episode_0115

It seemed like the owner of the pension had set up the lighting perfectly. The barbecue area was like a charming outdoor restaurant.

If we had been resentful of the rain for preventing us from playing in the valley, we were grateful for it while we enjoyed our meat.

It felt like we were the only two left in the world, enjoying a final dinner in a cozy villa in the mountains.

The sound of the bug zapper chasing away the insects gathered around the barbecue area occasionally startled us, but even that became a fun memory.

I didn’t realize how loud the sound of the meat sizzling was until then. Every time it happened, I must have surprised Siwoo by bumping into his shoulder.

Maybe my heart had weakened since becoming a woman, or maybe I was just subtly expressing my desire to continue to cling to Siwoo.

Not even I knew my own feelings, so I just laughed it off.

Anyway, as the night grew deeper, we finally stood side by side in front of the piano in the annex.

Not in our usual attire, but dressed in the fashion of the early 19th century.

Dressed in attire reminiscent of the Romantic era, we asked each other, “Were we the only ones who came?”

“He said he was worried and followed us. So, he told us to come prepared.”

That’s right. Leading the way was Kang Hwi, followed by the security guards protecting me without us knowing.

But for safety reasons, we couldn’t refuse, so we asked them to bring some clothes for us to wear while playing.

Thanks to a few maids accompanying us, we became a couple of musicians from the early 19th century in just 30 minutes.

I adjusted Siwoo’s cravat—the French word for a lace or cloth worn around the neck in front—before sitting on the piano bench.

“It wasn’t just you who prepared. I was looking forward to this performance too.”

The annex had many windows, so during normal filming, the warm natural light would flood in.

But when a darker atmosphere was needed, all the curtains were drawn, and the lighting fixtures in the annex were used to create a subtle light.

Siwoo seemed inspired by the Aclert channel’s videos. He had learned how to create the perfect atmosphere from the pension owner.

As the situation drama unfolded in my mind, the one who provided the idea for the imagination was the past Min Chaewon.

After the party ended and everyone went back to their rooms to sleep, we sneaked into the quiet annex behind the mansion.

While others engaged in physical conversations, we came here to have a deep conversation through music.

In response, Siwoo cleared his throat and announced his presence in his room.

I turned my head from the piano bench and smiled softly.

“You’re here?”

Siwoo shook his head. That wasn’t it.

I was about to tackle him. I corrected my tone with a smile.

“You’ve arrived.”

Only a subtle rendezvous.

But not an embarrassing one.

Siwoo and I were currently possessed by the spirits of the famous composer Karoline Esterházy and the king of lieder, Franz Schubert.

As the composer of many lieder, even composing lieder in the last few months of his life, one of which was the piece we were about to play, “Fantasy in F minor for Four Hands.”

The composer had created this piece to confess his love to his student, but unfortunately, it was never used for that purpose.

Death had come too quickly for him.

At the age of 31, he left the world behind, and this piece he released to the world a few months before his death may have been a testament to his dying feelings.

Even within the long score that lasted for 20 minutes, perhaps it did not fully capture his heart. The conclusion of the piece is poignant and evokes a strong sense of squeezing out emotions.

“However, why did you choose this piece?”

As I began playing the soprano part to match Siwoo’s alto that was running ahead, I finally posed the question that I had kept in my heart.

When I turned my gaze, Siwoo was concentrating on the performance with his eyes closed.

In tune with the sound and rhythm I produced, he was completely absorbed in melting into it.

But amidst all this, whether my voice could be heard,

“It’s because this piece represented my heart.”

He maintained a gentlemanly tone, showcasing an enthusiastic dance with his fingers.

“What kind of feeling is it?”

A burning, urgent rhythm that seemed about to explode, but Schubert did not have a way of expressing emotions explosively in the piece.

At this point, everyone thinks. The emotional, trembling tone that seems about to burst will repeat and gradually settle calmly.

But no. In this piece, the teacher revealed a bit of his emotions.

I am alive. I am living here. I am still alive.

Even though death is approaching. I am alive.

Someday life will end. I am alive.

That’s why I sing like this. I smash the keys as if screaming.

My beloved student. Carolin.

I love you so much. But I am soon to die. That’s why I can’t say it. I don’t want you to experience the sorrow of parting because of my death.

