episode_0119

『When the dependence tendencies of dependent personality disorder are combined with guilt, the situation becomes even more uncontrollable. This is because guilt is the fuel that fuels their dependence tendencies the most. The tendency to depend, coupled with a sense of guilt, is reborn as a terrible desire for self-destruction.』

『If their relationship with the person they depend on is jeopardized due to their obvious mistake, they can hardly come to their senses. ‘I deserve to be punished for making such a terrible mistake’, I constantly push myself into a pit. Because their bodies and minds are already dead, they never hesitate even if it means denying everything they have lived in their lives so far. In the end, all that remains is destruction.』

*

“I made the mistake of doubting my boyfriend based on what someone I met for the first time said. I told you that I would understand everything and that I would love you forever, but I broke those words.”

Hyeji opened the carefully written reflection and carefully read the first paragraph.

It’s already been three days since the incident occurred. The routine of reciting a reflection every night before going to bed no longer felt awkward.

“Even if you were depressed and mentally unsound, that is a mistake you should never commit. I betrayed my brother, who I had promised to be with for the rest of my life, and left an irreparable wound in his heart.”

But when I got to this part, I couldn’t help but feel my voice shaking. Because three days was too short a time to get over the despair of last night.

The more she remembered the mistakes she had made, the more the back of her neck twitched reflexively. But paradoxically, the guilt deep in her heart grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and lifted her up again.

I couldn’t show my ugly side any further since I had already committed a sin. She moved her eyes to the last sentence, licking her lips as if she were walking on thin ice.

“I’m sorry that my girlfriend has a mental illness. I will never make the same mistake again. From now on, I will only believe what my brother says. I will believe in your love. i love you. Please forgive me.”

Hyeji, who read the reflection to the end, slowly raised her head and looked at Hyunwoo.

Her blood ran cold at the expressionless face that was no different from yesterday.

It would be better if you cursed at me. I wish they would at least whip me harshly.

The sight of her spewing out hot anger was scary, but the sight of her radiating cold like now also tightened her heart.

My older brother shouted as if he would give me a piercing or a tattoo right away, but he did neither the next day.

However, he just handed her a blank notebook when she woke up.

‘I was thinking about it last night… Let’s do the piercing when I feel like I can trust you again, Hyeji. Actually, piercing is something you should do with someone you can really trust, right? You don’t believe it because you do it, you do it because you believe it. Just like giving a wedding ring because you believe in it, not because you believe in it after giving it.’

When I heard those words while barely swallowing my breakfast, all strength went out of my body and I dropped the chopsticks I was holding.

I thought that if I got a piercing, I would be forgiven right away… I thought I would wake up and be happy again…

Unfortunately, she was not even given the opportunity to pay for her sins. Regaining trust once broken was not as simple as she thought.

‘First of all, I placed an order for a piercing, but since it was purchased directly from overseas, it took about a week for delivery. So, when it comes, I want to see how hard you work, Dongan Hyeji. If I want to trust you again, I’ll give you a piercing… or I’ll just pretend it never happened.’

Hyunwoo didn’t even ask her if she was okay, but just spit out prepared words with a cold face.

Just as she tossed and turned all night unable to sleep, Hyunwoo’s mind was also complicated.

A woman who cries and says she will do anything, whether it be piercings or tattoos. Even though I got what I wanted by strangling her with fear and terror, I somehow didn’t feel refreshed.

If you just keep pushing like this, you can get piercings and tattoos without much difficulty, but is that really the best? Is it okay to waste this opportunity given by heavenly fortune like that?

The more I thought about it, the more I felt like it would be a waste to immediately exchange the card I was holding for a piercing. More than anything, I didn’t want to allow her to feel deprived right away after paying for her sins.

She had to struggle under the weight of sin for a while. I had to watch myself, thirst for my own love, and become more accustomed to myself.

So what I came up with was a one-week test.

