaging through the snowy mountains and had been badly hurt. With such a leg, barely able to walk… he had come all this way. “Tia. Th-that’s enough, right?” “No. It’s not enough… Cough, cough! With this… I can’t do anything.” “Ri-Ritsu… then… How many d-days of medicinal ingredients are left?” “It runs out tomorrow.” “Ngaah-!” Fosao frantically turned his head.

“I-I think I know where there’s more! I’ll g-go again…” He then tried to move his limping leg again. But then. Click. Tia moved past Fosao and closed the door.

“…Ti-Tia?” “…” And she sat down in front of the door. Tia knew. That the time had come to make the ‘choice’ she had repeatedly put off. Everything Tia had done solely to save Ritsu… had become a terrible disaster.

The Village Head-nim passed away. A rebellion broke out in Deseo. Ruyef and Marie left. The people of Breezedawn were dragged away. And in Tailden, a bounty was placed on her as a murderer.

Even after enduring all these humiliations, Tia believed she could bear it. She believed that if she could just save Ritsu, everything would be resolved. However, Tia’s unyielding resolve… was now pushing Fosao, who had stayed by her side until the very end, into danger.

Seeing the blood dripping from his wound, Tia realized. That she couldn’t cling to Ritsu forever. That holding onto already shattered hope would only leave despair. She couldn’t delay it any longer. She had to choose. The time had come to say the words she thought she could never, absolutely never, utter.

Hot tears streamed down Tia’s cheeks. “Don’t go… Mister…” “B-but then Ritsu…” “…Now…” Tia said, sobbing. “Now… I’ll let Ritsu go…” The words that she was giving up on me echoed through the general store.

I couldn’t think of anything. That bitter pain, like something snapping… tore at my chest. “So… please don’t… get hurt because of me.” “…” “Heeuk… heuk…” Fosao looked down at Tia, who was sobbing silently.

Then he awkwardly knelt on his injured knee. He tightly embraced the girl who had given up on ‘the man she loved.’ My sleeping body, left alone in that cold, dark place, heard such mournful cries… Yet could do nothing.