episode_0119

“Are you just going to keep walking like that? At this rate, it just looks like you really don’t want to walk with me.”

“I’m sorry. But this is the best I can do right now…”

Chris had boldly grabbed my hand earlier, but the way we looked now could hardly pass for an ordinary pair of siblings.

Chris wasn’t just reluctant to hold hands—she normally didn’t even like physical contact with other people. So the fact that she was holding my hand at all should have been more than enough. But as soon as we stepped outside, we ended up like this.

“What’s there for you to be so embarrassed about? Try to act a little more confident.”

“That’s not the problem…”

“You don’t mean I’m embarrassing you right now, do you?”

I asked Chris just in case. If that were actually the case, then the fact that she still hadn’t let go of my hand might be the only comfort I should take from this.

No matter how much she was weighed down by guilt toward me, that had nothing to do with how others perceived her in public.

“S-So, maybe we should walk a little further apart. Rumors about me being insane are still floating around the Empire, and if people see you walking around with me, it’ll just invite more strange looks.”

Unlike an outsider like me, Chris had enough presence to openly have her own faction named after her within the Academy. But if she were seen associating with me, it could lead to unnecessary gossip—enough to tarnish her reputation.

Of course, rebuilding my shattered reputation was essential, but if it came at the cost of harming Chris’s standing, it’d be a classic case of gaining a little just to lose a lot.

“Oppa?”

“You can’t afford to lose your influence within the Academy. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Chris needed to unite the students under her leadership—only then could she secure a favorable position in the future imperial succession struggle.

While other factions would be torn apart by infighting and scheming, Elia had to ascend to the throne with the backing of Chris’s unwavering support.

“…Annoying.”

“Huh?”

Before I could even ask what she meant, Chris ignored my anxious thoughts and instead pulled me closer.

If she had only been holding my hand earlier, now she had fully wrapped herself around my arm.

“No. If we’re going to do this, we might as well do it properly. It’s not like I’m so amazing anyway.”

Though she muttered something incomprehensible, she tightened her grip on my arm as if determined to follow through.

Naturally, the number of eyes drawn to us in the street multiplied.

No one dared to openly say anything or question us, but I could clearly read the bewilderment and confusion in their gazes.

“Somehow, I feel like one of those rare beasts in the Beast Garden, performing tricks for people from behind bars.”

“You’re the one who told me not to care, yet here you are reacting. Just walk confidently. Holding hands out in the open like this is embarrassing, though.”

“Right.”

Come to think of it, how many years had it been since Chris and I walked side by side like this? Even in previous timelines, it was so long ago I could barely remember.

The last time must have been right after she was adopted into our household—when I treated her kindly to help her adjust here.

Chris likely didn’t even remember that time now.

That peace had been fleeting, and the childhood memories I once held were overshadowed by my own reckless actions.

So for now, I decided to silently accept the kindness Chris had shown me.

The warmth of our firmly clasped hands between our entangled arms felt incredibly comforting.

“Ugh… I’m exhausted.”

“How are you tired already from just this little walking? Unbelievable. Starting now, aside from student council work, you better commit to more rigorous physical training.”

“That’s because… haah… haah… you’re too fast…”

After several minutes of walking mindlessly while soaking in another person’s warmth—something I hadn’t experienced in so long—Chris and I safely arrived at the Grave Ducal residence.

While Chris had walked at a calm, steady pace, barely out of breath, I was panting just trying to keep up with her.

“What do you want to do now?”

“Let’s both freshen up first. You’re a little uncomfortable talking like this too, right?”

“That’s true. Then I’ll come to your room.”

“Huh? But your room is way bigger. Wouldn’t it be more comfortable to talk there?”

“The maids and attendants are always coming and going in my room, so voices might carry. And also…”

Chris trailed off.

“What is it? Stop hesitating and just say it.”

“It’s not a place where I could bring anyone else.”

“What does that mean?”

“Think about what I do all day when I come home—then you’ll understand. My room isn’t spacious enough to accommodate guests anyway. The paperwork is already piling up like mountains as it is.”