I want to say it. I really want to say it. That I love you. That I want us to be together. But I can’t say it. Because I love you.

Ah. So I will swallow my emotions. Because I don’t want to burden her with the weight of my heart.

Instead, please accompany this cold dance on this winter day.

Remember this beautiful yet desperate final gesture.

The voice of the teacher that seemed about to burst but didn’t burst crossed over from forte to fortissimo.

Unable to say it after all, he hesitated and returned to the piano (tenderly).

Then, as if leaving a lingering feeling, he struck back to fortississimo before finally finishing with the piano.

The teacher could not convey his words through speech or writing, but he succeeded in conveying them through the piece.

However, this is the story of Schubert. Aren’t we living completely different lives?

Unlike the teacher who could not convey his true feelings, we have confirmed each other’s true feelings. That’s why we are sitting side by side here, playing the piano together.

“I… couldn’t say it for a long time.”

“How long?”

“For 14 years.”

Are you trying to say that you liked me since 14 years ago?

Jeong Siwoo, the ugly man who prioritized the piano over Min Chaewon until they met again at the cafe in February this year. Are you trying to lie?

I chuckled and looked at Siwoo instead of the keys. It was a gesture to see what he wanted to say.

Siwoo was still engrossed in playing with his eyes closed. It seemed like he had no intention of looking at me.

Perhaps, closing his eyes made it easier for him to express something.

But what. What do you want to say?

I love you. I like you. Didn’t we already say those things boldly in front of the Seoul Arts Center ticket box?

“In truth.”

At the beginning of the piece, there is a momentary outcry left by the teacher.

However, it is not a section where emotions are opened up and expressed freely. Siwoo spoke, following the dynamics markings in the score accurately.

“14 years ago, I actually hated you a lot.”

It was a fleeting moment, but it felt like consciousness was being cut off.

I was still playing the piano. But for a brief moment, there was a confusion in my memory.

“The reason I couldn’t remember Chaewon was…. there was….”

When I was six years old, I didn’t like Min Chaewon.

At first, I resented her. Then I blamed her. And in the end, I hated her.

But eventually, we reconciled as we returned to our original bodies.

“Do you remember? The day our bodies switched…. I was so shocked that I burst into tears.”

In front of Min Chaewon, Jung Siwoo showed all sorts of behaviors.

Even when he tried to find the doll for her, Chaewon was crying. But after becoming Chaewon, Siwoo cried even more than her.

“What should I do from now on? Should I live like this forever?” he asked.

One-year-old Chaewon comforted and consoled the foolish me.

At that time, Min Chaewon was just like me, even a year younger.

But despite her own anxiety, she gratefully did her best to reassure Siwoo that she could be with him, even though she must have been anxious herself.

For Siwoo, she could do anything. She was afraid of speaking, but she readily agreed to let Siwoo try being Chaewon because he wanted to.

“After our bodies returned to normal and we returned home, that’s when I realized. I’m not the kind of man who deserves a wonderful woman like you.”

“So I distanced myself. I tried to forget. Instead of someone like me, I wished for you to meet a better man and fall in love….”

Six-year-old Siwoo buried all those memories out of guilt, and only upon meeting her again and hearing her piano playing did he recall her existence.

It wasn’t because he liked the piano more than Min Chaewon.

“But you… even wanted to embrace someone like me. Your warm heart made me realize my foolish actions. I hope you can accept this inadequate man’s apology.”

Now Siwoo understands why she chose this piece today.

It was to use the background of the piece Schubert wrote to convey his sincerity. It was also a way for them to have an honest conversation.

“You don’t need to apologize. It’s okay.”

“… Thank you very much. Then, may I ask one more thing?”

Just then, I exposed a weakness of Siwoo’s that he could delve into in the swimming pool.

“I heard many stories through your maid. Before coming here, I even asked if you were afraid of water.”

Like my past life, three years ago, I was very thorough.

“But I didn’t hear the story about you almost drowning in the river. If I had known, Kanghee would have told me. It was for your safety.”

The performance continues, but now Siwoo’s gaze is on me.

He abandoned his serious theatrical tone and was genuinely concerned, asking for the truth.

“So. Can we talk properly after the performance ends?”