episode_0115

A feeling of helplessness descended on my body, which had cried out in pain. What I hold in my hand is my warm blood. No potions. I looked at it blankly and put it in the bag on the table.

I feel like the pain will come back if I look at it any longer.

I sighed. My shoulders were sagging, but a weight was placed on them, and I felt like my body would sink at any moment.

Come on, I felt like if I stayed awake longer today, my heart would only hurt.

So, for now, the only thought I had was to sleep.

Why do those memories come back and bother me?

After scratching my head and finally shaking off the moisture from my hair, I placed my hand on my chest and took a deep breath.

A heart that once stopped beating. Now I’m running again.

It was such a painful memory that I wanted to forget it because of the pain, so I took a picture of it so strongly, but looking at it like this, only a truly painful feeling remained.

There was a time when I cried out that I didn’t want to die, and then I started hurting myself like this again, and in the end, I killed myself.

No matter how much I prayed for strength, I felt like I was not being faithful. Because I’m about to kill myself.

I felt my mind gradually fading away. After realizing that the trauma was not limited to this place, I felt a sense of resignation that it would no longer matter where I went or where I lived.

“… I will turn.”

I have no idea how to tell Kylon.

I came here to look for the fourth reinforcement stone in the fifth village, and I came all the way here because I insisted on doing it. What kind of expression would Kailon make if I suddenly told him to stop?

Well, even if it’s okay, I have no way of knowing that feeling, so it only makes me feel frustrated.

If I just said it was okay on the outside and smiled, I wouldn’t be able to convince myself in the end, even if I was comfortable on the outside.

In the end, I realized that no matter what I did, I couldn’t feel at ease, so I pulled myself out of my daze and lifted my body onto the bed.

As I raised my legs and pulled the blanket up to my chest, I felt the comfort of the heavy blanket pressing down on my body.

Doesn’t the right amount of pressure really relax the mind?

To shake off the painful memories that had been plaguing my mind, I tried to expand and contract my chest, and as I took deep breaths in and out, I felt a little more at ease.

However, there was something that disturbed my mind again, and it was the sound of a knock that broke this quiet silence.

Knock knock, knock knock, as it was a different inn, the peace I had finally found seemed to be shattered as I broke the silence with a loud knock in the single room, which was a little more spacious and comfortable.

“Are you sleeping?”

Kailon’s voice, the polite voice he always throws at me when I wonder if there are eyes around me and ears to listen, came through the door.

I debated whether to answer or not.

I thought about just answering because I was afraid people would say that I was going to bed too early if I didn’t, but I soon hesitated. When I faced Kylon after answering, I couldn’t even decide how to look at Kylon.

As I hesitated and pressed my lips again and again, Kylon made a strange voice looking for me again.

I thought it would be nice to just go, but Kylon didn’t seem to have any intention of going that easily.

“… There is.”

“Oh, can I come in?”

“No, I was trying to sleep.”

“… … .”

I wasn’t in the mood to see Kylon right now. Should I ask you to exclude me from tomorrow’s mission? If I survive the trauma well, I can be here alone.

Okay. If I thought that Kylon would be able to protect me right away, I would be able to withstand the trauma I got here.

After my firm words, Kailon’s words did not return.

The silence became thicker, but that didn’t mean I could hear Kylon’s footsteps coming back, so I was worried about what he was thinking at the door.

Could it be that the fact that he refused to see it, that he had set up such an iron wall, would have been seen as just one of the symptoms of an abnormality? If so, it would be a bit difficult.

I had a lot of concerns, but in the end, it was an answer I gave up and couldn’t be picked up again.

I just prayed that Kylon wouldn’t say anything harsh.

I hope you don’t look at me like I’m looking at trash.

If I throw it away, if I throw it away, I will recall the memories of that day again. Then it will be so painful that you won’t be able to endure it.

Once I had a negative thought, I couldn’t control my mind as it grew uncontrollably, like a small spark turning into a fire that engulfs a mountain.