For a week, in the name of a test, he plunges her further into the abyss. She falls further into the abyss in the name of a test.

That amount should be worth the crime she committed.

‘How… how can I try? I will do really well so that you can trust me again. ‘Just tell me.’

If I feel like I can’t trust it again, I’ll pretend it never happened.

If it sounded like it wasn’t a piercing, but an intention to erase their relationship, was she just mistaken?

Hyeji swallowed her saliva, held her trembling hands, and opened the notebook as Hyunwoo said.

Whatever the test was, she had no time left to refuse it.

‘Write down the rules for singing from now on in the note I just gave you. These are the rules you must follow for the week. If you want to give up along the way, you can always tell me. ‘It’s your freedom.’

‘… call me. I never give up. ‘I can’t give up.’

‘First of all, um… from now on, you will eat from a dog bowl, don’t use your hands, just lie down like a dog and use your mouth. Did you write it down? Next, hmm, instead of sleeping in the bed, he goes into a cage and sleeps on the floor. Oh, we’ll order the dog food bowl later.’

That’s how the test began, and Hyunwoo called out various rules under the pretext of a test.

And the rules he called all had a consistent goal.

That is to completely wash away Hyeji’s humanity and replace it with new behavioral patterns that she must adhere to as livestock.

Hyun-woo, who was given the hilt of a sword to cut her life as he pleased, wielded that sword mercilessly.

‘I originally said that it is more difficult to restore trust once it has been broken, right? Don’t you think you have to do this for me to trust you again? What if I trust you again for no reason and am betrayed again? ‘I only got bitten by my dog once yesterday.’

Hyunwoo argued for the validity of the rules in a firm tone, saying that not even an inch of compromise could be tolerated.

How much he was hurt by what happened last night, and how much his faith in her was shaken because of it.

He cruelly struck her heart once again by asking her what would have happened if she had believed only the words of someone she had met for the first time and suspected you of being a flower snake.

That wasn’t the end.

Hyunwoo took the name Mingming from her. He deprived her of the right to call herself master.

As it was a game that was only played with someone special and trustworthy, playing was a luxury for a while for a mutt that fearlessly bared its teeth at its owner.

‘Don’t call me master while taking the exam. Just call me oppa. Don’t call me Mingming, call me Jeong Hye-ji. This isn’t a game, it’s a test. ‘Master and Mingming are on hold until you pass the test.’

It was truly a merciless treatment that completely robbed her of her self-esteem. Unlike before, when I praised her for her understanding and treated her as a ‘lovable puppy,’ in an instant, her status was reduced to that of a ‘mutt that lost its owner.’

Hyeji must have felt this as well, but her face turned pale, but since she had nothing to say even though she had ten mouths, she just nodded quietly.

‘Okay, then the next rule is, um, if I cum in your mouth…’

The number of non-sensical rules called out one by one went beyond ten, twenty, and thirty.

Rules full of evil that clearly reveal Hyunwoo’s ugly desires.

Terrible rules that would crush her, drive her into the abyss, and ultimately destroy her life.

Rules that must be followed in a romantic relationship, not a master-slave relationship, as Jeong Hye-ji, a human being, not Ming-ming, who does not wear the mask of play.

Hyeji, who sacrificed her soul to guilt, wrote down those rules one by one and stored them in her heart. She did not shy away from rules that blurred the boundaries between her daily life and play.

The only way to hold on to a relationship that was in jeopardy was the rules I wrote down in a notebook, and I felt a bit sad because I thought this kind of punishment was natural for someone who had committed a big crime.

That’s because, in order to restore her relationship with her brother and make up for the mistake she made, she had to somehow get a piercing.

In order to get a piercing, I had to first receive forgiveness and become a woman my brother could trust again.

And in order to receive forgiveness… I had to first pass a week-long test.

Therefore, she had to follow the rules.

In particular, the reflection she just read was also one of the rules.