“Ah.”

Come to think of it, Chris had taken over managing the household affairs in place of our parents, who had temporarily left. She obediently handled the duties entrusted to her—but still, our parents had casually left to carry out the emperor’s orders with nothing more than a “We trust you.” They must have nerves of steel.

Though I knew exactly what kind of burden Chris was bearing now, unfortunately, she was performing far too well in meeting our parents’ expectations.

“I could help a little, you know. Contrary to how I look—”

“No thanks. This isn’t something I need help with. And besides, could you even handle paperwork?”

“Well… As long as I don’t stamp forbidden documents with official seals?”

“Then I’m better off doing it alone.”

“But—”

“You have your own responsibilities, Oppa. We should both stick to what we have to do.”

Chris lightly shook her head.

“Go wait in your room. I’ll change and drop by after giving the servants a heads-up.”

“Well, if you say so…”

With that abrupt end to our conversation, Chris and I stepped into the mansion side by side.

A short while later, just as promised, Chris barged into my room, her hair still damp.

“I’m here.”

“What about the other servants?”

“I asked them not to come near this area. From the regular maids and butlers to even my guards—all of them. When I told them I needed to have a long-overdue honest talk with you, they surprisingly agreed without any fuss.”

“You actually believe they bought that? You know better than anyone how overprotective the people around you are.”

“They do. But when I told them that no matter what tricks you might pull, you wouldn’t be able to beat me, they all accepted it and backed off.”

“Ugh.”

The fact that I couldn’t deny it was depressing. As if sensing my bitterness, Chris delivered a follow-up jab.

“I hate to say this, but you really are too weak, aren’t you? Not that I mean to look down on you—it’s just—”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re saying that despite the power I have, my combat ability is practically worthless, right? But even so, I’d say I’m still in the upper ranks within the Academy. It just looks that way because I’m being compared to you guys.”

Ever since I needed to travel around to strengthen the hero’s party, I had to maintain some semblance of combat ability. That’s why, even in past timelines, I did my utmost never to be a burden to them.

“Upper ranks? You?”

“Yeah. Believe it or not, I can instantly cast up to fourth-circle magic without pre-incantation. I only know one spell, but at the very least, I can protect myself with it.”

“And how much mana would you even have left after casting that? What kind of spells can you use? Can you cast it in any situation?”

Faced with Chris’s barrage of questions, I answered bitterly.

“You’ve already seen it.”

“I’ve seen…? Wait, when did I ever see you cast magic…? Ah—”

Chris clapped both hands over her mouth in haste, as if she had accidentally let slip something she should never have spoken aloud.

“Remember now? That’s the fourth-circle magic I can use. No matter how pathetic I am at everything else, I practiced that one spell to death—until I could cast it anytime, anywhere.”

Teleportation magic.

Given how my body and mana were both inferior to the other four, it was the only spell capable of turning the tide—my one last gamble.

Of course, the Gates Chris could conjure were far more convenient, but they had multiple restrictions.

Among fourth-circle grand spells, teleportation was the only one that could be cast instantly—and consumed the least mana.

That’s why, when I had to evacuate the four of them from the demon lord, I was able to endure without running out of mana—standing tall until the very end of my life.

“So… what happened back then…?”

“Do you really need to ask? It wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience.”

An overwhelming sense of helplessness.

Though the demon lord had taken my life in mere seconds without any resistance, before that immense power, my body was nothing more than a weed trembling in a storm.

“Frankly, it made me wonder if everything I did was pointless. So let’s just drop the subject. I get that you want to train me, so I’ll go along with whatever you guys decide. Is that good enough?”

Without waiting for Chris’s reply, I forcefully clapped my hands together.

I knew it was rude to abruptly cut off the conversation like this.

But if I didn’t, I felt like I’d end up saying something resentful toward Chris.

No matter how much I overcame it—how much I laughed it off—fear was still fear.

Standing face-to-face with someone who had essentially been the cause of my death, I wasn’t strong enough to stay composed.