You can’t look at it. When I see Kylon, I’m scared because I don’t know what will happen.

I hesitated and hesitated again and again. But as if my worries had nothing to do with it, Kylon came rushing in, holding the doorknob.

“… Why not today?”

Indifferently and heartlessly, as if he didn’t know how I felt, Kailon opened the door and entered the room I was in.

Now, even if I just fuck with the three heroines, no one will say anything, and since the three are busy appealing to their own strengths rather than keeping other kids in check, I can pay attention to those kids, but I couldn’t figure out why they kept paying attention to me.

Of course, since I was included among the original heroines, they might want to include me to become stronger, but now it was a useless thing. Now, even I can’t figure out why I should move forward.

Because I thought that what I had been chasing until now might be a mirage, I couldn’t do anything anymore.

“You said you would go to bed early today.”

“… What’s going on?”

Kailon asked as if he was approaching me in stride, without even listening to me.

The words that came to my heart felt so heavy that I felt like my expression would be crumpled.

I was pushing him away, telling him not to approach me, but the fact that he approached me so indifferently only made my heart tingle.

“I’m just going to sleep quickly.”

To push Kailon away again, I turned around and pulled the blanket up to my shoulders and covered myself. I closed my eyes and just waited for Kylon to come back, but instead of going back, Kylon sat on the edge of the bed I was lying on and gently placed his hand on my body.

“Why are you like that? His expression wasn’t good either.”

“It’s nothing… ”

It was impossible to say the words that came to mind now.

So, I wanted to close my eyes and sleep like this. I wanted to calm my mind.

I’m not ready in my heart yet, but I can’t tell Kailon outright that there’s no need to go any further and that I’m sorry for putting him through so much trouble because of me.

So I had no choice but to say it was nothing.

But even though I said that, Kailon held on to me persistently.

“Tell me. I’ll listen to everything. Did I say something bad to you?”

“You looked at me and slapped me… ”

“Hmm, hmm! That’s a bit… Sorry. Are you hurt by me because of that?”

“… That’s not it.”

“Now, can’t I say it face to face?”

“No, I want to sleep.”

“If I don’t want to see your face, should I talk like this?”

“… I just want to sleep, can’t I?”

“But Veronica, looking at your expression earlier, I don’t feel like leaving you alone.”

“What was my expression like… ”

“He has such a gloomy expression even in a dark room, but it’s strange when you leave after being told that you can leave because nothing’s going on.”

I couldn’t manage my facial expressions. How can we fix it right away when Kylon opens the door and comes in like that? It’s not like my depressed mood changes that much.

Who would understand the feeling of helplessness after committing suicide?

It’s probably a feeling that no one knows except me.

“… So did something happen?”

Kylon soon removed his hand from my body and began to rustle around absentmindedly. Then, I could tell where his eyes had gone even though his back was turned.

“… In the end, I give it back so I fill it up.”

I closed my eyes tightly at the sound of Kylon’s voice as he fiddled with the potion. I was wondering what would happen if I were disappointed again. My heart was pounding because I felt like I would be called a useless bastard who got on people’s nerves like this.

In fact, from the moment Kylon came in, my heart was racing like a person who committed a crime, and sleep was already a long time away.

Repeat the moaning.

I held my trembling breath and held on repeatedly.

I thought about how great it would be if I could control my heart as I wanted, but that didn’t happen, so in the end, I just had to endure the situation without any way to overcome it.

“Veronica, I have no intention of blaming you. If you are satisfied with something you do, I think that is fine.”

Unlike what I expected, Kailon was speaking softly to me.

When I heard those words, I instantly burst into tears and my whole body trembled as if my emotions were about to burst out.

“… Still, since we have been through adversity together and will continue to do so in the future, wouldn’t it be okay to share something a little difficult?”

What a good person.

But he is too much for me.

I knew very well that I was not a person worthy of such favor.

So in the end, I opened my trembling lips and spit them out at Kylon.

“Please leave.”

** Additional drawings were made.

Come see cute Veronica