[Every night before going to bed, read the reflection and reflect sincerely.]

After sincere reflection,

“I love you, brother. I can’t live without my brother. To me, you are the only brother. My life has no meaning without you.”

Telling her how much she loves Hyunwoo and how much she needs him.

Hyunwoo uses guilt not only to control her daily life, but also to strengthen her mental subjugation.

“Again. Be more sincere and look me straight in the eye. Even if I don’t smile, you should smile, right?”

“Oh, sorry, no… I’m sorry. Um, uh… I would have already committed suicide if it weren’t for my brother, so my life is all yours, and, and… I can do anything for my brother, and I can even get a piercing… ah, Tattoos too!”

“Whoa, do you mean you can do it even if you don’t want to, or do you mean you want to do it? It was like that yesterday and again. I told you to speak properly.”

“Ah! I want to. Brother, I really want to get a piercing. Really. Like that woman…”

Hyeji, who had been rambling, quickly opened her mouth when the mistake that had been pointed out yesterday was pointed out again. She made a round ring shape with her thumb and index finger, placed the nipple between them, and acted cute.

It’s not a piercing you have to have, but a piercing you want to have. After three days of repeated brainwashing, piercing was no longer considered a crime.

Now it has become something I truly want to do. It has become a certificate of success that can only be held if one successfully passes the exam.

“Hmm, okay. That’s all for today. Say hello and crawl into the cage.”

Hyeji, who was laughing brightly while holding her nipple, took a kneeling step back and bowed politely to Hyunwoo.

“Oppa, thank you for taming me today too. Thanks to you, I was very happy today. I’ll do well tomorrow too, so tame me more. Good night.”

“Okay, sleep well too. You had a hard time today too.”

Hye-ji, who had been secretly expecting to say that she loved him, lowered her head when Hyun-woo finished speaking.

On the first and second days, I made a lot of mistakes because I didn’t understand the rules properly, but I thought I did a little better today.

Since I hadn’t heard the words “I love you” once since I started taking exams, I missed those words terribly, but I didn’t dare complain.

Squeak –

Hyeji crawled to the front of the large dog cage and opened the door with her mouth.

Instead of a soft bed, she lays down on a cushioned floor. That too in a cage where all sides are closed and we have to curl up and sleep.

There were no complaints because the desire for self-destruction brought about by guilt infinitely justified the harsh treatment towards oneself.

Of course, he deserved to be punished. I could have done more than this to prove to my brother that I was a woman he could trust.

“Hyeji, are you sleeping?”

“Not yet. Why, oppa?”

Hye-ji, who had been tossing and turning in the cage, quickly stood up and took a waiting position when Hyun-woo called. Place your hands together next to your breasts, stand on your toes like a dog standing on its hind legs, and spread your knees wide.

This too was a rule. If you are away from your brother and he calls you, crawl in front of him and take a waiting position. Although it was difficult to crawl now that it was in a cage, it was able to pose sufficiently.

“I was worried about what I couldn’t say earlier.”

“… What is it?”

“I love you. Because I see you trying hard, I feel angry again… I want to trust you again… It’s true that the human heart is…”

“Oppa…”

When Hyeji heard the words she had longed to hear, she covered her mouth with an expression of emotion. A small sob quickly escaped between my mouth and hands.

“Today I am much closer to the passing score. That’s how well you’re following along. But you know the exam isn’t over yet, right? I’m intentionally trying not to say anything out of fear of losing my temper, but I can’t disappoint you? Because it tells you to work harder and do better.”

“Of course! I will never do that. Because I’m still testing!”

“Okay, then let’s sleep again. You lie down again too. Good night.”

“Good night, too!”

It will take at least five or six days for the piercing to be delivered.

Determined to do her best in the remaining time, she placed her body back on the cushion inside the cage.

At the end of the day, when she finally heard that I loved her, a smile spread across her face along with a feeling of relief that could not be hidden.