episode_0117

I thought about truly wanting to hug Veronica someday.

Of course, it wasn’t that I hadn’t hugged Veronica at all until now, but that didn’t make me feel like she had completely opened her heart to me.

And now, it was a moment when I became curious about her true intentions when she told me to hug her.

Are these words worthy of coming out of the mouth of a woman who has not yet fully opened her heart to me? As I thought about this, my eyebrows suddenly narrowed.

Why is he asking me to hug him? Well, there was nothing that couldn’t respond to those words.

But that didn’t mean it was a problem to just blindly get caught up in my sexual desires and just respond, so I calmly looked into her eyes.

Those golden eyes reflected in the moonlight shining through the window were alluring.

Why did you ask me to hug you? Let’s think about it step by step.

Her tired eyes, filled with a sense of exhaustion, looked into mine. Since he didn’t look at my body when asked to hug me, I could tell that it wasn’t because he wanted to covet my body.

Most people who asked for a hug would look at the other person’s chest or groin at least once, but since that wasn’t the case, it was just confusing.

If that was the case, it was because of something that was stimulating her trauma, so I asked her carefully, wondering if she was asking me to make her forget it.

“Did you have a bad dream?”

“… Dream?”

“Yes, a dream.”

It must have happened. But at this moment, I want you to feel like it doesn’t matter and not worry about it.

That’s what I thought, so I told myself to dismiss it all as a ‘dream’.

Then, as if that wasn’t a bad thing, she nodded her head slightly.

“… So, yes. Yeah, it felt like I had a nightmare.”

Although she didn’t sleep, her voice sounded sorrowful as she said she had a dream.

“Are you asking me to hug you because you want to forget?”

“… … No.”

Well, if it was something you wanted to forget, all you had to do was take out the hypnosis stone and make it forget, but I guess that wasn’t the case.

So it became even more confusing. Since I can’t understand the meaning, I can’t take her first time, her virginity, and destroy her power without knowing the meaning.

“Then why?”

“Now, you don’t have to try.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry… ”

“You don’t have to apologize. Really, just tell me why and I’ll say I really understand and you’ll understand.”

“Then, no… I just want to be honest.”

When I heard that, I became confused.

What on earth is she embracing inside?

I was curious. So I cautiously muttered my mouth.

“You always say you’re okay. Then, if you promise not to always say it’s okay, I’ll be honest with you.”

“… Ugh. But if you’re too honest… ”

I thought, what should I do? This doesn’t work, that doesn’t work, it’s frustrating, but for some reason I felt like I knew what kind of reaction this was.

I knew very well that this was an uncomfortable feeling that I had felt at least once.

What if I get criticized? What should I do if other people find me strange? Behind the question, I liked it when people pretended to like it on the surface, but when I was actually curious about the inside, I felt that contradictory feeling of not being curious.

In the end, the only way to solve it was to find courage on my own. I had no choice but to be a coward and run away.

That’s why I just told her that anything was fine.

“You can say anything. I just like Veronica, so I will never dislike it.”

After persuading her for a while, her mouth opened heavily.

“… Sorry. I came this far because of me, but I don’t have to do that anymore.”

“… … ? What do you mean?”

“ Because catching the demon lord or clearing the game didn’t mean you could go home… ”

“That’s just the way it is. You don’t know whether you can go home or not, right?”

“So, it’s strange that you’re in danger of dying because of something so uncertain… ?”

It’s not that I don’t understand Veronica’s words, but my mind seems to refuse to accept them.

No, it was natural that I couldn’t understand it from the moment I entered this world in the first place, and I wasn’t driven by the conviction that I could unconditionally return to the original world just by catching the demon lord.

But now she remembered it again and said that it wasn’t a good idea to risk one’s life on something uncertain.

“Are you worried about me?”

“… I’m sorry, you came here because of me, but isn’t it strange that I actually told you not to go? I’m sorry, please understand even if I feel like crap… ”

“No, it doesn’t look like trash at all. I just did it because I would be happy anywhere if I was with you. It was also a matter of my selfish interest, so don’t worry about it.”

“… okay? Well then, thank goodness… ”

Veronica opened her mouth prepared to be scolded, but she seemed moved by the fact that what came back was not curses but comfort.

I don’t know if that’s why, but I was so emotional that tears seemed to come up to my throat.

“Don’t be like that.”

“Ha, but I wanted to know what to do if other kids said their adventures stopped because of me… I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to survive if I looked at you like that. Ugh.”

Behind the sound of her snoring, I saw her sad emotions come out.

I felt really sad when I remembered how many times I was afraid that I would hate him. I didn’t seem to think much of it while eating dinner, so maybe that feeling came to mind when I filled that bottle with blood.

I suddenly realized that if there was nothing at the end of this trip, this was all just a futile effort, and I felt guilty for forcing it on myself.

However, looking at the fact that he asked people not to look at him like trash, I couldn’t help but realize that it wasn’t completely unrelated to trauma.

Maybe that’s why I felt even more sorry for her, so I hugged her and patted her back.

“Thank you for being honest. If you’re having a hard time, you don’t have to do any more. But if you want to do it, let me know anytime, because I like it here and there.”

“But I don’t like anywhere. There is no place I want to be… It’s just that I feel like I don’t have a place wherever I go… ”

“It’s okay. I’ll make a place for you… ”

How does a person feel when they find out that there is no place for them?

I sympathized with her time and time again. As if I were pitying myself, there were more than once that I felt sorry for her when I saw the parts that overlapped with mine.

But even in the midst of all this, there was her who was expressing things that I could not feel.

No matter how cold it was, I, who had my own place in the end, had different worries from the me who rejected it because it was cold.

No matter how similar we try to be, there are differences in the end.

There was nothing that could not be understood just because it was different, so I carefully rubbed her back and whispered to her.

“It’s okay.”―

At the end, Veronica’s trembling voice came through.

“Then, is it okay if I stay next to Kylon?”

“Yes.”

“You decided not to just say it’s okay.”

“But it’s really good.”

Veronica was repeating what she had heard back to me, but this time, there was nothing false about it. I just thought it would be nice if she could feel comfortable around me, and I had no intention of forcing that on her.

“If you want to go home, just catch the devil. What if you go then? You’re not giving it back? If you want, you can think about it again, and when you go back, you can think about what to do there again. Was there something you wanted to do when you went back?”

“… When I go back, I have a nightmare.”

“… … I didn’t think it was that good here either, so let’s see where it’s less bad… ”

In the end, it was just a story about choosing between the worst and the lesser evil.

What do you hate more? You just have to choose something you dislike less. Those words wouldn’t have comforted me, but what was I talking about could only come out as a sigh.

Because I knew that, my words naturally and quietly went through.

“If I go back anyway, I’ll be back to my original self, not everyone likes me, and Kylon might meet and be disappointed when he sees me, so I’ll just stay here.”

“… Even though I like your original self.”

“I don’t know because I’ve never seen it. Maybe it’s just because I’m Veronica that I unconsciously think it’s good.”

“… … .”

I had nothing to say because the words hit the nail on the head.

I may unconsciously think of him as a somewhat respectable person. However, the personality itself wasn’t that bad, and I didn’t think it was that bad because he was a person I could understand a lot about.

Meanwhile, the voice of Veronica, who was considerate of me based on her appearance, was so funny that it made me laugh bitterly.

after that.

“I just want to stay here. Next to Kylon… ”

“… Yes.”

“Then hug me.”

“Huh? No, what are you talking about? Aren’t you satisfied with just being next to me?”

When I saw Veronica suddenly asking for another hug, I wondered why she was like this.

For a moment, I was taken aback by the sudden appearance of attachment.

“Anyway, there’s no need to catch the Demon Lord anymore. There is no way to return home. Then I have to continue living here, but then I have to continue living here with the trauma… ? Just make me live without abilities and without trauma.”

I swallowed my saliva.

Does Veronica know how much I am putting up with right now?

I wondered if I didn’t know, but immediately changed my mind again.

Because now I realize that he was just openly tempting me.

“… Get rid of all abilities and trauma.”